Thursday, March 12, 2009

Benjamin Buttars and Wolfgang

Nevada, this one's for you, girlfriend:

Nevada wasn't the only one who noted that my student, Benjamin Buttars would make a better glittery vampire than Edward. (I added the glittery part because BB despises glittery vampires.)

If you look closely at his face you can see it shimmering.

(he he he)

Imagine me breaking out into an evil mad scientist laugh as I made BB's face sparkle against his will.

I never noticed it before, but Nevada has a point.

If you look closely you can almost imagine Benjamin Buttars sitting in class being repelled by the scent of true love.

Look at him struggling to resist his conflicting impulses. Should he turn and run from love? Or should he take a bite out of it?

But who does he love? Is it the lovely Jasmine seated next to him? She is muy muy bonita, afterall.

No! It is the lovely April sitting across from him. (Sorry Jasmine. Blondes really do have more fun, trust me.)

Now scroll back and watch him struggle.

He he he

(I should have been an evil mad scientist instead of an evil mad English teacher.)

What will Benjamin Buttars do? Can he control himself for love?


But will he and April still live happily ever after?

Or will Jacob come between them?

(That dude's name isn't really Jacob, it's Justin.)

Real life is an awful lot like movie life if you ask me.

And guess what else Benjamin Buttars is in real life?


He's got a band and he's going to share his music with us. But first you'll have to sleep over in my comment box waiting for the ticket booth to open. (Didn't I tell you guys my students were V.I.P.'s?)

And here's one more weird Benjamin Buttars story with a Wolfgang twist:

Next week BB is going to New York for a journalism conference so I'm like, "you oughta go see Les Miserables on Broadway since we'll be reading it next month."

And you know what he says to me? He says, "I've seen Les Miserables on Broadway many times."

So I'm like, "Oh yea, well I bet you haven't seen it more times than me. I've seen it six times! TOP THAT Benjamin Button!"

And you know what he says to me? He says, "Oh yea, well I played Jean Val Jean during my summer stock theater days. TOP THAT Dummy!"

Guess what popped into my head as soon as he said that?


I had a vision of Wolfgang pushing Jean Val Jean down the stairs. Isn't it weird how life plays itself out backwards and upside down and sideways?

Do you think Wolfgang was foreshadowing his own Benjamin Buttars envy?

Just in case, I hereby declare Benjamin Buttars ineligible to compete in the I-double-dog-dare-you-to-steal-my-heart-from-Wolfgang-contest.

It wouldn't be fair to put a tremendous Austrian up against a summer stock Jean Val Jean/glittery vampire/rock star.

No doubt Wolfgang would push him down the stairs.

So do you want to see the first finalist in the contest?

It was a tough choice.

I was going to pick Kyle Kyle, but he fell asleep.

And then I was going to choose Emma because she wears tie dye and because she was born with a tooth in her mouth, which has gotta be some kind of omen, don't you think? But Emma is almost as mouthy as Kyle. The first thing she says every day when I walk into class is "Can we cancel class? Can we? Can we? Can we? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can we go home? Huh? Can we NOT take this quiz? Can we NOT do this assignment?"

So I've decided the first finalist will be Raphael. He used to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and he's a French beat boxer. (I'm hoping French beat boxing is more romantic than Americn beat boxing because boxing isn't my favorite violent sport.)


Amanda said...

wow, 8 hours and no one else has did I manage this win?

Great way to start my morning! Your blog that is, not beating everyone else :)

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

Very funny! You got some very talented students there. Yikes, they are making me feel insecure with all their talents:)

Barbaloot said...

Benjamin Buttars may have played Valjean already---but he's no Hugh Jackman. Or is he? I guess you'd know better than, is he?

Kristina P. said...

I just woke up, and already I have to deal with creepy sparkly vampires. And BB is definitely a much hotter vampire.

springrose said...

All this talk of college and youth makes me feel a little nastalgic! Makes me wish I could be in college again, but only if I can be married to my Hubby AND be in college. Single life sucks!! All that worry about does he like me, do I like him?!! UGH! No thanks! I'll stick to my 30something age and stay where I am. Plus I have no mid terms, unless you count a mid life crisis!! I think that is why we go to college and have midterms, to prepare for midlife crisis's. Also final exams are to prepare you for THE FINAL EXAM!!

Sandi said...

I want to know how this whole things works- do they propose a plan to steal your stone cold heart away from Wolfgang? or do they just try to do it without your knowledge? I can see some major sucking up coming your way- maybe it will involve some Pie from Ted's or Jack Johnson t-shirts or chicken marinated in hukilau poo water or sparkly vampire posters or are so lucky.

SO said...

I really hope that Justin/Jacob doesn't between those two. That picture and comment made me laugh so hard!

T said...

do you ever sleep? Is your house clean yet? (mine isn't... but MIL won't arrive 'til Friday now... so I got a 24 hr reprieve) I'll spend at least part of that time ogling your sparkly vampire students and the frenchie... (we seek them here, we seek them there...) It's all about Broadway musicals now...

Your WV says sivere.... it isn't that bad is it?

JustRandi said...

ACKKKKKK! Emma is in my ward! (Well, when she's not at school in Hawaii)
Tell her her awesome YW pres thinks she looks fab in the picture!


The Crash Test Dummy said...

So, I'm so glad you laughed at that picture. Me too, every time I see it. What at a gem, huh?

T, NO, my house isn't clean, but my sudoku is. (Hey, I've got until Monday.)

Sandi, you silly goose. NO, they don't know about the contest. There is no contest, but all that sucking up does sound good come to think of it. ha ha

Emily, now you know what it feels like when I go to YOUR blog. And did you know that Wolfgand and Ben, your brother, are best friends? Seriously. Check out Wolfgang's German Tuesday blogspot and you'll see your brother and his plastered girlfriedn. (hee hee)

Barb, I don't think he's a hugh Jackmam, no. But then I've never seen him act sexy.

Kristina P. It's amazing the lengths I'll go to to ruin your day. ;)

Springrose, ha ha I love it. Mid-terms and mid-life crisis. Amen, sistah!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

JUST RANDI! WHAT THE WHAT? Are you kidding me? OMGOSH! Emma is in your ward? You are her awesome YW prez?

Wow! stunned. She's awesome (when she's not whining)! At least she always whines with a smile. hee hee

JustRandi said...

She IS awesome! Give her some hugs for me! I miss her like crazy.

Sandi said...

Ohhhh I get it now. I still like the sucking up idea though. I DO love how you made Benjamin all sparkly, especially if that would be annoying to him :)

lori said...

I want to be in your class! But, I would prolly need some kind of superstar, rock star cosmic surgery to be as cute! (and I'd have to be a bit younger) Is that a pre-requsite, do you pre screen your students? Only cute super talented need apply :)

Youngblood4ever said...

I am thinking that I like your Edward MUCH better. Why didn't they have you do the casting? And while you are at is, you do better with photographs, so I am sure that your cinematography would have been better.

PS Even though the movie wasn't the best I am still going to buy it this month. I know- totally cheesy Twilight follower. Oh, and I will probably wear my Twilight shirt to the store when I buy the movie and when I watch it for the first time in the comfort of my home- well, as comfortable as I can be with its stinkiness.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

ISn't beat boxing making sounds with your mouth? And he's seems the perfect candidate to steal your heart from Wolf Gang...or TRY to steal your heart from WolfGang...because WolfGang makes you latch onto him, solely by is grasp on his nerdiness...ya know?

Especially if you take Benjamin Button or buttars off...

Life does twist you around and give you Indian burns and then soothes them when you least expect it!

I love your class posts!

I would be more like Tie Dye seemed so much happier when you got out of class early one day or a class was canceled un expectedly!!!

Don't you want to make someone's day?

And I had my tent up first to get tickets to the Rock Concert...AND...AND I brought WARM caramel popcorn!

So just saying!

Heidi Ashworth said...

The day I saw Les Mis on stage was one of the best of my life. The two that I saw Phantom (twice) were two more. Of course I didn't see them on Broadway--I had to wait until they came to San Francisco, but still . ..

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Shelle, hee hee Yes, Beat boxing is making sounds with you mouth. I was just playing dumb. But I really do hope French mouth sounds are more romantic than American mouth sounds. French kissing mouth sounds are more romantic anyway. hee hee That was for YOU Shelle Belle. And you're so right about Wolfgang embracing his nerdiness, which makes him NOT nerdy.

Lori, Yes of course there is an application process to get into my class. I only take the cream of the crop. hee hee NOT! But you could prolly get in. I saw your daughter and she's adorable.

Youngblood, ha ha You are so funny. I hope you do wear your Twilight shirt. I hope you don't clean out your fridge before you watch Twilight in the comfort of your own home. Stinkiness is an important element of the plot after all.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Me too Miss Heidi. Although I have to admit I went to a Pink Floyd concert the night before I saw Phantom. It was a blow-your-mind concert. I went to Phantom on the coat tails of that, we had seats in the very last row of the highest balcony and I was 6 months pregnant and one of my old professors had taken us out to dinner before the show and strongly encouraged me NOT to waste her money or the meat I had ordered so I had to have it wrapped and I had to carry it with me to the show and it was extremely embarrassing carrying a piece of stinky meat with me to a Broadway production. And it was stinky. Very very strong. I'm sure I looked like a real class act.

Point being, I didn't enjoy Phantom as much as I enjoyed LES MIS, unpregnant and in the 6th row. Plus who can beat that compelling story or mercy and love?

SWIRL said...

Love the twilight BB sparkling pictures.. I am suprised your class hasn't come over and graffitied your comment box! or at least TP'd it...

too funny!
speaking of
TP-ing someone comment box-- where's old boat guy?

Sandi said...

"I'm French oui oui" Ha Ha Wolfgang is going to chase this poor guy down and pound him to the ground.

Melanie J said...

Frenchie is going to win just on the accent alone, right?

nevadanista said...

OMGosh! I'm only home for a second...I'm taxing my mother from doctor appointment to doctor appointment, and then must take her back home, which is 90 miles away, blah blah blah. I don't have time to read the entire post right now, but I loved you sparkle affects. They were as higher budget looking than the movie glitter gel they used ;-) Can't wait to get back later tonight to read my special post :) Ciao for now chicas...

nevadanista said...

I meant taxiing of course :) Although I'm probably taxing her nerves - cause she's for sure taxing mine!

I am LoW said...

The sparkling vampire part of Twilight KILLED me, I hoped and prayed it would be left out of the movie. Not all prayers are answered, eh? *sigh*

But sweet love story! :-) Lotsa love goin on in your class!

And again, I wish I had students!

But I do have an American beat boxing son!! :-D He also has a punching bag and a speed bag and boxing gloves.... but he's never put it all together. But oh! He should!! They are putting beat boxing to harmonica's nowadays, so who knows what he'd start!

IWA said...

I think Frenchy is a Hotty! Chee-HooHoo! I think he also has potential to be all Sparkly!

So is Frenchy as funny as Wolfgang?

When he speaks does he make you melt?

Ask him to say some word with -TION at the end.. like... Calcula-tion.. or associa-tion... I love when french boys say Tion words....LOL!

Does he have any other powers besides his massive eyebrows? heehee

For now Im voting Frenchy!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha Iwa, and Melanie. Frenchie actually doesn't speak that much, but he's very smart and thoughtful when he writes. And he nods a lot and smiles like he gets it. Teachers love that. Once I cancelled class and he was actually disappointed. He said he was looking forward to coming. ha ha. How sweet, though I'm sure he must have been kissing up. Who doesn't cheer when class is cancelled? Emma cheers the loudest.

nevadanista said...

Oh my! BB is playing that science class scene so much better than that dweeb they got to play Edward who was soooooo not hot! I can tell from one single still shot that he's a better actor. And then he refrained from killing April - what control!!! I'm actually a team Jacob gal (although I really wanted Victoria would just kill everybody), but I think I would switch teams for BB. Raphael would make an awesome Emmett! In fact, your entire class should be cast for the next movie :) Thanks for the post dedication :) I'm so honored!

Mariko said...

I love it when students think they're the first person ever to suggest we cancel class. I always have to resist the urge to make snappy comebacks.
Oh, wait. I never resist that urge.
And it's always the ones that think they're so cute, isn't it?

DeNae said...

So, I've never seen the movie, but I did have a daughter enjoy a full-core psychotic meltdown because I made her go to school the morning after the midnight premier she absolutely HAD to attend because not doing so would make her the single most deprived teenager on the face of this ever loving planet.

And I'm pretty sure your stars are cuter.

Haynsy said...

I'm thinking my decision to get kicked out of BYU Provo and not become a teacher has been to my benefit.

I could barely handle raising my teenagers.

I would have voted tie die girl.

Old Lady Palmer said...

Glad to see I don't have any weird stories about me...yet (i have a funny feeling that my comment will spark interest for a story...but hopefully i'm wrong.) :)