Four Letter Words

Sunday I stayed up all night long.  

I did take a catnap between 11-12 p.m., but then I just laid there in the dark, dead-pan silence, tossing and turning like a bridge over troubled waters--a monkey bridge--until the wee hours of the morn. 

All that midnight peace, man . . . sometimes I just wanna punch it! 

See in Hawaii someone's always stirring things up in the middle of the night--the trees are flirting with the wind and the wind is teasing the waves and the waves are pestering the sand, and so on and so on and so on--but in these parts Mother Nature is strict. When she whispers, people listen. 

I could only take her whispering for so long before I rolled out of bed and slipped into my pink microfiber bathrobe and fuzzy sweater-slippers.  

I am required by my daughter to call them fuzzy slippers so as to pledge allegiance to slippahs, which are blasphemously referred to as flip-flops on the mainland. 

Flip flop is a four letter word in our house.  

As is BYU. My daughter requires us to say BYU-Provo.  

While filling out Scout applications during sacrament meeting, I naturally wrote BYU in the box that said "where does your hub work?"  My daughter had a hissy fit right on the pew and forced me at gunpoint to add P.R.O.V.O. to the tail end of it.  

But saying BYU-Provo in Utah is like saying Oh my heck in New York--it doesn't make sense to the natives and they will mock and ridicule you accordingly. 

(Mostly because heck ain't a word, peeps!  It's Helk!) 

Which reminds me of an observation I made last Saturday at a soccer game: 

There are two types of people in Utah--those who despise swear words and those who lub them so much they want to marry them.   

So last Saturday one of the players on the soccer field said the helk word during the game .  The teenage girl next to me sucked in her breath and said to her father "DID HE JUST SWEAR?" 

Her father said "Yes." 

"WELL . . . go tell him NOT to!" she said. 

Surprisingly her father didn't march right out onto the field that very instant. He opted to sit for truth and righteousness rather than stand.

So she decided to stand.  (For T & R).  She called him a retard. 

That showed him!

(It's a good thing swearing hasn't been legalized.)

But my goodness, how I digress. I certainly wasn't thinking about four letter words while I was tossing and turning and trying not to listen to Mother Nature until 2:30 a.m. I had more pressing things on my mind. Lists and lists of pressing things on my mind.  And not just lists of things to do, but lists of things to decide.  

There are soooo many choices and decisions to make in Utah and and choices and decisions require lots of time and energy. 

See, at BYU (Hawaii) you don't have to make choices.  Things are decided for you with one of three answers:  

1.) No!  2.) No way!!  and 3.) Yes, but wait five years.

But that's a whole nother post.  

Frankly, this post is a whole nother post.  It looks like I got hung up on the four letter words and missed my point. 

I'll have to tell you what I was trying to decide some other time.