Thursday, April 16, 2009

Soft & Dry (plus a guest post from Swirl's mom)

Aloha everyone!

Guess what! My eyes are dry!

I'm still soft, but now I'm Soft & Dry. (hee hee) Get it? Soft & Dry? Sweaty eyes?

Ahhhh, sometimes I just think funny thoughts. (A million dollars to the first person who can tell me what movie that came from.)

Okay, first things first:

One of our friends has a broken heart and she needs us ASAP! I kid you not! Her heart has been ripped right in half because her baby has been taken away. It's Tiffany over at The Lowe Crew.

Tiffany was raising a foster son from birth. She had already adopted his two sisters and was trying to adopt him as well, but his mother has changed her mind and now he's gone. POOOR TIFFANY!

This is not a test of the emergency broadcast system. This is an actual emergeny! Calling all cars! Please make your way to Tiffany's comment box ASAP for a group hug and a family prayer.


That means YOU, Nutty Hamster Chick. You know the ropes to this drill, girlfriend.

Okay, second things second:

Girlz day in the hood.

Two days ago my neighbors, Martha, Anjeny, Swirl and her cute mom, Jane went on a girlz day and I tagged along. Apparently Martha, Anjeny and Swirl hurried and blogged about it in quote/unquote italicized "self defense."

Apparently they wanted to get the story straight before I twisted it all up into knots.

AS IF!!!

Truthfully, the day was just okay. Better than the last girlz day to Fabric Mart where I ditched out early and went to Abargios by myself to drink Mountain Dew and listen to George Michael. (All that fabric makes me itchy.)

The only thing I didn't appreciate was when all the girls backed me into a corner at Arby's, lit a match, tossed it at my new Savers jeans and started chanting "Liar! Liar! Pants on fire!"

I think they think you think I tell the truth on my blog.

Did anyone miss the memo that I never claimed my blog to be true.

I only claimed it to be true as far as it is translated correctly.

I can't be held responsible for any mistranslations, peeps.

Am I right or am I right?

But there's one person who hasn't told their side of the story yet and that's Swirl's mom, Jane. In all fairness, she should be allowed her say . . . so I've taken it upon myself to guest post as Jane.

Okay, here I go, guest posting as Jane:

The first time I met Crash was a year ago before she was cute and funny and famous. Seriously she wasn't cute or funny or famous when I met her. Swirl was in the hospital and near death and Crash was about as dull and listless as a potato.

Now that she's famous though I have to admit she is kinda cute and funny in person (when she tries).

I totally dig her candy apple red bag, but her green cordorouy jacket could use some POP! POW! PIZAZZ! If I were her mom I would teach her a thing or two about getting bedazzled.

OMGOSH! Can I finish this story tomorrow? I've got to run to my daughter's History Day dress rehearsal and guess who's going to be there? Her hoity toity English teacher, Mariko! Eeeek. So excited. I've never talked to her face before. I've only talked behind her back.


Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I'm first...Take that ya'll-VERIFYER-unpregyf

Means in Antartican...UN PREGNANT YOU FREAK!!!

Just thought you might want to know the universe is speaking!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I can't believe people didn't know you only told the truth as far as it was translated correctly? How did anyone confuse that?

HELLO out there...

This thing on?

Sandi said...

Poor Tiffany- I just can't believe that happened! I will head over there pronto, I hope I'm not too late for family prayer!

As for your girl trip---I cant believe you chose Arbys :(

Kritta22 said...

I'm feeling Shelle's verifyer...unprego. That's Alaskanese.

Anyway I'm bawling my eyes out reading about that chick. My heart breakth openth.

I can't even imagine her pain.

Is the movie Mr. Deeds?

Jen said...

So where's a picture of this candy apple red bag??? I LOVE red bags! And now I'm dying to see yours so I can covet it. Because I'm righteous like that.

PS. I'm taking offense to your Word Verifier. It says eteer. So I like food. So I have no self control. So sue me, WV - it's not nice to call me "eater" in WV language JUST becuase you can. So there.

Tiffany said...

Oh, Crash you are so sweet, I really need some good hugs and family prayer. Thanks for the love, and crying with me, the more we all cry the less I will have to cry alone (at least that is what I am hoping.) I am not alone and I love you all.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Love you guest posting as Jane. I can't wait to hear the real story.
It's so cool you get to hang out with other bloggers. Great now I'm jealous. I'm going to have to fall off my HASAY diet and go eat some ice cream.

Youngblood4ever said...

You left me hanging? Really? I am sitting on pins and needles (okay, so it is a cheep stool because my desk chair got destroyed last week). What in the world? Who would throw a match at you? Oh, you were joking?

Youngblood4ever said...

WV- totally serious- honests. Are we? Funny that this went along with this particular post, don't you think?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh my! I can't believe my verifier said I'm unpregnant. I was trying to keep that a secret until I start unshowing.

And then it called Jen and eater? How rude! Although she really does like to eat so it was just being honest. Which is exactly what it said it was being to Youngblood.

It's so good to have my verifier back in the game.

But seriously, how funny that it called me honest. he he he

No, the movie isn't MR. Deeds. Any other million dollar guesses? I just know Iwa's going to get it.

NOT Twilight or Transformers, Iwa. Just a heads up.

Shelle, you're funny. I like you.


Blogging mama. I wish you lived here in the hood. I'd love to bedazzle your green jacket.

Sandi, Arby's . . . I KNOW, right!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

oh btw, ftr, I got to talk to Mariko's face tonight. She only pretends to be hoity toity. She's super cute in real life!!!


The Crash Test Dummy said...

Kritta, did you surprise your hub? did ya? did ya? did ya?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hey Nutty Hamster Chick. I didn't mean to yell at you. I had no idea the font was so HUGE!


Mariko said...

Wait a sec. I don't want to be the super cute English teacher. I'd get no respect.
Shelle, whenever your comment is first, I feel like you're just staring at me while I'm writing my comment. It's kind of freaky.
Like right now, you're staring at me, AND the WV says "garve" which is really just "grave" in Antartican. It sounds like "garve" when they say it because they're wearing scarves on their faces.

Oh. And Crash is a real person, people! I thought she was just a creative figment of her imagination. She's so real, she even told me a secret.
Kyle Kyle was never even in the running. She's so sneaky about her blog being not true and us thinking that it's true when we know she must be lying about it not being true. I think she'd be really good at that game, 2 truths and a lie.

And I'm still really sad about Tiffany. Really. So sad I'm garve.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha Mariko. I'm still awake and you're right. Shelle is totally staring at us with her sleek silky hair and her big ole eyeballs.

Okay, Mariko let the cat out of the bag. Truth be told . . . (is that an oxymoron when I say it) Kyle Kyle wasn't even close to being in the running.

You could kinda tell though, couldn't you?

Come on. Someone say you could kinda tell.


Don't worry Mariko, I won't paint you as a super cute English teacher. I have other plans for your reputation.

And Mariko, I had to read that comment about me being so sneaky about lying about it being untrue like 10 times before I finally realized . . . YOU'RE BRILLIANT!

You should be an English teacher.

P.S. I'm going to stay up all night guys.

And I'm listening to Mozart and drinking Propel!

Sandi said...

The movie is Arthur. :)
I think you are treading on shaky ground when you call Mariko both beautiful and super cute. She really is going to be hoity toity now. I can't believe you got Kyle Kyle's hopes up like that when he never really had a chance. Poor dumb boy.
I still want to hear the pidgin Shakespeare thingy from that girl who got my vote.
somebody tell Shelle she's creeping me out up there!
Happy Friday!!!

Sandi said...

Oops I meant to say you called Mariko both super cute AND brilliant. too early to be typing for me.

Sandi said...

p.s. BOMDIGITY!!!!!

Melanie J said...

I can't think of anything to say today but I figured I'd at least say hi.


I am LoW said...

I've totally know that your blog is true, as long as it's translated correctly.

I just wish I knew who was going to translate it!

val of the south said...

Your wv had it's head in the gutter so I had to refresh so I wouldn't have to type it...what the????

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Crash no offense taken. You have to work a lot harder than large font. And honestly I had just barely read Tiffany's comment from yesterday or the day before. The sweaty eye one. And so I was already going to find her blog through her comment, but then you did the linky love thing and helped me get to her faster. I just feel bad that I was off the coomputer last night, or I would have been there sooner. I wrote her a post in her comment box and hopefully it will help. What good is it to expereince and live through horrific tragedies if we can't then be there for others when it happens to them.

LY Crash for helping connect people in pain. Maybe you should start a new website, kind of like e-harmony, but pain related. Maybe e-tragedy or e-suffering. Of course that is what stepping stones is isn't it. So maybe not as necessary.

That is the biggest downer about what Tiffany is going throug, it is worse than a death because there is none of the peace that the gospel brings of eternal families. This is where faith comes in that Heaving Father is in charge and will make things right EVENTUALLY. So hard. Hate that waiting for things to be right. I suppose that is kind of what you are going through with your dad. And if a child dies you have the peace of knowing they are safe with Heavenly Father, but in this case you have the nighmare of knowing they are so not safe you can hardly stand it. So so sad.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

forgot to follow

♥georgie♥ said...

I am off to offer hugs n luvs to Tiffany

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Sandi wins the MILLION DOLLARS!

Unless she googled the answer.

Sandi, fess up. And Sandi, don't feel sorry for Kyle Kyle. I could scream I HATE YOUR GUTS in his face and he would still think he's my fav.

Not only would he think he's my fav, he would shout from the rooftops "MY ENGLISH TEACHER LOVES ME. I'm her favorite!!!!"

Melanie J you should have said BOMDIGITY like Sandi does when she has nothing to say.

Hi LoW. (I like the way that sounds.)

Val, your verifier called me putrid so take that!

Pat, ROTFLOL. You are so cute, girlfriend. Thanks for all the love.

Sandi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sandi said...

Okay Okay I googled the answer, but you should cut me some slack because I'm one of those people who really really WANT to be able to quote movies, but never can remember a dang thing. My friends are forever quoting The Office, and I can't come up with one blankety-blank thing other than "thats what she said" (I did, however remembere clear from last night, that either Michael or Dwight offered to be the other ones traveling pants)- see, I can't even remember who said it! so yep, google is my best friend and you should still give me that million bucks so there.
Thank you EMILY for my new BOMDIGITY word!
p.s. I hope Kyle Kyle isnt' reading this, it might hurt his delicate little feelings.

April 17, 2009 9:43 AM

Anjeny said...


Anjeny said... did say we can say that if we have nothing to

So I read this post last night, was going to comment but got freaked out like everyone else from Shelle's shiny

I don't have to words to express to your friend about what's happened to her right now so I will just say what NHC said...she said it better than I could have said it myself.

I love the guest post, very cute and funny.

Sandi...the Arby's was Crash's idea...if they let me pick the place, they would have smoke coming out of their ears...ahahahah.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Wait! HOLD THE PHONE! Stop the presses!

Arby's was SWIRL's idea! Arby's never entered my mind. I just do what I'm told.

Swirl, back me up here!

Sandi said...

hahaha I just hope you all had some horsey sauce.

April said...


I stopped in and gave Tiffany hugs! Then I learned a new word Bomdigity.

And I am freaking out because it's my son's non-homecoming this weekend and we don't have the flooring down in the kitchen and we have 2 kitchens...does that make sense? What's my name?

wv says rebra....what about my bra?

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

April, big hugs to you. Say hi to Brenda. Best of luck with it all, maybe having no flooring will be a good thing because it will be something people will talk about for years to come and make the whole non event more memorable. And maybe you should just tell people that you are having non flooring for the non home coming. he he he Save a frosted Costco Brownie for me, K.

Terresa said...

So, I've finally got my act together & subbed to your blog.

this is fun stuff! Saver's jeans? How dare they??? (I shopped there myself today & found a bunch of cool crap, including jeans for my 2 dds!!)

PS: we tell whatever truths are "true" to us on our blogs, yes? I once had a friend tell me I was stretching the truth on my blog, which I resented a bit. ;)

val of the south said...

I am way jealous of your outing - how fun!. But now you can be jealous - cause those of us Utahns get to see Heidi next Saturday!! Yeah!

April said...

Val? You will be there too! I get to meet you! YEAH!!! I am going to have a great week after having a mortifying weekend, minus the frosted Costco brownies with a blackberry on top!

Anjeny said...

Yeah Val..I am sooo jealous of your hey I guess I'll just keeping telling myself that Heidi will be making her way out here to the islands and we Hawaiians will throw her a luau..take that val of the south...ahahahah.

Ok April, you stop that grinning...yeah yeah yeah, you get to meet all these great bloggers...don't rub it in... :(

**sniff sniff**

Sandi said...

April you are NOT going to have a horrifying weekend my dear! you have your boy home and that's all anyone cares about, not your stinkin floors! besides I have seen your house and it is CUTE, even with no floors so stuff that brownie in your face and enjoy it my dear!
p.s. I wish I could be there!

Sandi said...

p.s. is it politically correct to leave messages for April on Crash's blog?????

Sandi said...

I think I'll be a little OCD and leave this on an even number- because I am da bomdigity!

Anjeny said...

LOL Sandi...I thought this is your

***ducks as she runs out the door***


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Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

OKay...let me just clarify that I am one of those people that looks to look at you straight in the face...with a smile plastered on there like April.

Not all shy and afraid like, like Mariko, whose pantene PRO-V hair I'm envious of...or Screaming like Pat...

I just like to stare and you and make you feel uncomfortable...

It's what I do...

I'm going to have to be first more that you guys might be hypnotized by my eyes and half smile and come over to my blog to comment...


Love ya all