Friday, April 10, 2009


My hub has two modes--motivational speaker mode and what-do-we/you-need-to-get-done mode.

Make that three modes. I left out his shhh-be-QUIET-I'm-watching-24-mode. (When it's a 2 hour special he says he's watching 48. True story.)

When he's in his motivational speaker mode it's a bit like watching Chris Farley on SNL.

He subscribes to the notion that you can psych out your own emotions by telling yourself you love something you hate until you actually do LOVE IT!

Apparently it works because that's how he fell in love with me.

My hub actually has the I LOVE IT! coin from the Mental Diet "Lucky" Coin collection. I jest you not. Check this out.

Seriously, check it out right now. I'll wait.

Whenever our kids find themselves facing extreme opposition and complaining about it he gets right in their face and screams "YOU LOVE IT!"

And then he makes them scream back in his face "I LOVE IT."

It looks a little somethin' like this:

And then I point to his van down by the river and say "GO!"

But because I feel a strong need to mold my students into carbon copies of myself I decided to try this technique on my class this semester.

If you read my favorite student post you know that Jason is ineligible to be my favorite student because he's a little bit country (and I'm a little bit alternative).

To reform him I gave him the I LOVE IT coin with step by step instructions:

STEP 1. Remove Garth Brooks, Toby Keith and Carrie Underwood from your playlist.

STEP 2. Add The Fray, Radio Head, Keane and Cold Play to your playlist.

STEP 3. Place I LOVE IT coin in your pocket and rub it whenever you listen to your playlist.

STEP 4. Repeat the phrase "I love alternative music" over and over while listening to your playlist.

STEP 5. If this doesn't work drink a gallon of Nyquil and repeat steps 1-4.

It worked.

For the most part.

I also tried this on Emma. If you read this post you'll know that Emma doesn't like quizzes, writing assignments, reading assignments, class lectures, class discussions or being in class. So I gave her the coin with her list of instructions.

This technique (coupled with some good ole' fashioned public humiliation) seemed to do the trick.

Nelli was in the running for my favorite student because she changed her major to English and she got my family into the PCC with her employee discount (shhhhh). But then she took herself out of the game by harrassing me in my comment box yesterday (and by singling Les Miserables out of tune).

Plus I caught her Tahitian dancing at PCC.

You all know how I feel about this sort of unrighteousness.

There is a way back, Nelli. Repeat after me: "I love righteousness!"

Getting Kyle Kyle to love Tim O'Brien was a little trickier.

I don't think he followed the instructions correctly because if he had his brain disorder would be healed and he would now be testifying of Tim O'Brien to every kindred, tongue, and people.

I'm pretty sure he still thinks blogging is lame-o too. Some people are just made of impenatrable stuff.

(btw, I didn't vote for Pedro. hee hee)

P.S. Don't bother throwing rotten tomatoes at me in my comment box. I don't hate Garth Brooks, Toby Keith or Carrie Underwood.

P.S. S. Don't bother stoning me in the public square because, as Gad as my witness, I WILL decide on a favorite student tomorrow after the final.

Ya get me?


IWA said...

I think you should wait and decide on your favorite student after you have read all your evaluations!heehee!

IWA said...

haha! Im first.. I've never been first!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Ya Ya , You keep dangling that Favorite Student line at us. But you didn't pony up Crash! Come on.. your readers need to know.
Okay, I need to know. I want to know. Maybe I want to be a teacher...

Oh, nope, just yelled at my personal kids. The teacher feeling is cured.

IWA said...

Dear Crash....

Im first... I LOVE IT!

haha... WV ARSSES... heehee... Im not even goin to give you a sentence.... hahahahahahaha LOL!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha ha That is such a good idea IWA. There's nothing like a little leverage.

And congrats on being first. And second. And fourth. I love listening to you giggle in my comment box. Have you been drinking Code Red?

I know Andrea. I know. Believe me, I know!!!!

Arsses? That is so appropriate. lol. That's my new charming swear word. hee hee

IWA said...

So while I was at work some of your favorite students were like, "iwa guess what we had last night?"

i was like.. "Uh rootbeer floats?"..

and they were like... "how did your know?"

now i really want to be your student.. hey i also found out Tai was one of Im more J!

So Im coming off of a couple 5 hour energy shots, my eyes are blood shot, Ive got four finals done and two more to go and only one more 5 hour energy shot left! I LOVE IT!

really i dont.. i was trying to see if that would put me in the mood to study for my last two finals...

I lOVE IT!.. still not working!

but I am still laughing my self silly with the last word verification! hahahaha!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha ha ha! I love finals week when you're strung out and giggly.

And I LOVE TAI. She's da bomb!!! One of my favs.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

And I am laughing at you giving yourself the I LOVE IT pep talk. ha ha

My husband is such a nut.

Jason said...

I think the I LOVE IT had bad side effects on me. Without my country I just look like i need help... Thanks for immortalizing me with that amazing photo...

Jason said...

BTW I do have a Maroon 5 CD on my playlist and you did turn me on to the Les Misierables' music.

Anjeny said...

Crash, what did you do? Paid your students to race over here to leave you some comment love? Oh wait, they are trying to work their way into your most favorite list uh? LOL


Mariko said...

I didn't specify, because I think I mean pretty much everything.
Except for tie dye and your kid. I don't have to say I love them.

Melanie J said...

My son doesn't think I'm a good motivational speaker. I think I am, despite all evidence and his filthy room to the contrary.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Are you going to pick someone that ACES's THE FINAL? Because that strokes your EGO as a teacher right? I mean, that's what I would do.

I would say, "Unless you ACE the wouldn't even be in the running of my favorite student"

Ya know...fair warning!

I NEVER throw rotten tomato's how it doesn't do much damage...I always throw Watermelon Rhine's...much more effective!

lori said...

But what if it's something you really shouldn't love....hmmm is there an I hate it coin, so that you can start hating the things you love (that you shouldn't love) french fries

T said...

lori's got a point - an "I hate it" coin could come in very handy for my love handles... wouldn't that make them hate handles???? (besides, being as she's my cousin - she has a lot of good points!)

Homer and Queen said...

Make all of them come and clean your baseboards or the whole house! Who ever does the best gets to be your favorite student!!! Wok it baby!

LiafromLaie said...

KEANE!!!! Keane = <3 not as much <3 as my favorite band Muse... but close.

How could IWA and I miss your classes Crash? HOW?!?! I bet you'd have a hard time picking between the two of us who your favorite was... lol. Nah, you'd pick Iwa... I just know it.

Youngblood4ever said...

I need some motivation in the love it area. I am going to make a sign for myself and hang it around my chest. Maybe I really will start to believe it. Although, even a "I love it" sign is not going to make me love getting out of my nice, warm, comfy bed in the morning/afternoon.

Sandi said...

Jason looks a little special in that pic...haha.
I want your husband to come and give that talk to my kids about homework and housework.....I even have a van down by the river that he could use while he's here. Send him over!

Sandi said...

OMG! I just read your potato post over at that other place and it is SOO true and SOOO stinking funny---do you want some potato salad indeed!! hahahahahahah LOVE IT

SO said...

I need an I LOVE IT! coin.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Jason, Ha ha ha. That photo . . . I LOVE IT! ;) You are definitely my fav now. I'm proud of you for having Maroon 5 on your playlist. And I TOTALLY forgot to bring the Les Mis CD. When can I give that to you?

Anjeny, say it isn't so!!! Do I have to learn to be tolerant of YOU too?

IWA, congrats on being done with your finals. How will you celebrate? Catch another showing of Twilight? You're probably crashed right now.

I think an I HATE IT coin could make a lot of money too, if used correctly.

Lia, I might pick Iwa or I might pick you. You never know until you try.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Sandi! You're so cute. What would I do without you?

So my final is over. It's time for me to come clean!!

April said...

I LOVE IT!! and I don't even CARE who your favorite student is!! I just LOVE that skit by Chris Farley and I just LOVE that you said I LOVE IT...cause that's what I say all the time! and I LOVE IT cause I got to meet Nutty Hamster Chick in real life this week!!! Oh ya, and we got to go see WICKED!!!!


(but I don't love matter how much I tell myself I do, and even if Chris Farley or your husband yelled it in my face!) Now I am going to do housework!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

April I can't WAIT to hear all about NUTTY HAMSTER CHICK. I LOVE HER! And Wicked! I LOVE THAT PLAY.

wendy said...

That is funny ---we could all use an I LOVE IT button. (cause there's lots of things I don't love --but need to love) and Chris Farley --THE BEST MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER EVER. He knows how to get his message across. You have a great blog Crash, I need to come by more often --well, I do actually, you just don't know it as sometimes I don't leave a comment. but I', the---ereeee. (say that in a haunting voice, it doesn't come across well just spelled out)

Lynita Rogers said...

So I tried the "I LOVE IT" thing with my boys today after they bombed at the chess tournament they went to. It didn't even work a little bit. They said, "I hate it" and "I really don't like it much at all." I think I'm gonna need one of those coin things. Maybe it only works with a coin.

Kritta22 said...


Hold on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

T and Lori are cousins!!!

ARE ALL OF YOUR RELATED to someone IN CRASH"S comment box??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Kritta22 said...

Seriously this is messing with my head...

Shelle + Alyson =cousins

IWA =student at Crash's school

Mariko = teaches Crash's dummies

Swirl = nieghbor/bucket holder

Sandi = mom to old student in Crash's class that now engaged

Andrea + Shelle = Men vs Women blog

Am I missing anything??

Oh yeah Crash's cousin does that footprint blog or stepping stones??

Kritta22 said...

And isn't Baraloot related to someone too??

Kritta22 said...

Once I finish this STUPID log cabin I've been working on for months....I'm going to start working on the MAgic Quilt.

Do we have anymore people joining us?

robin said...

I'm with April and Wicked... I LOVE IT!!! oh and Easter egg hunts... I LOVE IT!!! But shopping at Walmart on Saturday night... don't love it!!!

April said...

Yes missed that Robin and I are sisters...and Sandi and I used to be semi-neighbors.....and NHC and Robin and I went to WICKED!!!!!

AND WE LOVED IT!!!! (without having a coin in our pocket)

April said...

Oh....and Wendy and I think we were separated at birth! hehehe

April said...

Does that clear things up Kritta?

wv says hydrotu....there's water too? a van down by the river!!!

Martha said...

What about me Kritta? I'm Crash's FAVORITE neighbor.

Crash, I think you should have a contest for favorite neighbor now that the favorite student one is winding down? Who would win, me, Swirl, or distant neighbors like Anjeny or Iwa or Mariko? Let us know what the contest requirements are.

Kritta22 said...

Robin and April= sisters...who knew??

I actually thought that April, Kristina P and I were the ones out of the group...but now I know..

It's just me and Kristina P.

That kinda has a nice ring to it!

Kritta22 said...

I feel in love yesterday...

do you wanna here about it?

Kritta22 said...

Well since Crash hasn't had her comment box crashed..hehehe.. in awhile and I had a great nap today...I'll tell you my love story!

Kritta22 said...

Yesterday I was TRYING to blog when someone knocked at the door.

See it's a little weird to have knocks on your door in Alaska, you call first. Cuz you don't wanna be standing on someone's front porch for long.

People die.

Kritta22 said...

Anyway who do you know that would stand on front porches in Alaska and smile about it???


Kritta22 said...

So they came in and we chatted....Connor was napping as it was my BLOGGING time.

Did I mention that they interrupted my blogging time??

I'm just saying.

Anyway we were chatting away and Sister B. turns to me and says...

Kritta22 said...

Sis Waggoner (that's my real name...not Kritta), I think you can really help us out in a situation that we are having.

"Oh anything..just say it!"

You see, we have some really,...let's say 'interesting' Elders in our mission now. And they have been playing jokes on each other.

"ummm K..."

And well, we want to get in the fun. They think we are too delicate or something.

"OHHHH PLEAAAZEEE!! I have soooooo many ideas!!"

Kritta22 said...

Do you know where I'm going with this??

Hey of the Elders could be your son/nephew? that I'm picking on!! Hehehehehehe

So OF COURSE I gave them wonderful ideas....a list actually.

I'll tell you a few....but Sandi, you are sworn to secrecy...pinkie swear??

I don't wanna have to start making X-lax cookies again to ward off the Elders.

Yes again....that's another day in the comment box!

Kritta22 said...

So here are a few that my friends came up with...I had to call in the troops on occasions like this..

Buy a chicken from the Co-op, they are like $10....and put it in their apartment.

LOL I'm totally just busting a gut laughing right now...this one is the best I think!!!!!

Kritta22 said...

Buy a pack of Oreos and break them in half, placing the white part on the car.

You can spell out names or words with said Oreos!

Kritta22 said...

Maxi pad their car.

These are 19-21 year old boys, mostly.

A car with pads on it would freak them out!!!!

They might puke.

Kritta22 said...

Of course, said X-lax cookies.

It's all good fun!

I had an English teacher in high that got some X-lax cookies.

Kritta22 said...

Write just married on the windows and included cans on string...


Kritta22 said...

Vaseline the door knobs at the house or on the car

Kritta22 said...

Change the top cover of a Spanish Book of Mormon with an English one so when they go to read out of it, they look really smart!!

Or not!! :)

Kritta22 said...

Lubbed up condoms on the wind shields, the day of car inspections!!

It makes a total mess and you don't notice it until you use the wipers! :)

I've actually done this one to my swim coach!

Kritta22 said...

Oh the Elders actually did this one to the Sisters two years ago in this mission but no one is around so it's all good.

Make free puppy posters and put the Elders phone number on it!


Muah hahahaha!!

Kritta22 said...

Then of course putting the car up on Craigslist for $500...telling people you work swing shift so evenings and early mornings work best!

Kritta22 said...

Does any one else think this is funny??

I love a good practical joke!

Kritta22 said...

Oh that means me of college!

I lived on a all girls floor. We had a pretty tight net group of girls.

We didn't do the walk around in your undies cuz there was boys up there all the time AND the floor below us was co-ed so just would have been drama.

Kritta22 said...

Me being the Mormon girl...didn't go out much on Friday or Saturday nights cuz I don't drink. I HATE taking care of drunk people. And I had a boyfriend that drove over most weekends anyway...

...the other girls would get ready to go out after dinner.

Kritta22 said...

We would all sit and chat in the bathroom together. People taking showers and putting on know, the girlie stuff...

Well one time my room mate said something jokingly about me being a pushover or sally or something...

Kritta22 said...

So I went into our room and grabbed our big popcorn bowl. Filled it up with cold water and dumped in over the shower wall onto her!

Take that being a pushover!!

She screamed like a girl and thus the beginning of the practical jokes!

Kritta22 said...

I seemed to have gotten everyone on the floor that I played with, with the now famous bowl of cold water.

I knew my day was I always took showers way late at night.

Kritta22 said...

I guess I was pretty hard to catch sooo they had to plan.

One Friday I wasn't going out but watched everyone get ready. Well they all left at the same time so I got my bathrobe, change of clothes and headed to the shower for a relaxing break from school.

Kritta22 said...

Well the next thing I knew, I had not one, not two but three bowls of cold water poured on me, my clothes and bathrobe stolen and a whole floor of people waiting to see what I would do!!!!!!

Kritta22 said...

Did I mention that it was a Friday night so all the boyfriends and cousins and uncles and sister-in laws and their mothers, were all standing in the halls, laughing their little tushies off!!

I guess I had became famous for my practical jokes and didn't even know it!

Kritta22 said...

Anyway I did what any normal person would do...I finished my all clean...

took the shower curtain OFF the hooks and wrapped in around my body to walk to my room...which was on the other side of the dorm from the bathroom.

Kritta22 said...

People started crying they were laughing soooo hard to see me in a shower curtain.

I think there are pictures out there but I don't have any...

Anyway I get to my room where my roommate and best friend are and they just can't contain themselves with laughter.

I thought it was pretty stinking funny too.

We were all laughing, having a great time...all the while...I'm naked minus the shower curtain.

Kritta22 said...

So I tell them to get out of the room or they will get more than they asked for...

So as my roommate walks out the door, she pulls the corner of the shower curtain and runs!!

Like I've had enough!! (LOL)

So everyone sees I'm now naked...ha ha great laughs...I close the door to get dress.

Kritta22 said...

My room mate Amy starts screaming and is totally grossed out.

I put my extra bathrobe on to go out to see what ELSE is going on.

Well I guess the shower curtains aren't a part of the cleaning list the hired ladies do!

There was MASS amounts of this pink soap scum ALL over this shower curtain...everywhere except where it touched my NAKED body!!!!!!!!!

Kritta22 said...

I started totally freaking out!

That's so gross stuff!

There's reason I wear gloves to clean the bathtub!!!

Kritta22 said...

I go running into the shower again...we had more than one shower stall...careful not to touch the curtain to my body and began scrubbing!!!

I had about ten different people come in, all laughing, but handing me different kinds of anti bacterial soap or scrubs or bleach...just anything!

Kritta22 said...

So how stinking funny is that??

I think I'm going to have to blog about that.

That's something the grandkids need to hear!

Kritta22 said...

I can't really do it today's Easter.

Although my hubby's thoughts are that Heavenly Father has to have a sense of humor.

He made platypuses for goodness sake!

Kritta22 said...

Did you know it's my anniversary tomorrow...well today??

It is.

But we aren't celebrating it until my hubby is home.

Kritta22 said...

Did you know that I have been a single parent for almost 3 weeks??

Kritta22 said...

I don't know how real single parents do it....they are my superstars, for sure!

I, at least, get to talk to Chris a few minutes a day.

Kritta22 said...

I'm playing 7 songs tomorrow for sacrament meeting! I think that's more than the Christmas program.

Lucky me...

They are 'I know My Redeemer Lives'...personal fave.
2. I Believe in Christ
3. He Is Risen
4. that Crown one...197
5. a Hilary Weeks song from Women at the well
6. the sacrament song...something Hills
7. Oh the opening 200
and 8. and closing 199.

so 8 songs tomorrow.

Kritta22 said...

Good thing I made a promise to sure my talents or I'd be in trouble huh??

Are you singing or dancing or hola hooping for sacrament meeting tomorrow??

Kritta22 said...

I really love my Hymn book.

Our music director is WAYYY jealous.

Love it!

Kritta22 said...

Well anyway I think I'm off to read my 21 days Closer to Christ book by Emily Freeman!

I love this book.

If you don't have it, borrow it or buy it. Seriously it's that good.

I hop (he he he) get it? I HOP I made your Easter Crash!

I heart you bunches!

Have a great day!

Sandi said...

Being a single mom for 3 weeks has finally pushed poor Kritta right over the edge.

The Crash Test Dummy said...


Where do I even begin?

KRITTA? You are insane. But man, you had my LOL-ing. In fact I was ROTFLOL with you and AT you.

My goodness, girlfriend, thanks for crashing at my pad last night. I wish I hadn't been crashed out in bed and I would have joined you for some giggles.

I hope your hub comes home soooooon. ;)

Happy Anniversary. And Happy Easter.

And thanks for the image of you naked in a scum covered shower curtain that is now burned into my brain foreva!

And thanks also for all the practical joke ideas.

I think that puppy one is a good "under the table" pick up line for the missionaries to meet chicks.

So who are you in love with again?

I'm going to clear that relative question up for you ASAP.

And Martha, a favorite neighbor contest . . . great idea. I'll think of some requirements. hee hee

Happy Easter everyone!


Anjeny said...

OMGooshness....Kritta, you are a riot. I would be chatting with myself in someone else's comment box if I have to play single mom for three weeks...actually I did that for a whole week and I was about ready to strangle someone..LOL.

I love all those missionary jokes ideas. I wish I had known about these when I was playing those practical joke on those Elders way back

Martha...Crash should eliminate food altogether from her requirements on the fav neighbor..I hope. lol.

April said...


Best comment box EVER!!!