How girlz day really went down

Remember when I was a bad mommy because I missed that last minute, optional, lunch-on-the-lawn at the elementary school?

Well a week or so ago I got a phone call at 9:30 a.m. It was one of my twins. He informed me that there was going to be another last minute, optional lunch-on-the-lawn and if I didn't want to pay for years of therapy, I had best get my booty planted on that lawn by 11 a.m.

"And bring Musubi!" he added.

For those of you who don't know what musubi is, let me show you:

I'm not ashamed to admit I let my twins guilt trip me into proving my love with a bit of spam and rice wrapped in seaweed.


And with a bag of Bongos.

I documented that I was there in case my twins ever try to sue me for neglect.


My next door neighbor, Martha was there in her Kohls.com pants. (You can call her M-dog because that's her tagging name.)


And guess who I found in the cafeteria sitting comfortably at a table with chairs!


Anjeny, Swirl and Swirl's cute mom, Jane.

I didn't judge them, but I did offer a gentle smack upside the head and a friendly "HELLO!! Lunch-on-the-lawn doesn't entail tables and chairs!"

We had so much fun sitting at the table and chairs that all 4 of us, at the exact same instant, said "Hey, let's have a girlz day next week!"

And so we grabbed Martha and we hit the open road like Thelma and Louis (If Thelma had a 2 year old and Louis had a cute mom and a couple of cute friends who needed to go to Sears and the bank).

I always love girlz dayz with Swirl. Just the drive alone makes it worth it because no one tells a quirky story quite like Swirl, (except Swirls cute mom, Jane). You wouldn't believe the hilarious things I could tell you about Swirl's college roomates, and Swirl's ward chorister and Swirl's X-fiance that she left at the alter.

The amazing thing is they're all true. No embellishments.

Like did you know that Swirl grew up thinking her name was Charlie and that she lived in a chocolate factory? Every canister/drawer/cupboard/plastic bin in her house was filled with mini Hershey bars or candy kisses or bite size Snickers. She even had to brush her teeth with chocolate ice cream.

It was fun to have Swirl's cute mom, Jane along for girlz day because the ride was double the quirky fun.

And the quirky fun didn't end with the ride.

First stop was Borders where I was shocked to find Anjeny and Swirl in the crafting section. I knew the were into crafts . . .


but I had no ideas they were into (what my mom would call) Big-Behind crafts.

When I said, what the what? Swirl showed me what they were looking at.

Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. And just look at cute Jane, enabling her daughter's dysfunctional crafting like that.

Martha confessed that it was her first time at Borders.


And Anjeny confessed that she wants world peace.

Then I ditched the crafting section and bought me my first David Sedaris book after reading this post from Wesley's Mom. (I'm totally HOOK, LINED and SINKERED now, btw!)

I also bought this book to help me translate the universe.


In case you haven't noticed the universe often speaks in ancient Chinese secrets.

After Borders we walked past the pet store where Swirl tried to show us the difference between guinea pigs and bunny rabbits, but to no avail because, well . . . who the helk cares, right?


My favorite part of the day was when cute Jane felt sorry for all the puppies because everyone of them was sleeping. She was sure the pet store manager had slipped them some Tylenol PM.


They weren't real dogs, but I humored her. And then I laughted my behind off at her. And then I told her we better let the sleeping dogs lie.

And then her purse accidently hit me on the back of the head.

And then Swirl was like, "HEY LOOK, that smoothie shop stole my name!!"


I think she could sue, don't you?

And then we all got our walkers and canes and hobbled to the bank and to Sears and then hobbled to Arby's for lunch.


I got a Turkey sandwhich, but this is all I could eat before M-dog started telling TMI about some of the odors emitted behind closed doors at her house.

See I personally subscirbe to the notion that odors emitted behind closed doors, should stay behind closed doors.

It was in Arby's that the girlz bound and gagged me and lit my pants on fire fire and called me a liar liar.

I was totally going to come clean about this post and how Swirl didn't really boss me around or try to steal Kute Kasey from me, but I'm not going to bother setting the record straight after she called me a Jim Carey.


So that's my story truth. And I'm sticking to it!