Wednesday, November 26, 2008

The Barry Manilow Blues

Okay, am I in a crazy quilt daze or did I just win the quilt at blokthoughts?

I wrote this whole Barry Manilow concession speech tonight after dinner when I coulda sworn I was losing. Yes. I'm sure I was in 3rd place. Then suddenly the voting booth became possessed by an evil ebay bidder or a satanic stock market trader and numbers were flying off the charts.

And then we went to the pool at Turtle Bay to see some old friends from my husband's basketball playing days and to eat some Macademia cream pie . . . when suddenly! Hocus pocus--Abracadabra--Presto Chango!

I won!

I don't know who is responsible for this, but I can only guess it was Tamn. She must have felt guilty for not picking me to win her give away. Muchos mahalo Tamn! (Or whoever rallied the troops).

I just hope I get a congratulations!!!!!!!! from David Santos.

It would be even more super exciting to be a winner if I had prepared an acceptance speech.

But I didn't, so if you don't mind terribly I think I'll go ahead and post my original Barry Manilow big L on the forehead speech:


Yesterday I saw a story on CNN where the police punished people by locking them in a room for an hour and making them listen to Barry Manilow.

What a brilliant idea. I'm going to steal it.

Right now!

So turn up your volume because you have just been locked in this blog and I'm going to make you listen to Barry Manilow for an hour (or at least until you cry uncle!!)

Don't even think about escaping!

I just wish Mary Tong were still blogging because I think she would've gone insane and I've always wanted to watch someone go insane to Barry Manilow.

(Maybe while you're here we could elf ourselves silly just for the heck of it.)

Why am I punishing us in this Barry Manilow manner, you ask?

BECAUSE! That's why.

Because I feel like it.

And because I can!

And because I didn't win the quilt since I don't know how to recycle cupcakes, I only know how to splatter Ovaltine across my face. That's how important my children's education is to me.

And besides, how can I compete with someone who doubles their votes in 20 minutes? I just ain't that Glindanomical.

But now my husband says we can't have the slumber party in my comment box which made me mad so I already drank all the apple butter nut cider and ate the white chocolate covered pretzels by myself and now every one in my comment box will be cold and hungry. Not to mention Barry Manilow cranky!

Another thing that makes me Barry Manilow cranky is today my son told me he found all the Christmas presents in the garage last year and told my twins what they were getting and then told them there's no such thing as Santa.

I'm so disappointed! My son is such a kill-joy. Why, why, why didn't anyone tell ME there's no such thing as Santa???

btw, for those of you saying to yourselves, What Barry Manilow? I don't hear anything! I programed my playlist so that those of you who voted for me can't hear him. Only those of you who didn't vote for me will be punished Barry Manilow style.

But naw, fo' real, peeps . . . here's a super big Mahalo to all of you who voted for me. I was touched by all 36 of my votes (the other two were me and my husband) (Shhhhhhhh).

How sweet it is to be loved by you!

And whoever gave me those last 14 votes in 5 minutes, you are darling (and daring), but how is that possible? I don't know what voodoo/karmical magic was going on, but how can I can ever fully trust the electoral college again? Seriously.

btw, can I send a HUGE MAHALO HUG to the best BBFF in the world, Lisa the Funny Farmer because she nominated the CTD Diaries to be the December spotlight on Mormon Mommy Blogs! With a best friend like that who needs friends? And who needs Santa either? And who needs Barry Manilow?

(And who needs a new quilt for that matter?)

Let's all go over and Christmas carol the funny farmer right now? (I mean after Thanksgiving so Lo doesn't judge me again.)

Speaking of
Lo, I wish I was at Lo's house for Thanksgiving. She is so festive! And Shauna did her the cutest blog makeover!


Okay, that just didn't have the same effect now that I won, did it?


Melanie J said...

I'm one of those sick people who don't mind Barry Manilow. In fact, I am now swaying in time to the music with one hand in the air which is making typing hard, so I'm going to go so I can wave with both hands and sink deep into the Barry Manilow Experience.

Amanda said...

Add me to the sicko list, too. I love Barry Manilow!!! I'm loving the tune.

Congrats on your win, I'm afraid I did not get over to vote but I don't feel bad because you didn't need me :)

Have a great Thanksgiving Eve, yourself! We're celebrating with pie night....skip the meal and just have tons of pie and family over.

I am LoW said...

I've never felt so punished in all my life, having to listen to Manilow. This is worse than the time when I misbehaved in Sacrament Meeting as a child and was told I'd get a spankin' when I got home, so when I did get home I rushed into my room and put all the underwear I had on, only to have my dad find out and then I got in even MORE trouble.

Except this time I did nothing wrong. I helped you get a quilt and I got Manilow in return.

Way to show gratitude this Holiday season!

jk jk jk

I kid, I kid. :)

Glad you won it.

Email me when you take Manilow off so I'll know when to return though. :)

Funny Farmer said...

Yay for demonic voting machines and yay for warm snuggly quilts!

Yours really was the funniest story.

I sang that Manilow song over and over and over and over when I was a fifth grader in the community children's choir. So I have a special hatred for not only Barry, but that co-dependent song. Thank you so much for bringing those memories back.

Anjeny said...

Congratz on the win. See, I knew you were gonna win that quilt, it had your name written all over it. So, do I get to share that little corner of that quilt or not?Lol Don't forget you did say there's a slumber party coming just to celebrate your quilt..eheh.
I am sooo with that LoW person, we voted for you, you win your prize and you thank us by playing Barry Manilow...hmmmm, I thought we did a good thing for you.

Your verifier says machilli..hmm, I looove ma chilli, yum yum.

Kristina P. said...

Congrats! I totally voted for you.

Heidi Ashworth said...

Alas I am feeling witless and nonclever(ish) probably due to the fact there is no sugar in my system as I am making way or room or whatever for an inordinate amount of sugar and wheat tomorrow (and leftovers on Friday) but sorry you lost. (You mean to say that my one vote didn't weigh in as being worth at least a dozen? What's wrong with people?)

Mariko said...

This just takes me back to my childhood. My parents have several Barry Manilow albums (all on RECORD). I even enjoyed some of his music videos growing up. Other albums in their collection include Robert Palmer, Bay City Rollers, The Captain and Tennile, Alice Cooper, and Weird Al Yankovic (Yes, I did listen to Weird Al on record, every one of his albums, in fact).
Is it any wonder that my music taste is totally messed up?
Now my mom listens to tween Japanese and Korean pop. She even has posters of them in her room, FRAMED.
I'm glad you won. Wooo hooo! I hope it's a big quilt, 'cause you're going to have to share with us.

Claire said...

hey - I swung by for a visit and thought it might be rude not to leave a comment!

I love the Manilow Magic Man! My speakers are on and up full, baby!!

Your blog's sooo funny!

Alyson (New England Living) said...

I'm a witless girl today. Issues with joy school is turning me into anxiety-tummy, lunk-headed girl.

Anyway, I voted for you and yet the music still turned on for me. What the...? So, I turned off the speakers to my laptop, so there!

nevadanista said...

De-lurking alert!

Hello, hope you don't mind if I make a suggestion on my very first comment, but looking at Barry Manilow is much more torturous than listening to him. Maybe post a current picture of his uber-lifted/uber-botoxed face along with his music. Although I confess, like many others, I have enjoyed Barry, and have very fond memories of singing along to 'Mandy' on my red gingham print portable 45 player. Those were the days!!! Thanks

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hi Everyone! Guess what! I used to love Barry Manilow too! I was a die hard fan actually when I was a tweener. (But sorry to make you regurgitate your 5th grade angst, Lisa!

Amanda, I wish I could have pie with you (or Lo). I hear you're a good cook.

Anjeny and Mariko, you guys can share the quilt after the slumber party cause I just got a hater email accusing me cheating and telling me I'm not funny.


It's lonely at the top. ;(

Or maybe we could start a sisterhood of the traveling quilt!!!! That would be awesome.

I could write a book about it when we're in our 70's.

Heidi and Alyson, I'm sorry you're feeling dim witted today because of outside streeses disguised with oxymoronic words like JOY! Go stuff yourself with turkey and you'll feel better.

Welcome Claire. And nevadanista THAT IS A BRILLIANT IDEA! I'm going to punish my class tonight with that idea. They deserve it.

Mariko said...

Hater e-mail?
AUGH! I hate haters. They just turn the whole day upside down, no matter how many lovers you have.

That didn't come out quite right.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

You got hater mail?! What's this world coming to?

I didn't even connect the irony of my anxiety in connection with joy school! Ha! See? Proves my dimness today!

Kris said...

I am so glad you won. I voted for you a couple of times in the last hour, so I must have pushed you over the top. It is the fun of having several computers. I hope you love the quilt. I'm so glad my sister in law, Funny Farmer sent me here for my daily laugh, or cry.

Jami said...


--David Santos