Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Night Sweats

I sent my video and my essay in for the Good Mood Blog contest.

My kids and my hub kept asking me how it felt to push send. Did it feel great? They wanted to know. Did it feel like the weight of the world off my shoulders?

The answer is no. NO. It didn't feel great. It felt terrible, horrible, no good, and very bad.

It felt like I wanted to go crawl under my bed.

It felt like that semester when I had that kid in my class who made my spine tingle every time I turned around. The kid who wrote things that scared the heebie bajeebies out of me. Things about patricide. I caught him plagiarizing but I was scared to death to call him out on it. I was scared of death too. And when I did call him out he challenged me big time. To my face. And I got wicked quivers when I walked away from him--all 43 steps out of the classroom. And all 459 steps to my car.

That's how it felt when I pushed send tonight.

And then I crawled into bed and pulled the covers over my head and started shaking uncontrollably.

My hub doesn't understand why I am so petrified. What is the difference between sending a video of yourself out into the universe and blogging your life out into the universe? That's what he wants to know.

The truth is I'm shy. Crash isn't shy, but I am, and every person I know on the face of this green earth can watch that video if they feel so inclined.

"Well every person I know can see me eating chips and salsa on your blog," he told me. "They're emailing photos of it around my office as we speak."

"Well you're funny when you eat chips and salsa," I told him. "I'm not shy about you stuffing chips and salsa down your pie hole."

He called me a hypocrite and then we hit the sack. But I couldn't sleep. I was trembling from the inside out. And then my brain starting playing night tricks on me. It started asking me about my essay. Did I actually finish it? What if I sent it off unfinished? Or what if it was over 250 words? I couldn't remember the final edit. What if there was no final edit and I just clicked attach and sent it off ?

I began sweating and shivering simultaneously.

Oh, peeps, why couldn't I just sleep with the producer to get myself a job?

The video will make it's debut on Friday and then the voting starts over. Will you still vote for me if you hate my video?

It's not even a video actually, it's a boring slide show. I did get one piece of video footage of me gangsta rapping, but I ended up scrapping it due to my kids reaction.

It wasn't what they said as much as what their eyebrows said. The eyebrows coupled with the one word they uttered spoke volumes.


But I do have some out takes of my video creation that I will post tomorrow. I pinky promise.

So can I just say that going to Colorada may have been one of the best thing I ever did?!

My twins are cooking now. You heard me right. Every night after dinner they make quesadillas and fried eggs.

"Mom, I just don't understand why you don't like to cook?" said my youngest twin last night.

I have no idea where he got that impression.

(So, FTR, my daughter is a ROCK STAR. Upon our return the house was spotlessly clean!)

Do you ever wonder what it's like to take a road trip to Colorada with a shy girl like me? Well, let me tell you, I'm not only shy, I'm quiet too. I'm a quiet traveler. True story. But my hub is not. He's a talker, that one. He'll blurt things out at random--things like U.S. Post Office or City Dump.

He's also got an insatiable curiosity about the weather and the radio.

"Who sings this?" he asks me every. single. time. one song ends and another begins. If he knows who sings the song, he is quizzing me to see if I know. If he doesn't know who sings the song, he asks me sincerely and with great humility to inform him.

As it turns out I don't know my Def Leapord or my Rolling Stones. And I get Huey Lewis mixed up with ZZ Topp.

Apparently I do know my Chicago, my Lionel Richie and my Michael Jackson so I'm feeling pretty hip.

But I digress. From the anxiety at hand. I must get back to the anxiety at hand.

(Do you think Sam-E staged this whole contest so that I would have a nervous breakdown and start using their products?)


IWA (e - va) said...

Awww... You're just nervous! Im sure it's Awesome! Excited to see the takes.. and the finished product!

I dont think your shy! I think that when you are around those you feel comfortable with, you relax and therefore dont feel the need to entertain.... Actually i'M babbling and I think i just explained me...and transfered it to you.... Actually i could never be you, cause i hate to entertain.. really. I would much rather curl up with a blanket and watch a movie and let it th8ink for me! anyways.. i dont know how i got here?? but really excited for the vid! and no judgement here! we got you this far.. and we'll do all we can to get you to the top!

PS.. did you start booking air time on all the local shows in Utah yet?

Susan said...

I love me some Huey! First concert I ever went to and still the best.

Girl, I know you're pain. When I submit a mss I start freaking out wondering if I actually clicked send and all that.

Can't wait to see you're video. I'm sure it will be hilarious.

Dolly said...

Sweatin' the small stuff in life... I would say, come on, it's no big deal. But this ain't one of those times. IT'S the DEAL to spark the rest of the BIG DEALS! I say let's go find a spa with a sauna and sweat this one out in style. We'll cleanse our pores and lose a little pre holiday weight just so we can put it back on.

wesley's mom (sue) said...

1. You've just described exactly how I feel EVERY time I click publish on my blog.

2. My husband ALWAYS asks me if I know who sings this song, and it's always a test. I never pass.

3. I'm totally voting for you.

4. I don't like to cook either.

5. My son just came in and said "Are you going to wear THAT to my class?" (Today is the day I volunteer at his school.)

6. I'm not changing. I don't care if moms wearing animal print flats are embarrassing.

Good Luck!! I can't wait to see the video.

Barbaloot said...

I hate when I'm trying to sleep at night but my mind keeps playing tricks and making me think I didn't accomplish what was needed. Hope you eventually got to sleep last night! And hope that you really do post the gangsta rappin' videos:)

Cluttered Brain said...

hey lady!
EveryONE LUBS you.
You are AWESOME!
No nervous, cause you are gonna get this job. And even if you don't, hey at least you tried....
Wow....5,000 votes...probably more...
you popular lady!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Awww, you guys are calming my nerves a little bit. THANKS. I lub my friends.

Susan, fer reals, it's not hilarious. I decided to go serious. For the judges.

But Barb I am going to put the video up tonight of me gangsta . . . well, I'm not actually rapping, it's more like gangsta yawning. You'll see.

Susan, we are soul sistahs!

Iwa, HUGS. LUB YOU. No, I haven't called the airwaves. ha ha

Dolly that spa thing would be awesome. Instead Big A is taking me to the temple. That oughta calm me down.

Cluttered Brain, THANKS LADY! I LUB you too. Did you go to boot camp?

Verifier says sescan. It ses I CAN do it. YAY!

lori said...

Nerves are like that. You think you get through something fairly well and then BAM! they hit you afterwards. I hope you're feeling better this AM. (And I still totally think you would be the best person for the job)

Paily said...

Crash, you will be great! I'll totally vote for you. Oh, and just so you know, when I travel with my hubby, he talks a lot too. And if I'm not feeling very talkative, then he starts reading signs too. Oh, look! American family insurance, and there's the Courthouse! I feel your pain ;)

Momza said...

And this is why you are the Crash we know and love and voted for!!--you can handle this kinda pressure!
You got this!
And I do think you're onto something with SAM-E staging this whole thing. Could be. Could be.

T said...

I NEVER pass the "who sings this" test - unless it's The Cure... because I've decided that's the only answer I'll ever give.

will the outtakes include the awkward gangsta rapping video - because I'll pop some popcorn for that one! (94% fat free popcorn... because I'm TRYING to be good - and skinny)

Sandi said...

You are acting the same way I do after each and every social event/party/get together I have ever attended. I stay up all night going over every thing I said- trying to figure out who I offended and just exactly how idiotic I sounded. However, I am sure your end result is far better than mine usually are. Can't wait to see it! and p.s. I get that "look" and awkward statement far too often. Kids are stupid :)

Heidi said...

Okay, so you probably don't really want to know the difference but I'm going to throw this out anyway. When you blog, you are throwing something out there to stick where it may. If people don't like it, you will rarely, if ever, hear about it. Sending something specific to a specific person with a specific hoped-for outcome is setting yourself up for rejection, big time. It's highly different. Yet, I don't think you need to worry. I think you should win, even if you don't. If you do--well, try writing to please an editor/boss/someone with specific expectations. Now, that's something to be afraid of!

Martha said...

Can't wait to see your video.

Wow our kids have been crazy busy with this Cultural Celebration. Three practices this week, plus the real thing on Sat. It should be HUGE!!! Plus, Jim and Nan had science project due. Twins are hard as you know--two of everything.

Donna said...

of course I am going to vote for you....everytime I do anything that causes me to go "out there" I get is so much easier to jump off a cliff when we are being chased, rather than if we just stand on the edge and gird up our loins and j u m one is chasing you, so it is harder.

there is a video on my blog today that makes me smile, go watch it...just smile.....K?