Glenn Beck is a Terrorist (Oh, and Happy Election Day!)

Okay, I know Glenn Beck is more of an alarmist than a terrorist, and I love him as a brother, a COG, and a fellow "member," but, DUUUUDE, he's terrorizing my husband.

For the love of Pete, could somebody please ask the prophet to ask Mr. Beck to kindly stop using big nasty words like collasal and fascism and marxism and socialism all in the same breath.

And to stop calling the roaring 20's the long. loooooong. endless. years. of the Great Depression.

They weren't that great!

And to stop saying the word HUGE. As in "This is going to play a HUGE role in our economy." Or "This will have a HUGE impact on your life."

And to stop saying, "the real story here is . . ."

Or "anybody with a semblance of a brain . . ."

Or "the fruits of your labor will be taken away . . ."

And tell him to stop the arguments against idiots segment. That's just as fruitless as bible bashing.

To borrow a cute phrase from Jami, my favorite cute-phrase-friend, he's twisting my husband's knickers all up in a knot. 

Here's what my husband said when the stock market crashed . . . "Glenn Beck said this would happen."


When Obama danced on Ellen . . . "Glenn Beck said this would happen."


When people started fasting about Proposition 8 on Facebook . . . "Glenn Beck said this would happen.


When Bruce Springsteen began ranting that he wants his country back, his America back . . . well, I guess Glenn Beck never said that would happen.


But last week when I went to Costco and filled up the car I was ecstatic. The price of gas had dropped to only $2.69 per gallon. I called my husband in a fit of glee to tell him. 

His reply?

"Oh, no!"

"What do you mean, Oh, no?" I said.

"Glenn Beck said this would happen!"

Just then my phone battery mysteriously died. 



Happy Election day everyone! I'm not going to tell you who to vote for, or who I'm going to vote for (even though in Hawaii it doesn't matter because the winner is announced on the radio as we're driving to the polls).

Just don't vote for Glenn Beck, or for anyone else affiliated with terrorism, or who's initials spell B.O. or anyone over the age of 85, or anyone who wears lipstick to a hockey game. And don't vote for anyone who wears $520 shoes with the Dali Lama, or anyone who wears shoes with holes in the soles, or anyone who spends more/less than $150,000 on their wardrobe. And don't vote for anyone who approves this announcement or who makes you laugh or makes you cry or makes you cringe or makes you cupcakes.

(Either way it's a historic day for minorities!)

(P.S. Did anyone see The Price is Right yesterday? On his 19th birthday, cute Taylor wins a Scooter, a Mustang, $1,000 at the wheel for landing on $1.00, THEN $25,000 for landing on the $1.00 again, then goes to the showcase and wins another car and a trip to Boston!

Don't even try to tell me there is no God.  Or that the Price is Right is not rigged.)