So my next door neighbor, Martha was off-island this week, but the day before she left she came banging on me door.
"Hey, dummy," she said in her cutest voice, "I'm supposed to do basketball snacks this week, but I won't be here so can YOU do it? No worries if you can't, but remember all those times I let your kids take tennis lessons for free?"
"Martha, you know I hate doing snacks!"
"Remember all the times I brought you pasta salad?"
"Martha, I really really hate doing snacks."
"Remember those magic skimmer shorts I bought you from Kohls.com? The ones you were wearing the night you met Jack Johnson?"
"Okay, I'll do it!" I said, "but I won't like it."
See in Hawaii snack is code for full-on meal--pizza, chicken, chili and rice, bentos, musibi, prime rib, coconut shrimp, etc.
When the dreaded day came I was in a dilemma. I knew I couldn't pretend to forget like I usually do, but I was so busy doing Facebook quizzes that I didn't really have time to shop, let alone cook, so I decided on bologna.
I was going to do bologna parmesian, but I've been out of mozzarella cheese since early 1990 so I had to settle for bologna sandwiches.
My son wrinkled his nose and shook his head, but I didn't let that stop me.
My bread was frozen, but I didn't let that stop me.
My 5 gallon jug of mayo was at it's wits end, but I didn't let that stop me.
I'm a nose to the grindstone kind of girl and even though I was literally up-to-my-elbows in mayo and had to spread that frozen bread with my fingers I wasn't going to let Martha down.
As for the accessories, I can be very creative/resourceful, in a waste not/want not sort of way--lerned that from my MIL, so I ventured to the deepest corners of my cupboards and the darkest recesses of my fridge. BINGO! Amazing the treasures I found--an old bag of flaming hot crunchy cheetos from our Superbowl party, a package of left over soda crackers from my super ferry adventure, a few sprigs of brocolli that survived the flood in my crisper drawer, some bread crumbs, a can of bean with bacon soup, a box of raisens . . .
It was a plethora of potpourri. A smorgasborg surprise.
And I'm nothing if not thoughtful, which means I whipped out a permanent marker and gave credit where credit was due by writing on each brown bag in my best handwriting:
Made With Love by Martha
Thanks Auntie Martha!
(That's what they said.)
(Speaking of made with love: Check out the latest entry on The Magic Quilt. It will give you tingles.)
P.S. Wanna know what I think of Facebook quizzes?
Two words: Stu. Pid.
I took the how dumb are you quiz and it told me:
you have the normal amount of dumbness..congratulations !!
Who writes those dumb quizzes anyway?
18 comments:
What the What?
Oh mylanta, it is so my lucky day.
This post made me just chuckle over and over.
I think snacks are a tool of the devil and against my religion, a fate worse than death, and should be avoided at all costs.
But I am uber impressed with your efforts and the fact that you so lovingly gave credit where credit was due. Well you are such a giver.
And Kristina, you must be having a life on a hot date on Friday night. So I am sure you would rather be there than here being the first commenter. And now you can read my witty and insightful comment, plus me poking you in the eye.
I on the other hand am HOME ALONE. Oh the joy! There are not words to express it. In fact I think the whole thing is post worthy, so I will not discuss it anymore here.
And I am leaving on a jet plane in just 12 short hours. Can I get a Woo Hoo?
Happy Friday everyone.
Wow, I bet Martha is just loving you right about now! ;) I hate doing snacks for anything too! Seriously anxiety producing.
Lucky hamster chick is home alone! What I wouldn't give!
When i was growing up , I swear snack meant = 1 gallon ziplock bag of oranges cut up into fours!
Let's boycott! maybe Ill just do the martha thing next time!
Sharyn's team got plate lunches twice / Pizza twice / and a happy meal once! Crazy!
One day i did snack.. i handed the kid his snack and he said,"Is this it?" His mother slapped his head.. and i felt vindicated!
I am suddenly so glad "snacks" in our town amount to granola bars and juice boxes.
I'll never complain again.
(And hey, where's my limerick from a famous college writing instructor??? If I died tomorrow (after judging, of course), you'd never get a shot at winning one of my AWESOME contests. Which would be a tragedy. So come visit).
Wow, Martha is going to be so touched by the amount of love you put into the snacks and all for her! She's gonna owe you big time...well, I've heard about her kohls.com shopping sprees maybe she'll find you a cute blouse to dress up those skimmers to return the favor :)
Ok, I'm back. Did you think I wouldn't find out? All I can say is NO MORE PASTA SALAD OR HOMEMADE BREAD FOR YOU.
the problem with FB quizzes is that they let ANYONE write them... kind of like blogs, only worse because... okay, maybe they're not worse - but while I will continue blogging I will not continue taking facebook quizzes. (unless of course somebody writes some GOOD funny ones and lets me know...)
I keep a big CostCo box of fruit by the foot in my car during baseball season because I ALWAYS forget that I'm supposed to be bringing snacks... luckily here in the 48 contiguous states nobody wants... brisigi? whatever it was... I don't know what it is but I'm sure my kids wouldn't eat it :)
I'm so glad I read this otherwise I would never have known that mayo has wits. Now I'm thinking I had better learn to like it b/c surely eating it would add to my own (wits). Right?
The word smorgasbord reminds me of Charolette's Web when the rat is at the fair and sings his song as he gorges himself on all of the junk food at the state fair.
Those kids must have been so grateful to have that smorgasbord!
Pat, I was actually trying to be cultured and go to book club. And by be cultured, I mean gossip for 2 hours, and talk about the book for 20 minutes.
But thanks for thinking of me!
Oh no you didn't! seriously that's the funniest thing ever and I hope that you are not just messing with us, saying that you wrote "love Martha" on the bags pleeease say you really did!
Speaking of plate lunch, I am so excited because I will be having me some of that tomorrow...woot woot for me! Going to the big city where there is the amazing aloha festival where I get so see some of my old BHUH friends dancing their buns off, plus I get to have yummy food and shave ice and some passo-guava juice and feel that warm sunshine on my frozen wind-whipped bod. Yep I'm excited. I wish Martha was my neighbor, because I need someone to feed my family once in awhile the poor things.
Also, the fb quizzes are lame, but I am ever soooo addicted to scrabble and pathwords on there and get a little obsessed about beating April haha. I am getting pretty good though, even though the quiz tells me I'm basically an idiot. Man this is almost as long as your post I guess I should shut up now!
I can't beat April at those stupid word games either... I might have to unfriend her on FB just to boost my ego.
okay - wouldn't DO that, but sometimes I just want to see my picture back in the #1 spot!
Yes we all hate snacks but we secretly wish that someone had to bring them to work everyday.
And something else... making snacks, do they not have stores in Hawaii... It's as easy as ABC.
Did you really? Huh? Huh? Because that is seriously AWESOME! But it's probably a fib. Your head's hit the dashboard a few too many times and gets a bit confused about reality from time to time. Still if you did write her name...that is so...so...mean yet hysterical. (Is there a word for that?)
I love your story. And I can actually see it may be true. You should always give credit where it's due, that's just being polite ;)
You could have made a macaroni grilled ham and cheese sandwich like a recent dad blogger made for his kids. And I do mean all of it was on the bread, even the macaroni. He called it dad's Haute Cuisine! It was a riot.
Kinda like your story. You never fail to amuse me.
Martha, will you still buy me magic shorts?
Hi everyone! I hate to say it, but I didn't really write Martha's name on the bag. I really wanted to though because frozen break on bologna? Embarrassing!!! Read Iwa's comment and you'll know why it was so embarrassing.
AMEN IWA. I'm on the boycott bandwagon.
Sometime I write what I do and sometimes I write what I should have done.
Jen, I need to stop by and check out your limericks.
Sandi are you disappointed?
Pat, you're on your way to see your mom, Marjie. Give her a big aloha love from all of us. And bring her some chocolate haupia pie from Ted's Bakery. And don't forget the water + Mozart.
T, is your mom there and your MIL? Is your house clean? I only have 2.5 days left to clean mine.
Sandi have fun fun fun at the aloha festival! I've never heard of scrabble and pathword on Facebook. I now feel like you have a secret life of bees without me.
I hope you guys aren't too mad about my fantasy fibbing. That's how the dummy rolls.
I hate to bring this up at such late notice, but guess what? We are having a potluck after the games today. I know Z will be off to his soccer games so just skip that one.
Post a Comment