(Administered. Does that make me sound smart? That's how we speak in the academic world when we're pretending not to be dummies.)
So anyway, Friday I administered my last final to my morning class. And I was right. They didn't hug me. Some of them didn't even say goodbye. Some of them didn't even let the door hit them on their way out.
But I was also wrong. Some of them DID hug me. And Erin gave me a beautiful flower lei. Inside I was crying tears of joy, but outside I was like a James Joyce novel--unreadable (without cliff notes). I didn't even crack a smile when I looked at her and said "thanks, but I'm allergic."
See that's the secret to being a really good teacher--never let them see you sneeze.
After the class was over I went home and fell asleep.
And I didn't wake up until 5 minutes ago. Three days peeps! You can call me sleeping beauty if you want. I slept and slept and slept and all the while I had these crazy dreams that I was at History Day rehearsals and soccer games and then Costco! I even saw Iwa at Costco. Iwa, are you happy I dreamed about you? I wonder if it means that you're my favorite blog friend?
I also dreamed that my kids were whining because their Easter Eggs were filled with carrots and broccoli and Burger King sweet and sour sauce.
And then I woke up in a jelly bean forrest surrounded by fake grass and egg salad sandwiches.
Now that I'm wide awake and I don't have to stand in front of my morning class and listen to them boo me anymore, it's time to come out of the closet and confess my favorite student.
Half of the class has already been disqualified. The other half are models of perfect human behavior.
Take these three girls, for example:
And compare them to Ben and April in the background who can't stop being in love.
This is Jasmine! She's a lovely and she's from Ideeho!
She looks like a Jeanie. She talks like a Jeanie. I'm pretty sure she is a Jeanie.
I just wonder where she's hiding the Jeanie bottle?
Because I want my three wishes.
This is Dani. She is a stinkin' smarty pants, and she means business, peeps. Don't try to get her to crack a smile while she's concentrating because her brain will start smoking like a chimney.
This is Ebony and Emily. Right now they are listening to Kyle Kyle tell them a good wife should shave her legs everyday
I caught Ebony dancing at the PCC, but I'm willing to overlook it since it wasn't Tahitian dancing.
Emily could easily be my favorite because she has her own nonprofit organization called Emily's Children founded while she was in the Philippines. I'll give you each a million dollars if you check her out and make a donation.
And here's will, the Elder's Chorum President--polite, pleasant and respectful, like every good student should be. Notice he's the only one offering you guys a donut?
Then there is Curtis and Danica. Wouldn't they make a cute couple? I mean just look at cute Curtis . . . what's not to love? Plus he's on the school golf team. But Danica says NO NO NO!
She just sent a missionary out and she's already written him 75 private steamy love letters on her blog. I have to bring a fan when I read her blog. Danica and I have twins souls, and not just because I married my missionary, but also because she LOVES to write and I LOVE to write. And she calls herself Old Lady Palmer and I call my self Old Lady Dummy.
Twilight Zone-ish, I know.
And last, but not least, is J.J. who is super sarcastic, (but with a smile) writes amazing poetry, and, best of all, is married with children, which means he's all grown up.
(Teacher's like that.)
Soooooooooooooo . . . these are the nominees.
Oh, it's such a hard choice.
Envelope please . . .
And drumroll please . . .
And the winner is . . .
I am my own favorite student?
Wow! I'm honored!!
And shocked, of course!!!
But I prepared a speech just in case:
I'd like to thank the academy.
They say the teacher learns more from teaching than the students. Therefore it stands to reason that I should win this spot in my own heart.
From the outside it may seem self indulgant, but any teacher will tell you that the only reason they went into teaching was to hear themselves talk all day long, day in and day out.
Well, that and the $$$.
And the shot at world domination.
OH PEEPS! Come on! Did you really think I had a favorite student?
Teachers don't play favorites.
You silly goose eggs!