Friday, April 24, 2009

Speaking of mysteries of the universe . . .

It's no surprise that I like to ponder the mysteries of the universe. Well lately I've been pondering some of the deepest and most profound questions of my adult life.

Like why do good things happen to bad people?

And why can't money can't buy happiness when we all know it can rent it?

And if Time is such a great healer, why does it kill all of it's pupils?

And why didn't anyone tell me my skirt was on backwards until AFTER my class this morning?

And why do mainlanders think SPAM is a four letter word?

Kristina P.'s last post was complete and utter blasphemy.

Kristina P!!!! For goodness sake, you don't put mustard on SPAM then shove it between two pieces of WHITE bread! (Or haole bread as we call it in Hawaii.) Don't you mainlanders know anything?

You bathe SPAM in rich, zesty soy sauce, gently lay it to rest on a fluffy bed of rice then tuck it in with a piece of succulent seaweed.

It's called musubi, peeps. Everyone knows that! (Except for those of you who DON'T know that.)

Let me attempt to be the Pioneer Woman of the Pacific and show you the recipe.

Here are the key ingredients:

You all have soy sauce right? (If not, you can lift it from your local diner.) The only items you will have to go out of your way to find are:

Seaweed (and shaka). (Always better when they're together.)

A musibi maker, which you can pick up for .99 at your local Longs Drugstore. (Or at least at MY local Longs Drugstore.) If it starts to crack you can hold it together with a sturdy rubber band. (Even a flimsy rubber band will work if you don't have a sturdy one.)

Oh, and don't forget the rice.

A 25 lb. bag of NO.1 extra fancy California calrose works best.

Oh, and some SPAM and PAM.

A good way to remember how to make musubi is to think: First PAM then SPAM then CRAM then JAM.

A lot of the mysteries of the universe rhyme like that.

First spray the musubi maker with PAM so the delicate seaweed wraps don't tear.

Then gently boil your SPAM in soy sauce . . .

until they form a lovely caramelly glaze.

Tenderly place the succulent seaweed wrap into the musubi maker.

Now cram in one layer of fluffy rice.

Topped by two pieces of zesty soy glazed spam.

Topped again by one more layer of fluffy rice.

Then JAM it, baby! Jam it down as hard as you can.

Normally a jammer is included with your .99 musibi maker, but I used my husband's hands because he's a former hand model.


Now would you rather cram it or jam it down your throat? Totally up to you.

P.S. Speaking of would you rather. It appears my hub read my post about our near divorce, which incited a heated argument. He claims that he said he would rather live with two ostriches than 12 Benjamin Buttons. Apparently I misunderstood him.

"Why would I want to live with 12 OLD people?" he keeps insisting. (Not a very politically correct thing to declare out loud if you ask me!)

You should always keep your prejudices to yourself.

That's what I always say.

P.S.S. I just thought of one more mystery to ponder. Why in the world would Wolfgang post a video of himself on his blog screaming like a little girl while his girlfriend waxes his chest? Ewwww. I'm washing my mind out with soap right now.


Kristina P. said...

I know we have already talked about this, and this may get me kicked out of your comment box for good, but I would rather eat SPAM with nasty, disgusting Miracle Whip, than seaweed.

Seaweed is HORRIBLE. I actually can't eat sushi because of it.

We had Japanese exchange students living with us while I was in high school, and they would actually have seaweed flakes that they would put on their rice.

Blech!! And I tried the SPAM on it's own. I literally gagged. The texture is HORRIBLE!!!!

My Snuggie and I still love you!!

T said...

seaweed is what keeps me from eating sushi... the rest seems okay - but I think KP's quote "any food that makes its own snot" has got me avoiding Spam for the duration!

I might have tried it, just for the sake of trying... but the word "snot" is not digestible!

Alyson (New England Living) said...

When I first started reading this post, I was thinking, "she's not really going to DEFEND spam, is she?!" That's insanity! But then I read your recipe and you've converted me. I want to try that!

bettyl said...

I have eaten spam sandwiches for many a moon and I think mayo on spam is best. Next best is with mustard. After that, just by itself is yummy.

I do like the recipe you posted (especially the sexy hand model photo), but alas spam is soooooooooooo expensive here, I have had to give it up except for special occasions.

Martha said...

That is not how I make it at all. I put the nori stuff flat on the counter then the musubi maker on top and then jam the rice and spam together, then wrap the seasweed around. Maybe I've never been properly taught, but they seem to turn out ok.

Amanda said...

growing up in the south we ate Spam (or it's competitor brand, Treet) with macaroni and cheese and apple sauce on the side. YUM!

Maybe I'll have to send you back with some Treet :)

Terresa said...

First off, when is your book coming out -- fictional, biography, or cook book, I'm in line already (mentally) to buy it!

Secondly, great mysteries of the universe rhyming, lovely stuff!

And lastly, your husband was a former hand model? Sweet!

Jami said...

California rolls are the only true way to eat seaweed.

Seaweed and SPAM? Um... I'll stick to the California rolls (but they won't stick to me because its creator used Pam. [Poor Pam.])

Nice hand model though.

wv = canot That's spooky.

Jen said...

I can totally tell your husband was a hand model. He's a natural.

And I love rice/seaweed things. Maybe even with SPAM...

Monica said...

Spam is definitely a Hawaiian thing, my hubby is from Hawaii and can't believe that I don't love spam the way he does. Your recipe may have convinced me to give it another try.

CaJoh said...

My wife says that you eat spam with corn. This is a great addition to my Friday's Feast, you should link up so that others can find out about how to do this.

I am LoW said...


First of all, I am SO glad those are your husbands hands.... I was worried for a minute.

Second of all, THANKS FOR THE RECIPE!!! I LOOOOVE YOU!!! I can't wait to try it!!

Third of all, how am I going to get Musubi maker?! An substitutes you can tell me about?

Fourth of all- I can't wait to try it!!!!

Fifth of all- here is what I pondered today, you know how when someone says "Don't let the door hit you on the way out" and it's usually b/c you are upset and glad they are leaving? I mean, I WANT the door to hit them, so why don't we say, "And let the door hit you on the way out!", ya know???

Oh, and one more, the picture you posted a few days ago, it looked like there was more on the Musubi than this recipe, are there other ways?? Do tell.

I am LoW said...

I just read the comments and can't believe there is not Nori love. :(

I love seaweed!! At the beach, wrapping around my legs, not so much. On my plate, wrapped around rice and other goodies, fo' sho'!

Anjeny said...

Crash...can I say I soooo love you!! Fantastic job on the step by step. I have to admit after I read all the comments in Kristina's comment about her post on SPAM, I was literally huffing away in my even sure most of those people are telling the truth or they're just agreeing with her since it's her blog anyways.

The way you do your musubi is so simple and yumm-o that probably the cynicals will be converted soon.

LoW, if you don't have the musubi maker, you can use the SPAM can. Lay your rice out flat in tray or cookie sheet, cut it out with the spam can, add the spam slice then wrap it with the seaweed. In her earlier picture, she has eggs in the musibi...that is double yumm-o.

Crash, love how cooperative your family is in modeling for ya, what ya do, threaten their very life? ahahah

Homer and Queen said...

I prefer my nori with sashimi thank you very much...

wendy said...

With all deepest islander respect 0- I still don't think I'll eat it. BUT, I love sushi --NOT spam sushi

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh, I'm so happy because Kristina P. is first and New England Alyson is here and so is Jami!!!


Kristina P. you are grounded from my comment box for a week! hee hee. She can't hear me. She'll be back.

Anjeny I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!!

Cajoh, I'm will link up.
And K.P. for the record it's not sushi flakes it's Furikaki. And it's delicious on popcorn. My daughter could pour the whole bottle of flakes into her mouth. She'll never have osteoporosis.

Bettyl, welcome to my world! And welcome to my blog.

Martha, WEIRD. But good idea. I thought there was only one way to make musubi.

Anjeny I'm so glad you gave LoW some tips because I have never tried it without a musubi maker.

LoW, you are the cutest! Isn't LoW the bomb, everyone? I am seriously going to send you your own musubi maker and a bottle of furikaki, because that's yummy on musubi too. And like Anjeny said, fried eggs are the best too!

Amanda, we ate mac and cheese with hot dogs, Utah's version of SPAM. ;) YES, send me back with some treet.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh, and LoW, that is sooooooo true about the door slamming.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Okay, just riddle me this: Why Spam? What is it about Hawaiians that make them eat Spam? I'm seriously asking. Because I don't get it.
Oh I've chucked my fair amount of Spam as a child I remember it (I don't if I remember it fondly though)

I'll have to by pass this recipe, Cause umm, we don't have Pam here, yeah, that's it.

Though your fam is adorable for helping and I still love ya. even if you eat Spam.

wesley's mom (sue) said...

I'm sorry, at the risk of offending Spam eaters around the globe, the universal mystery to me is that people really eat that stuff. I don't care how you "Pam Cram and Jam" it, that is just icky.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Very nice Pioneer woman imitation. I don't think I will be trying this recipe, though. But I am glad it brings you and others so much joy.

Sandi said...

So I still think musubi is nasty...and I even had it from Sam's! But good PW imitation and your models were very professional. For a minute I thought those man hands were yours and was frightened for my girls to come and play games with you..haha. Oh, and I think Hub is right about the 12 Benjamin Buttons.

SWIRL said...

CRASH- toooooooo funny!
I must say... such harsh comments from this poor processed meat. It's like the book Green Eggs and Spam.. you might say you don't like it peeps.. but try it, try it and you may... try it and you may I say....

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I actually dated a Polynesian...and He introduced me to spam...and I LOVED it! Didn't think I would, but I tried it because I was MADLY hot for him...just saying!

I think you did well with your first Pioneer Woman Copy food post...even CaJoh wanted you to link up...which means something!

Love ya girl!

LOL@ Kristina P. won't hear you...she'll be back! lol!

Wolfgang said...

aloha Crash! at least my chest is HOT and you wish you would be so lucky that your husband's chest would be without hair.

LiafromLaie said...

Spam is a way of life in Hawaii... Hello our McDonald's has a breakfast plate that consists of eggs, rice, and SPAM! Yes, folks, SPAM! And it's a money maker... cause SPAM is the breakfast meat of locals... that and some Podagee (Portuguese) Sausage.

Love your post on how to make a Musubi! I know for a fact that my cousins in the mainland, who weren't raised here, love Spam Musubi. I think it's an acquired taste... like snails or fish eggs *gag*, you can't explain why you like it... you just do... sorta like Apple Jacks come to think of it :)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh my. FIRST of ALL. Wolfgang, I'm from the 80's dude. We took our men scrawny and hairy back then and we liked it! (Well, not Robin Williams hairy). It's called Old school. My hub is perfect so there!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Lia, Apple Jacks????? What the what? LOL. Apples Jacks aren't an acquired taste. They're just scrumdidlyuptious. Everyone loves Apple Jacks.

And I'm actually craving them right now since you mentioned it. I happen to have some too! YAY!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Swirl, ha ha ha ha. You're on a roll girl. You are cracking me up today. I love your Dr. Suess. Think I'll borrow it tomorrow.

Shelle, HIGH FIVE GIRL! See, we are TWINS!

The rest of you . . . I scoff in your general direction.

But I still LY!!!!!!! All of you!

iMaLLheaRt said...

I LOVE SPAM Musubi! How can anyone knock it if they haven't even tried it! Thanks for sharing the recipe! I just need to get me one of those musubi makers and SPAM. It's kinda expensive yes... I LOVE Furikake! also expensive but so onolicious on popcorn! SPAM is totally an acquired taste though. SPAM ROCKS!

iMaLLheaRt said...

oh and SPAM with mayo and mustard?! ick!

Barbaloot said...

If you continue to expostulate on the so-called virtues of S*&M I may have to boycott your blog.

April said...

Corned beef also produces its own "snot"...I can't eat that either....I just threw up in my mouth. Sorry Crash. Love the rice and seaweed, but NOT the SPAM....ewww!!! LOVE SUSHI!! I could live off of that!

val of the south said...

April - we missed you today!

The bloggy group blind date was so much fun - I'll be posting photos later today! (I even got to wear Kristina P's slutty snuggie - be very jealous!) And Heidi is so darn cute! (and she color coordinated with her book!)

You should bring a bunch of Musubi makers with ya and sell them to the Utahns - it could help finance your trip - I know I'd buy one! I can't wait to try it...really I can, but I am willing to give it a try!

April said...

Thanks Val! I was soooo disappointed that I couldn't make it! I know there will be other times. I'm just sad I couldn't make it to this one! :(

val of the south said...

The photos are up on my blog if you want to see some snuggie love!!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

I just went and checked out your blind blog photos, Val. I loved them all.

April, I'm sorry you're sick. I hope you're not sick when I come. April, you're in St. George right? I'm coming to St George too.

Tiffany said...

I have always wanted that recipe. Even though I didn't know it. If only I could find the .99 musubi maker, maybe I can use a long bread pan.
Oh the insanity.

I will just have to take a trip to Hawaii and get me one. The sacrifices we make for good food.

April said...

I'm in St George...let me know when you are coming and IF I must glow again, I will definitely NOT want to plan it during the time you are in St Geo! That would break my heart!

April said...

Now I'm going to Val's blog...sigh...I wish I could have been there darn it!

wv says amidig....your french friends dig you Crash!

Sandi said...

Crash WHEN are you going to be in April's neck of the woods? huh?

Sandi said...

April! Big HUG little kiss!

Martha said...

This is for Blogging Mama Andrea. If you really wanna know the history of spam in Hawaii. Check out these links.

Martha said...

Crash, the last link I posted has a video and they lay the seaweed flat like I do. So there and nani nani boo boo.

SO said...

Ummmm....I'm not totally sold on musibi. I am however totally sold on Shaka.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh my goodness, Martha, I was just about to say thanks for helping me help Andrea to learn the Spam history of Hawaii, but then you totally nani nani boo boo'd me. Now was that really necessary?

But how funny I just spread an incorrectly translated recipe for musubi. All these years I thought I was doing it correctly. I guess your way I wouldn't need Pam.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Martha - I'll check that out.