Monday, March 15, 2010

We interrupt this blog . . .

I know I just posted last night, but I was lying in bed crying myself to sleep when I suddenly realized that today is the day I've been so afeared of all month. The 15th. The Ides. That middle place between the beginning and the end of March, of which they tell us to BEWARE! And I can see why. It really is a hard knock day. SOOOOOO DARN HARD because my 13-year-old son has to make a huge decision by tonight. Either way he chooses, he loses. One thing or another. But he also wins. One thing or another.

Why does life have to be such a give and take? When we lived in Hawaii there was no give and take, there was only take(-what-you-get) and grumble. In Utah we have choices and opportunities. It's so much work to have choices and opportunities.

We've spent the last week teaching our boy how to make a hard choice--gather all the pertinent information, write down the pros and cons, and then starve yourself silly while asking the universe to lend a hand. I don't think he got the starve yourself silly part because he pulled a package of Saimin noodles out of his pocket during Sacrament meeting. I kid not. He would have eaten them too had I not smacked him upside the head.

He's been kinda uncharacteristically weird like that all day. Like when I went upstairs and the phone rang. And it was him. Downstairs. Wondering if I could bring him down a glass of apple juice on the rocks.

I think his love language is "Acts of Annoyance."

The hard thing about hard decisions isn't in the making of the hard decision, it's in living with the hard decision. Sacrificing to make it happen. You get me?

I've had a hard year, peeps. A very very very hard year--full of endless cycles of uncertainty and confusion and change and discomfort. Did I mention it's been hard? It's been the hardest year of my life since last year.

But you know what? There are people out there who have it harder than me and my son put together. People who are making even harder decisions. And living with them day in and day out. I can't think of any right now, but I know they're out there.

Oh, I just thought of some. The people who are serving our country by going into other countries and fighting for our right to make hard decisions and to take-what-we-get and grumble.

Annette Lyon just published a book about it called Band of Sisters which follows five women who help each other get through their hub's deployment. And, bless her little best-selling-author heart, she's even working with a charity that helps children/families with deployed parents.

I think it's called The Flat Stanley Project.

I take that back. It's called the Flat Daddy Project.

The Flat Daddy Project creates life-size photos of a deployed parent from the waist up that the family can have as a physical presence of some sort to represent the missing parent. Some families take their Flat Daddy everywhere—to the grocery store, to church, to soccer games, even trick-or-treating.

How cool is that?

It only costs $50 to have someone you lub flattened. Maybe a little more if you want to drive the steam roller yourself.

Let's all go in on one together. Who should we buy? Jack Johnson? Jack Bauer? Or perhaps someone . . . a little more . . . sparkly?

Hee hee

This isn't a joke, peeps, so stop giggling. This is fo' real.

But, for the record, I did have a friend, Colleen, who lubbed Obama so much she got herself a flat daddy of him when we were in Washington D.C. together.

Do you think anyone would pay for a flat mommy? They're probably not in high demand, but I'm available if they need a model.

But seriously, I personally dig the whole flat daddy idea and not to put any peer pressure on you guys, but I'm going to go donate to the cause right now. Follow me over to find out more and to see the photographic evidence that they wouldn't let me steal for my blog. Just click on this link (Flat Daddy). You can donate as much or as little as you like.

Race you there!


Colleen said...

What!!! i "did" have a friend!!! Okay, you can say I "did" have a chubby friend who now is 15 pounds lighter, and even flatter! Do I have to send myself to Utah, to get back into the present tense? I overheard Truman telling his friends that Utah is a place that sucks people up! That is so true! (Weren't you going to write me?)

Dolly said...

I caught that "did" comment too Colleen. I thought to myself, whew, good thing I just spent three hours on the phone with you talking about everyone, (including Debbie) so that you know you still have a present tense friend.


(I think Crash really meant that the flat Daddy concept is so last year... as in: Oh, well that's not so new... my friend Colleen "did" it last summer. )

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I am decionionally challenged myself. Someday I wonder why I voted for the whole choice and accountability thingy. You know what I mean.

Good luck to you son. Hope he gets what he wants. And you too. And me too. for that matter. the problem is I don't know what I want.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Dang forgot to follow.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

What the what? Colleen do you have your Obama radar on, or what? Your Obama How did you did you find yourself on my blog that fast?

You must have your past tense radar on too. ;) Dolly was right,I meant MY friend did Flat Daddy before Flat Daddy was even pop-u-lar.

(And weren't you suppose to call me? I DID write you, twice, and I gave you my phone number. and I waited all day for you to call.)

Poor Truman. I know what he means. Utah is like a vacuum which sucks your friends off the island. I remember Tatum saying stuff like that too.

And now rumor has it that Dolly has been sucked up too. Dolly, I didn't hear it from you. I'm still waiting patiently to hear it from you. ;)

So, 15 lbs flatter, eh? GOOD JOB, present tense girlfriend.

Nutty, TOUCHE!

Braden said...

Darn (for those in Utah, dang!) it! I just lost a long comment. The gist of it was basically "good post, Crash." And the other nuances will just be lost forever.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ooooh, I hate it when that happens, Braden. DANGIT! I'm all about nuances.

Hey, Co, BTW, LY and MY! And Congrats on the HD special award! Wooohoo! Wish I could meet you guys in DC.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

When is DC, btw? We're saving a cot for Terina at girls camp, (June 8-11). Will that work?

Martha said...

Poor Z, he's only 13. How can he make this huge decision? I betcha that either school he chooses he will be the star.

Ok, now we have to decide if we want to work our buns off and buy this fixer upper, or live in townhouses forever in ignorant bliss. Perry says the kids need to learn how to work and sacrifice and what better way.

But, do I want to work and sacrifice? He's still promising me a tennis court. He was looking up the dimensions yesterday (of course I already knew it is 78x36 because I give quizzes on that stuff).

Martha said...

Dolly came over the other day and gave me the rundown on how to fix up a house. I took notes even.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha Martha, you make me laugh. Of course you know the dimensions. Doesn't P know by now that he can come to you for all of his tennis needs and concerns? You guys have a very tough decision too. I feel ya. You hit the nail right on the head when you said that YOU have to work and sacrifice right along side your kids while you're teaching them to work and sacrifice. I will have to sacrifice a lot for this decision Z just made, but of course that's what we do, right? To help them excel.

We wanted to teach our kids how to work with this whole orange gig, but alls we ended up teaching them was how to complain.

Stick with your ignorant bliss. That's what I always say.

Good luck with your decision. I'll starve myself silly for you if I can take some Saimin noodles to sacrament with me just in case I need a snack.

CaJoh said...

The best of skill to him. No matter what decision he makes it will be one that he should not regret. Even not deciding is a decision in itself.

Dolly said...

I'm going to go write you about my big decision and future "sucky" life in Utah right now. It will include all of my usual excuses about how such special letters to VIP friends require my best zen like writing and the last two weeks have had too many initials (IRS/PMS) in them to get to that space. : )

I knew it wouldn't be breaking news to you, just wanted to make it a juicy letter anyway.

My telepathic senses told me you already knew via the the coconut wire or Tristan on facebook 24/7. Norm got outed on facebook in Saudi because Bill Neal posted the press release. He had to quickly tell Prince Bandar (the head of King Faisal Foundation who owns the University) before someone else did. They were absolutely gutted to be losing him. Why, why, why they said.... but then because Muslims and Arabs love family so much, they really understood that he has to "sacrifice and work where he can live with his children's best interest."

Gotta love a sympathetic prince!

DeNae said...

Love the Flat Daddy idea! I had a boyfriend who was so very skinny my mom called him Flat Stanley. Later on we called him Gay Stanley but that's another story...

Poor 13-year old tough-decider! You're right; Utah tends to be the land of too-many-opportunities. Ironic, isn't it, when it's also the land of "simplify, simplify"!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Simplify, my arse! :) I get a kick out of that dichotomy. But my son has made his choice and the weight of the world is off our shoulders and I am so happy no that's it's over and he learned how it works. PHEW!

Dolly, I got your FACEBOOk message. I HEAR you girl! No need for Zen. Just can't wait to hear how it all went down and how you're feeling about everything. I can only imagine. Poor poor Colleen and Martha. How did they take it?

katie t said...

don't you just wish that you could tell him that ONE day...ONE day the decisions will be a piece of cake and there will NEVER be ONE OUNCE OF REGRET!?!?!

yeah. wouldn't that be nice.

the worst thing is that even when we think we are making the right decision, it does not work out...cause of that darn thing called "the agency of others"!!!

anyway...i feel your pain. i do. thats my problem too. i am insecure about my choices...either way. what to do. what to do.


IWA (e - va) said...

I Loved this post.. giggled through the whole thing!

The Mom said...

I liked your post, but I LOLd at DeNae's comment about her Flat Stanley experience. Sounds like a blog for another day . . .

There's a kid across the street from us who was FOREVER running into (or just playing IN) the middle of the street, and I, not knowing his real name, have always called him "Flat Stanley" because I KNEW that was going to be his fate: flattened under the wheels of one low-riding, bass-pumping, screeching-around-the-corner quarter ton pickup of the Laie variety. He's about 5 now, so perhaps he has escaped his fate. (Two of the 7 chicks of the most recent mama chick in my yard were not so lucky. But I wish the darn truck would have aimed a bit better and took out the whole confounded brood of yard-pooping, planter box destroying, clucking, cockadoodledooing annoyances.)

Annette Lyon said...

Thanks for the shout-out!