Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Duct Taped for Eternity

My peeps are rioting in my comment box! Something about how my anniversary post was a rip because I didn't show any wedding pics.

You guys want wedding pics?

I can't hear you?


Well first let me tell you a sad little story about a girl you don't know. I hardly know the girl myself.

Her name is Dummy.

She was only 19 years old when her high school sweetheart was called away on a magical journay to Argentina. His wicked mother wanted to know if her son's sweetheart was a real dummy so she conjured up a long and arduous test.

"He he he," cackled the wicked mother, "only a true dummy could complete such a long and arduous test to earn my son's hand in marriage."

She gave the poor girl a million strands of maroon and pink thread, only it wasn't magical invisible Chinese thread that held people's destiny together, it was plain-ole, regular, perfectly visible thread that held quilts together (and not magical quilts either).

And then she gave the poor girl a million quilt blocks with a redundant design and said, "My precious child, if these blocks are not completed before my son returns from his magical journey, I will know you are not a true dummy and I will not allow you to be duct taped to me for eternity in the celestial kingdom.

So great was the poor girl's desire to prove she was dumb that she stitched and stitched and Lilo and Stitched until her fingers ached and ached and achey breaked.

And then they turned hard and calloused and fell off.

But she did complete her task and she took the quilt blocks and thrust them in the wicked mother's face and said, "It is done. I have proven myself worthy to be duct taped to you for eternity."

And the wicked mother did accept the blocks and did piece them together and did quilt them into a quilt to be displayed at her son's wedding feast.

But while her son was on his honeymoon with his poor dumb bride she did take the wedding quilt and hide it away and she curse it.

When the couple arrived home from their wedded bliss the poor dumb bride did say "wherefore art my wedding quilt?"

And the wicked mother did say, "What wedding quilt?"

And when the poor dumb bride did shake the wicked mother diligently, the wicked mother spew forth these words:

"If you so much as lay eyes upon that quilt ever again, I will tell you family history stories throughout all eternity!"

And the poor bride did tremble with fear and did relinquish all desire to lay eyes upon the wedding quilt ever again, settling for a tattered photograph to keep her warm during the long, frosty Hawaiian winters.

Don't let the smile fool you!

Okay, now for the wedding pics, but DANGER: BEWARE: WARNING: PROCEED WITH CAUTION: My bangs just might poke your eye out.

Oh brother! (where art thou?)

Pssst . . . I have so much to tell you guys, but I can't spill it all at once.

Let me start by saying that my mom is so romantic!

Look what she brought me for my anniversary.

A week's supply of my favorite smell in the whole wide world--Bath & Body Works Cherry Blossom!

Which means extra much since Hawaii doesn't have a B&BW.

She even brought me this little pot to cook me up some B&BW Cherry Blossom oil so my house can smell like the Garden of Eden.

Sooooo . . . BIG NEWS! I'm going to have a give-a-way so I can share my extreme good fortune.

After all, how can I see another's need and I not share? Especially since it's almost gone anyway.

The first person who makes a comment will get my leftovers for absolutely FREE (after shipping and handling.)


Amanda said...

me!!! it's me!!!

Amanda said...

ok, now that I've stopped dancing from my excitement at winning your leftovers....

What a sweet mother you have to gift something so special to you...however, you have heard of the internet, right? You know you can get anything on the internet...including B&BW products shipped to Hawaii!

Enjoy the visit and I'm sure your entire family will appreciate the sweet smells!

SO said...

Look at your cute self and hubby in your younger days! Love the pics. And I'm bummed I didn't win the leftovers.

Jami said...

You are so lovely. Your husband is so handsome. Truly.

How do you type without your fingers?

Congratulations on not committing matra-in-law-icide.

CaJoh said...

Great Pics. I like the way they look ancient— like you were married in the early 1900s or something.

Do you have any other interesting wedding stories (other than the fact you lost your hands trying to win the hand of the one you love). Those big days are always full of interesting stories.

sara said...

That's a lovely story and great pictures. I wish I had sleves that matched my bangs.

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

Hehehe- you know you and Mary look soooo much alike in those wedding photos. CRAZY!! We must be cousins or sumpin :)

DeNae said...

I mentioned (and of course you remember, because my comments are THAT riveting) that my anniversary was the 14th, and we had been married 24 years. Well, my handsome prince served HIS magical journey in Argentina, too.

Is that not just COSMIC?? And guess what? My bangs could have blinded the guests, TOO!! MIL made a quilt. Only she gave it to us, so I guess the duct tape is ok in this case.

Anyway, nice to know I have a far-more-beautiful twin living in Hawaii.

Happy Anniversary!

I am LoW said...

LOVE the wedding photos!!!!!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Way to cute. And what a great story.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

OK, 'when you're done with them' leftovers, would imply there would be none leftover, no? Geesh, scamming us are you!

You look cute in your wedding garb, bangs not withstanding (or rather they were standing, hehe).

Nah, you look good and hubby's a pretty good looking catch too. Have a good time with your mom, she's sweet to bring you the good stuff.

WV - evelwath evil something?

Heidi Ashworth said...

Holy helk, you are gorgeous! So, how long after he got back did you get married? Mine got back in January and we got married in June (it was a long five months).

Anjeny said...

Amazing...I keep saying you've got to be the most talented dummy I be typing without your fingers and all.

Those pictures are to die two look absolutely stunning together. Yep yep, Jack Johnson got nothing on your Al. A jock brainiac, how lucky can a dummy get...eheheh.

Can I have your mom poke you in the eye please? For what you ask? **sighs**for 1)just for the heck of it and 2)for your scamming give-away...eheheh.

IWA said...

Wow... I so wasn’t expecting pictures... but yay! they are so pretty! T looks just like you! Love your bangs!

I love bath and body works too... my smell is sweet pea... it used to be cotton blossom which they discontinued last year... It was on sale and i think i bought them out of the antibacterial hand soap!

PS...they also sell it on base at the commissary….

Rachel said...

Man, you guys looked so young. Not to say that you look older now, just that you looked like teenagers back then.

I have a weird question. Was there a white streak in his hair back then? Or when did that start showing up? I'm still remembering halloween when the twins put white stuff in their hair to be like dad.

Martha said...

Dang that showed up as Rachel. It's really me.

Youngblood4ever said...

After 20 years you, oh, I mean Dummy, still has not found the missing quilt? That is just sad and brings great aching to my fingers.

LURVE the pics. You are a hottie!

Sher said...

Wait, so you spent all that time on the quilt and your MIL kept it?! That's pretty low!

p.s. You are a lovely bride!

wenderful said...

Love the pictures! And the headband thingy. I haven't seen one of those in years, if ever. You two really are a beautiful pair.
Enjoy your mom's stay and I hope your anniversary got better after the Sudoku and nebulizer treatments.

iMaLLheaRt said...

Dang! I wanted some! Oh well.

I love the photos! You guys haven't aged a bit!! Still look as lovely as the day you got married!!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

LOL...okay that WAS funny! Those bangs are the best, even if they poked my eyes out!

I'm totally jealous that you have burned edges on your photos...did you JUST do that or did your photographer do that? Love them all!

Even the quilt!

OHMYGAD that story was hilarious...I mean did you REALLY have to do that?


I would have said, "Sorry not worth it!" But that is why you are the nicer twin!

Sandi said...

I am just jealous that you were smart enough to have your dearly beloved wear a black suit instead of a hideous white one like I did! Why did nobody pull me aside and let me know that was NOT a good idea. Oh ya, that and my mullet.

nevadanista said...

Oh man - I have a lot of catching up to do, and I totally missed the riot. I love riots!

But guess what? I finally checked our home mailbox (we have two PO boxes where all the important stuff goes) and discovered my Caramacs :) Luckily I picked up the mail without any kids in tow, because now I can have them all to myself!!! Recently my oldest answered one of those FB questions about friends, "would Rachel Hamrick share her last bite of ice-cream with you?", and she answered YES. HA! I've got her fooled. She ain't gettin' none of these, and I don't ever recall sharing my last bite of ice-cream with anyone :)

Thanks you so much for the delicious treat!!! I love it :)

nevadanista said...

Sandi - Hahahaha!

"that and my mullet"

aniC said...

i love the pictures! you look just the same. i've been married for just less than 2 years and i feel like i look totally different. must be the afro.

Martha said...

Ok, so yesterday I was in the car with Crash and her hubby and I asked, "ok where is this quilt now?"

Well, those two cannot agree on anything. Crash's hubby says one thing and she says another. He kept defending his mom because apparently she can do no wrong.

I had to purposely spill my smoothie all over the dash of their car so they would quit arguing. That is what happens after 20 years you know.

Martha said...

Hey you guys you can post whatever you want because Crash went to the Big Island to watch her twins dominate at a basketball game

Alyson (New England Living) said...

I'm still laughing about the lilo and stitching! How do you think of these things, oh brilliant one?

You are so adorable in your wedding photos! I can tell, you were truly a dummy. Your MIL had no reason to worry.

Mariko said...

IT is SO lame to make the winner the first person. I totally resent that. I mean, 29 is a perfectly good number, and I'm turning 29 this year.
You know what's amazing?
You haven't aged a day. Seriously.
Your daughter told me about the joyous occasion of getting the printer fixed. Congrats.

Martha said...

Mariko, Did T tell you who fixed the printer? I had to do something to make up for the spilled smoothie mess in their car.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hey Martha, I heard that! I heard all of it. I'm on the big island paying $10 to get on the internet in the lobby so I can make sure you guys aren't talking smack behind my back.

And Martha didn't just spill her smoothie, she projectile spewed it across our entire dashboard. I seriously almost threw up. And then she asked why I didn't take a picture of it for the blog and I said "I HAVE BOUNDARIES, girlfriend.

I hope I can pump out a post or two while I'm here!

Tiffany said...

I love your wedding pics. So fun, now that is the dummy I knew.

Hey I am a little miffed at MIL, what is she thinking taking away your wedding quilt. Where is it? Shouldnt you be sleeping with it? Using it? Enjoying it. Messed up I say.

dolly etta said...

So so funny! Lucky for you, you didn't have to keep the quilt.

I finally used my quilt that we received for our wedding, to bury our beloved dog when he died.

I was pretending it was a sacrifice for the great dog that he was, but really I just wanted to bury that hideous quilt.