General Conference is my 2nd favorite holiday. Next to Christmas. (Oh, and MNFFED.)
It's actually a lot like Christmas in a way. On Saturday my neighbors bring around conference goodies and sing us hymns and on Sunday morning we all see who can blast it from our open townhouse windows the loudest. (Although I confess the 10-second delay is a real punch-line spoiler and hearing the kids whine about how unfair it is the neighbors get to say amen first is a spirit spoiler.)
But the thing about conference which is most like Christmas is we pull out all the blocks and the Dominoes and eat turkey and homemade rolls and hang around all day with nothing better to do than watch the John Adams HBO mini-series. No one expects a meeting or a visit or a lesson out of me. And best of all, no one expects me to comb my hair or brush my teeth. It gives me a strange pleasure to think of 13 million people all sitting around with messy hair and bad breath.
(Oh, who am I fooling? It's the sabbath, there are no new toys, it's stinkin' hot and bad breath is way over-rated.)
On this side of the ocean, GC starts at 6 a.m. so our kids joined us in our California King to partake of the spirit. Sounds cozy doesn't it.
Well first off, they were still in their soccer uniforms from yesterday. And on top of that a few of them are coming down with a fresh conference cold so there was far too much coughing, sneezing and nose blowing for one bed.
Plus my 7th grader and I have one more thing in common that I neglected to mention--A.D.D.D (Attention Deficit Domestic Disorder--but that's for another post). Since he has far fewer domestic duties than I, he tends to display his A.D.D.D with a lot more poking, prodding, tugging, tickling, rolling and giggling than I do.
But other than that, conference was a joy!
Here are our 2008 conference highlights through the eyes of the unenlightened:
1. "No, Dad, that's not Henry B. Eyring, that's Robert D. Hales." (Bet you can't guess which child said that!)
2. "Holy POO, that guy is old!"
3. "Dad, I can't listen to conference when you're snoring!"
4. "Dad, mom just elbowed me in the face on purpose just because I looked at her." (Yep, same child--the other pea in my pod.)
5. "Hey, no farting while the twelve apostles talk."
6. "Is there an age limit for the tabernacle choir?"
7. "Three talks and ONLY 17 minutes!!!????"
8. "How come they all have the same tone. It's like a MONO- tone."
9. "Dad, when I go on my mission, you better not give away all my baseball cards like your parents did."
10. After they flashed a photo of Spencer W. Kimball, "Hey, I know that guy. That's President Ford."
As soon as the tabernacle choir began singing the closing song, I kicked the whole lot of them out of the bed, stripped the sheets and stuffed them in the washer with a cap full of antibacterial soap and a tablespoon of Robitussin.
And now if you'll excuse me, I've got a date with John Adams.
Merry Conference to all and to all a good night!