Friends, Fans and Followers . . .

Lend me your ear! (I won't keep it long.)

Like most of you I love the Pioneer Woman, even though she lured us all in by leading us to believe she was possibly part of the Martin Willy Handcart Company.

I experience the same pangs of jealousy that you do when I gaze upon the Pioneer Woman's photos, her kitchen, her food and her cowboy boots. I too have prayed that her passionate romance with Marlboro Man is all a sham and that there are moments, when she's out milking the cows or homeschooling her children, she secretly wishes she had moved to Chicago.

But, and I hope you're not disappointed in me when I say I never think to leave a comment on her blog. I read and smile or read and sigh and then make my exit quietly. 

By nature I'm not a commenter, I'm a reader.  If you get a comment from me, consider yourself blessed.  And if you don't, consider yourself read.

(If you are reading this right now and saying YES, that's me too! could you drop a comment in my box to tell me so? (hee hee) See how I almost tricked you into commenting?  BTW, I finally figured out why everybody is always begging and commanding and demanding and pressuring and bribing and guilting and threatening you to leave a comment in their box. I think it's because they want to look popular.)

Anyway, according to the bloggers code of morality, what I innocently/ignorantly thought was reading was actually lurking. Creepy thought. 

But the way I see it is this:

If readers like what they read, they might come back.  And then they might become fans. And if they don't have any comittment issues, they can become fans on a full-time basis, say the magic words, "I do" and become followers.

Can I just say, I LOVE my followers. And I LOVE my fans. And I LOVE my feedback.

And can I just add that I LOVE my friends too.

But the thing I LOVE LOVE LOVE most is my readers. Even if you don't comment or stick your face on my sidebar, I still LOVE you SO MUCH! You don't even know. To a girl who speaks mostly the written word, nothing is more validating than having READERS!

But guess what! 

Remember how a few days ago I was all rrrroaring and empowered about the possibilities of telling the truth in a Mormon world? Well it just dawned on me that I don't have a single reader from Provo, the heart of H.A.P.P.Y. V.A.L.L.E.Y., (except my creative writing teacher might descend from his throne at BYU every now and then to cast his eyes upon me. But that doesn't count because he's only making sure I don't misquote him).

It's really sad because I have a fridge magnet that says: 

Zion! If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere!

I've got readers from Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado and Conneticut . . . are you going to make me sing the whole song? In Utah I have readers from Ogden and Logan and Salt Lake, Bountiful Lehi and American Fork and then it skips right over Provo and Orem to Springville and Spanish Fork.

Weird, huh?

It's actually a double downer for me because this Crash Test Dummy was raised in P.R.O.V.O. It's no wonder I always felt like a stranger in my own land. Now I just feel like a stranger in a strange land. And yes, I said STRANGE! Provo, you are STRANGE and I'll never take that back (until I get some readers from there.)

So anyway,

I got this award from my twin, Shelle over at Blok-thoughts. I was kind of excited because it was my first award and because I thought it was a credit card, but when I checked back I realized it was just this lame-o button.

First of all, hate to break it, but, um, Kreative has an E on the end! Why would anyone give a misspelled award to an English teacher?

Thanks anyway, Shelle, I preciate it. And I still love your photography, even though it kicks my photography's trash.

The worst part about the award is I don't get to share 6 krazy, kreative things about myself with all my friends, fans and followers. And I don't even get to choose my 6 favorite kreative blogs to give it to either. I probably wouldn't know who to give it to anyway.

I for sure wouldn't have picked Mary Tong even though she is thee cutest Chinese Salt Lake Cityzen on the block. But she has more followers than the Mormon Mommy Blog and that's just blasphemous if you ask me.

I probably wouldn't pick TAMN even though she is the smartest, dumbest blogger I know. She never even brought me any welcome-to-the-neighborhood brownies or anything. I was contemplating TP-ing her blog when the economy gets better, cause I'd hate to waste my emergency essentials right now, but then I saw her getting a pedi and she was seriously so nice to me. She even said she'd donate a t-shirt to the upcoming Crash-n-Sewl Spook-a-Rama contest. (All I had to do was put her button on my sidebar, confess that she was my inspeeration and pay her $28.95, + shipping slash handling.) (kidding, I only had to pay for her pedi).

I would consider Kristina P. because she is so cute and funny and popular. But has anyone noticed that she's kind of nasty? Plus she lost her virginity to Dwight Shrute and that is just gross (and kind of desperate).

Pat and Lisa . . . I would have picked them because they are both an lol crack up, if you're into honesty and sincerity, but I just mentioned them a few days ago so . . . kinda redundant.

Then there's always Sue, but I just don't get the whole Navel Gazing thing.  Is she looking at oranges all day or is she like removing lint from her belly button?  And how does she know she's the finest Mormon belly button lint remover around?

I think I would pick Jami at Superfluous Micsellany because I don't know what those words mean and I never understand what she's saying, Plus there's something bold and brave and sweet about Jami.

I would also pick Wesley's Mom because she's smart and she cares about issues. I bet she'll have issues with the missing E on Kreativ though.

I think I'd for sure pick Jen's Jingle because I feel sorry for her being a sister to the famous Annie Valentine and all. Annie has a way better butt than Jen. Plus Annie has her own column and her own hot secret agent husband, plus a crush on George Clooney. (I bet that girl gets a lot of (fortune cookie) action.) But I still love Jen and her blog (and her butt) and the fact that she hates crafts. I would pick Annie too though, (sorry Jen) because she said a profane word in my comment box! Even though I don't support profanity in any form, I was flattered.

I would also pick Alyson from New England Living because she's pretty and because I love New England and I love Living and when I look at her photographs I wish I could do some of my living in her New England. (Plus she calls her husband a gimp. How rude is that?)

I would also pick Lorinda from I am loW, because she's got a that-70's-show vibe going on and she always wanted to be an actress and I always felt like I was on The Truman Show.

And then I'd pick Laura from Boys and Balls Bouncing of the Walls, because she is my friend in real life and she makes the yummiest chicken curry crepes. Mmmmm. And because she is so passionate about her bookclub4boys and she is going to be featured as Mom-of-the-Month in the February issue of Family Fun. Can't wait to say "hey, Laura, I knew you when . . ."


And then I would pick . . .




What? They've cued the music? They're going to commercial break?


Okay, wait, wait, wait . . . I'djustliketothanktheacademy . . .