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Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Something's Missing

To get the most out of this post, please click on track 68.  (oops, I mean track 69.  But track 68 works too.)


Yesterday, while I was driving my kids around, John Mayer came on the radio and spoke to me.

I always tune in when John Mayer speaks to me because he's the one who told me about my abandonment issues when he instructed fathers to be good to their daughters.

And he's the one who told me to say what I need to say.

And he's the one who told me my body's a wonderland.

Today he told me Something's Missing and he's right. Something IS missing!

But what is it?

The temple?

YES. Grieving over here, peeps. Lot's of darkness and emptiness and nakedness right outside my dining room window where the Hawaii temple used to sit and watch over me.

But something else is missing . . .

Food? YES. That's why I'm on my way to Costco right now and won't be able to introduce you to the rest of my smarty-pants class until later.

But something else is missing . . .

My husband? My twins? Half my family?

YES! YES! YES! My husband is missing. And my twins are missing too. Half of my family is on the Big Island right now, which is why I've been able to read every blog on my side bar lately.

And which is also why yesterday I did yoga, chatted with Funny Farmer, gave my son a neck massage, painted my toenails, stayed up till midnight, permed my hair . . .

(Okay I didn't perm my hair.)

Loneliness is a bugger, that's all I'm saying.

Do you get me?

I know you do. I've been feeling vibes that I'm not the only one who understands the L word and the D word.

But I have the solution. The magic cure, if you will. And believe me this works on every single ailment whether it starts with a D or an L or an ADD or a PTS or a CTR or an FHE or a BBQ.

Plus you can use it as a household cleaner too (at least that's what Lo says).

Are you ready for the secret to sanity, serenity, focus, peace, prosperity, joy?

You'll find out . . . after this commercial break. (Isn't Ryan Seacrest annoying! In a cute way.)

Water + Mozart

That's it. It's that easy. Half a gallon of water and a pound of Mozart.

SHAKE WELL before using.

God created Mozart on the 8th day then sent him to earth as the 4th witness.

Upon his departure God said to Mozart, "Please give everyone a hug from me while you're down there!"

So if you need a hug from God . . .

Look to it, peeps!


And if you want to see the cutest pictures of Sandi (Kute Kasey's mom) check out this beautiful tribute here on KK's blog.

And some of you noticed that Wolfgang stopped by yesterday.

Remember Wolfgang, my Austrian student who laughed in my face every time I mentioned my blog and who now has not one, but two tremendous blogs of his own?

He's also the student who felt someone should push Jean ValJean down the stairs at the end of Les Mis so as not to prolong the agony. (I personally think someone should push Marius down the stairs, but whatever. )

After seeing my rock star classes Wolfgang is feeling a little insecure about his place in my heart so I am having a contest with my students called:

I-double-dog-dare-you-to-try-to-steal-my-heart-from-Wolfgang!

(Is anyone really worthy?)

Stay tuned for the finalists and the voting polls.

28 comments:

Jami said...

Sorry about the L and the D.

And sorry about the missing temple. It will come home, gleaming and new.

Does Mozart really dissolve in water? Who knew? Does it really, really work? What form of Mozart do you use? Do you imbibe? Bathe?Inquiring minds want to know.

JustRandi said...

Wait, what happened to the temple? Where did it go?

Natalie said...

I was kinda wondering how a temple could disappear too. And I love that John Mayer thinks your body is a wonderland. Isn't he sweet? There's no filter between that man's brain and his mouth.

I am LoW said...

hahaha!! I love it!! Only you can make D funny, and I can't remember what L is. But you are too funny!! You are my fave. I check you before I check PW, just so's you know!! :-D

And yeah, where DID your Temple go?

(And also, I mix water with Elvis, it works wonders too)

Heidi Ashworth said...

I think Jean should have pushed Javert down something way back in the beginning, but then we wouldn't have a story and since it's one of my faves, I retract my "I think".

Barbaloot said...

The fact that any member of your family is currently on any part of a Hawaiin island makes me not feel bad for them. Or you.

And no-I'm not bitter about the current, freezing state of Utah.

Stupid winter.

Barbaloot said...

Oh---but I do really love Mozart.

nevadanista said...

It's so tremendous that Wolfgang is teaching his girlfriend German (I stalked his blog a couple weeks back :)) and has become addicted to blogging, but I think it's possible Benjamin Buttars could steal your heart. He should at least come first in the polls if he doesn't succeed.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

WOLFGANG'S blog is hilarious...people always mock the blog world, but once they take a step inside...there is NO going back!!! loL!

I'm sorry you are without HALF your family...

But I'm ready for some ME time, so I'm kinda wishin I was you right now! fo sho!

Youngblood4ever said...

I am feeling for the L and D. I was away from the hubby for 6 days and was both L and D, and I still had all of my kids. Sad for you. Hopefully your toes look fabulous, though.

After my posting today I honestly doubt I will be able to steal Wolfgang's heart. Did you see the picture of my fridge? That will be the deal-breaker right there! Glad to be back and reading your inspirations. You speak to me! Ummm, although I heart Mozart (hey, that rhymes!) I totally heart your blog, so I am thinking my cure for the L and the D would be Water + Crash! WOOHOO!

Youngblood4ever said...

Oh, and I totally listened to track 68 and you are right. It was the theme song for the post! Sweet!

nevadanista said...

Hey, love #68!!! One of my all time favorite songs. The Beach Boys went to my high school and Brian Wilson had a locker right by my mom's when she was there. Just wanted to name drop, even though it scarcely qualifies :)

IWA said...

Try Hukilau beach Water + Pachelbel Cannon in D major! Sit at the edge of the shore at low tide and Set your Ipod to repeat!

Ive heard from so many people that hukilau water is the cure to many things... SCARY! heehee!

Actually I used to think Pachelbel cannon was soo annoying until I listened to it for pretty much of a whole day! now I can hum it all day long and annoy the heck out of the D word!

BTW.. everyone is right... Wolfgang is hilarious!

Sandi said...

Mahalo Nui for directing everyone to my so very adorable pictures. I just LOVE your daughter for trying to embarrass you on facebook now :)
I think your solution sounds really good, but I think I might rather go for Diet Coke and Josh Groban. Or Diet Dr. Pepper and Phantom soundtrack. Or Hukilau water and Jack Johnson - YES! I just heard the new McDonalds commercial for the McRib and I thought it was our very own JJ singing-but I guess I was wrong. Anyways, when is that temple supposed to be done?
I cannot wait to see what your superstar students will come up in their efforts to replace the mighty Wolfgang!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

LOL everyone!

Jami, I take my Mozart straight up, like Paula Abdul does.

Oh, and oops, the temple is still there. But it's an empty gray shell. The body is there, but the soul has departed thence. Or has it departed hence?

Either way it ain't there no mo'

LoW, I check your before Pioneer Woman too! We ar e total soul sistahs!

Ha ha Miss Heidi. I love that you retracted your think. It made me think of Suessical the Musical and I LOVE S the M. It ranks up there with Les Mis, and Spamalot and Miss Saigon and Wicked.

Oh Barb, thanks for your apathy. (But I did hear about the blizzard you're having so I'll cut you some slack.)

Nevada, that is so cute that you stalked Wolfgang's blog. Did you see his German Tuesday blog too? Aren't Austrian's tremendous! Oh and I have a confession to make. I gave you guys the wrong track. ha ha. I meant track 69. But track 68 totally worked too. Maybe even better. I was a huge BB fan in my youth. My dad took me to a Beach Boys concert. It was the last thing we ever did together. I'm totally impressed about your mom's locker location.

Sandi, ha ha ha ha ha ha. That's all I have to say to you. I'm going to go look at your Kute pictures with your ginormous trifle now. That's my favorite.

Shelle, I wish you were here with me. We could paint our toenails and go to Hukilau beach and listen to Cannon in D major with IWA. Then we could go crash Mariko's classroom and toilet paper Anjeny's house and stay up all night talking about kissing. We could invite Swirl over and freeze her bra. We can't invite Martha because she's missing too and I'm missing HER too.

Nevada it's so cute that you think Ben Button is HOT. If he looked more like Nacho Libre I think I might let him steal my heart. hee hee

Youngblood I'm so happy to see you. And WoW, thanks for making my day. Water + Crash? Wow! I never thought of that. Probably because I am water + Crash and it doesn't seem to cure the ailments. But Code Red Mountain Dew + Crash almost does.
I'm going to go look in your fridge now.

IWA, I didn't know about the magical healing powers of Hukilau beach water. But I believe it because I believe in all things magical. And I'm going to try that Cannon thing because I love cannons.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

You guys make me smile. And I hate the L and the D so bad. And so far I haven't found any cure that works, so thanks for the hint.

And did you all know that Adam on American Idol was the understudy for Fiero in Wicked. Pretty coolio, huh. It makes me like him but not as much as some other contestants.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

As always a visit to the Crash Site warms my heart with laughter.
And the temple's missing? I thought it was just naked.

nevadanista said...

Haha! I thought it was a bit strange that John Mayer was speaking to your very soul, but you listed a BB track :D I think there's a John Mayer song for every imaginable emotional situation in life!

You know, I feel an automatic kinship with Wolfgang, even though he has no idea who I am - maybe he does now. I almost made a comment once on his German Tuesday blog, but I didn't type my password correctly, and then I chickened out, cuz he might think it's creepy. But I kinda speak German because I went to Germany on a mission (I say kinda because I've forgotton a lot), AND, my mission president's name was Wolfgang. So there's that. As a result, I love all things German, except for Nazis, course. And then, my birth name was Galler, and my Gallers came from the Tyrole region of Austria. So you see now why I stalked his blog.

The Wixom Zoo said...

I have to say that the stupid L and D visit me more often than I want them to. My super sexy other half is usually a bazillion miles away during the week and my heart only just starts to mend before he has to leave again. Anyways...I'm just sayin' I get ya and I love ya.

T said...

Barbaloot is SO in the wrong part of Utah - because we're happy down here in the South.

Actually, I just saw on the news that Utah is the happiest state... Hawaii's #2... I get both of those ones... #3 is Wyoming though?

Really, I ought to be cleaning now... or sleeping... or listening to Shelle's pushy romance... Maybe I'll have to crank up the Mozart?

dolly etta said...

My hubby and boys are on another island too. The island of the Arabian dessert! I know what you mean girlfriend. I feel the L but don't even have the energy for the D. The post and song were right from my heart though! Check out my facebook wall for photos of the amazing sand storm they just had in Riyadh. Sean said it was like on the movie Hildago.

Without any energy and only technology for company, I am reading your side bar too! Sandi is a cutie with her huge truffle and KK has such a romantic fiance! Luckeeeeeey.

Mariko said...

The funniest part about tattling on your daughter is that I can never say her name. I usually start to write her name and then I backspace.
I know. The Temple. It's kind of terrible. Like, didn't they KNOW I would need it? Did they really think it was okay to do this without asking my permission? Totally annoying.
I kind of don't like John Mayer. Can we still be friends?
Sandi, your daughter IS Kute. How lucky is that? Your pictures on her blog were very Kute as well.

Jen said...

Wow! I'm actually commenting on blogs again! I'm sacrificing my beauty/sanity sleep to do it, but here I am.

And I have to say, I've never tried Mozart with water. With diet coke, yes - water no. I'm sure it's much more pure that way.

Hope you're un-lonely soon!

IWA said...

Sorry The hukilau beach water was a joke... before they built the handy-dandy under ground sewer in Laie... there was a stream that came from the egg farm to hukilau and when it would rain hard the brown water from the stream would dirty the beach and we would tease everyone it was poo water! Sorry!

Also while growing up here, when people were going to have big parties and bbq lots of chicken, they would go to Hukilau beach scoop up sea water and marinade the chicken in it over night! I've been told by many that it is the best tasting chicken you'll ever taste

but of course we know that, it because it has all that extra flavoring!

But all jokes aside...

Hukilau + Some Canon.. can heal anyone... it was even sunny today!

IWA said...

So i think Utah is happier then hawaii because you can buy a months worth of groceries in Utah for the same price of one week's of groceries here!

I totally miss cheap yogurt! And Apples, and peaches.. and everything else that i dont eat here because i cant afford it!

I think Wyoming came in 3rd because they only surveyed people from 3 states! hehe!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

I think I know why Utah is the happiest state. I just heard a talk in church on Sunday from our Stake President. He told us that Utah logs on to porn sites more often than any other state. #1, peeps. Do you think there's a correlation?

Hey, stop throwing rotten tomatoes at me!

dolly etta said...

That is trippy about Utah. I read the article too but missed the stake conference talk. Utah was also the highest in ice cream consumption and colon cancer but low in lung and liver cancer (when I did research on it 15 years ago).

Transparency is an interesting and what is acceptable in public is a very interesting topic.

No rotten tomatoes from me. This just snapped me out of my boredom.

Sandi said...

Ahh Dolly and Mariko you are too kind. I just love hanging out here!