Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Twi-Mom Disorder

I had never heard of a Twi-mom before my daughter's English teacher labeled me as such after my daughter wrote this poem which falsely implied I was hooked on vampires:  

My mom is reading Twilight,
Not quite to my delight.
I went so far as to burn the book,
Yet she still seems to be hooked.
Edward, Jacob, blah, blah, blah
The movie she already saw,
If she likes the book I'm moving out
Because Bella makes me want to shout.

For some reason everyone thought her poem was uber funny and insisted she read it out loud to the entire class. POOF, just like that, my reputation was ruined

Of course I was mortified when she told me.

"I am NOT hooked!" I declared.

"Who cares?" she said. "It rhymed with book."

She traded my reputation for a rhyme?

So I did a Google search to find out a little bit more about the whole Twi-mom phenom and OMGOSH it kinda freaked me out. Did you know there is a support group for Twi-moms called Twilight Disorder?


And look at this scary header I found:

EEEEEK! Is it just me or does this quote seem WAY out of context?

One Twi-mom has her own Etsy shop where she makes Twi-crafts and sells them as a way to deal with her obsession in a healthy and productive way.

At her shop, for only $18, she will Cullen-ize you, via vampire photo manipulation.

Ewwww, why pay to make yourself look creepy, when you can make yourself look creepy for free?

Maybe this will be the cover for my first best selling novel.

Or maybe I'll just make a flat-daddy of this photo and send it to my daughter's English teacher.  


(I wonder if his English teacher eyeballs have ever heard of Twhy-Mom.)


Sandi said...

wouldn't it be weird if i were 1st again?

IWA (e - va) said...


Love the pic... When i saw the first (creepy cullenized one) and read that she sells it, i thought of how well you could photoshop yourself.. AND YOU DID! hahahaha!

Tell T thanks for sharing! lol!

Sandi said...

by the way you make a delightful looking twhy-mom...ooh la la!

Dolly said...

W.O.W. You look so cool as a cross between the Red Queen and Alice Cullen.

That is an amazingly beautiful picture of you. I want one that makes me look so spooky and sexy all at once.

I think it's time to introduce the English teacher to some of your writing. He needs to know that some people who are genius at certain things... also have the morbid curiosity and tenacity to muck about in the dimension that is their polar opposite.

katie t said...

hooked on vampires???
NO...that's ME!!! hehehe

i was an assistant varsity bball coach for the girls team at lone peak so yes! great program and my sis in an english teacher. you would love her too....

and that picture of you??? IS CREEPY and how did you do that??? i need one of those of my sis to give her. she would LOVE it! lol

T said...

Your creepy photo is SO much better (and cheaper) than her creepy photo!

val of the south said...

Perhaps you could make some side money Twy-ing photos - yours is WAY better - I must say, it is a good look for you!!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha about the creepy photo. That photo was taken during a photography class years ago. I just played around with it on Photoscape. I LUB that program. You can download it in seconds and it allows you unlimited sparkles.

Katie, are you serious? I would lub to meet your sis. Does she have English teacher eyeballs too? How does she feel about vampires?

Dolly, ha ha AT least you don't NEED photoshop. You are super sexy in real life. (But not spooky).

Sandi, congrats on being first two nights in a row! You should get a prize. Maybe some dried seaweed.

DeNae said...

The whole middle-aged women loving a perpetually 17-year old boy is what led me to believe briefly that I was gay. That was a terrible experience, particularly since I didn't gain any fashion sense or awesome biceps in the process.

So once and for all, Twi-Moms, please return to crushing on David Cassidy before anyone else gets hurt, or worse, starts ANOTHER etsy shop.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Val, maybe I've finally found my million dollar idea.

But I'm endorsing free vampire photo manipulation here. Everyone go download Photoscape and you too can be a spooky, sexy vampire.

I MISS YOU, Val! And your homemade jelly.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

hahahahah DeNae,

Ha hahahahahahah Oh, you make me laugh so hard.

I can't wait to meet you in person. Are you as funny? I'm thinking YES!

Garden of Egan said...

I think you may have to move out of Utard cause you reputation is in shambles.
Be sure to wear a sack over your head whenever you go out in public, cause you are truly an embarassment.
Daughters like yours.....maybe you could sick Jacob on her or something like that.

My VW: porks........seriously, it must be an omen. Use porks to rid yourself of the twi-urges.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

You have quite the poet on your hands. If the cost was a good grade and a laugh...sorry, I would have sold you out too. ;)

Sandi said...

Danae......I can't quit laughing!

Braden said...

I love this blog because I laugh whenI read it. Then, if I wait long enough, DeNae makes a comment and I laugh again. You two are quite a team.

That was a hilarious post, Crash. I love it that your daughter sold you out for a rhyme. Is that her revenge for going out of town and leaving her in charge?

DeNae, I've been circumpsect about Twilight comments--but after laughing about your comments, I was carried away to the point I almost wrote what I thought in this post. Happily I caught myself and deleted it.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh Darnit, DeNae, we almost got Braden to spill his guts about Twilight. He's trying to sit on the fence and be all diplomatic. We need to work a little harder to loosen him up.

For the record, I crushed on Scott Baio, BIG TIME! We are so from the same era.

DeNae said...

Braden is hamstrung by the fact that he just spent the last many years as a bishop. "Bishop" is another word for "Switzerland".

And Crash, I'm terribly serious-minded in person. Really. Rodin tried to sculpt me once, but he finally gave up, citing my "glumness of countenance and excession of chins". Ask our mutual friend, KR. She'll tell you, around here they full-on fast and pray that Sister DeNae will lighten up a bit.

They're all very concerned.

(I just made up the word "excession". It's a keeper, I think.)

Jami said...

Twimoms are rather creepy. I think Twhymoms aren't nearly so yucky.

Martha said...

That is a scary picture. I'm still not going to read the books.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh, Martha, you'll play Farmville, but you won't read Twhylight? hee hee

Jami, I think you're right, because with Twhy-moms there's always a lingering question.

DeNae, I don't believe you for a minute. I am fully registered for the Storymakers conference and I can't wait to meet you.

Braden said...

NOOOOOOOOOO! I was already feeling bad that I couldn't go to the LDS Storymakers conference. Now I find out that Crash and DeNae, the two funniest bloggers I know are going. Great. Woo-hoo. Good times. I'll be busy being a proper authority here while you are all laughing and making fun (in good taste)of everything and everyone.

My life now feels as empty as Bella's when Edward left her and there were just blank pages for each month in the book.

Braden said...

Switzerland, indeed, DeNae!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh no, Braden, can't you get away for a few days to raise some helk with us?

Btw, Switzerland is, ironically, my favorite country. They have the cutest cows in Switzerland.

I'm going to do some deductive reasoning. If you got to the blank pages part of Twilight (which has to be New Moon because that's the depression book, right?) then you must have liked the book, otherwise you wouldn't have continued reading, am I right? I doubt you have a Twi-dad etsy shop, but you genuinely enjoyed it.

Or maybe you just read it because you're a bishop and you needed to know what you were up against when counseling all the twi-moms.

Not passing judgement. I'm going to embark on New Moon sometime in the near future myself. But I'll have to do it in secret so my daughter doesn't drag my reputation further through the mud.

CaJoh said...

Wait… Braden said there were blank pages in the book. How can you get away with that? I think I should try that sometime. Just post a blank post and call it something cryptic like "Missing Edward" and see if anybody gets the clue.

I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. She's taking after you quite well. Of course, she'll deny every inference of that.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Amen, Cajoh, I was thinking the same thing. Let's try it and see how much sympathy we get. I lub the Missing Edward title. hahahahahahahah


It might go over better if I do it than if you do it.

robin said...

I had a good laugh too over your loss of reputation. Kids do it to their parents all the time with the most innocent of comments. My oldest gave me the meanest glare and a growl during a RS activity at my home last night. Maybe I misinterpreted things though... perhaps he wasn't really mad at ME... he may have just been turning into a werewolf. Twhy not?

Braden said...

LOL CaJoh. Brilliant!!!

Crash, no, sadly not even a few days. In addition to the proper authority stuff, there's the providing and protecting (that last part is important, in the wilds of TN--without me and my rifle,coyotes will destroy my family and locusts our crops)

I actually did read the first three books. I twitched a bit at things like Edward resemebled some long lost staute of a pagan god of beauty. But all the girls at school were reading it, and I try to stay somewhat au currant (whatever). I was intrigued by the whole will she become a vampire thing, but eventually I...well, I'll stop there. At least until I get my etsy shop up and running

Martha said...

Dang, I don't do Farmville. You are messing with my rep now. I didn't log out of my facebook and Jim and Nan decided that since I have way more friends than them, they started playing. So it's not me playing it's them playing on my account.

Jim and Nan have also taken over your icee business. I told them they need to earn at least half of the USS Missouri and since it's spring break they are selling like hotcakes!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh Martha, I am so happy to hear that. So so happy. Amazing what people can do when they borrow your identity.

So happy Jim and Nan are doing the icees. That is a lucrative business.

val of the south said...

Seriously, the wv is: TWIFORKE

your wv is messing with me!!!

I MISS you too!! We really need to get together!!!!!

I am Lorinda W- you can call me LoW said...

hahaha!!! Good one!! :-D

Mariko said...

Freaky. Freaky Friday freaky.