Monday, March 29, 2010

The Crash Test Dummy Lub Club

It's official! I'm a big girl now. I have come face to face with all of my Utah ghosts and they are not half as scary as they were when I bolted 20 years ago. In fact they're all kinda old and wrinkly now.

Bless their hearts.

Even my guilt ghost was too tired to smack me around when, after telling the story I shared in my last post about my dad's death, my twins threw their hands in the air and cried:


They're eleven, what do they know?

Of course the thought has crossed my mind on occasion (over and over), but I couldn't have saved my dad, I know that.

That being said, if I had only listened to that darn nagging voice prodding me all day long to get to my dad's apartment at least I would have had one final memory. You get me? One concrete image suspended from the rafters in my brain rather than this blank curious space.

But I don't think the Universe wanted me to jump into the nearest phone booth and throw on my red cape, I think it was just trying to give me a heads up.

Hey, girlfriend, time is ticking. Chop chop--it's now or never. You can either do this the hard way or the harder way . . . Just saying.

The Universe is thoughtful that way.

Of course I would have preferred to be the witness rather than the one arriving late on the scene.

"Officer, he was wearing his red flannel button-down shirt and eating a bowl of bottled peaches. He had his Old Testament tapes playing reel to reel and Charles Dickens was cracked open and dog eared on the kitchen table. Great Expectations, I think. Or David Copperfield."

Instead I've had to piece the whole scene together from his autopsy and his journals and little wisps of memory.

But that's the way it went down, and even though it took me longer to get closure, I've learned me a lesson or two from the harder way, so it's all good in the hood.

I'm in Utah again, and the air felt strikingly familiar, but I didn't feel any pain on Saturday. I only felt a softness, not unlike lub or gratitude or the peenya kowlada Jamba Juice my hub surprised me with.

"You shouldn't have!" I said.

"No worries," he said.

"No really, you shouldn't have. Do you know how much sugar these smoothies contain? Why didn't you just blend up 14 bowls of fruit loops and pour that down my pie hole? Actually, this is a 32 oz Jamba Juice so that's 28 bowls of fruit loops."

That was just about the time he poked my eyes out.

I don't begrudge him though because sometimes I see better when I'm blind.

In short, I smiled and giggled a lot over the weekend. I even said ba dum bum every time I drove past another tie dyed silly goose leaving the Festival of Colors at the Krishna temple on my way to my son's basketball game.

Who says Utah's not diversified?

But anyways . . .

Much mahalo for all of your kindness and moral support in my comment box over the weekend. You guys are da bomb! I didn't get a chance to reply to each of your comments because I was so preoccupied with moving forward, but I've been thinking . . . it's time for my dad to be initiated into the Crash Test Dummy club, don't you think? I mean, no one I lub gets off easy, right? And everyone knows my primary lub language is words of aggravation, right?

So allow me to finally raise my glass and dish out some good ole' fashioned lub, CTD style, to my dad.

Welcome to the lub club, daddy-o! This joke's on me.


Remember Somewhere in Time?

I was just at the right age to see that movie, over and over, with great romantic enthusiasm.

Remember this particular photo, snapped of Jane Seymour gazing at Christopher Reeve before he was rushed back to the present by a 1980 penny?

What was she looking at? Why that particular expression?

That's what poor Christopher Reeves couldn't figure out.

He would have given a thousand pennies for her thoughts. (Too bad for him he picked the 1980 penny.)

I totally get Chris Reeve because I would give a thousand 1980 pennies for my dad's thoughts in this photo.


Raise your hand if, when I posted this photo on Friday, you thought what the what was her dad thinking about?

Me too!

This photo was taken right before my baptism while my best friend Mary was vacuuming our living room floor. But there's nothing baptismal about the look on his face, if you get my drift.

I never thought about it before I read Twhylight, but . . . do you think my dad could have been . . . a . . . Cullen?

Pinky swear I didn't use any vampire photo manipulation on this shot. Alls I did was zoom in.

But if my dad was a Cullen . . . then that means . . .

Hey, look at my new cute signature. Thanks to Tiffany at The Crew for this sweet gift! I lub it!


Garden of Egan said...

Loved the post Crash! Glad you and the Universe got it sorted out. The photos wouldn't load for me....but I'll check them out later.
Hope you still aren't all jittery from all the fruit loops, but I kinda think you are.
Love the sig!
Have a great day.

Braden said...

Wow, the whole Twhylight/Twi-mom disorder thing has been resolved now as neatly as any Greek tragedy!

Like the whole signature thing.

And I'm glad the ghosts are getting weaker. I'm pretty sure that once you can really say "bless their hearts" they go away.

Cheeseboy said...

Is it really 14 bowls of Fruit Loops to equal the sugar in one of those things? If that is the case, I'm going to have to stop and get my first one today.

springrose said...

I didn't want to be the one to bring it up but since you did...I was kind of wondering why he was looking strange....I loved the Somewhere in time movie too!! It was one of those movies all you have to do is hear the piano version of the song and it takes you back. That song was on the radio the other day, weird right? I thought so! Glad you are dealing with your ghosts. Hopefully they will be like Casper and then leave you alone...

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

You should see if you can dissolve a nail in one of those drinks. Leave it in for a few weeks and see (that is if you can stand not to drink it first...) I've never had one myself (we don't have such fancy things out here in the boonies.)

Couldn't see the pics but I'm sure they were lovely!

Kelly said...

ok I totally went to the festival of colors :o)

I loved it

and p dot s dot .....

you are hilarious


April said...

Crash...I just lub you! I just wanted you to know that. I lub it when the Universe pokes me in the eye too. Like when I learned that you can't save/protect someone who doesn't want to be protected. My eyes stung for a while, but then I could see clearer than before! Isn't that amazing!

Homer and Queen said...

I vote Cullen...totally...

Annette Lyon said...

I've decided that I like it when you get all serious. Loved the last post and the one it linked to.

You're deep. Just so ya know.

Martha said...

Jason and his fam went to the Festival of colors things too. What was it for anyway?

Things are moving along here. The surveyors are coming today.

Anonymous said...

I love readding, and thanks for your artical. ........................................

Stephen said...

It's nice to see you getting to the temple, you had me worried.

katie t said...


The Crash Test Dummy said...

Okay, DeNae can you read the Chinese guy's name for me? I must know if he's one of my former students or if he's just some random guy who keeps popping in to pretend he's reading. ;)

Katie, big hug little hug, I haven't seen you forever. Where've you been?

Martha, I can totally see Jason going to the festival of colors. Did your brother go too? I have never heard of it before so the whole concept totally SHOCKED me, but then I looked up some videos on Youtube and found out my home teacher goes and so does Kelly, as stated above, so I'm down with it now. I'll be going next year and blogging about it. ;). Go show your kid some paint videos.

Hey, Martha, guess who's here today. GILMANS. The twins have been at their hotel swimming all evening. SOOO FUN to see them.

P.S. I can't believe you are getting a surveyor before us! ;)

Aw shucks, Annette Lyon, thanks. That made my day, especially coming from you!

Hi April and Queen, LUB you TOOO! And Amen.

Hey Andrea, my son tried that with Coke and it's a total scam. Does NOT dissolve.

Springrose, that song is so classic. SIGH! It opens doors. ha ha I can't believe it was on the radio.

Cheeseboy, what the what? ha ha ha ha Yes, it's true gospel according to Nutty Hamster Chick.

Braden, I can't tell you how many times I've LOL'd today in my car thinking about your greek tragedy comment. Hahahahaha

Garden you have a total radar into my every mood shift. You should be a psychiatrist. ;)

Garden of Egan said...

OK Crash, I came back after the internet or the Universe decided to let me look at the photos and I just wanted to say that I loved them.
Thanks for sharing them.
I hope you know that the Universe AND the bloggiverse lubs you.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I got that fruit loop info from the Bonnie Hunt show, just so we a quoting our sources. I about fell off my chair when you said that to your hub. So funny, but still I can't bring myself to eat one of those things again. I prefer to make my own smoothies and put in as much sugar as 30 bowls of fruit loops.

Jami said...

I just figured he was attempting to look mysterious, perhaps flirting a bit with the photographer. I could see him giving a little eyebrow waggle after the flash cube went off.

Go for enlightened Jamba. Much less guilty.