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Monday, April 13, 2009

And the winner is . . .

On Friday I administered my last final.

(Administered. Does that make me sound smart? That's how we speak in the academic world when we're pretending not to be dummies.)

So anyway, Friday I administered my last final to my morning class. And I was right. They didn't hug me. Some of them didn't even say goodbye. Some of them didn't even let the door hit them on their way out.

But I was also wrong. Some of them DID hug me. And Erin gave me a beautiful flower lei. Inside I was crying tears of joy, but outside I was like a James Joyce novel--unreadable (without cliff notes). I didn't even crack a smile when I looked at her and said "thanks, but I'm allergic."

See that's the secret to being a really good teacher--never let them see you sneeze.

After the class was over I went home and fell asleep.

And I didn't wake up until 5 minutes ago. Three days peeps! You can call me sleeping beauty if you want. I slept and slept and slept and all the while I had these crazy dreams that I was at History Day rehearsals and soccer games and then Costco! I even saw Iwa at Costco. Iwa, are you happy I dreamed about you? I wonder if it means that you're my favorite blog friend?

I also dreamed that my kids were whining because their Easter Eggs were filled with carrots and broccoli and Burger King sweet and sour sauce.

And then I woke up in a jelly bean forrest surrounded by fake grass and egg salad sandwiches.

Now that I'm wide awake and I don't have to stand in front of my morning class and listen to them boo me anymore, it's time to come out of the closet and confess my favorite student.

Half of the class has already been disqualified. The other half are models of perfect human behavior.

Take these three girls, for example:



And compare them to Ben and April in the background who can't stop being in love.

This is Jasmine! She's a lovely and she's from Ideeho!


She looks like a Jeanie. She talks like a Jeanie. I'm pretty sure she is a Jeanie.

I just wonder where she's hiding the Jeanie bottle?


Because I want my three wishes.

This is Dani. She is a stinkin' smarty pants, and she means business, peeps. Don't try to get her to crack a smile while she's concentrating because her brain will start smoking like a chimney.


This is Ebony and Emily. Right now they are listening to Kyle Kyle tell them a good wife should shave her legs everyday


Classic.


I caught Ebony dancing at the PCC, but I'm willing to overlook it since it wasn't Tahitian dancing.

Emily could easily be my favorite because she has her own nonprofit organization called Emily's Children founded while she was in the Philippines. I'll give you each a million dollars if you check her out and make a donation.

And here's will, the Elder's Chorum President--polite, pleasant and respectful, like every good student should be. Notice he's the only one offering you guys a donut?


Then there is Curtis and Danica. Wouldn't they make a cute couple? I mean just look at cute Curtis . . . what's not to love? Plus he's on the school golf team. But Danica says NO NO NO!


She just sent a missionary out and she's already written him 75 private steamy love letters on her blog. I have to bring a fan when I read her blog. Danica and I have twins souls, and not just because I married my missionary, but also because she LOVES to write and I LOVE to write. And she calls herself Old Lady Palmer and I call my self Old Lady Dummy.

Twilight Zone-ish, I know.

And last, but not least, is J.J. who is super sarcastic, (but with a smile) writes amazing poetry, and, best of all, is married with children, which means he's all grown up.

(Teacher's like that.)



Soooooooooooooo . . . these are the nominees.

Oh, it's such a hard choice.

Envelope please . . .

And drumroll please . . .

And the winner is . . .

ME!?

I am my own favorite student?

Wow! I'm honored!!

And shocked, of course!!!

But I prepared a speech just in case:

I'd like to thank the academy.

They say the teacher learns more from teaching than the students. Therefore it stands to reason that I should win this spot in my own heart.

From the outside it may seem self indulgant, but any teacher will tell you that the only reason they went into teaching was to hear themselves talk all day long, day in and day out.

Well, that and the $$$.

And the shot at world domination.


OH PEEPS! Come on! Did you really think I had a favorite student?

Teachers don't play favorites.

You silly goose eggs!

29 comments:

Wolfgang said...

YAY!! YES, that still makes me the favorite! love you sister frampton.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I kinda knew it was going that direction...you ARE the Self-indulgent one of the two of us!!!

They all seemed like fun though.

But about that dream...IWA is your favorite BLOG friend? You don't play favorite students but you play favorite blog friends? Hello...you write to hear yourself talk on here...and I'm sure you thought about World Domination a time or two...

I can't believe I wasn't even the greeter at the Costco door in your dream?

*sigh*

Kristina P. said...

I really wish I could write about the kids I work with.

But replace writing her missionary, to writing her boyfriend in prison, and it's basically the same class.

T said...

maybe I'm just jealous that IWA made your dreams and I didn't... c'mon, everyone needs a little Audrey Hepburn now and then right?

& it looks like it would be a HOOT to read about KP's class... or maybe I just did (I read a book about the inner city "normal" kids for the book blog... if that's normal I'm going to stay here in Utah)

WV says "expard" - did you used to be a cowgirl?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

No, I DIDN'T used to be a cowgirl.

How rude!!!

And dudes!!! In case you didn't get it, the dream sequence was real and I really did see Iwa at Costco, so unless the universe was telling me she's my favorite, my favorite is still up for grabs.

hee hee

The Crash Test Dummy said...

And Wolfgang, I TOLD you no one could steal my stone cold heart from you!

Melanie J said...

I didn't see that one coming, but well done, Crash, because I had no idea how you were going to back yourself out of that. Good job.

Pat said...

Now that class is over, are you going to have even more time to blog. huh? Huh? Huh?

And Funny Farmer says Hi. She is still alive. In fact I have pictures documenting her aliveness. I will need to wait until I get home to get that posted.

nevadanista said...

I was on the edge of my seat!!! And then the shocker :D How tremendous for Wolfgang.

I think we're all a little jealous of IWA today.

Geez, I see there was a party in your last comment box I need to catch up on. And does your husband do an awesome coffee table dive bomb at the end of his motivational speeches too? Cuz that would be da bomb!!!

IWA said...

Lia was right... If we were in your class we would be the favorites...

Mostly cause I kiss up really really good and like to bring Swirl Apples for the teachers that I know will give me a A for all the hard working kissing up I do!

CONGRATULATIONS on being the big winner... I think it constitutes you throwing away any evaluations that didnt score you higher then a Sometimes Agree!

Guess What? I was standing a long line on friday to sell back books and the lady next to me,standing inline for her daughter, starts talking me... and Like everyone who comes and visits hawaii,I end up knowing everyone she does because its such a small world....then her daughter walks up and IT's your star student April! I know why Benjamin is so in love.. her eyes are magical.. i think i was in love! haha!

Actually she said, "Hey I know you!: and i said Yup, Sister framptons class, right? and without blinking she says.."Oh yeah!" (how could she not remember me, I was the know-it-all in the corner, giving all the answers.. haha!)

I am LoW said...

Can parents have favorites??

Just askin.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Ahh, you're a sweet teacher. I love your class pictures and stories about your students. They make me giggle and laugh and make me want to dance a lot for some reason.

Cute, very cute.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Blogging Mama, how cute that my class stories make you want to dance. Just picturing that makes ME want to dance. I'm picturing you dancing to Erin McFarley.

Iwa, I can't believe you didn't confirm the Costco dream. Wasn't it the worst Costco day EVER!!! If you don't live in Hawaii you dont' understand what WORST COSTCO DAY EVER means.

How funny you met April and fell in love. ha ha ha ha ha I can't believe she doesn't remember you from the class. And I can't believe you give your teachers swirl apples. Swirl would like that.

Pat, can't believe Funny Farmer is still alive. Don't know whether to be happy or sad about that, seeing as she's absent, yet present. Can't wait to see photos.

Nevada, HA HA about the coffee table dive bombs. If we had a coffee table, I'm sure my husband would do it.

Hi LoW. Of course parents can have favorites.

SO said...

You totally deserve this honor!

Martha said...

I actually emailed you the dream article before I read this post and see you mentioned dreams again. Which means that I am pretty much a mind reader.

I always dream I'm in class and didn't study for a test. Now I know why.

The Wixom Zoo said...

I think I would've liked my college english class a lot more if I had a dummy as my teacher...
P.S. WV is fricin - like "that's frickin awesome!" hehehehehe.

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

LOL...you should be so proud ;)

lori said...

I love that you are the winner of your own life! OOOOhhh that could be a motivational talk right there. Usually I meet my entire ward at the store on saturday night. (something about not shopping on sunday or something i guess)

Kritta22 said...

Oh I should blog about some of my dreams...you comment box gives me such inspiration!!

Congrats on winning!

Mariko said...

Blurg. I was still voting for Ms. Christy.

I'm so jealous that you administered your last final. I have a feeling that when school finally ends for us that I'm going to have to just throw it at them. Which is not going to make me sound smart at all.

wendy said...

Picking favorites is awful. SO I AM GLAD YOU PICKED YOURSELF. When people ask me who my favorite child is --I'M LIKE WHAT!!!1 pick a favorite child. That's like picking a favorite rainbow, a favorite chocolate ---can't be done. My husband is a teacher as well, he teaches special aide and oh the stories he has to tell sometimes.

val of the south said...

I have favorite kids. I tell them "you're my favorite right now" but that it changes all day long!

Which really is the truth.
Like whomever made me peanut butter toast for breakfast, or whomever let me beat them at guitar hero, or whomever is kissing up to me at that given moment (I don't know the correct usage of whomever, but it seemed to fit!)

val of the south said...

Kritta is the queen - way to up the comments on Crash's last post!

Whatchya got for us tonight?

val of the south said...

I tried to watch "Twilight" tonight. Oh my helk, that was some of the worst acting I have ever seen, and the sparkliness looked more like some weird skin disorder...and I'm not incredibly discerning - I watch Lifetime movies!!

val of the south said...

I guess I shouldn't be dissin' it here in your box, you could be a fan...

val of the south said...

I didn't know you were such an Idol fan - I was readin' over at Wendy's.

Thought I should let you know - I offered your comment box as a place we could discuss it - hope ya don't mind!!

IWA said...

So Costco is only good for two things.... Flat bread wraps and the best Rotisserie Chicken on the island!

Too bad you didnt dream of cheaper prices and less crowds!

i have a song for your playlist... the script... the man who cant be moved... this is for danica and anyone else who is waiting on a missionary!

Annie Valentine said...

Um, all good wives know that only a fool shaves her legs every day. Why? Because if you shave them every day, he'll want to touch them every day. It's why prickly leg hair was created, people.

Eric-n-Ali said...

Ok Sherlock Dummy, solve this student mystery. I was sitting in the temple, chatting with my neighbor (because I roll like that). His name was Ephraim Tao. He somehow knew who you are and stated that his brother had taken your class about six years ago! So go back into your notes and find out who his brother is, and share the dirt on him. Next time I'm in the temple and see Ephraim I will be in the know.