I sent my video and my essay in for the Good Mood Blog contest.
My kids and my hub kept asking me how it felt to push send. Did it feel great? They wanted to know. Did it feel like the weight of the world off my shoulders?
The answer is no. NO. It didn't feel great. It felt terrible, horrible, no good, and very bad.
It felt like I wanted to go crawl under my bed.
It felt like that semester when I had that kid in my class who made my spine tingle every time I turned around. The kid who wrote things that scared the heebie bajeebies out of me. Things about patricide. I caught him plagiarizing but I was scared to death to call him out on it. I was scared of death too. And when I did call him out he challenged me big time. To my face. And I got wicked quivers when I walked away from him--all 43 steps out of the classroom. And all 459 steps to my car.
That's how it felt when I pushed send tonight.
And then I crawled into bed and pulled the covers over my head and started shaking uncontrollably.
My hub doesn't understand why I am so petrified. What is the difference between sending a video of yourself out into the universe and blogging your life out into the universe? That's what he wants to know.
The truth is I'm shy. Crash isn't shy, but I am, and every person I know on the face of this green earth can watch that video if they feel so inclined.
"Well every person I know can see me eating chips and salsa on your blog," he told me. "They're emailing photos of it around my office as we speak."
"Well you're funny when you eat chips and salsa," I told him. "I'm not shy about you stuffing chips and salsa down your pie hole."
He called me a hypocrite and then we hit the sack. But I couldn't sleep. I was trembling from the inside out. And then my brain starting playing night tricks on me. It started asking me about my essay. Did I actually finish it? What if I sent it off unfinished? Or what if it was over 250 words? I couldn't remember the final edit. What if there was no final edit and I just clicked attach and sent it off ?
I began sweating and shivering simultaneously.
Oh, peeps, why couldn't I just sleep with the producer to get myself a job?
The video will make it's debut on Friday and then the voting starts over. Will you still vote for me if you hate my video?
It's not even a video actually, it's a boring slide show. I did get one piece of video footage of me gangsta rapping, but I ended up scrapping it due to my kids reaction.
It wasn't what they said as much as what their eyebrows said. The eyebrows coupled with the one word they uttered spoke volumes.
But I do have some out takes of my video creation that I will post tomorrow. I pinky promise.
So can I just say that going to Colorada may have been one of the best thing I ever did?!
My twins are cooking now. You heard me right. Every night after dinner they make quesadillas and fried eggs.
"Mom, I just don't understand why you don't like to cook?" said my youngest twin last night.
I have no idea where he got that impression.
(So, FTR, my daughter is a ROCK STAR. Upon our return the house was spotlessly clean!)
Do you ever wonder what it's like to take a road trip to Colorada with a shy girl like me? Well, let me tell you, I'm not only shy, I'm quiet too. I'm a quiet traveler. True story. But my hub is not. He's a talker, that one. He'll blurt things out at random--things like U.S. Post Office or City Dump.
He's also got an insatiable curiosity about the weather and the radio.
"Who sings this?" he asks me every. single. time. one song ends and another begins. If he knows who sings the song, he is quizzing me to see if I know. If he doesn't know who sings the song, he asks me sincerely and with great humility to inform him.
As it turns out I don't know my Def Leapord or my Rolling Stones. And I get Huey Lewis mixed up with ZZ Topp.
Apparently I do know my Chicago, my Lionel Richie and my Michael Jackson so I'm feeling pretty hip.
But I digress. From the anxiety at hand. I must get back to the anxiety at hand.
(Do you think Sam-E staged this whole contest so that I would have a nervous breakdown and start using their products?)