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Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Contest is Coming! The Contest is Coming!

You're probably getting tired of all the teachers in my life coming out of the woodwork of my world, but check this out . . . my daughter's English teacher just found me!

Are there any other teachers in here? Cause if so, please raise your hand now!

For all I know my kindergarten teacher's probably reading this too (unless she's dead, god rest her soul--notice I used a lower case letter g so as not to be blasphemous).

Can't a CTD just have a little breathing room to stretch out and not worry about her grammar and usage and what she's going to say at the next parent/teacher conference?

So my daughter's English teacher is this super smarty-pants-cosmopolitany-hoity toity writery-type. When she was a little snot-nosed college student she was all famous on campus--always somewhere reading her mind-blowing works of genius and accepting awards and such. And then she was the editor of the college literary magazine, which was elitist, if you ask me (you know how these writer types are.) Anyway, long story short, I didn't appreciate the huge red REJECTED stamp across my submission, MARIKO!

That's all I'm going to say about that.

Okay so I just got off a conference call with my long lost cousin, Emily--aka Sewl, or Cewl Sewl, as I called her when she was a kid. We are ironing out the details of our upcoming Spook-a-Rama Super Scary Hairy Ghosty story contest.

Here's how it went.

First we couldn't agree on anything. We tried to figure out how to combine our names. She suggested Crash-n-Sewl, but I said, why not Crash-n-Cewl? You know, for the alliteration effect. She said that sounds more like illiteration to me. No one will get it. (personally, after our conversation I wanted to call it Crash-n-Crewl, but that's just between me and you. She wasn't this rude when she was 5 years old.) Anyway, Crash-n-Sewl it is.

Don't you think it's ironic how now that she's all grown up and married to a Brit and living in North Carolina and all Mommified and artsy-fartsy, she thinks she can talk back to me.

And what gets me is she started her Art-n-Sewl blog like 3 days ago and she's already got 76 comments on one of her posts. And half of them are from Provo. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter, I roll with things, but she's NOT even from Provo!!! She doesn't even like Provo!!! It just goes to show that Provonians are prejudice against Crash Test Dummies. I hate to call them out, but all they care about is crafts.

So anywho, then we were trying to decide on contest rules. She made one thing L.O.U.D. and C.L.E.A.R. That I am not eligible to win this contest like I won (fair and square) my $1,000/1,000 hit give-a-way. Kind of harsh considering writing is my life and I have so many creepy other-worldy stories to tell. First of all, my dad was a drug addict, which was the pits, but it did add to the freaky paranormal activity in the house since he allowed his protective aura to get so thin. He was also a priesthood holder so he had like a double supernatural phenomenon going on. Plus, our neighbors boarded up their windows because we had snakes and rats for pets. We were practically The Adam's Family.

Although I know I could win this contest (unless Mariko were judging it) if nothing else, I'm a rule abider, so I agreed to bow out gracefully.

Next we talked about prizes.

Sewl said she would donate an original painting (art).


And one of her adorable hand-sewl'd cupcakes (sewl).

So then she said, what can you donate Crash? I said, maybe I can write an original poem or maybe sign over the copyright to a poem of their choice. And then the phone just got drop-dead quiet. She finally said, anything else? I thought for a minute and said, maybe I could donate some REAL cupcakes that you actually have to BAKE in an OVEN, that actually TASTE YUMMY when you put them in your mouth. I didn't even mean that in a rude way. I honestly was trying to think of something I could contribute. But she hung up on me. Well, first she said, Call me back when you grow up Crash.

I'm like 10 years older than her. HELLO!

But one thing we agree on is our obsession with the paranormal arts. We both had sorta border-line semi-psychic/semi-psycho-ish type parents. Sewl used to live in this creepy pink house in St. George for a while that Brigham Young had lived in back in the pioneer days. There were all kinds of hidden doorways and stairways and secret rooms, probably for all his wives. And I think some of his wives spirits still stomp that house. One night we were having a slumber party and we heard these strange cat-fight-like sounds in the T.V. room. We crept down the creaky hidden stairway and through the long secret corridor and listened. We both swear we heard a woman crying and saying "I get to sit by Brigham." Then the next morning we found popcorn scattered all over the floor and the power button on the VCR was ON! I kid you not, it was soooooo F.R.E.A.K.Y.

I know I turned that VCR off!

As for me and my house . . . Lets just say I read Amityville Horror 113 times and every Friday the 13th my eyes popped open at exactly 3:15 a.m. (I only had to set my alarm once in 1980.)

There's so much more, but the thermostat just dropped below freezing and the hair on my neck is standing up. That means I'm about to get a visitation.

Yikes, gotsta go flip on some lights.

Start writing your stories people! Contest details coming Thursday!

12 comments:

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

I can't breath I am laughing so hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

Oh and your blog looks soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Good!!!!!!!

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

Or sew good ;) I'm gonna give you those 76 comments you soooo, or sew want!

Kristina P. said...

Well look at you with your new fancy blog.

And I'm sitting this contest out. Writing is really not my forte.

Mariko said...

I think it's a record for me to check a blog four times in one day, and then actually see that new things are posted all four times. Sorry I'm taking over with all the commenting.
Just to continue my fascination with lists:
1. There is absolutely no way I rejected anything you wrote
2. I didn't read everything that was submitted to that magazine (seriously, I assigned editors to do that for me, and I hated about 99% of what they loved; the only thing I got to do was nix some of their terrible choices and then spend 5 bazillion hours catching the mistakes they missed)
3. I am totally not checking your grammar. I read 9th grade writing all day. You think I'm doing anything but praising the lord (lower case) that yours is so much more interesting?
4. Over the years I have met many people who hate me for rejecting them in the Kula Manu. I plead total ignorance.
5. I was not accepting any such writing awards. I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm glad someone remembers me so lovingly. If it helps, I have not written one thing I have been proud of since.
6. Your blog looks very nice. Where can I hire your design editor?
7. I totally think you should be able to win your own contest.
8. I can revert to lurking, if it makes you feel less scrutinized.

*MARY* said...

What the beautiful blog?
I'm so in! I've always wanted a copyrighted poem.
And speaking of sobbing ghosts, my middle name is Mariko, really.

Pat said...

I love, love, love, love the new layout. Is there somethingin the air? I have been pondering changing my blog as well. Or are we just coyping Lisa. She is such a trent setter you know. Oh well.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Pat, one of our prizes is a free blog make-over from Shauna who did mine. You should enter!

And Mariko, I bet it was even more of a shock to see your name on the front page. You should enter too so I can REJECT you like you REJECTED me. hee hee. Look who has the power now!

Okay, but seriously, I do remember going to a reading where you won first place and being blown away. And I can't really remember if you rejected me or not, but it sounded better that way. (Don't say anything, LISA!)

Shauna did my make-over. She's awesome and not too expensive at all. Her button is on the bottom of the page. You should do it cause now that you're on the CTD show, you're gonna get some of your own stalkers. RIGHT PAT!?

P.S Syd doesn't really read my blog does she? I mean could my 3 next door neighbors AND my daughters English teacher really read my blog?

GIVE ME SOME AIR PEOPLE!

Martha said...

Very cool new look. I figured out how to be a follower so now you have 21. I do think Mariko is lightening up a lot as she gets on in her teaching career. Boy #1 had tons of homework and two years later boy #2 barely had a paragraph to write.

I better get to bed before all the snoring starts (at your house and mine).

Lisa (Funny Farmer) said...

Mariko - you don't need to volunteer to stop commenting. If the DUMMY wants you to stop, she'll just tell you straight out!

I have just discovered that Green is definitely NOT my color. Love the new look!

Me said...

I've been lurking over your blog for some time, and just couldn't keep silent any more! I love to read your posts. Hilarious! You can count on me coming back for future visits.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

All I'm saying is that we frequent the same joints...I am making my rounds and commenting on peoples blogs and there you are...right before me in line (you probably butted) making a raucous!!!

So next time you go to my homies pads and joints and stuff...just remember...I'm watching you!!!

Oh and my husband and I love the para-normal also...we use to watch that show on MTV called Fear every Friday...LOVED IT! :)

I CAN'T believe you got a comment from TAMN...SO TOTALLY JEALOUS!!!

Help on the Provo line...just get a facebook account and join the provo UT group and start stalking people to follow your blog...

worked for me...

okay I kid...that sounded freaky!