Today was a terrible horrible no good very bad day!

I'm really sad today.

I'm sad about apathy. Apathy stinks! And indifference too! And silence! And tator tot casserole. Who thought of that? YUCK-O! And you know what else stinks? When your visiting teaching co-ordinator calls during The Office. It's enough to make me want to up and leave the church.

There is only one thing worse than words unspoken, and that's words spoken. Careless words.

Withheld words and careless words make me cry.

If anyone tries to tell you that sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you, don't believe it. That's a way bigger lie than Santa Claus.

This would probably be a good time to tell you that I'm only a crash test dummy on the outside. On the inside I'm a wounded cocker spaniel, but Wounded Cocker Spaniel Diaries didn't have the same ring.

I should also probably tell you that Words of Affirmation is my primary love language.

Even without the withheld words and the careless words, today would have been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day because I had to have my fillings replaced. The dentist said the old ones looked a little hazy. He said they should be more fair-to-partly cloudy than hazy.

My hygienist is my visiting teacher (not that same hygienist that brushes her dogs teeth) so she actually gave me the October message in her plexy-glass sheild while she numbed all four sides of my face and my tonsils and then cranked my mouth open with a tire jack. Seriously, the way she was cranking that jack, my face thought it was getting a pap smear. And then the tears started streaming down my cheeks and she thought I was touched by the spirit, but really I had just swallowed my tongue.

It's not funny! I nearly died today. I could tell by the way the dentist got all quiet like the phlebotomist gets when he can't get a vein and keeps saying Oh, shoots! Don't they teach them in phlebotomy school not to say that?

I knew something was wrong when my visiting teacher/hygienist started shooting water into and sucking air out of my mouth at the same time just before the dentist pulled out a power drill with a screw at the end and yelled, Drill, baby, Drill!

Then she yelled, Open wide!  And whatever you do, don't swallow.

So I swallowed and swallowed and swallowed. (It's that phenomenon my son put best when he found a key and said, Hey, I found a key. It says Don't Duplicate. Makes me want to duplicate!) 

Then he drilled and drilled and drilled and . . . let's just say an emergency c-section would have been more pleasant.  And I know, I've had one.

After it was all over I treated myself to a Jamba Juice, but my cheeks were numb and number so I couldn't suck to save my life, (but believe me I tried like my life was at stake).

For a second I thought the day might get better when I went to the bank to make a deposit and they gave me a coupon for Del Taco, a 2009 calendar and a fortune cookie. I totally believe in fortune cookies. I could hardly wait to find out what it said so I could add the phrase "in bed" to the end and crack myself up. That's what the Chinese do.

So I rushed to my car and ripped open the cookie . . .

Mahalo for being a valued member of Hawaii USA Federal Credit Union! (in bed)?

That's not even funny!

And that obviously did not come from Buddha or Confucius or even Aphrodite! What a scam!

I totally need a hug! (in bed).

(I'm going to take a nap!  Did you think I meant country matters?)