Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Man in the Mirror

The hardest part about living in Utah is waking up my house every morning. I have enough trouble dragging myself and my kids out of bed, let alone my lazy-bones house.

My house was born in 1962. Dontcha think that's old enough to start waking up on it's own?

In Hawaii our house woke us up. Besides the skittery geckos and roaches and the manic roosters, the restless trade winds and palm trees would whisper "aloha" in our ears and nudge us out of bed each day.

But our house in Utah is a deep sleeper and the trees aren't the least bit anxious to see us.

Every night feels like a one night stand because every morning my house yawns and stretches and looks at me with indifferent eyeballs.

"Who are you again?" It blinks.

"I'm that chick you were partying with last night until the wee hours of the morning," I say.

It's kinda like waking up on the movie set of 50 First Dates.

To jar it's memory we usually turn my playlist up full blast, but yesterday my twins sighed and imitated how my playlist sounds to them. It was one of those sounds that I can't spell, but that is not unlike the sound they make when we tell them it's time to go work at the orange stand. We had this brainy idea that we could teach our kids how to work by selling fresh California oranges all winter, but we've only succeeded in teaching them how to complain. If I had only known how much money you could make complaining I would have majored in it in college.

So yesterday my twins opted for Michael Jackson. I have no idea why, but they played Man in the Mirror over and over and over as they were getting ready for school.

They didn't just play it, they also sang to it. At 80 decibels. And they danced to it. At 80 decibels. And they blew the speakers out to it. At 80 decibels.

And they did it all in my pink bath robe and sage towel.

Good thing they make so much money complaining because they WILL be buying a new set of speakers.

I thought it only appropriate to hide behind the kitchen wall and play the part of the mirror so they could see exactly what a man looks like when he sings and dances to Michael Jackson in my pink bath robe and sage towel.


val of the south said...


val of the south said...

and second thank you very much!

Too funny!! Your kids are way more chipper in the morning than mine...perhaps I need to provide a little music motivation...

CaJoh said...

How appropriate that you have that one on your play list.

Don't they say that imitation is the greatest form of flattery. Those are good bribery pictures if I do say so myself.

Jillybean said...

Ha Ha!
Those are some great pictures. Serves them right for dissing your playlist.

DeNae said...

I think your kids are hilarious. And even Michael Jackson is better than what my friend woke up to every morning of her young life:

At 6:00 a.m. her parents "called" the kids together for family prayer - by playing Kate Smith singing "God Bless America".

To this day, Karla can tell you exactly how many seconds Kate holds that last "HOME", because it was when she hit that word that the entire family would throw back the covers and race down the stairs. The deal was, you had to be in the living room before Kate was finished singing.


springrose said...

What time do your kids have to leave for school? Mine are out the door at 7:45am and it is still semi dark outside. I realize you live in Utah and I in Idaho, but is it really that much of a difference in the mornings, or were your Michael Jackson listening boys late for school??? I especially love the pink bathrobe!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha DeNae, you're killing me once again. How do you ALWAYS have a story to top MY story. You slay me, girlfriend. I'm going to poke you in the eye when I meet you.

Springrose, the elementary school doesn't start until 9:05 a.m.

I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!

And they were late 13 times last semester.

I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!

But my friends daughter was late 36 times so I don't feel like such a bad mom.

Val, congrats on being first and second. I'm so happy to see you!

Cajoh, thems definitely good bribin' photos. ;) And like Jilly said, no one disses on my playlist. :)

Martha said...

Man, I miss those dancin' boys. They sure have moves. Josh was listening to Man in the Mirror the other day too.

Jim was late to school for the first couple of months after you guys left. He would just walk to school super slow all by himself. I think he's snapping out of it and now he's decided to pick up the pace and get with the program. 9 am would be so nice to start school.

Tom wants to quit preschool. I'm paying $250 a month for that kid, but he's so over it and ready to move on to kindy. Since we're going to have to pay a mortgage on our half million (your readers will think the house we're buying is so awesome if I say it's a half mil, don't tell them it's a shack)we let him stay home for April and May. Oh, time to go to work, gotta go.

I am Lorinda W- you can call me LoW said...

How much to you pay them to post such pictures??? I WANNA KNOW!!!

Naomi just walked in from school and thought it looked like her "partition" had been posed for a picture for my blog and threw a fit and told me I BETTER NOT BLOG ABOUT IT!!!


But seriously, it was just a pic of her partition. I can't imagine if I had a pic of her in a robe or towel.

Give me the secret, girlfriend!!! Give it up!!!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

I don't know, LoW. They just don't care. I told them I was going to blog about it and post the photos and they just smiled and shrugged. I think they're just exhibitionists by nature.

They get embarrassed by other things though, like freckles on their chin, or if I cut their sideburns in squares instead of triangles.

Oh Martha, that makes me sad to think of Jimmy slowly walking to school all by himself. Give him a big shaka for me. I miss your little guys too. Even Tommy. Go read my comment in my last post and answer my questions, k.

And to put things in perspective Alan and I saw a house last Saturday with a pool, sports court, jacuzzi, playground, bbq pit, home theater system and movie screen on the deck for $350. Alan was like "I think it's a bit too pricey."


I am Lorinda W- you can call me LoW said...

No fair. Can I borrow them for a while so I can blog about them without begging? ;-)


Heidi Ashworth said...

They look like tons of fun which might be inconvenient and annoying but is way better than tons of "not fun". Maybe my 15 year old should have had a twin sister. Oh, wait, I had one of those and it didn't help.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Ha! Hmmmmm that last picture is blackmail for the future, just sayin!

Sounds like a good time at your house in the mornings!

I'll let you know how my house is if I ever get one!

Sandi said...

the look on his face in that last pic is so stinkin hilarious! I wish I felt that chipper in the morning--my house is dead quiet because everyone here is grumpy til at least noon- your place looks like way more fun!

April said...

Wow! How lucky for you to have "morning" kids. Mine don't wake up until 5pm. Then you can talk to them. They take after their father. Of course he'd deny it and say they take after their mother. He'd be right. muwahahahaha!

Martha said...

Buy that house and we'll come visit again. Remember you guys promised.

Perry draws up building plans every day and changes his mind the next. So today we'll see what he's planned. There's just too many choices!!! You're right in the townhouses everything was choosen for us. When we wanted wood laminate that was so going against the choices. It is kinda fun having choices.

katie t said...

love it!!!

Dane and Taylor said...

Debbie! I found you! Well, I guess I have your number in my phone so I always knew where you were. I can't believe I haven't seen you and the fam since that baseball game! Are you coming to the games this weekend? I hope so. My mom brought up the food you requested last semester but Dane and I slowly ate away at it and it seems there is nothing left. oops! She comes up in a couple weeks so I will have her bring you more. Love you!

IWA (e - va) said...

I once heard that twins were the souls in heaven that begged to stay together! They look so fun!

My father used to wake us up with the hymns on CD...(instrumental version- no words at all) I hated it and every morning i swore i was going bury them in the yard and always forgot until the next morning when i heard "come unto jesus" , which is funny, because im sure my father was trying to bring a good spirit into the home but it would piss me off even more every time i heard it!

My kids have been waking up to Lisa Lisa and cult jam... Ive been waking up to Fireflies (its my alarm song on my phone), I think i got that song from you...

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Taylor, how did you find me? I will be seeing you again soon at the baseball games. Al is bringing the kids to the Thursday game but I am taking the YW to Damn Yankees. Maybe I'll see you at the Friday or Saturday game. I can't believe you ate my Hawaiian food. ;) When does your mom come? I definitely want to see her. And I hear congrats is in order. Baby #1 is on the way. I'm so excited for you.

Martha, hooray for choices. They are a blessing and a curse. But mostly a blessing. I am going to buy you some slivered almonds tomorrow.

Sandi, I know. I LUB that photo so much. Martha, I saw Garrett write to you on Facebook that he was SO MAD that I posted them. ha ha He lubbed it.

Shelle Belle! ALOHA! Will you be moving soon? Hope you come my way.

Miss Heidi, you make me laugh. I always wanted an evil twin. hee hee As it stands, I have to play both parts myself.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Iwa, hahahaha That is heelarious. Especially because I know your father. hahahahahaha That's classic.

nevadanista said...

I was so excited to read your boys were listening to Michael Jackson... but then I got to the Man in the Mirror part. Okay, I know it's a great message, but I consider myself a pre 'Bad' snob... or should I say, nothing after 'Thriller' snob. You gotta get those boys hooked early MJ ;-) Get right on that, k.

I'm thinking there are reasons other than your house that make waking up in Utah hard :D :D :D Just sayin'.

I have so much to say about your Twhylight post... be back later :)

Btw, the Marvin Gaye station is my favorite (on Pandora)

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

We mostly just walk around like zombies in the morning. My daughter does use my robe every time she showers, even though she has her own.

Dolly said...

Everyone in your family has a freak flag!

I'm sitting here bleary eyed at JFK where it is only three thirty a.m. in Hawaii. Next stop Dubai, then after a long layover there, a short flight to Riyadh and then I'm home.

Last time I can say I'm going home to Riyadh. Soon I will have to say I'm going home to Utah.

I have a pink bathrobe just like yours! It's waiting for me in Riyadh. I'm going to get some of those letters that people peel off and stick on their walls to write inspiring quotes in their Utah homes... I'll put them in my entry way when I move there! It will say, "Where there is a cozy, plush pink bathrobe there is home."

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Dolly, hahahah you have to get the lingo down. It's vinyl lettering. It took me a while too. ;) Love the inspiring pink bathrobe quote. ha ha My entryway says "Where there is dirty bathrooms, there is home."

Good luck on your last leg home to Riyadh for the last time. Enjoy it. You have much to look forward to. Especially your RV across the country trip.

Nutty, all my kids use my robe too. High Five.

Nevada, I hear you about the pre-bad era. And I LUB Marvin Gaye. How weird. Mostly because my parents knew Marvin Gaye. I've got stories, girl.

Martha said...

Wait I want sliced almonds not slivered!