Friday, October 17, 2008

Today was a terrible horrible no good very bad day!

I'm really sad today.

I'm sad about apathy. Apathy stinks! And indifference too! And silence! And tator tot casserole. Who thought of that? YUCK-O! And you know what else stinks? When your visiting teaching co-ordinator calls during The Office. It's enough to make me want to up and leave the church.

There is only one thing worse than words unspoken, and that's words spoken. Careless words.

Withheld words and careless words make me cry.

If anyone tries to tell you that sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you, don't believe it. That's a way bigger lie than Santa Claus.

This would probably be a good time to tell you that I'm only a crash test dummy on the outside. On the inside I'm a wounded cocker spaniel, but Wounded Cocker Spaniel Diaries didn't have the same ring.

I should also probably tell you that Words of Affirmation is my primary love language.

Even without the withheld words and the careless words, today would have been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day because I had to have my fillings replaced. The dentist said the old ones looked a little hazy. He said they should be more fair-to-partly cloudy than hazy.

My hygienist is my visiting teacher (not that same hygienist that brushes her dogs teeth) so she actually gave me the October message in her plexy-glass sheild while she numbed all four sides of my face and my tonsils and then cranked my mouth open with a tire jack. Seriously, the way she was cranking that jack, my face thought it was getting a pap smear. And then the tears started streaming down my cheeks and she thought I was touched by the spirit, but really I had just swallowed my tongue.

It's not funny! I nearly died today. I could tell by the way the dentist got all quiet like the phlebotomist gets when he can't get a vein and keeps saying Oh, shoots! Don't they teach them in phlebotomy school not to say that?

I knew something was wrong when my visiting teacher/hygienist started shooting water into and sucking air out of my mouth at the same time just before the dentist pulled out a power drill with a screw at the end and yelled, Drill, baby, Drill!

Then she yelled, Open wide!  And whatever you do, don't swallow.

So I swallowed and swallowed and swallowed. (It's that phenomenon my son put best when he found a key and said, Hey, I found a key. It says Don't Duplicate. Makes me want to duplicate!) 

Then he drilled and drilled and drilled and . . . let's just say an emergency c-section would have been more pleasant.  And I know, I've had one.

After it was all over I treated myself to a Jamba Juice, but my cheeks were numb and number so I couldn't suck to save my life, (but believe me I tried like my life was at stake).

For a second I thought the day might get better when I went to the bank to make a deposit and they gave me a coupon for Del Taco, a 2009 calendar and a fortune cookie. I totally believe in fortune cookies. I could hardly wait to find out what it said so I could add the phrase "in bed" to the end and crack myself up. That's what the Chinese do.

So I rushed to my car and ripped open the cookie . . .

Mahalo for being a valued member of Hawaii USA Federal Credit Union! (in bed)?

That's not even funny!

And that obviously did not come from Buddha or Confucius or even Aphrodite! What a scam!

I totally need a hug! (in bed).
(I'm going to take a nap!  Did you think I meant country matters?)   


Kristina P. said...

Wow, sounds like a crazy Crash Test Dummy Day! Sending cyber hugs!

*MARY* said...

I thought of tator tot casserole! You don't have to eat it if you don't want to ok? Dude, sorry.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

You say it wasn't funny, but when you said that your face thought it was having a pap smear, I nearly doubled over in laughter. Hope you can suck again soon!

My cousin and I used to do the whole "in bed" thing with our hymn books during sacrament. I know, very, very bad!

Lisa (Funny Farmer) said...

Wow - that does sound like a bad day! And I didn't laugh one bit when you swallowed your tongue. Didn't even smile. Nosirree.

You need Tivo - that way you can pause The Office, finish your conversation with your careless VTCoordinator and then hit play, and the show continues, with the added bonus of being able to fast forward through all the commercials.

Or you can just go to

and watch it online. Maybe there's hope for this day yet.

Jami said...

Some days are like that...even in Hawaii.

I love your blog, I love you, but I also love tater tot casserole. Are we still OK?

Pat said...

I am so sorry, if only I lived in Hawaii I could bring you some chicken soup and homemade rolls. Maybe some chocolate would be good also. That seems to make things better. I have had several of my filings replaced as well. A bummer to be our age where things are starting to wear out.
Don't worry the sun will come out tomorrow.
Big hug.

Jen said...

I think I have a cavity. I keep putting it off. This is why. But I suppose a root canal would be worse, right?

So sorry about your rotten day! And I'm sure the sun'l come out tomorrow. You can bet your bottom dollar on that one:)

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

I'm so sorry. Go rent a good movie, get some Mountain Dew ;) and go veg. That always works for


Heidi Ashworth said...

No doubt, the worst part about the dentist is the swallowing/not swallowing/needing to swallow convulsively thing. Hate it! I have had an emergency C-section, too, and it just ain't that bad (tho the planned C-section kicked,er,tush, even better than going a la naturel)

Liz said...

wait, i laughed so hard just now i think i shook a filling lose.

Debbie said...

Well now - that was a bad day. I also love adding that little "in bed" phrase to my fortune cookies. Hubby and I crack up everytime. Especially when we are with the kids and they don't know that little trick (or at least we don't think they know.) Hope you are feeling better.

Annie Valentine said...

I love you and your blog and your dumb and dumber fillings. I have lots of fillings too and I'm dreading the day the doctor starts looking to spruce things up back there.

My kids think fillings are cool. I need to have them read your blog (as soon as they learn to read).