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Monday, March 9, 2009

My Early a.m. Rock Stars!

Okay, where was I before I got all self-reflective over whoppers and crock pots and rated R movies?

Oh, yes, I was cleaning my house, (which means I was doing sudoku).

Do you have any idea what it's like to do a dozen sudoku puzzles in a row when you should be scrubbing toilets? I've never tripped out on LSD but I imagine this is about as close as you can get to blowing your mind. I kid you not, the right side of your brain starts tweaking and for a split second you feel like you're on the verge of solving all the mysteries of the universe.

You should try it sometime when you get bored.


But where was I before I was tweaking out on sudoku?


Oh, yes, I was going to introduce you to my early morning class.

WARNING: they're smart and they're beautiful and they're talented. And they've got sass--a bit to much sass if you ask me--but that's how smart, beautiful, talented people roll.

FTR, deep down I think of them all as ROCK STARS (even though they're annoying).

Do you want to see what a bunch of annoying rock stars look like?



The most annoying thing about SBT people is that they can get mouthy. And pokey. They're always poking me in the eye.

Especially after I defended Twilight when they said it the worst movie ever.

Alls I said was, "I liked it!" and "that vampire was smokin' hot!" and WOW, did they go off on me. I was blind for a week.

Apparently SBT people don't love smokin' hot vampires.

Especially this dude:


This is Benjamin Buttars, but I call him Benjamin Button because he looks younger and younger every time I see him.

And this is April.


Benjamin Button and April are in love. At least they pretend to be. And then sometimes they pretend not to be. It's very perplexing. They laugh in my face whenever I get confused about it.


This is Bobby--my Ellen Hopkins book dealer.


He says they don't just laugh in my face, they also laugh behind my back because Benjamin Button and April aren't even going out anymore.


But think about it, you don't have to be going out to be in love. And mark my words, they're in love. I may be dumb, but I've got eyes.



That's what I'm tualkin' about!


This is Kyle.



I call him Kyle Kyle and not because he's so nice you have to say his name twice. His mom should have named him Mary Mary because he's quite contrary. Not only does he hate smokin' hot vampire movies, he thinks everything I ask him to read or write or do is superfluous miscellany. We seriously get into fist fights after class all the time because he feels the need to remind me he already PASSED out of this class in P.R.O.V.O. and he's only taking it again to be a thorn in my side.


This is the look Kyle gives me whenever I ask him to do something.

Kyle Kyle is so contrary that one time I had to put on my red cape and stretchy pants and use my Eagle Powers on him in front of the whole class.

In my defense, I warned him first.

I said "Kyle Kyle, if you don't stop asking me why or Is this really necessary? . . .

and if you don't stop telling the class a good wife should shave her legs every day . . .

and if you don't stop telling me that you DON'T LOVE Tim O'Brien and The Things They Carried . . .

and if you don't stop telling me that blogging is lam-o . . .

I swear, young man, I'm going to put on my stretchy pants and smack you around!"

But he didn't listen.


(And I thought Wolfgang was bad.)

So now I'm making Kyle read Tim O'Brien until he shouts "I LOVE IT!"

That's what my husband would have done.

My husband is the best I-LOVE-IT-Motivational-Speaker ever. He really should live in a van down by the river because he is even better than Chris Farley at tricking you into loving things you thought you hated. (But that's a whole-nother post).

Speaking of whole-nother posts . . . this post is pooping me out. I've gotsta go take a nap.

Can I introduce you to the rest of my rock star class in my next post?

Okay, one more. I'll end with my favorite students.

J/K. Teachers don't play favorites.

But if I was going to play favorites . . .



Okay, these guys aren't actually in my class, but they would definitely be my favorites if they were.

54 comments:

Kristina P. said...

DO you promise these kids A's letting you post all about them?

Mariko said...

I can't believe I missed the first by one comment.
Anyway, I think Kyle Kyle lives in my house (no, not in the corner) but on the other side of the wall.
He is kinda loud. He's nice enough and he does look like Napoleon Dynamite.
Ummmm, is he listening to his IPOD in CLASS?! Totally wrong. I suppose he thinks he can write better than Tim O'Brien too. I love T.O. by the way. Did I say that already? And I hope you think it's okay that I always have my class read one of the stories from that book, except I tell them that it's a bit traumatizing. Which makes them want to read it really badly. AND, your daughter wrote that I snore on the board today. Not sure how she knows that. And she says that you guys can't buy a new printer because you have one, even if it's broken.

Melanie J said...

I think you should just poke them back. I bet you do. Tell the truth.

T said...

have you made Kyle Kyle do multiple Sudoku puzzles in a row yet? because it looks like he totally needs some of that kind of therapy! (or, if he refuses... he could come and clean MY house - not yours, mine... I've only got 2 more days until MIL arrives and the bathroom renovation isn't finished yet!!!)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha T. You have really been cracking me up lately, which is helping (a little) to take the edge of the Sandi and April withdrawls. I really miss everyone who doesn't show up.

Melanie, you're right. I confess, I do poke them back.

Mariko, how funny he lives in your house. I never thought of it but he DOES look like ND. ha ha ha h a Oh how funny. And today he told me that after reading/skimming 50 pages of Tim O'Brien he now vows never to write like him. How crazy is he?

Kristina P. ha ha NO!

IWA said...

I went to high school with a guy name Kaio Kaio (Pronounced Kyle Kyle)... I dont think I ever heard him say one word my whole high school career!

who the heck is Tim obrien.... im gonna go and google him!

Confession.. i seen twilight 12 times... im addicted to hot sensitive vampires!

IWA said...

PS.... Danny Boy just got Engaged.. he said he would break the news to you himself... but he's been a little distracted... His fiance is from Colorado and so he's now leaving after this semester to go get a job in CO and get married.. boo on him!

Sorry DB if your reading this.. but you already know how i feel!

IWA said...

PSS.. ?

Sis P.P. is a great teacher.... i think she's just been burned way too much!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Iwa, I seriously can't think who sis P is. Is it someone new? I know it's not Pakalani because she doesn't teach 315. Does she?

And 12 times???

I don't blame you. I don't mind me a smokin' hot sensative vampire who can control himself for love.

No wonder we get along so well.

And Danny Boy is getting married and moving to Colorado??? Oh my goodness. What the helk? When did this go down?

I never even got to meet him. I'm going to go eat some ice cream!

Tristi Pinkston said...

What if my brain fizzles when I just hear the word "sudoku?" Honestly, I can't figure it out to save my life. Not that my life has ever been jeopardized in that fashion, but you know.

kasey ferrell said...

Oh I love April we are best buds in my class, we are such best friends we got in trouble in our favorite teachers class and are separated for the rest of the year! haha I know I miss my mom too, she is too busy getting awesome drinks at sonic with her friends to be talking to me and you sad I know but its my life... haha I met juice box and his friend last night at Aprils house I should have told them to tell you that they know the famous Kute
Kasey, but I think they would be using my name in vain to get on your good side and I dont want my name being used in vain

The Crash Test Dummy said...

So Kute Kasey, can you clear up the confusion? Are Ben and April in love or are they not in love? And do they really laugh at me behind my back? And is your mom really too busy getting sonics to talk to you and I ?

I'm having serious Sandi withdrawls.

You should have told Juice Box that you're famous in the blog world. And you should let your fame help them get a good grade. They need more than charm. Charm plus connections help.

Tristi, I know how you feel, but keep at it. My first puzzle took me six hours and it was an "easy" Now my brain is a fine tuned machine, plus I'm solving all the mysteries of the Universe.

Amanda said...

I'm not going to make any friends with this post, but I have to admit I don't think Edward is smokin' hot...I thought the casting was bad for his role, but the character is awesome!!!

And I did not like the movie, even though my husband has already preordered the DVD. I have a feeling I'll be enduring the movie several more times until the next movie comes out.

However, Benjamin Buttars is looking pretty smokin' hot in that picture :)

SWIRL said...

I thought benjamin button TOTALLY looks like a smoking hot vampire! How could you miss that! And his distain for you - really is he just likes the smell of your blood... silly!
Really CRASH- did you even watch Twilight?!? how could you miss that?

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

It's not right in the universe if you have two HOT people liking each other...so it's probably good that Benjamin Button and April are in fake love and not in real love...

Even though it looks kinda a lot like real love...they are not very good actors if they can't even fake love in front of the camera..hmph!

They are young and cute and that makes me reflect on my age, so I have to go now!

Barbaloot said...

Do you think if Edward was in your class he'd poke you in the eye?

wenderful said...

Kyle Kyle looks like he's having a serious brain drain. Or he's just annoyed that he's got nothing on under that hoodie of his.
And Benjamin Buttons makes me wish I were younger. But. I'm not. So, moving on...

Sandi said...

I was going to comment, but when I saw that horrible vampire on your post I had to leave in a rush, he makes me want to VOMIT!!!

Sandi said...

p.s. Kyle Kyle needs smacked around a little bit. And I sincerely hope that you are reading these comments that are about them TO them. that would be funny and they would feel famous for a minute.
oh and by the way I read Tim Obrien this weekend and thats why I was MIA. He is very good but so depressing and awful and he uses the F word and I am kind of sensitive you know. Kasey dear, Sonic is an important part of my life, don't mock me.

Sandi said...

p.p.s. I love that Mariko gets to tattle on your daughter here.

Sandi said...

p.p.s.s. I eat chocolate instead of doing sudoku puzzles. Its wayyy more fun

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OMGOSH, Sandi, I am so happy to see you here again that I'm not even going to smack you for not LOVING Tim O'Brien or smokin' hot vampires. You know I put that photo up to bug YOU and Ben and KYLE KYLE, right, right, right?

And I put up Bo Bice to bug Kute Kasey.

Tim O'Brien is raw, you're right. I just love how he pins human nature wriggling to the wall. Did you read TTTC? I don't have my students read the whole thing. I try to censor the worst chapters and tap into the ones with the points I want to make about truth and how to tell a story.

I should have given you my syllabus. hee hee

Chocolate doesn't give your right brain that tweak out. But maybe Chocolate and sudoku together would help you solve the mysteries and feel good while doing it.

Sandi did you see your daughter's post today. How cute are YOU! I am going to send everyone over to look at how cute you are.

I love that I get to tattle on YOUR daughter here.

I am LoW said...

I love smokin' hot vampires and Bo Bice too. What a combo- really.

MmmmmMmmmm.....

Wait, what were we talking about?

LiafromLaie said...

I'm not very good at Sudoku... couldn't do one of those puzzles to save myself from certain death. I really hope there isn't a secret test to get into the Celestial Kingdom that has a Sudoku question on it.

Well now, I relate to the individuals in your class, sad to say. Just the Twilight deal though don't much get those vamps, I of course think the Vamps in the Anne Rice novels are smoking hot :o) And I gotta say why didn't I ever take a class from you when I was in school?

Wolfgang said...

nice class, but no Austrian! ha ha! but with this new generation you have, i don't think i would fit in very well! But I'm happy to see that English still rocks even without me! I should rock your english class one of these days. that would be funny.

The Wixom Zoo said...

Hahaha!!! I just watched me a little Nacho the other night and I laughed and laughed! I don't think I really paid attention last time... You should totally put your stretchy pants on and go eagle on him next time...and make someone take a picture while you're at it! lol

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Lia, WHY didn't YOU take a class from ME? The million dollar question. That would have been a riot.

Wolfgang, there will never be another tremendous Austrian like you in my life. I just pretend my class rocks w/o you. I'll take a mouthy tremendous Austrian over a mouthy smarty pants SBT rock star any day.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

lol Wixom. Nobody wants to see a picture of me in my stretchy pants, believe me. hee hee hee

I'm so glad you laughed at Nacho!

Anjeny said...

Oh wow Iwa...12 times? I was trying to take advantage of the twilight showing at the dollar movie but only got one chance to see it there making it a total of two times I've watched that movie and now my daughter, the same one who contributed to my violation ticket this weekend is making fun of me and saying I'm a vampire freak...why the nerve!! And you've watched it 12 times?!!

Ok Crash...the Benjamin Button of your class is one smoking hot dude. That Kyle Kyle kid could actually be another Wolfgang..before you know it, he'll be starting a blog and blogging about how wonderful blogging is.

Wolfgang said...

Anjeny. Honestly, I don't think somebody will ever be like another Wolfgang!!! what? I'm blogging. you acting like thats a girly thing to do?!?! whatever! lol ;)

crash test dummy - when day comes when you retire and you look back of what you accomplished in life. you can say, "hah Wolfgang thought its stupid to blog and laughed as soon as I mentioned my blog in class, hah funny, he is into blogging and he is still blogging his life away - which is tremendous."
If there is something that I learned in your class than it is how to be a successful blogger. lol

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh Anjeny, I'm so happy to see you and I'm laughing so hard that you think Kyle Kyle might just be another Wolfgang who gets addicted to blogging. If I can get Kyle hooked on blogging I swear I'll shave my legs every single day for the rest of my life, (which is his platform/cause/talent, in the Miss America pageant).

I kinda hope he doesn't get hooked, now that I've said that, because I wouldn't want to have to keep my word.

Wolfgang, you are tremendous!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh and isn't Iwa a hoot to see Twilight 12 times. And even more so to admit she saw it 12 times. Do you think my mom would get mad if I told the world that she saw Purple Rain over 100 times?

Anjeny said...

LOL Wolfgang...indeed you are blogging and of course blogging is not just a girly thing silly. So I take it back, no one will ever be like you...you are one of a kind...eheheh.

What ya know Crash, I got a response from the infamous Wolfgang..eheheh.

Sorry my dear smart dummy I haven't been coming around, I'm trying to shake these silly-feeling-in-the-rut feelings off. While the universe is talking to you and sending famous people your way, it's trying to turn my world inside out, so things can balance out...LOL.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

What a fun class. But I agree Kyle needs to stop listening to his IPOD during class.

kasey ferrell said...

Pleas teach English 315...I dont know who to take

LiafromLaie said...

Wow... How did I totally miss Iwa's post about the 12 times? Well I'm not going to say anything about that, only that I totally understand the need to watch a movie over and over...

And Crash, I have no clue why I didn't take it. I know people that did or mentioned taking a class from you. Taking a course from you would have rounded off my BA in English from BYUH quite well, I think. Not to sure about the riot but I promise I would have made class interesting :o)

Sandi said...

Yes Crash, please teach English 315 so that you can teach KK how to spell PLEASE. haha. I did go over and see her blog today, but only after you told me about it...that was very nice of her, even though I don't approve of the pics! I did read TTTC and I never said I didn't like your friend Tim- He definitely had me hooked and has a great way of telling a story, very descriptive without too many words. That kind of stuff is just kind of hard and yucky to read. I am more of a nice and pleasant girl myself, more into the fluff. Shopaholic is right up my ally. She says the F word too, but its wayyyy different because they say it with a British accent.
I cannot believe that Iwa sat through that sparkly vampire doo doo 12 whole times!!!! noooo way!

Sandi said...

p.s. which T.O. book would you recommend next?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Anjeny, are you feeling the D word? I thought so. I could tell from your blog as of late. I'm sorry, girlfriend, that the universe is serenading you with Jack Johnson (upside down). Come over so I can give you a hug. And bring your fabric with you. LY Anjeny!

Lia, you graduated in English? Do tell Kute Kasey who to take 315 from so she can learn how to spell.

Sandi, ha ha, I approve of the pics. You are adorable. I want everyone to see them. Especially the one with the strawberries and whipped cream.

I'm still laughing over your sparkly vampire doo doo comment. Do you think Iwa is overstating? Iwa? Did you really watch that sparkling vampire doo doo a dozen times? ha ha

Sandi, if you want more T.O. read In the Lake of the Woods. It's interesting. My 2nd favorite. It's what he calls a "true mystery" so don't expect solutions.

IWA said...

Okay Im just going to tell you who it is.. and I have no idea if shes new.. all i know is that her class was in the time slot that i needed a class and ended up with her...

Here's a Hint.. Her first name is the girl version of her last name... and her last name is the boy version of her first name.....

did you get it? give up?....

heres a hint... Did You ever watch SNL when they has a character named PAT! I totally loved pat! (S)He was a hoot! LOL !

So the first time I saw Twilight.. i saw it with my girlfriends from high school.. and we giggled and laughed through the whole movie and teased all the married couples that brought their husbands and threw popcorn at all the teenagers screaming and it was the funniest i had ever had in a movie.. but I thought the movie was so blah!

So one of my math pals convinced me to see it again with her and some other groupies and I loved it.. realized that it was nothing like the hype it was given.. but none the less loved it! Then i went to one of my early morning fun classes and my teacher was showing us how he just downloaded a movie so i came home and did it with Twilight and then made my husband sit through and everytime i have a free moment I turn it on.. Obsessed? I know just a little...

and to clarify... I'm a edward Groupie.. i dont like Jacob .. he's annoying.. but My Favorite vampire is EMMETT! I love Emmett!

IWA said...

So I always have competitions with my husband with Sudoku.. Have you tried the Diagonal Sudoku... So Fun!

IWA said...

If you really need a printer... go to the freebie Bin! I found one there with brand new ink!

nevadanista said...

I think Twilight would have been way more smokin' hot if Benjamin Buttars had played Edward.

Sandi said...

poor benjamin - i wonder if he likes older women...hahaha
G'night everyone!

Sandi said...

Crash I don't know if I can stand to read a book with no solutions. you don't know how things like that keep me up at night and drive me right over the edge.
Any magic quilt updates?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OHHH, that makes sense now IWA. You didn't go to the theatre 12 times. That would take a lot of time and dollar signs. Gotcha. I'm feeling better about you watching an illegal pirated version in the comfort of your own home. hee hee

Who needs a printer. It's so much more exciting to consume your time trying to find creative and costly ways to print things without Martha knowing I still haven't fixed my printer.

And I would have a heart attack if my husband did a sudoku puzzle.

Sandi, ha ha. And Nevada. I'm totally going to tell Ben what you said.

Sandi, don't read the book. You'll go insane.

Your future SIL is a peach, btw.

Sandi said...

Are you telling me that just to get me to read it? huh? Isn't that the trick you use with your students? I might give it a try and then I'll let you know if I go insane.
Is my SIL really a peach? REALLY? I need to know for sure.

Natalie said...

Wow, you have some beautiful people in your class. Is it the water there?

Oh, and Kyle Kyle scares me. Not because he's actually scary, but because your description of him reminds me of my #2 son and I'm REALLY crossing my fingers and hoping that he outgrows this "I'm too smart to bother doing this lame work and why are you hassling me all the time you big nag?" stage sooner rather than later.

dolly etta said...

Hey Crash- you are my early a.m. rockstar! I am back in Hawaii and after all of those plane rides and little sleep, I have been in bed with the flu. At all hours of the early a.m. I am at least able to hold the laptop and read to my hearts content. Or at least until the headaches and body aches push through the pain killers.

So thanks for being my electronic columnist! These stories have been my sole entertainment. Okay, these stories and facebook, but facebook is usually not the depth that I crave. Although maybe I just don't have enough friends. I admit, I've never gone friend searching and just accept those that find me, but when I saw that Tristan had finally joined, I got so excited, cuz I miss him and I invited him as a friend and suggested him as a friend to lots of other friends..... Then Sean tells me that Tristan won't accept me or Sean or Norm as friends because he thinks we might embarrass him. He has no problem being friends with everyone else and their mom's! How rude is that? So you'll have to be a mom spy for me. So far, I hear he hates Saudi and wants to come back to Hawaii, NOW! And was there something about him being in "hell"???

Tiffany said...

Hey!
I found your email yesterday, I forgot that I emailed you from my outlook, which I use only for work and since the economy is really eating into the money maker, I am rarely on there. So I just found it, no I am not ignoring you.

Tell "D" I said Hi and to get with the program and get at least on facebook.

I would love to connect with "M" too. Silly kids, they need to know that technology is really in!!!(I used D and M to reference to those who I am not sure if they want their business/name on my comment. I am so considerate that way.)

My parents still own their home by Franklin but my baby bro lives there now, since they live in China.

This post is so funny. I bet you are the best teacher ever. I get totally into sudoku and block out the whole world sometimes, don't get me wrong, I always make time for cleaning toilets and such, but when the need for sudoku arises I am totally in the trance zone, and yes after about six games I can solve all problems in the universe.

nevadanista said...

Sandi, for reals, don't read them - you WILL go insane!!! I wanted to harm myself during the third book I hated it so much - but yes, I kept reading. Don't do it, trust me.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Sandi, your SIL is really a peach. hee hee. Just think how delicious your grandchildren will be. No, but I really enjoy him in my class. I hope you will enjoy him too. I keep telling him that you are going to be a great MIL. In fact I told him I would even marry Kute Kasey, just to get you for an MIL. What a party. Just think of all the posts I could write about you.

Dolly, are you okay? I am going to Costco today so I'll pick you up a bag of cuties and come help you pack. How hilarious that Tristan won't add you as a friend. I haven't been spying on him so I don't know if he hates Saudi, but I will get on that right away. I would love to be his Facebook mom and embarrass him on your behalf. My daughter is usually the one embarrassing me by posting unflattering photos of me. She loves to make me look bad. ;)

Natalie, no worries, annoying people have their upsides too. Kyle Kyle is actually very nice and we just knock each other around for the helk of it. I don't mind annoying smart people because I'm an annoying dummy so we balance each other out. But you're right--there are many beautiful people in my classes. Inside and out beautiful!

Nevada, you must be talking about Twilight. I think you'd have to pay Sandi a caramacs to read that series.

Tiffany, how funny. No worries. I have so many forgotten emails I need to reply to. Have you gone to China to see your folks?

SO said...

Can't wait to meet the rest of the class. And do you have pictures of you in your stretchy red pants because you shouldn't tease us with that visual unless you are willing to share.

Tiffany said...

I have not been to China, nope, I have too many kids that would miss me way too much. Maybe when they are old enough to not need me so much. That would be like 20 years and I dont think they will be in China that long. Oh well.