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Wednesday, October 8, 2008

No Brainer Budget Cuts Part II: Water Fighting: (or) Sink or Swim: (or) Do-it-Yourself Therapy

Yesterday I spilled the beans about our recent re-construction to the family budget and how it's giving me an opportunity to magnify my ready-aim-fire skills in order to nip and tuck our expenses while still having our cake and eating it too.

(I don't know what that means either).

Anyway . . . my husband was pleasantly surprised by how well the Costco birthday party turned out and asked me how I intended to re-construct our marriage budget.

"No more marriage therapy," I told him.

His mouth fell open. "But how will we resolve our conflicts and confront our inner wounded child issues?"

(Hee hee ha ha ha ha. You have no idea how hard it is to keep a straight face while putting those words in his mouth. I love writing!!)

"Have no fear," I told him, "we'll just take our inner wounded children for a swim."

Let me explain how I thought of this brilliant idea.  Lately I've been quoting a statement uttered by my brother-in-law while lying underneath our wimpy ceiling fan during his last visit to Hawaii:

"I'm going to DIE right now!"

Usually I say this right before I stick my face in the freezer.

October is hotter than a tamale in Hawaii and it's not uncommon to see us racing like raving lunatics into the nearest body of water.  Well, somewhere between the racing and the raving we uncovered a deep, hidden, powerful, ancient, mysterious, universal, healing secret.

I'm talking about proactive stress/anger management. I'm talking about assertive communication.

The way I see it is this: why sit in some stuffy office and pay someone to ask you how you feel about your marriage when you can swim-and-tell at the same time? 

Wait! Wait! Wait! Even better: why pay to sit-and-tell when you can swim-and-YELL for free?

Think about it:  exercise/therapy.  

Again, no brainer! 

Normally in the evenings my husband and I go for brisk walks around the community to blow off steam and deal with stress, but there are two drawbacks to this. First, it freaks our friends out when they see us stomping by and shouting at each other. Second, did I mention Hawaii is hotter than a tamale right now? Stomping and shouting really works up a sweat.

A healthier, more private alternative is . . . (got your sling shots ready?) . . . treading water. Shouting while treading is 100% sweat free and the stomping is so much gentler on the knees. Besides, I find the more your voice escalates while treading water, the more exercise you get. (Bulls eye! Two birds, one stone).

If you're going to try this at home, keep in mind that the most pleasant and effective water fighting occurs in places where the rocks don't talk, the trees don't listen and the clouds just shrug and stare. Admittedly, those of us living in Hawaii have a slight corner on this market, 
but lakes, rivers, ponds and backyard pools are acceptable substitutes.   If worse comes to worse, just having a bucket of water on hand to throw in your husband's face while he's telling you how he feels can bring a surprising sense of renewal to a marriage (particularly if he's using that tone of voice.)

I highly recommend this form of exercise/therapy.  I've already lost 10 lbs and saved at least twice that much $$$ (Unless you count the book-spree I went on yesterday.)  

(Oh, and our inner wounded children are recovering well too.  Thank you for asking.)

8 comments:

I am LoW said...

"Gary, grab your swim trunks!" That's what I just told my husband just now. I am sold on this idea!

Lisa (Funny Farmer) said...

Okay I don't care who you are: This was HILARIOUS! Thanks for putting a big smile on my face this morning.

:big hugs:

Kristina P. said...

Very funny! I second Funny Farmer and her sweet little uzi.

Annie Valentine said...

As long as your inner children can swim, you're all sweat. I mean set.

I wonder how the discussion would go without swim suits on?

Martha said...

Yeah, I guess we will never be able to buy a house, ever. We will always be your neighbors because our money is mostly gone. I decided I'm not buying bread anymore. I plug in my bread machine every night.

April said...

You forgot to mention how well voices travel over water! Who needs a microphone when you are on the water? It's awesome! You can get out your aggressions AND entertain onlookers!!! Tell me when you go for your exercise/therapy, I may need a pick-me-up that day!!! hehehehe

SWIRL said...

Okay- I know this is an ubberly late comment... but I love this post. (especially since I've seen the passion and pouts while drivin by...)

But one time: when we were younger and felt like we couldn't afford a date AND pay a babysitter... I told my hubby we really NEEDED to get away on a date..

He said, "we can't afford a real date"... about a week passes and he comes home from work to tell me the scoop that some of our friends ( a co-worker) is going to marriage counseling... and it is $150 for one session!??! They go once a week!?!?!?

I, not missing the moment, casually said, "yeah just think... if he would have taken his wife out on a real date once in a while it would be cheaper and more fun!"

He stopped in his tracks... and we set a date- for a REAL date.

(walks are good, right now.. we even go to devotionals together...but back then I really really wanted DINNER and a MOVIE!! a night out on the town!!!)

anyway- love it crash- just had to share.

SWIRL said...

hey how come the word verifer said
snore... am I that boring??
this one says

winall-
(full of wind???)
your comment box is sooo rude!

see if I ever read old posts and comment on them ever again!