For those of you who thought I created Pat and The Old Boat Man and Tamn and Cordy and the Crash Test Dummy, and now Wolgang, this post is for you.
And for those of you who didn't believe a dummy like me could be an English teacher, to you I say . . . the proof is in the pudding. Or, as my daughter's debate teacher always says, the proof of the pudding is in the eating.
(Am I the only one who thinks that makes no sense?)
Anyway, today I wore my super-spy camera glasses to my class and snapped some top secret photos. Then I had all my students sign release forms and swear on the B.O.M and the Shakespeare Reader that if they were picked up by a modeling agency I would get 51% of the profits.
So raise your hand if you want to see what a dummy looks like in real life.
Look out world!
I'm coming OUT Of the dummy closet.
Here's your pudding!
This is me and Wolfgang from Austria.
We call him Wolfgang-the-Red-Nosed-Austrian for short.
You want to see the rest of the class?
Oh, here's Wolfgang T-R-N-A again, with Lauren, the school soccer star.
Oh, and guess what! Wolfgang HAS been in love. In fact he's in love right now and she loves him back so he's not a stalker OR a pervert. (Well, I can't be certain about the pervert part.)
He says you're only a stalker until you're loved in return. (But anyone can be a pervert.)
And here are the class lovelies: Inna, Nicole and Tia. Tia is my favorite because her mom named her after Tia from Escape from Witch Mountain.
They both know English better than me. I mean, better than I.
BreeAnna is only this crazy when her husband Tofa isn't in class. He was sick today. Tofa's brother Ramsey was in my class like 10 years ago (I kinda liked Ramsey better).
It's lonely in the closet with all the other dummies.
P.S. Everyone say a little prayer for Pat and her son, Jared who goes into surgery tomorrow/today/yesterday (depending on when you read this).