My Early a.m. Rock Stars!

Okay, where was I before I got all self-reflective over whoppers and crock pots and rated R movies?

Oh, yes, I was cleaning my house, (which means I was doing sudoku).

Do you have any idea what it's like to do a dozen sudoku puzzles in a row when you should be scrubbing toilets? I've never tripped out on LSD but I imagine this is about as close as you can get to blowing your mind. I kid you not, the right side of your brain starts tweaking and for a split second you feel like you're on the verge of solving all the mysteries of the universe.

You should try it sometime when you get bored.


But where was I before I was tweaking out on sudoku?


Oh, yes, I was going to introduce you to my early morning class.

WARNING: they're smart and they're beautiful and they're talented. And they've got sass--a bit to much sass if you ask me--but that's how smart, beautiful, talented people roll.

FTR, deep down I think of them all as ROCK STARS (even though they're annoying).

Do you want to see what a bunch of annoying rock stars look like?

The most annoying thing about SBT people is that they can get mouthy. And pokey. They're always poking me in the eye.

Especially after I defended Twilight when they said it the worst movie ever.

Alls I said was, "I liked it!" and "that vampire was smokin' hot!" and WOW, did they go off on me. I was blind for a week.

Apparently SBT people don't love smokin' hot vampires.

Especially this dude:

This is Benjamin Buttars, but I call him Benjamin Button because he looks younger and younger every time I see him.

And this is April.

Benjamin Button and April are in love. At least they pretend to be. And then sometimes they pretend not to be. It's very perplexing. They laugh in my face whenever I get confused about it.

This is Bobby--my Ellen Hopkins book dealer.


He says they don't just laugh in my face, they also laugh behind my back because Benjamin Button and April aren't even going out anymore.

But think about it, you don't have to be going out to be in love. And mark my words, they're in love. I may be dumb, but I've got eyes.

That's what I'm tualkin' about!


This is Kyle.



I call him Kyle Kyle and not because he's so nice you have to say his name twice. His mom should have named him Mary Mary because he's quite contrary. Not only does he hate smokin' hot vampire movies, he thinks everything I ask him to read or write or do is superfluous miscellany. We seriously get into fist fights after class all the time because he feels the need to remind me he already PASSED out of this class in P.R.O.V.O. and he's only taking it again to be a thorn in my side.


This is the look Kyle gives me whenever I ask him to do something.

Kyle Kyle is so contrary that one time I had to put on my red cape and stretchy pants and use my Eagle Powers on him in front of the whole class.

In my defense, I warned him first.

I said "Kyle Kyle, if you don't stop asking me why or Is this really necessary? . . .

and if you don't stop telling the class a good wife should shave her legs every day . . .

and if you don't stop telling me that you DON'T LOVE Tim O'Brien and The Things They Carried . . .

and if you don't stop telling me that blogging is lam-o . . .

I swear, young man, I'm going to put on my stretchy pants and smack you around!"

But he didn't listen.


(And I thought Wolfgang was bad.)

So now I'm making Kyle read Tim O'Brien until he shouts "I LOVE IT!"

That's what my husband would have done.

My husband is the best I-LOVE-IT-Motivational-Speaker ever. He really should live in a van down by the river because he is even better than Chris Farley at tricking you into loving things you thought you hated. (But that's a whole-nother post).

Speaking of whole-nother posts . . . this post is pooping me out. I've gotsta go take a nap.

Can I introduce you to the rest of my rock star class in my next post?

Okay, one more. I'll end with my favorite students.

J/K. Teachers don't play favorites.

But if I was going to play favorites . . .



Okay, these guys aren't actually in my class, but they would definitely be my favorites if they were.