Thursday, October 16, 2008

What's, uh, the dealio with K-Mart?

I'm not usually a snob, but last weekend it dawned on me that I can't stand K-Mart.

As a kid spending the summers in the mojave desert with my gigi and papa I thought K-Mart was a magical wonderland, but now the only thing K-Mart's got going for it is Martha Stewart, the hot pink fry pans and the fact that you get the whole place to yourself.

First off, have you seen their parking stalls? They're not kidding when they say compact. They might as well say if-you're-driving-a-golf-cart-or-a-VW-Bug-PARK-HERE! NO HERE! OR OVER HERE!

But here are the final nails in my K-Mart coffin:

They're still selling M&M's from Valentines Day!

They don't carry Neutragena sunscreen! I know you're saying "sunscreen is sunscreen." But in Hawaii sunscreen is a staple, like spam and rice and seaweed wraps, and it matters! Give me Neutragena or give me death!

No more blue light specials.

Took me 10 years to find the aisle of mis-fit toys and by the time I finally got my hands on the under-privileged, over-priced Connect Four I was frothing at the mouth.

I dropped $96 on a bag of junk toys, a few hair clips and a hot pink fry pan.

(Oh, and a 1000 piece Thomas Kincade puzzle, because Thomas Kincade fills a hole in my soul with his cozy half-lit cottages, and because my in-laws are coming to stay with us for 62 day (1,488 hours to be exact) and puzzles are the one thing I'm better at than my mother-in-law. After she destroys me at double solitaire I look her square in the eye and say, "oh yeah, lady, well let's take it to the puzzle table," where I make her cry like a little girl until my father-in-law shakes his head at me.)

But back to K-Mart. I'm not complaining about dropping the $96 bucks because, like I tell my husband, I'm doing my best to get this economy stimulated, but there really is only one great thing about K-Mart . . . It's situated right between Jamba Juice and Old Navy.

(Or is that 2 great things?)

But P.S. speaking of Old Navy . . .

What's uh, the dealio with these shoes?


Kristina P. said...

So, I have every color in those shoes, and I like to wear them with a pleated skirt, polo shirt, and sweater over my shoulders. HOT!

And the only time I go to KMart is at Christmas time, becuase Martha Stewart has beautiful Christmas decorations. Why, Martha, why?

Emily Anne Leyland said...

Whew- I am glad we are on the same page about K-Mart. That place needs a fork stuck into it...cause it's DONE!

Even Martha...the wonderful Martha, can't lure me there anymore.

The shoes...I am confused. I think they are ugly, yet with the right outfit, I dunno, maybe?

Why, you love em huh :)

Lisa (Funny Farmer) said...

No discussion about K-mart is complete without a rant about how even when you're the only person in the store, it still takes 10 minutes to check out because there is only one checkstand open with a line of four people waiting in it and somebody needs a price check or the scanner won't read the old lady's credit card.

Jami said...

Cute Christmas ornaments. I went to their after Christmas sale this year. It had been two or three years and as bad as it was then, it is worse now. Dirty. Cavernous. Old product. Grumpy people, shoppers and staff. How DO they stay in business?

I LOVE puzzles. Just one more piece. Just one more piece. I'll stop. Really, just one more.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Yes! A fork stuck in it! ha ha ha And Yes, Martha Stewart! and YES Christmas ornaments and Puzzles! And YES, that is sooooo true about the checkout. I wish I had added that. I think I should lift that whole paragraph and drop it into the post and pretend like I thought of it.

And NOOOOO, I hate those shoes. They are U.G.L.Y! WHY is Old Navy selling them? They look like my grandmas's shoes.

But maybe I'm not very fashionable.

Pat said...

I agree with Lisa, how do these places find such incompetant people to employ as check out people. Wal Mart is another great offender.

Jen said...

I just like KMart because, well, I like being alone? Seriously. HOW ARE THEY STILL IN BUSINESS?? Although I didn't know about the hot pink frying pans... Maybe that explains it.

Heidi Ashworth said...

You're a crack-up! I share your Kmart feelings AND your sunscreen woes. I live in California, but there's skiing, right? And the sun does still shine, right? Sometimes. Around here you can't find any sunscreen after october--Christmas totally takes over.

*MARY* said...

I just saw Martha Stewart in a commercial for Walmart, really.

I see those shoes EVERYWHERE, when I visit the nursing home.

LisAway said...

Poor, poor KMart! When I was a kid I don't think it was that bad, but now? Heavens! It really is a wonder that they didn't go under a veeery long time ago.