Monday, April 27, 2009

Crush on Crash?

First of all, I am suddenly aware that there is way too much SPAM and seaweed ignorance in this world. Because intolerance is rearing it's ugly head I am officially taking it upon myself to start the NAASS (National Association for the Advancement of SPAM and Seaweed.)

Let me appeal to your intellect if not your taste buds. Do you not realize that seaweed is the highest source of calcium of anything you can put in your mouth? And SPAM is the highest source of . . . SPAM!

I have a dream that one day all men will be able to sit at the same table of brotherhood and eat green eggs and spam. (And that the Broadway musical Spamalot will play twice a day in Broadway Heaven.)

Okay enough about SPAM! Let's talk about my hub.

I have reason to believe he's been reading my blog.

He must have an ulterior motive, right?

Maybe he's trying to make sure I don't say something wrong. Or worse yet, something right.

Or maybe . . .

Do you think he could have a crush on Crash? (fingers crossed. please please pretty please!)

It's just little things that make me wonder, like Friday while I was making dinner he pulled me aside, backed me up against the wall and said, "Hey dummy, you wanna play chips and dip? You can play the chip and I'll play the dip."

You have to have read my Potato post on Venus and Mars to get that. (But HE would have had to read it toooooooo, if you get my drift.)

My mind was racing, but I acted cool. "You don't have to play the dip, honey, you are the dip."

He reached out and gripped my shoulders. I mean he really gripped my shoulders. Until I said "OWIE!"

Then he let go and said, "You wanna go on a date?"

A what? We haven't been on a date in like forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever.

So we went to the beach and we walked and walked and walked and walked. AND walked. Seriously, we felt like a couple of pioneer children.

Then my hub said, "You wanna do some water therapy?"

So we dove in and tread water like our life depended on it. We couldn't think of anything to argue about so instead we tilted our heads back, closed our eyes and started singing Cheryl Crow.

When I opened my eyes my hub was staring me down with a big goofy grin on his face.

"You wanna play would you rather?" he said.

"You wanna get divorced?" I said.

He just grinned like he didn't believe me. "Would you rather make spagetti for dinner or tacos for dinner?"

"Would you rather me poke you in your left eye or your right eye?" I said.

"Would you rather go to a movie tonight or go to a movie tonight?"

It was a hard choice, but I picked the movie. And so did he. Finally we agreed on something.

He was a bit coy on the way to the movie. After casting a few sidelong glances my way he finally said, "thanks."

"For what?" I said.

"You know . . . for breaking up with yourself. You've been getting in our way for a while now."

"Uhhhhh . . . you're welcome . . . (I guess)."

His eyes lingered on mine in an appreciative way and my stone cold heart skipped a few pebbles. I batted my eyes and slipped into my uber cute voice, "Hey, uh, Crash is having a meet and greet on July 11th at the Provo Olive Garden. You want to come? I bet she would give you her autograph."

He laughed and laughed and laughed. "No way!" he said. "I'm not going to some silly meet and greet!"

(Okay, so maybe he doesn't have a crush on Crash, after all.)

Anybody else have a crush on Crash who wants to come?

Anyone? Anyone?


Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Ohh, you've got a crush a Crash Crush! Wahoo! And it's your spouse, it doesn't get much cooler than that.

I hope it was an awesome touchy feely kind of date (as opposed to a touchy feel-you-up kind of date, but you are married so do whatever ;)

Yes, I am just that sassy today.

And I could maybe get behind the spam thing (seaweed I don't have a problem with) but it's the thought of the jelly like substance that is on the sides that quite frankly grosses me out. Like EWW!

IWA said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
IWA said...

Maybe your husband has a alter dummy ego too!

So how does one going about a meet and greet at Olive Garden? Wont make it... but if you'll just eat a Banana Pepper out of the salad for me.. I'll be happy!

So i found a new favorite song off of your playlist again! 4 non blonds! they rock!

Im shocked that you dont have spam down yet (actually not that shocked)... when you go to BK next time... instead of ordering a cute little crown.. i dare you to waste your money on anything spam there!

I am LoW said...

I think he does have a crush on your, I think he was just playing it cool. I bet he shows. :)

(I've been looking up musubi makers online... yay!)

wv-bionatic- a mix between a bionic persona and a lunatic... awesome!

Kristina P. said...

I invited the National SPAM association for the 11th of July. I figured you needed some friends there.

And you should feel lucky, as I am 99% sure going to NYC the week after, and I told my friend that I couldn't go on the 11th because Crash would be here.

OK, I may have just said I had very important plans.

Annette Lyon said...

Amazing that you managed to agree on a movie.

Are you serious about July 11th? Because I'd love to go and eat OG breadsticks.

(And meet you. That's what I meant.)

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Forget stinkin' Olive Garden, I get to meet you in NYC!! We could do some real damage. It'll be wicked awesome! Woo Hoo!

Barbaloot said...

Are you for real coming? And to Olive Garden?
That's so close to my house it's not even funny. I might have to go.

T said...

ooooh, time to get out the old M.A.S.H. board to see if it'll all work out in the end because SOMEONE has a crush on you...

July 11... after missing out on Heidi's fun party I need to figure this one out a little better... you think the fam would mind my showing up a week early for the reunion?

WV says obilick - not sure if that's a Suessian reference or if I should be digging out my Japanese clothes for a quick taste...

SO said...


I won't be able to be there because it's my anniversary on July 10th and I don't think my hub would take kindly to me asking if we could bag our annual anniversary trip so I can go to a meet and greet.

I'm so sad.

Homer and Queen said...

I'll bet HE has a secret blog somewhere...I'll help you find it!

Lara said... sweet.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Oh my gadness, I will totally arrange my calendar to be there on July 11th. Whoo hooo! That will be so much fun and glad you had a date with your hub. I hate it when weeks turn into months between dates.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...


lori said...

wv-hecksh that a new mormon swear word?

I don't think I can get to UT for meeting and greeting, but it would be sooo much fun! And you have a very sweet hubbie :)

val of the south said...

I have a Crash Crush! Is that different than being a stalker? 'Cause I'm arranging my San Diego vacay so I can come on the 11th, though no one must family already thinks I'm a bit soft in the head when I chat about my bloggy friends. Now whenever I spout some sort of amazing info I've learned (like musubi) they say - did you read that on a blog? it's a bad thing!

If they only knew how my horizons were being expanded...for good and evil!

Melanie J said...

Oooh, I may be in Provo then-ish, too!

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

I have as crush on crash :)...I wish I could come to Provo to see y'all.

We need to plan a family reunion soon :)

Stephen said...

I want to crush crash, so count me in.

Youngblood4ever said...

OMHeck- I get to meet CRASH? IN PERSON? AT OLIVE GARDEN?? Woohoo! I'm so there. After the chaos in Los Hermanos on Saturday we might have to close down the joint to the public. We scared quite a few people!

I am thinking your Hub is peekin'. (hey, that rhymed) at your blog.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OH MY GOODNESS! And I do mean GOODNESS as in Life is so full of GOODNESS!

First Kristina P. is coming and bringing the National SPAM association to my meet and greet at Olive Garden so I will have friends there. I'm so touched.

And ANNETTE LYON is coming. OH MY GOODNESS! Peeps, did you hear that? I'm totally bringing my favorite book about towers to have her autograph.

And Melanie J. TOOOOO! I might faint. She knows the Yo Gabba Gabba people and she will be a published author soon.

And NUTTY HAMSTER CHICK!!!! Pat, please bring Dramatic Diana. AND DON'T forget Funny Farmer. you MUST bring Funny Farmer.

And T!!! I hope T can come. T, if you can't come, which I hope you can, I will come to you in St. George. I want to see April who may be glowing again. Peeps, let's all meet in April's comment box. She just got some bad news and needs a hug.

YAY VAL will be there too! I'm so excited to meet Val.

And Barbaloot. Barb, if you're so close to Olive Garden we'll just come to your house, k. Barb, don't forget to wear your red shoes. The ones that make your legs look sassy.

And YES ALYSON, we're going to have a wicked good time in NEW YORK! I get to meet Alyson in New York peeps! WAHOO!

I'm sad about my cousin, Emily though. I haven't seen Emily in forever. Em, is there anyway we could see each other without all the stress of a family reunion. ;)

And Stephen, I think you misunderstood my party. It's not for people who want to crush crash. (You did plenty of that when we were kids!!) But won't that be fun to have my apostate brother there peeps? Everyone bring your book of Mormon so you can try to bring him back to the fold.

Iwa, you caught me. I probably wouldn't order SPAM off the BK menu. Or maybe I would just to see how that talented BK writer describes a SPAM burger.

So, (and LoW) I'm sooooooo sad and Low about you guys being unable to be there. So, did you have t get married on July 10th? LoW did you have to grow up in Georga?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

YAY, youngblood is coming too. I was hoping she would say that!

Sheila said...

Hey crash you can't be at the Olive garden on July 11th! You'll be at a meet and greet in St George, Member?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hee hee Did you guys just hear my mom call me Crash. And then say Member? hee hee hee

Well, Mom, I never heard back from you-know-who on that St. George thingie, even though I called both phones and texted both phones. (I even texted you-know-who's home phone). I even called you yesterdee, so I'm figuring on going to St. George the next week (unless you guys have solidified somethin.)


Stop the press, peeps.


The Wixom Zoo said...

Awww...I'd super duper love to come but I'm going to have nephews, nephews and more nephews crashing at my place during the month of July. (Mostly 'cuz I'm the COOL aunt...I think.) I think it might be more fun to go to the Olive Garden, though.

Anjeny said...

Ok Crash, how come when we went out for girls day out you picked ARBY's but now that you're meeting all them Utahns, you're picking OLIVE GARDEN? Huh? Huh? Now I'm tempted to be a stow away so I can help your Apostate brother crush

So kewl about the hubby having a crush on the think homer may be on to something. I think your hub has a secret blog or he could be one of those secret stalkers, what ya think?lol

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh Anjeny, I'm totally laughting at you because we already settled this that Swirl picked Arby's because she has a life time of free lunch there since she got a mouse AND a sticky trap stuck to her foot while eating ther in high school.

I always pick Abargios when I go to Kaneohe. Everyone knows that. But it would have required leaving the mall and driving across the street.

Girlfriend, if there was an Olive Garden in Hawaii I would eat there every day.

Sandi said...

who DOESN'T have a crush on crash?
p.s. I thought your stone cold heart turned into a rootbeer float?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Sandi, sometimes I have to put my rootbeer float back on ice. ;)

T said...

Okay - now Swirl has a mouse/sticky trap story to tell... I'm waiting!!!

I'll catch you in Provo or St. George... unless of course we pass each other on the freeway as I drive up North to my reunion... in which case I'll arrange to meet at the Arby's in Beaver (okay - really, now I can't eat there until this story is told...)

annie valentine said...

Yes and yes. And he totally has a crush on you, BTW. Want me to give him your number?

I am LoW said...

I didn't have to be raised in Georgia, I had to be raised in SC. :)It may as well be the same though, eh?

By the way, the squeeling on the video's on my blog wasn't exactly my kids, it was kids friends.... and the my kids joined in. We don't usually make those high pitched noises. :)

Anjeny said...

LOL Crash...I know Swirl picked that place, I just want to give you a hard time. I didn't know there isn't an Olive Gardens here in Hawaii...that goes to show how much I go out uh? LOL

P.S. Were you able to get tickets to Carnegie?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Anjeny, I did check into it, but we thought the concert at Carnegie was on Friday night but it's on Saturday night. We leave from N.Y. to D.C. on Saturday morning. I was so bummed. I wanted to see the kids perform at Carnegie!

Tiffany said...

Oh man do I wish I lived closer and could come. I am so super sad to miss out on seeing you and getting your autograph and all those great people will be there. If I had the money I would book a trip right now, but no such luck. I cant even make it to my 20 yr class reunion this year. So so sad. This economy crashing came at a very wrong time.

Oh I have a crush on crash too.

Barbaloot said...

Got it---red shoes will be part of my outfit that day:) Maybe then I won't fall into my tendency of not talking and being super shy.