The Tim Tam SPAM Slam

Yesterday I got to talking about food, glorious food.  

There is so much to say about food.  We eat (or don't eat) for power.  We eat for comfort.  We eat for entertainment.  But when Mary left her cute comment in my box a few days ago saying that the motto in Provo is if you can't drink, EAT, it made me pause and think about how often we eat to escape. 

Of course we do.  We are Mormons.  What other escape do we have? We can't get plastered, stoned, smashed, hammered, blasted or blitzed.     

I was raised in Utah so don't get mad at me for what I'm about to say about Utah.  Word on the street is that the TBM's (What the helk does that mean, btw?  Will someone please enlighten me?) have the highest rate of depression, suicide, mental illness, prescription drug abuse, on-line porn subscriptions and bankruptcy. 

Don't be mad.  Please, please, pretty please!  

You're totally ticked, huh?  I can so tell. 

I pinky swear I'm not criticizing.  I'm not judging. I'm not pointing fingers or jumping to conclusions or connecting the dots.  I'm not even speculating.   

I'm just sayin'.

I only bring it up because TBM's (whatever that means) need TMI too.  And I'm not talking about family history TMI.  It's just that sometimes scrapbooking just doesn't cut it.  

I always say, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem and I think I've found the solution.  If I were a psychiatrist in Utah, I know exactly what I'd prescribe: The Tim Tam/SPAM Slams, baby!

I believe that Tim Tams and SPAM can heal the world.

I had never heard of Tim Tams before last Spring when I had a student from Australia in my class.

Tim Tams are the reason people in Australia never get depressed.  

A Tim Tam is a cookie.  A Tim Tam Slam is a cookie + a steaming mug of hot chocolate.  You bite each end of the cookie off, insert the cookie into mug, then suck the hot chocolate through the cookie like a straw.  

It sounds easy, but it's not.  In fact, I spilled a whole glass of hot chocolate down my white dress the first time I attempted it.  

So I threw a Tim Tam Slam partay in my class for our own Sandi's birthday. 

Step 1:  Get yourself a cup of hot chocolate. The chocolate needs to be near the brim so feel free to rip the cup as needed.


Step 2:  Bite the Tim Tam off at both ends so it can make like a straw.

Step 3: Insert the cookie straw into the hot chocolate and suck like your life depended on it.  Be patient, and keep on sucking. 

Be prepared for an amazing melty chocolate rush.  

The cookie will get soft quickly so before it falls apart flip the whole cookie into your mouth with your tongue and enjoy the buzz. 

If you want to put a Hawaiian spin on the Tim Tam Slam, just add SPAM.

BTW, no one is depressed in Hawaii either, praise be to SPAM.

Remember where you were at this moment because I'm about to make history by introducing a new snack into the Hawaiian culture. The SPAM Slam.



Follow the same procedure as the Tim Tam Slam but substitute the cookie  straw for a slice of SPAM straw.

Mmmmm.  

The following photos are not faked or posed.  I told these crazy kids to PRETEND they were sucking hot chocolate through a SPAM straw, but they wanted to be authentic and real.

I was grossing out and gagging . . .

But, ewwww, they loved it! 

They really really sincerely loved it. 

They even cut up more chunks of SPAM and made what they called Cocoa SPAM. 

In Hawaii we eat Cocoa Rice.  Why not Cocoa SPAM? 

ewww
They even wanted seconds.  

So there you have it! 

Problem solved.