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Friday, July 24, 2009

The Moving Thing

I feel so much better now that I finally got that off my chest and can talk about it freely.

The moving thing, that is.

Ain't that just the way it goes? Secrets and lies are like big ole chains around your psyche.


Thank you for all of the virtual hugs and words of consolation you offered in my comment box.

I appreciate you bringing to my attention all the good things about moving to Utah, like reading Playboy for the articles and being unable to buy contraceptives on Sunday.

And thank you Kritta 22 for pointing and laughing and calling me a Utard.

I also appreciate those of you who were honest enough to say "EW!" and admit you were just using me for my super hot surfer dude boyfriend.

But I especially want to thank Julie Youngblood for answering slash confirming all my questions about plastic surgery (and for handing me a tissue).

But I'm going to have to poke Martha in the eye for refusing to give me a hug. Now that smarts, Martha! But then I'm divorcing her too so I don't blame her.

SNIFF!

Wesley's mom brought up a painful point. I will no longer be able to bring you photographs of Jack Johnson's underwear. Can you guys ever forgive me?

That point was like salt in the wound, but I promise, on my honor, as GAD as my witness, no crossies, that I will do my duty to seek out other celebrity underwear for your entertainment pleasure.

I am still at Island Park family reunioning with my IL's and they are giving me a crash course in what to expecting when you're expecting to live in Utah.

While we were trying to decide if we SHOULD or SHOULD NOT move they were courting us--wining and dining us, using their indoor voices, writing us lub notes and offering gifts.

We are now the proud owners of a pinball machine named Tommy,btw.

But as soon as we made the committment things changed. There have been no lub notes and very little wine. All we are getting now are earfuls of talk about how things are on "this side" of the ocean, and there may or may not be subtle insinuations that we may or may not be able to "handle it."

My SIL says people WORK OUT in her neighborhood. They do MARATHONS here. They go to BOOT CAMP to lift WEIGHTS with all the Relief Society sisters. How crazy is that? I always thought you went to boot camp to lay out under the stars and roast marshmellows with your boots.

And they eat all natural chocolate here. They don't just eat it either, they sell it. They have parties and sell it. You can also have parties to sell jewelry if you want. And modest clothes. And oxycodin.

Who says they don't know how to party in Utah?

And Disneyland was right . . . it IS a small world after all.

Yesterday I was hanging out with my neice and nephew and they were showing me their photo albums on FACEBOOK and guess who's picture popped up?

BARBALOOT!

I was like, that's my friend. And they were like NO, that's MY friend. And vice versa.

We got in this huge wax-on/wax-off crouching-lion-hidden-dragon-kung-fu-panda fight about it.

As it turns out Barbaloot is practically related to me. My BIL is her bishop, my nephew went on a date with her, my niece spent the weekend in Park City with her, my niece's husband played soccer with her and my SIL watches The Bachelorette with her every week.

How's that for Twilight Zone?

(Speaking of Twilight Zone, I better finish my story, huh?)

40 comments:

IWA (e - va) said...

hah!

IWA (e - va) said...

Please remember me when you host any Oxycodin parties! So what kind of bonuses do they give at those parties?

IWA (e - va) said...

So your husband actually spilled the news to me after he misunderstood what i told him one day when i was at the Dr.s.... and I am soo sad to hear the news is real!!

IWA (e - va) said...

So I told my mom about it and our conversation to my aunt all the way home from town was about how awesome you are! It made me miss you even more and you havent even moved!

when i was thinking about you moving today I thought About three years ago, you made these cookies with andes mints or some kind of mint chocolate! and it was the best cookie I had ever tasted!.... can I get the recipe? PLEASE? before you leave?

If you ever start missing JJ BVD's let me know, I'll run down to the field and start snapping some pics!

IWA (e - va) said...

Now Utah will be able to know how awesome your kids are!

and you wont have to send them on a plane for sports camps!

and you can make all the bloggers musubi for your next blogging luncheon!

IWA (e - va) said...

and you kids will never be embarrassed again about home lunch in clear baggies! .... and snacks at games will only be oranges and juice boxes!

let me know if i can help you guys with packing or anything!

wait..... when? how soon are we losing you?

Colleen said...

And how soon before you publish your book that you'll have so much more time to write because you can't go outside, because it's too cold, and because you don't have to work, because it's not so dang expensive to live?

I can't wait for the chapter inspired by those "scholarly" articles in Playboy. After that you probably won't be given any hard church callings. Yipee!

How about staying though just long enough for your kid/s to do History Day (it's just a couple of weeks--no more than 40 really!)? You would completely miss the S word.

Whose going to bake us mint chocolate cookies?

P.S. Martha, don't let Jim and Fam get any ideas from this.

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

WHAT THE CRAP??????????? YOU ARE MOVING TO UTAH??????????????WHAT THE CRAP????????????????????

Ok-deep breaths. You have family there, your hubby gets to start something new, the kids will like being around family, well all of you probably will and hmmmmmm...the outdoor activities are great. What else can I say? I would have to be paid like a million dollars a year to move back but that's just me. :)

You will love it. Or learn to love it ;)
Holy crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

You're moving?? Say it ain't so Crash! Geesh, I move and get out of touch for a few weeks and you MOVE?

Gosh. But Utah is waaaaayyyy closer to Pa. So maybe I can sneak in a visit ;)

Don't sweat it (even if it is Utah) things will sort themselves out. And if they don't well, you're alreadya long for the ride anyway so hang on and enjoy. Or scream. You pick.

Seriously, so blessed! said...

GIRLFRIEND!!!! you're gonna love it! think of all the adorable things there {me}. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

you can do it.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I am totally putting in my RSVP for the Oxycodin party. K. Count me in.

Life is a roller coaster. Just hold on for the ride and try not to scream to hard.

Crazy how just when you think you know what to expect,life likes to pull the carpet out and stick its tongue out and poke you in the eye.

I know you will survive because what other choice is there really. There in lies the rub.

LY

Kristina P. said...

Man, that Barbaloot really gets around, doesn't she!

Jami said...

Oxycodin parties? California is so boring.

Perhaps you can get some pictures of Osmond skivvies.(Did you know skivvies is spelled with two Vs?)

Keli'i and Megan said...

Wait...I'm slightly horrified at the goings on in Utah...Ughhh...Sorry, I'm still supportive! Just horrified.

Youngblood4ever said...

No Jack Johnson underwear? I might have to rethink my support of the move.

Okay, I rethought, still want you here. Still want to chill. There are lots of houses near me for sale and rent. Am I being too clingy???

DeNae said...

I absolutely love that your pinball machine is named Tommy. Does it play Elton John music on command?

And Island Park is amazing. My super rich BIL the doctor has a "cabin" up there that could cook and eat my entire house as a bedtime snack.

Are you OK? I would have such mixed feelings about all of this. Just reading about the natural chocolate thing alone gave me the bends.

Although I don't know why I'm getting all high and mighty. I moved from the Caribbean to freaking Las Vegas. What was I smoking???

nevadanista said...

Oh my heck (you're moving to Utah, so I'm just getting you used to that expression)!!! I want to cry with you... UTAH????? From Hawaii????? As you know, you'll need lots of lotion a nd saline solution for your dry nose.

But this may work out well for me, as you will probably have to drive through Reno at some point on your way somewhere :)


Yeah, that Barbaloot sure gets around! We're practically related as well. Her brother used to live a few doors down, before they moved back to UTAH... boo hiss.

That is so amazing about your pinball machine! I still remember my orange Pinball Wizard shirt I wore on the first day of school in the third grade. And that Who song ROCKS!

((((((((hugs)))))))))

Funny Farmer said...

"We got in this huge wax-on/wax-off crouching-lion-hidden-dragon-kung-fu-panda fight about it."

ROFLMAO

I don't know why. That just tickled me tonight.

Debbie said...

When you get to Utah we'll all wine and dine ya some sista!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Iwa, it's the chocolate chip cookie recipe on the choc chip bag, but sub the butter for crisco and add a little oatmeal and then do a little happy dance around the dough before you put it in the oven.

You are sooooo kind. You guys make me feel so loved. I told my hub, I hope we feel that loved in Utah and he said "No way will we feel loved in Utah."

ha ha

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Iwa and Colleen you both had me laughing (and wiping tears). Loved the comments about snacks and sack lunches. LOLOL.

Colleen I think that was the funniest comment you've ever made. You're hitting your stride. I'm sorry my phone cut out today. I didn't call you back because I knew you were in a hurry. It was fun to talk to you though.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Emily, I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY CRAP!!!! I knew you would freak.

Did you take offense to my Twilight Zone post?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

TAMN!!! I thought you were in D.C. If you are still in Utah I will hunt you down and find you.

And then I will take a picture of your underwear.

Which reminds me, IWA, I WILL MISS JACK JOHNSON's BVD's. I need to see him before I move!

Pat, you crack me up. LY!

Jami, me and Pat will start stalking Donny's BVD's. Although if you think about it, that would be a yawner. I did try to get one of his purple socks when I was 12 so I think I'll try to get photos of his socks.

It's fun to have a mission.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hi Megan, thanks for you support, despite your disgust. ;) Let's do get together before I leave.

Youngblood, HA HA HA Stop being so clingy.

DeNae, thanks for your compassion. You hit it right on the head. Sniff!

I'm so glad you and Nevada got the pinball allusion. WAHOO!

And Funny Farmer I'm so glad you got the Kung Fu allusion. hee hee

Hi DEBBIE! Can't wait to partay!

April said...

You can always stalk Bobbie Redford's BVD's (his friends call him that).

And after you have an oxycontin party we should throw a botox party to go along with the boobies!

We must keep up with Tamn you know!

Martha said...

Are you guys coming back tomorrow? Wasn't that the original plan or did you change your flight. Did you work out the moving dates yet?

The whole neighborhood is basically in shock. They keep running to me to confirm if the rumours are true.

I told Jim he needs to slowly get used to this idea and not freak out. He says he can't do his chores and he needs more oreos.

I'm also slowing getting used to the idea. I'm glad I had some "heads up" before I got beaned in the chest with this news. I know you'll continue to blog and we'll stay in touch that way. Heck, I talk to you more through the blog than through the window sometimes.

Here's who I will miss----Alan. You know he's like my best friend that's a man besides my own hub. You can tell him that too. How will I coach basketball and tennis without him? Who will I tell all my sports stories to? Who will fix all our kids' injuries? Who will help Josh with his shot? Tell him he needs to start his own blog.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

I'm cracking up over Kristina's comment about Barbaloot! Poor Barb is getting a reputation!

Sandi said...

I don't want you to go. Nope I don't. I want you to come to KK's wedding in December. I want you to keep sending caramacs my way and taking care of my daughter on her birthday! I want you to keep getting pasta salad from Martha and showing up pics of your fav. students having nude beach experiences. I bet your MIL wont even need to come and stay with you for so many days and provide us with so much entertainment now. I am bummed. Don't go!

Sandi said...

ha ha I should have checked that before I hit submit. I did not in any way mean to imply that your students were having nude beach experiences. tee hee

Mariko said...

Yeah, I think you're not going to be able to handle it.
Better stay here.

WAAAAAAHHHHH.

Colleen said...

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it, interesting that you think it's my funniest. . . I was totally being serious.

So I keep having these cliff hanger dreams, and the one with you and T. in it goes like this--you both really need to talk to me, about something you're both really upset about, (I sense I'm in big trouble) but we can't find a place private enough--we're in my home in Sacramento, and we keep going from room to room, and people keep interrupting, barging in, etc. And just as you start to tell me, I wake up. . . and then it happened in real life when you called--except I don't think I'm in big trouble.

I'm kind of mad at myself for not trying harder to talk you out of this moving thing.

IWA (e - va) said...

I forgot to tell you Happy Pioneer day! Thats what ex-Utards do for future Utards!

Today i had the worst day... and I took a nap and dreamnt I moved to utah.... I think your playing with my psychy!

Anjeny said...

Crash, I know you're waiting for all of us Hawaiian chickas to show up and give a hug and send you on great luau send-off but you see, I can't. I'm in total denial here...I'm pretending that I haven't heard anything or read anything about you moving. I heard about your move a couple of days after you leave and I just chalk it up to humor, something you can hear and do absolutely nothing about...then I come to visit you on your blog and what did you do? You confirmed it...couldn't you like pretend that you haven't made up your mind about the move so I can like go on pretending you're just going to Utah for a vacation? Huh? huh? For that, I am sooo going to be waiting at your front door for a poke in the eye...lol.

Now all you Utards..back off!! We Rock dwellers are not ready to give up our dummy yet, sheesh.

IWA...why must you be sooo supportive of this move, uh? I'm going to round Martha, Mariko, and Swirl and poke you in the eye too..ahahah. I absolutely enjoyed your Kritta like comments..lol.

Martha...I'm sorry you're losing your best friend. I will miss the hottest looking health care giver on this side of the island...yes Crash, you can tell Al I said that..ahahahh.

Ok ok ok, I will miss you too Crash, you know that right? Maybe I should be like Julie and confess my needy/clingy side, will that help? And who's going to make fun of Me and Swirl when we get together to pursue one of crazy daring thoughts, huh?

♥ ya bunches!!

val of the south said...

My comment got lost, and I don't even remember what it was...except I'm sure it was both supportive and witty. So just think of some super supportive witty thing and say wow that Val really hit that one on the head.

Thanks, I'll try better next time (I probably messed up the wv...silly me!)

IWA (e - va) said...

Anjeny.. The more supportive we are... The quicker she will move back!

It only took me 2 years to figure out that I needed to move back to Hawaii... although it ended being 10 by the time I moved back!

CRASH close your ears....... and close your eyes!

So when she gets there and realizes it is nothing like hawaii and that being away from family (InLaws) has it's benefits... the planning to get back here will get in motion!

Cause yes, They do have olive garden but they dont got Haleiwa Joe's or 7-11's that sell musubi and noodles!

the first time her kids walk into a 7's and realize that mainland people don't eat their full meal there... they'll be jumping on a plane!

Sandi said...

Ha Ha Iwa- I totally ate many meals at 7-11 back in my Hawaii days- maybe thats what will change Crash's mind!?

Heidi Ashworth said...

Your nephew went on a date with her and didn't fall in love with and marry Barbaloot? It defies all logic. Okay, so I have almost totally given up blogging entirely and here I find out you have made the decision to move to Utah (you have, right?) I can only say that I am glad that you will be within driving distance--though planes are faster. I love that I might get to actually meet you one day, even if it is in a land minus tim tams.

CaJoh said...

So wait… are you already there? If you are, you need to fill us in on the move itself. I know that moving is always and adventure, even if you are only moving down the hall.

I guess that's what I get for being busy at work.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha April, you crack me up. I can't wait to get back so I can come and see you. I am taking my hub to a Peter Frampton concert in St. George in September. And then I want to go to Vegas and stalk Donny and Marie with Pat.

Martha, we come home today. Me and the twins are flying out this morning so we'll be home around 5pm. The other half of the family gets back later tonight. The 28th was our original plan. We don't know when we're coming back for sure, but I figure it will be about 3 weeks. SNIFF!!! WAAAAAHHHHH! The twins thought it was so sad that Jimmy is depressed and needing Oreos. They are now planning for him to come to stay with us next summer. My hub laughed so hard that you think he should start his own blog. ha ha. What will he post? His sports stories and medical advice? ha ha I feel bad for you too because you guys we're such good partners when it came to the neighborhood athletics.

Sandi, you just hit the nail on the head with all of things I'm going to miss too. I WAS so planning on going to KK's wedding. And I will totally miss all the public nudity. And don't even get me started on my favorite students. WAAAAHHHH!

But there's always blog across America. I'm so doing it, peeps. Sandi, you and me and April--ROAD TRIP!

Colleen, that is a crazy dream! I'm glad you didn't try harder to talk me out of moving because it's already been the hardest decision ever. You don't know how many times we've come this close to changing our minds. But you can't argue with the universe. Well, you can, but then it will poke you in the eye.

Anjeny, ha ha ha ha I so loved your comment. Especially the pretending part. I told me family that even after we move here I'm going to keep saying "IF we move here" I love to pretend I'm not moving, which is unusual for me because you know how I hate pretending. (hee hee) I don't care if you don't hug me. I am totally stopping by your house on my way home to give YOU a hug. And then I'm going to cry on your shoulder.

I'm going to misssssss you guys so much! I can hardly bear it.

Iwa, ha ha I hope you are right. I hope someday I can get rich and famous and move back.

Let's go do lunch girlz. Before I leave.

MISS HEIDI, so happy to see you again. Can't wait to meet you.

CaJoh, I haven't moved yet. I'm actually on vacation here. I'm going back today to start the moving process. I will keep you guys posted ever step of the way.

Barbaloot said...

Mmkay-I'm only fake back from vacation. And by that I mean I didn't even read ANY blogs just marked them all as read...but maybe I stopped by yours, Shelle's and one or two others. How could I not?!

Seriously, this whole crazy connection you discovered is madness. I just love that family TONS! And TONS! But I'm off to go to a family reunion. We'll get back to that later:)