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Thursday, April 9, 2009

Take That, Annette Lyon!



Several weeks ago I noticed that everyone who's anyone was reviewing Annette Lyon's new book, Tower of Strength.

Everyone except ME.

So I was like Annette, what about me? And she was like, what about you? And I was like how come I'm not reviewing your book? And she was like because you don't like Mormon lit. And I was like but it's not about Mormon lit, it's about my favorite subject--strong towers. Please, please, please can I read it? And she was like you really are a dummy, aren't you?

So I was like Whatever! I'm reviewing your book whether you like it or not, and I went out and purchased the last copy from the campus bookstore with my son's lawn mowing $$$.

And you know what? There's not a single stinkin' tower in the entire book, (let alone a strong tower). You'd think Annette would at least throw in a token weak tower to give the audience their money's worth.

If I had one minute with Annette I would tell her she should have titled it The Horse and His Boy.

Or maybe, The Horse and His Boy and the Boy's Mom and the Boy's Mom's Cute Widower Boyfriend Who's Not Very Good With Horses.


If you like cute widowers who aren't very good with horses, but who are really good with romance this book is for you.


BTW, I've had company and it's finals week so I'm only on page 75. I don't know for sure if that cute widower is good with romance but I'm at that point in the book where I'm willing to read at every stop light to find out.

(I've always wondered if cute widowers are as romantic as smokin' hot vampires.)

Stay tuned to find out.

Even though the title is a tease, so far I give Annette Lyon a thumbs way up!

And an uber high five.

And a shaka braddah!

(And a nani nani boo boo for writing a review whether she liked it or not. Hmph!)

Oh, wait this wasn't a review, was it.

Annette, my review is in the mail.


Click here to find out how to get your hands on a copy of The Horse and His Boy (Aka, Tower of Strength.) Don't forget to bring your son's lawn mowing $$$.


And click here if you want to buy perfume that smells like the main character, Tabitha. (Good luck with that. She spends a lot of time in stables.)



P.S. My students are going to be ticked that I didn't mention them in my post today. Especially Emma and Nellie who storm troopered my comment box yesterday singing Les Miserables (way out of tune) and demanding photographic evidence that I like them best.


See what I have to put up with, peeps?

Alls I have to say is: The earth is slow, but the buffalo is slower.

I think that's an ancient Indian proverb.

In other words, patience is a virtue! (and a simple truth)

(Remember that for the final, girlz.)

(inside joke)

27 comments:

olina said...

which brand do you like ? Nike shoes ,Adidas shoes ,Air Jordan shoes....or other brand ,

If you have a choice of shoes ,
Nike shoes ,Adidas shoes ,Air Jordan shoes....or other brand ,

which brand shoes do you like ? You can have your choice ,and tell us ,perhaps we may help you to realize your these choices .go to my website :
http://www.vogmall.com/ ,tell us quickly !

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Olina's comment is...interesting. WTHelk?

Okay.

Anyway, great Non-Review Crash! I'll probably pass on the book. I've got way to much with Catcher in the Rye, Twain and Miss Heidi's book! Yep, I finally bought it. I plan to lock myself away for a day since hubs is home for the 4 day holiday and I need a break! And I'm just gonna demand one for once.

Love the school peeps. Ah to be young again...I can't believe you let your students read here. Will you please teach me Professor Crash?

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Hey...nice review Crash...I did one weeks ago because I'm ANYONE you see...yet, I think your fake UN-review was way better...made me laugh...Dummies are always good for a laugh!!! :)

You have a hard life over there with students pestering you until you poke OUR eyes out! :)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Hey...nice review Crash...I did one weeks ago because I'm ANYONE you see...yet, I think your fake UN-review was way better...made me laugh...Dummies are always good for a laugh!!! :)

You have a hard life over there with students pestering you until you poke OUR eyes out! :)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Hey...nice review Crash...I did one weeks ago because I'm ANYONE you see...yet, I think your fake UN-review was way better...made me laugh...Dummies are always good for a laugh!!! :)

You have a hard life over there with students pestering you until you poke OUR eyes out! :)

♥georgie♥ said...

well now you have made me want to run out and get the book...maybe your on to something with this un-review

so which shoes do you like Crash? lol inquiring minds want to know

Sandi said...

Your comment box is being weird

SO said...

What? There are no strong towers in the book? What a rip!

Kristina P. said...

Wow, dreams do come true!! I was just dreaming about some Air Jordans, and then I come to your box, and I have a chance to "realize my choices!"

Oh, and Annette loves me more than you.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I agree with Andrea. I wish I had time to write a witty and entertaining comment, but I must go and beautify myself so I can meet cute April and Robin and go see the play Wicked. ttfn

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

forgot to follow

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

forgot to follow

Homer and Queen said...

Why is it that you have a life and actually leave your house and I don't?

JustRandi said...

I'll have to remember to ask for a little encore next time I see Emma.

Fun post! I love the alternate titles!

Heather Justesen said...

Man, why didn't I do a review like this? Or rather a, um, non-review.

PS, the cute widower does improve his horsemanship skills some before the book ends--thanks goodness as working in a stable does tend to put one in regular contact with horses.

Sandi said...

Way to stick it to that darn Annette Lyon!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Wow! My comment box IS being weird. And all the people in here are being weird.

How random.

But things are never as random as they seem. Seriously. You know how I'm so in tune with the universe? Well the universe is obviously in tune with me too.

Last night--and this is a TOTALLY TRUE story--I had 2 strange dreams about tennis shoes. No joke. First I dreamed that my husband's medical assistant needed me to fill in as a cheerleader at some cheer camp. I was all decked out in my high school cheer skirt, but I didn't have any tennis shoes. I only had dress shoes. I couldn't stop fretting about how I was going to do my jumps without tennis shoes.

THEN I had another dream that my daughter was in a really important tennis match, but she didn't have any tennis shoes. She was bare footed. I was running around like crazy trying to find her some shoes. When my hub woke me up this morning I even said "Tatum needs some tennis shoes!!!!"

So tell me how crazy is it that the first thing I read on my comment box is "Which brand do you like? Nike, Adidas, Air Jordan . . ."

Don't even tell me their is no Gad.

Thanks Olina!

I'm so excited for Pat and April to go see Wicked tonight. Can't wait for the photos.

Youngblood4ever said...

I lurve new book suggestions! Thanks!

Haynsy said...

Can't name it "The Horse and His Boy"

CS Lewis beat you to it, but then again it has a tower in it I think?

Annette Lyon said...

I'm a bit hurt that you didn't dream of horses or towers or something. :D

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oooh Hansey, you're good. And so am I. hee hee

ha ha Annette, no need to be hurt because you ROCK, girlfriend. And so do your horses. (But not your towers) ;)

I will post a real review as soon as I finish it (this weekend or early next week).

Melanie J said...

Um, I think people might really think you are dumb because they feel the need to repeat themselves to you so many times. I don't think you're dumb so I'm not going to repeat myself, 'kay?

OJT Mom said...

At least you know her enough to scold her about the review! ;-) I don't know her, but I'd love to do a review. I'm totally in love with her blog, and I'm working on getting her book! Fun review!

Jason said...

I want you to know that my research paper literal made me bleed today... I was putting my final touches on it then I printed it off and was compiling it with all the old drafts when a stapled decided that it wanted to see the inside of my finger... It is hard to type now...

Jen said...

"Patience is a virtue, collect it if you can.
Seldom found in women, never found in man."

Enough said.

Jen said...

And doth mine eyes deceive me???!!! Or did SPAM make it past your supernatural Word Verifier???!!!!!

I think the sky might be falling...

Mariko said...

I don't read mormon literature.
I'll read literature written by mormons, or non-fiction written by mormons. It's when the mormon comes before the genre that I draw the line.
I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say something about the cover of this book.
Do we know Annette? Why can't I remember?