Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Episode III--Return of the Snuggie

My job is NOT to make you wish you were there, it's to make you feel you were there.  I already wished you were there.  Believe me, it wasn't the same without you.  At the Olive Garden.  

Why else would I be waxing and waning about it for three days in a row? 

I want you to see what I see.  And feel what I felt.   

So stop your whining and sit your booty down so I can tell you a story.  

A story about a girl who grew up in P.R.O.V.O.   Who always felt like less.  But dreamed of being more.

It's not a story of love and glory.  

It's not even a story of a man named Jed who barely kept his family fed.  

It's a story about a girl who drove the family station wagon with the hood duct taped down.  A girl whose muffler fell off every 3 blocks.  A girl who had to thread the seat belt through the door handle to keep the car door closed.  

This was a girl who did NOT want to fall apart.  

One day while stopped at a light with her li'l sis, the hood of the family station wagon popped up and the muffler dropped.  She looked at her sister and her sister looked back.  And then The Safety Dance came on the radio.  It was like serendipity.  So she let go of her seat belt. 

The door swung open and she began to laugh.  And her sister began to laugh.  

And they laughed and laughed and laughed until tears were streaming down their cheeks.  

Suddenly she knew exactly who she was (and what she stood for). 

She was a crash test dummy.   

Little did she know that one day a famous slutty snuggie would be bedazzled in her honor by a famous slutty blogger.  


Actually that slutty blogger doesn't bedazzle. She just pimps out Jilly Bean to do it for her.

Brittany from Author Bee and Jilly Bean

But I don't judge.  I just lub.  And anyway, there's no one I'd rather share a snuggie with than Kristina P.

Except maybe my BBFF, Lisa.

I think Kristina P's snuggie is magic because as soon as you slip it on, it brings out your innermost secret desires. 

I secretly want to be Donny Osmond and Shelle secretly wants to be a hot blogging mama. 

I mean Shelle wants to be a drunken sailor. 

Barbaloot secretly wants to be Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. 

A very seductive Dorothy. 

So my hub and my super model daughter made a surprise appearance.  Get this!  Julie Youngblood thought my hub was HOT!  And yes, Julie I told him that! (Someone's gotta tell him.)

And my MIL made a guest appearance too.  So I made her do tricks for my peeps.  

I said, "Say Oh GAD!"  And she did. 

Then I said, "Say honest to Pete!"  And she did. 

Then I said, "Say oh my goodness, twice!"  And she did.   

Then she tried to steal all my friends from me.  

(Do you think she's jealous about the bread and jam?)

And finally, my rockstar brother crashed my party and went around asking all my famous friends for their autographs.  He was totally STAR STRUCK!  I have photographic evidence. 

After all my family stopped crashing my partay, we finished off our meal with fortune cookies.  You know what that means, right?  wink wink. 

Kristina P.'s fortune cookie said "Measure often, but cut only once."  

hee hee hee

Hey, I'm just the messenger.

That was pretty much it, peeps. The only thing you really missed was me giving out autographs on Caramacs.

Does anyone want to see what The Nutty Hamster Chick's car looks like? Huh?  Huh?  Huh?

I would show you mine, but I can't remember where I put it.

Last, but not least, does anyone want to see what the newest member of our blog bunch brat pack looks like? 

This is Debbie from Cranberry Fries.  Isn't she cute as a button.  Ya'll need to scoot on over to welcome her to the hood. 

LY everyone!  

The lunch would have been so much better if you had been there (and if I had actually eaten some breadsticks and salad.)


T said...

still laughing over KP's fortune... ummmm... Yikes!

missed out on the whole Fam Damily didn't I... maybe I'll just have to "crash" a family event to get my fill - I'm sure nobody would mind :) Just say I'm a long lost (much shorter and louder?) cousin!

T said...

oh - and being first always gives me a little thrill... now I can really enjoy my day!

Jami said...

OK, the jealousy got drowned out by laughter. Kristina's face as she pondered measuring twice, cutting one.

Everyone is so pretty! (Except your brother who is handsome.)

Love the CTD creation myth!

Barbaloot said...

Okay-there is just no way to be seductive in a snuggie that is 80 feet too long for you. That's something I'd cut MORE than once...just sayin.

Love all the pictures. Is it just me, or does everyone have gorgeous smiles?!

Melanie J said...

I'm growing sorrier and sorrier by the post that I missed it! And I was already sorry!

April said...

You are right....OG will NEVER be the same...and I am very afraid that Kristina will take her fortune cookie literally...YIKES!

But are you sure that was the REAL Shelle? I see no photographic evidence of the gap in her teeth...that is the true measure of whether it is her or not! I think it was an imposter! Bless her heart!

Sandi said...

Everyone just looks so darn ....giggly! I keep thinking about what you said about how hearing their voices was weird and now I'm trying to imagine what everyone sounds like. I am sleep deprived and a little stressed, so don't judge me about how I am spending my time.
I can't believe you family came too- Does your brother read blogs? Is he going to sell the autographs on ebay?
Loved the station wagon story and how it helped you realize who you really were--seriously, what would we have done if you never found your true identity as the CTD??

IWA (e - va) said...

I thought the same thing as Jami... you guys are all sooo pretty!

I loved your "Crash" story!

Loved KP fortune! Love her facial expressions more! So wait.... what A.S.O.TV product do you give her to try out for us?

Did you tell Funny Farmer that we miss her blogging sooo much?

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

OK Barb I LOL'd at your cutting comment. True that.

How can you look at my picture and not see the nuttiness just oozing out? Seriously. I think that it is just I can control the nutty if I try hard, really hard.

Homer and Queen said...

So THAT is why I wasn't there!!! Barb said I wasn't gorgeous enough! OK I feel better now! Let me know when you all have a less than gorgeous people blogger lunch...I will be there!

Homer and Queen said...

Hey!!! We all commented before KP!!

Mariko said...

Your brother does look like a rockstar. And so does Kristina P.

Did you take any VIDEO? That's what I want. I want to hear their voices. That would be the closest thing to sharing a snuggie with them.

I am LoW said...

Nope, still jealous.

April said...

Queen....the ugly people meet in St G. So when are we having lunch? =)

lori said...

As much as that snuggie is getting around, I think it should be in the Smithsonian soon! I still wish i could have been there, but thanks for taking me along in your virtual pocket!

April said...

I think the snuggie should be sanitized before it goes anywhere else.....bless her heart.

Martha said...

We had some big excitment here yesterday. Even though you are not here, things still happen. Although this is not a good thing. Here's a link:

Then last night some dude got hit by Kakela and they closed the road right when Josh was coming home from his bball game. So I went and picked him and the Tyaus up and they walked around the accident just like you guys had to do when the inlaws were here.

Martha said...

Wait, disregard that whole comment because you can only think of positive things that happen here. Just remember walking on the beach, wearing whatever you want, going barefoot, not having to take care of our yard or stuff, kids a plenty to play with, our awesome tennis team, the weather that is not too hot and never cold and more, and great neighbors. I could go on forever.

Martha said...

oh, yeah and Adam and Josh saw a shark at Pounders yesterday. Then Adam's car wouldn't start and he had to leave it there over night. They are trying to tow it home now.

SO said...

What an awesome, awesome lunch! I really did feel like I was there!

Youngblood4ever said...

Glad you told Hub about my comment. Everyone could use a nice compliment like that, right? I said, right? I'm waiting for mine....

Still waiting...

Okay, since I'm not going to hear it back- fabulous breakdown of the fabulous lunch. Good times, great memories, and now I have my little keychain that I have been showing everyone. I think of you when I see it and I starting dripping salt water all down my cheeks. Hate it when that happens.

The Kooky Queen--Rachel said...

Oh my goodness, that is SOOOOO funny! I think *I* want that snuggie next! :)

Heidi Ashworth said...

That photo of Barb trying to deal with that huge-ola Snuggie cracks me up! Isn't she a doll?

SWIRL said...

that was crazy!! I can totally imagine that the luncheon happened but NOT AT ALL the way CRASH has exaggerated. (I know.. I've been out to lunch with CRASH.) so in everyone's defense.. I don't believe a word...

except- perhaps- the MIL doing tricks.. she is a trickster...

We miss you CRASH! thanks for bringing your camera along to the luncheon. Too funny!
The be-dazzled snuggie-- was the BEST!

SWIRL said...

pps.. you aren't missing anything at my house- except potty-training... no pun intended on the PP part of my pps.

it just reminded me of it.

Debbie said...

You got some great pictures of the lunch. I loved Kristina's fortune, I had to come home and tell hubby that. Speaking of hubbies I have to agree with Julie you got yourself a looker. No wonder we wait for our men huh? :)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

HEY.. THOSE PICS CRASH... all I'm saying is PAYBACKS are my middle name... THAT's RIGHT!

I totally look like a DRUNKEN SAILOR... what about the pic with your brother where I look a little CRAZY or a LOT crazy???


LOL LOL LOL... even though I'm laughing at these pics cause they're are STILL going to get it! :)

I'm Back BTW!


NO LIE... that means LATORS I'm going to get you BACK!