Tuesday, July 7, 2009

I think I have adult onset ADD

I keep changing my mind about what I want to be when I grow up.  

Last week I wanted to be an alternative underwater hip hop instructor, yesterday I wanted to be a stand up comic, and today I want to be a cake boss.  

I don't like decorating cakes, but I know I would be good at dropping them down the stairs.    

Did anyone see that last night?  That was AWESOME!  I only wish my MIL had been here to watch it with me so I could hear her saying "HONEST TO PETE!  Oh GAD!  Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness!"   

I'm pretty much addicted to Cake Boss now.  But seriously, how much of that show is even real?  I mean, it's all a set up, right?  Pouring muddy water in the frosting, mixing up the cake deliveries, ordering doves and receiving ducks--real life just ain't that exciting unless you plan it in advance.  

So if I was a stand up comic what would I wear?   Maybe a crash test dummy suit and a push up bra? 

And a seat belt.  I would definitely wear a seat belt.  

But what jokes would I tell? 

Maybe I could tell cultural jokes . . . in New York City do people teach their children to look one way before crossing the street?  

Get it?  Look one way.  Cuz all the streets are one way streets.  

Ahhh, I crack myself up. 

Or maybe I could tell nudity jokes . . . so someone hit my blog today with the search words Naked Boat.  Hey, whatever floats their boat.  (Their naked boat, that is.)   

Hardy har har.

Honestly, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  Maybe I should be a celebrity blogger.  But I would only tell the good stuff.  Like my friend Colleen, her daughter is doing an internship in Washington D.C. and her friend got to see Hilary Clinton and she said Hilary Clinton is really really really really really pretty in real life.   

I know! Whodathought! 

And I have another friend, Taylor, who taught tennis lessons next door to Martha Stewart's house and she said Martha Stewart is a reverse horse racist.  She won't buy a horse unless it's jet black and she won't ride them unless it's pitch black outside.  

And did you know Regis refuses to carry his own briefcase?  He lives right across the street from the studio where he films Regis and Kelly and every morning at exactly 8:15 he walks across the street with his body guard.  And guess who's carrying the briefcase? 

I have photographic evidence to back this story up:

And he doesn't carry his own umbrella either. 

Unlike Kelly, who comes to work at 4 a.m. and goes running before she goes to make-up. 
You learn a lot when you're waiting in the rain for 4 hours snarfing the NBC studio's complimentary hot cocoa and Krispy Kremes.

I wouldn't mind doing that full time when I grow up.

BUT Seriously peeps!  My first public appearance is quickly approaching!  Only 4 more days! I'm so excited to meet all of you.  And maybe I can try out my new stand-up routine and see how it flies.  

I'm going to start a running link list at the top of my blog of who is coming so RSVP in my comment box if you are going to make it so when I show up at 4:00 a.m. to reserve tables I'll have a head count.  

LY everyone!


val of the south said...

I'll be there!

val of the south said...

Yay, I was first! But I won't be first on Saturday, because it always takes me longer to get to Provo than I think it will! (yes, I know I could leave earlier, but that would really mess up my norm!

Sad isn't it, when my big pleasure of the day is beating Kristina P. to a blog!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

YAY Val! For being late and for still beating Kristina P.

Can't wait to meet you.

Kristina P. said...

I'm sorry I'm late! I was having lunch with some other members of my blogtourage.

OK, I will be there, as will Jillybean, and Brittany from Authorbee.

I didn't know Shelle was coming! Yay! And I have a surprise for you.

Also, I'm going to NYC next week, and my goal is to see how many celebrities I can sleep with.I'll let you know.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha ha ha I can't wait to see how many celebrities Kristina P sleeps with. I hope she sleeps with the double decker tour bus brochure guy and the naked cowboy!

I can't wait for my surprise! Yay! I love surprises.

Anjeny said...

I think you could be all of the above. You could be the comedian who throw cake at people instead of getting tomatoes thrown at you. And because you will be wearing seat belt with a push up bra, you could actually pass for a hip hop instructor and then have someone pour some water over your head to make it look like you were doing an underwater hip hop instructor telling stand up comedy.

Oh yeah, New York City have something in common with Honolulu..I'm sure both sets of people do teach their kids to look one way when crossing the street since both cities seem to have a fascination with ONE WAY streets.

BTW...I will be coming to BYUH today for the devotional so I intend on dropping in on you to snatch up your book before you take off on your yellow submarine bus for the will you be home or should I go search the campus for you?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha ha ha Anjeny. You are so cute. I WISH YOU WERE COMING TO OLIVE GARDEN. I will feel a little insecure without you there.

Yes, I will be home and I will have the book ready!

val of the south said...

Do you think you could get the CTD outfit, complete with seatbelt together by Saturday, 'cause I'd really like to see it!

Don't forget to pack the musabi maker!! I will bring monk bread if you will bring musabi!

Anjeny, I wish you were coming too! But Crash, we will be easy on you I promise!

Anjeny said...

Ok stop rubbing it in you two...I've given up on wishing I was coming. I might have to resort to something rash like being a stow away in Crash's Oh well, I guess I'll just admit that I will live vicariously through the crashtest dummy.

Oh will do you will show them Utahns how we Hawaiians rock, yay? LOL

Val...I think you gals should make Crash do some hula, crash test dummy style, what ya think? LOL

Crash..I thought you have more people than you have listed above coming to your get together? Isn't April coming?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha Anjeny, I could wear my push up bra while I do the hula.

I'm not sure if April is coming or if I'm going to see her in St. George. There are some others but I'm waiting for a confirmation.

I WISH SANDI was coming!

Val, I'm glad you reminded me about the musubi maker. I would have forgotten.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

I'm not brining Farina!

val of the south said...

If April doesn't come, I may have to stow away in your luggage to St. George! If there's room for me and Anjeny!

Musabi = musubi with wasabi! (could be interesting!)

Kristina P. is so popular! And so slutty!

Barbaloot said...

I'm pretty sure my name is listed first on the RSVP list cuz you're super excited to see me more than anyone---not cuz it's alphabetically done, yes? Thought so.

Um, and have you seen Regis' arms outside of a suit coat? They'd probly fall off if he tried to hold anything other than a spoon. A silver spoon, of course.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

HEY Kristina I'M going to be in NYC next week also!!! WEIRD WEIRD!!!

Yea I'll be there... but can someone remind me WHICH Olive Garden it is??? 11:30 am right?

Someone... hello?

Don't you dare play a joke on me and send me to A DIFFERNT Olive Garden!!!


Barbaloot said...

Great-now Shelle's making me all paranoid. I was fully planning on 11:00...

Lara said...

I am missing too many meet and greets. Someday I'll make it to one.

And, as for what to be when you grow up? Be everything. That's what I try to do. I know I go insane over it, but it's better than not.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

No Shelle, it's at 11:00 a.m.

Shelle, are you staying with New England Ally when you go to NYC?

You and Kristina P. should meet up and take a snuggi photo in Times Square. I'd pay $$ for that picture!

Lara, I wish you were coming!!

Val I'm with you, we HAVE to get April there!!!! (And yes, Kristina P. is slutty.) That's part of her charm.

IWA (e - va) said...

Yay... I love cake boss! So i totally think the episode with the Bridezilla that ruins her own wedding cake was set up... i mean who does that?

I think you should be a stand up comedian on the double decker bus!

have fun at the M&G!

In that pic.. you and T look like Twins! and you and your son look like twins too! that's trippy!

hey remember "that kid" i heard he eats cracked wheat for breakfast every morning.... maybe you should feed him your farina and hopefully it will scare him away!

IWA (e - va) said...

I totally wish i could meet all you awesome and hilarious bloggers .... enjoy the soup and bread sticks!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Iwa, I wish you were coming too. I'm laughing right now because "that one kid" is standing outside my dining room window trying to convince my twins that our neighbors have a Barry Bonds bat on their front porch in the form of a package that says special handling.

I told him special handling doesn't mean that those who are "special" can handle other peoples private packages.

Okay, another funny story about "that one kid." Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Are you ready? I just asked him what he eats for breakfast and he grinned and said "This morning I ate a banana split."

I asked him if he's ever tasted cracked wheat and he said "my dad makes it every morning."

Have you seriously cracked the case? How many letters in his name?

And I've been racking my brain trying to figure out where the M&G is and why I'm going to have fun there.

Anjeny said...

OK've piqued my interest...who is THAT KID? Do I know him? or his parents perhaps? You know, I was going to ask you about that today but forgot about it.

Yeah, I read you post about THAT KID and all I could think when I was reading it was..boy am I glad we live a little far away from you otherwise I would be wondering which one of my kids is doing come on, who is he?

Oh yeah, isn't M&G supposed to mean Meet & Greet? maybe? The abbrev often makes me feel stupid.

I am LoW said...

he he ha ha!!!

BTW- I leave for DC first thing in the AM!!! Can't wait to find your secret message!!!!!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

LoW, It starts with "B" and rhymes with ubbalicious.

You can find it under seat 13 at Mount Vernon theater.

Was that TMI?

Anjeny, oh DUH! Meet and Greet! ha ha

I can't tell you his name, because then I'd have to kill you and then I'd have to kill all of my readers.

Sandi said...

awww I feel so special....just knowing that you wish I were coming is enough. Not really. I lied. I want to come sooooooooooooooo badly! I hate weddinging!
I will try to have a good attitude about you all meeting and greeting without me. But I'm not promising anything. Aloha.

April said...

I wish that I could come up there to Provo, but I have a work meeting on Friday and a lesson to prepare for Sunday...and I played last weekend in SLC at my sister's. So that's why I am DYING to see Crash in St G! I can sneak away from work for a while, but not for a day. :(

April said...

Dang that Sandi and her wedding!!!

DeNae said...

Kristina was having lunch with MY sister - that's how cool I am.

I make no guarantees, but I may try to slip away from the little family dealio I'm coming to UT for to drop in on your lunch. However, I really won't be able to stay, so don't reserve a seat for me. Just want a hi and a hug and maybe a picture or two.

And if not, have fun and dip a breadstick in alfredo sauce and eat it slowly and with much moaning and eye rolling for me.

I'd do it for you, Crash. You know I would.

IWA (e - va) said...

Anjeny is right... M&G is the Meet and Greet! I just make up abbrvtns when im too la-z to rite the hole word! WORD! haha!

There are 3 letters in the name that everyone calls him... his first name may be longer i have no idea! I told "that one kid" I thought he would be much cooler if his last name was Dover! Then at least everytime i had to see him, Id at least have a smile on my face... so now when i see him, I always think _______ Dover! and laugh myself silly!

Amber Lynae said...

You are very funny to me your jokes had me laughing.

I have decided that I will just go eat at the VA Beach Olive Garden and pretend that I have the UT blogging group with me. Maybe I will talk to myself and tell jokes. And I will insist that I am just waiting for my friends to teleport in from Provo. I wonder if they can kick you out of Olive Garden for being crazy.

Anonymous said...

Bad news. I'm leaving Saturday morning for Vegas to visit Sara, Boo. However, we did go to Olive Garden last night to make sure it's still as good as we all remember. The breadsticks are delicious.

Have fun without me. :(

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Iwa, ha ha ha YOU kill me. You are right on! How did you know???? I can't believe you recognized him from my description.

Mary, sniff sniff. Until we meet again. ( or at least meet).

Amber Lynn, just go to Five Guys and throw the peanut shells on the floor. ;) Thanks for the vicarious meet.

DeNae, WOW! You are THAT cool. SLIP AWAY! SLIP AWAY! SLIP AWAY! We will wait with baited breath. We all know you want to be as coooool as your sis.

April we will try to hook up in St. George.

Sandi, did KK find her wedding ring?

SWIRL said...

back from my vaycay--- wish you were here... actually
I wish I could be at your meet and greet! Take a picture in the snuggie-- Pleaze!!!!

And for those of us who can't make it to olive garden... we should have a meet and greet here when you get back!!!....

shall we say.... Arby's at Windward Mall....????
anyone up for it?

Jami said...

I am so sad I can't make the Provo get-together, but SO excited to see you in SF. Speaking of which I need to go find out what I have to do to see you, security-wise. Will your bodyguards let me through if I don't have a flight into SLC?

♥georgie♥ said...

I wished I lived closer cuz i would so come to your meet N greet!

I LOVE Cake Boss!!!!

Jami said...

Oops. It's the flight home!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Swirl, WELCOME BACK! I'm actually still here until tomorrow so I'm going to come say goodbye before I leave. I so wish you could be at the Olive Garden. I need my buds. Let's DO have a M&G when I get back. Let's go to Haliewa Eats. YUM-O!

Georgie, is that YOU? Is that a real picture of YOU. I need to take a closer looks. I'm so happy to see you again.

JAMI! I am so sad because last night I called the airlines to see if I could extend my stay in San Fran a few hours. They told me my flight has been redirected through Denver. AAAAAACK! I asked them if they could redirect it back and they said it would be $150 each.

But my hub and I have been wanting to plan a weekend getaway to San Fran. We want to do it before the next earthquake so let's have a double date. A triple date actually. We'll invite Miss Hiedi too.

Jami said...

Well, crudola! And I'd just figured out where we could meet up too!

A future triple date with Heidi sounds great. Couples or just girls would be fine, but I'll come stag. (My husband is a shy guy and really hates meet and greet type events. It's the only reason he's not a super star right now.)

Oddly, "bragrar" is my word verification. lol

Debbie said...

Ooooo yeah I'm so excited to meet you and these fun ladies!

I'm still trying to figure out what to be when I grow up too.

I'd say go with the stand up comic stuff. Have you seen their movies? They all do crazy back stage videos, I could see you getting a kick out of that.

Colleen said...

Did you notice me doing a drive by on your blog? Very appropriate, don't you think?