Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Friends, Fans and Followers . . .

Lend me your ear! (I won't keep it long.)

Like most of you I love the Pioneer Woman, even though she lured us all in by leading us to believe she was possibly part of the Martin Willy Handcart Company.

I experience the same pangs of jealousy that you do when I gaze upon the Pioneer Woman's photos, her kitchen, her food and her cowboy boots. I too have prayed that her passionate romance with Marlboro Man is all a sham and that there are moments, when she's out milking the cows or homeschooling her children, she secretly wishes she had moved to Chicago.

But, and I hope you're not disappointed in me when I say I never think to leave a comment on her blog. I read and smile or read and sigh and then make my exit quietly. 

By nature I'm not a commenter, I'm a reader.  If you get a comment from me, consider yourself blessed.  And if you don't, consider yourself read.

(If you are reading this right now and saying YES, that's me too! could you drop a comment in my box to tell me so? (hee hee) See how I almost tricked you into commenting?  BTW, I finally figured out why everybody is always begging and commanding and demanding and pressuring and bribing and guilting and threatening you to leave a comment in their box. I think it's because they want to look popular.)

Anyway, according to the bloggers code of morality, what I innocently/ignorantly thought was reading was actually lurking. Creepy thought

But the way I see it is this:

If readers like what they read, they might come back.  And then they might become fans. And if they don't have any comittment issues, they can become fans on a full-time basis, say the magic words, "I do" and become followers.

Can I just say, I LOVE my followers. And I LOVE my fans. And I LOVE my feedback.

And can I just add that I LOVE my friends too.

But the thing I LOVE LOVE LOVE most is my readers. Even if you don't comment or stick your face on my sidebar, I still LOVE you SO MUCH! You don't even know. To a girl who speaks mostly the written word, nothing is more validating than having READERS!

But guess what! 

Remember how a few days ago I was all rrrroaring and empowered about the possibilities of telling the truth in a Mormon world? Well it just dawned on me that I don't have a single reader from Provo, the heart of H.A.P.P.Y. V.A.L.L.E.Y., (except my creative writing teacher might descend from his throne at BYU every now and then to cast his eyes upon me. But that doesn't count because he's only making sure I don't misquote him).

It's really sad because I have a fridge magnet that says: 

Zion! If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere!

I've got readers from Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado and Conneticut . . . are you going to make me sing the whole song? In Utah I have readers from Ogden and Logan and Salt Lake, Bountiful Lehi and American Fork and then it skips right over Provo and Orem to Springville and Spanish Fork.

Weird, huh?

It's actually a double downer for me because this Crash Test Dummy was raised in P.R.O.V.O. It's no wonder I always felt like a stranger in my own land. Now I just feel like a stranger in a strange land. And yes, I said STRANGE! Provo, you are STRANGE and I'll never take that back (until I get some readers from there.)

So anyway,

I got this award from my twin, Shelle over at Blok-thoughts. I was kind of excited because it was my first award and because I thought it was a credit card, but when I checked back I realized it was just this lame-o button.

First of all, hate to break it, but, um, Kreative has an E on the end! Why would anyone give a misspelled award to an English teacher?

Thanks anyway, Shelle, I preciate it. And I still love your photography, even though it kicks my photography's trash.

The worst part about the award is I don't get to share 6 krazy, kreative things about myself with all my friends, fans and followers. And I don't even get to choose my 6 favorite kreative blogs to give it to either. I probably wouldn't know who to give it to anyway.

I for sure wouldn't have picked Mary Tong even though she is thee cutest Chinese Salt Lake Cityzen on the block. But she has more followers than the Mormon Mommy Blog and that's just blasphemous if you ask me.

I probably wouldn't pick TAMN even though she is the smartest, dumbest blogger I know. She never even brought me any welcome-to-the-neighborhood brownies or anything. I was contemplating TP-ing her blog when the economy gets better, cause I'd hate to waste my emergency essentials right now, but then I saw her getting a pedi and she was seriously so nice to me. She even said she'd donate a t-shirt to the upcoming Crash-n-Sewl Spook-a-Rama contest. (All I had to do was put her button on my sidebar, confess that she was my inspeeration and pay her $28.95, + shipping slash handling.) (kidding, I only had to pay for her pedi).

I would consider Kristina P. because she is so cute and funny and popular. But has anyone noticed that she's kind of nasty? Plus she lost her virginity to Dwight Shrute and that is just gross (and kind of desperate).

Pat and Lisa . . . I would have picked them because they are both an lol crack up, if you're into honesty and sincerity, but I just mentioned them a few days ago so . . . kinda redundant.

Then there's always Sue, but I just don't get the whole Navel Gazing thing.  Is she looking at oranges all day or is she like removing lint from her belly button?  And how does she know she's the finest Mormon belly button lint remover around?

I think I would pick Jami at Superfluous Micsellany because I don't know what those words mean and I never understand what she's saying, Plus there's something bold and brave and sweet about Jami.

I would also pick Wesley's Mom because she's smart and she cares about issues. I bet she'll have issues with the missing E on Kreativ though.

I think I'd for sure pick Jen's Jingle because I feel sorry for her being a sister to the famous Annie Valentine and all. Annie has a way better butt than Jen. Plus Annie has her own column and her own hot secret agent husband, plus a crush on George Clooney. (I bet that girl gets a lot of (fortune cookie) action.) But I still love Jen and her blog (and her butt) and the fact that she hates crafts. I would pick Annie too though, (sorry Jen) because she said a profane word in my comment box! Even though I don't support profanity in any form, I was flattered.

I would also pick Alyson from New England Living because she's pretty and because I love New England and I love Living and when I look at her photographs I wish I could do some of my living in her New England. (Plus she calls her husband a gimp. How rude is that?)

I would also pick Lorinda from I am loW, because she's got a that-70's-show vibe going on and she always wanted to be an actress and I always felt like I was on The Truman Show.

And then I'd pick Laura from Boys and Balls Bouncing of the Walls, because she is my friend in real life and she makes the yummiest chicken curry crepes. Mmmmm. And because she is so passionate about her bookclub4boys and she is going to be featured as Mom-of-the-Month in the February issue of Family Fun. Can't wait to say "hey, Laura, I knew you when . . ."

And then I would pick . . .

What? They've cued the music? They're going to commercial break?

Okay, wait, wait, wait . . . I'djustliketothanktheacademy . . .


Debbie said...

I still don't understand the appeal of The Pioneer Woman. I've tried. I guess that's why there are so many blogs - something for everyone.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

I'll always be a loyal fan! You rock my you called me pretty, and that goes far in my book, but I'm not rude, my husband is a big gimp, gimp, gimpity, gimp, gimp! No, seriously, I love him and he's awesome. Just gimpy some of the time!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

THe very REASON I gave you that dumb button is because I knew it would drive you to distraction and I have a guilty pleasure of listening to people moan about this or that when I have caused it! That is why I have a husband and kids...but don't tell anyone else...let's keep this between us!

Kristina P. said...

I love you. I will change my IP address to come from Provo, how about that?

I can't believe you don't have any readers from there? Honestly, I can't believe BYU hasn't blocked my blog from their network. Although, my dad is sort of in charge of that part of BYU, so that would be hilarious.

Your Nasty Blogger Friend

Pat said...

I feel so honored that you think I am funny.

Here is an "E". There do you feel better?

It is a magic letter after all, can turn fasting into feasting. How great is that, I ask you?

You go girl with how many comments polygamy generated. Right up there with Osmond, huh?

I will follow you to the ends of the earth, that is what creepy stalkers do.

Lisa (Funny Farmer) said...

You do have a reader/follower from Provo.

Ooops, there I go, dispelling false notions again.

:shutting trap:

I am LoW said...

Why thank you!! Now I need to watch That 70's Show so I can see what you mean by that! :-D

(I have write pohag in the word verifaction..... I could come up with a really funny definition for pohag I bet, if I weren't at the public library with a time limit, hehe)

Jami said...

Thank you. Thank you.

[If I can type through my tears of joy] Oh my! My very first blogging award. I'm so proud. And it came from such a fine upstanding member of my blogging community! Only this kind of a no-backsies sort of thing isn't it. I can't give it to anyone who's received it? OK I'll ponder.

[As a side-note, Ms. Pants-on-fire, you do TOO know what superfluous and miscellany mean and you do TOO know what I'm talking about. You even get my out-dated cultural references. It's one of the reasons I love you so.]

Seriously, so blessed! said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you! But wait, didn't I pay for YOUR pedi!??

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OMGGGGGGGGG! Did everyone see that!

Did everyone see that TAMN just commented on my blog!!! And thanked me for not giving her an award!!!

I'm TOTALLY Shrieking out here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(But I'm a little ticked that she told you she paid for my pedi. I was trying to keep that on the down low.)

*MARY* said...

The only reason people follow my is so they won't look like a racist.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hee hee Mary, I bet you don't have any followers from Provo either.

Dan and Marci said...

I'm from Provo--just a lurker!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OMGGGGosh! I have a lurker from PROVO!

I HAVE a lurker from Provo!

I have a LURKER from Provo!

I have a lurker from PROVO!

They are not fans yet, but look out ZION here I come!

Mariko said...

1. Yes I know it's you
2. That doesn't mean she gets an A, but I suspect she will get one anyway, even if I'm not allowed to make promises.
3. I found you through Syd (a lurker, not a commenter), who told me your blog is hilarious, and she's right. So I did some backwards searching through Tatum's blog, one I was also told about by Syd.
4. I totally did not close my eyes. I thought we understood that creative non-fiction was perfectly acceptable in the blogging world. Plus, all of the sex was marital, not pre or extra. I am actually very glad that a man can be totally over-satisfied by his 3 wives. Renews my spirit a little.

The Crash Test Dummy said...



2. ME TOO!

3. Who's Syd,the Lurker?

Mariko said...

She'll probably hate me for telling you. Sydney. Mc...
Do I have to finish that word?

Laura said...

You crack me up! I am honored to be on non-award list!

How is it -we live two doors down from each other and NEVER see each other?


Annie Valentine said...

Ack! I almost cursed again I'm so flattered. Mentioning me means in your blog? You'll at least make it to the Telestial Kingdom for that plug.

wesley's mom said...

I'm am totally jealous that TAMN commented on your blog!!

I don't even know what to say except I'm going to send a link to this post to everyone in my address book so they can see that I'm soo not wasting my time blogging because you think I'm SMART!! Finally, validation.

ps-LOVE your makeover.

Sue said...


You know, it never occurred to me that people don't get the whole navel gazing thing. Navel gazing means you spend way too much time thinking about yourself. So see, with the posts about myself and the, the - with the - oh, never mind. But thanks for almost sort of kind of giving me this wonderful award, heh heh heh (and also an idea for my next post) (the well has run dry)

I live in Highland, that's ALMOST Provo. Sort of.