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Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Let's just gossip today, shall we? Then we'll have our good news minute

Guess who I saw with his girlfriend riding bikes and holding hands at the same time.  Wolfgang.  Then I saw him kiss her one, two, three times before they parted.

(You gotta love a successful stalking story.)

And guess what I learned about bloggers yesterday.  They don't play tennis.  I bet they don't clean their houses or feed their kids either.  Just speculating though. 

And guess what I heard about my daughter's friends.  They're reading my blog behind my back. How shocking!  And rude!  And embarrassing, because I think my daughter might be the only one not reading my blog.   Girls, please don't tell her I'm funny because she doesn't know.  And everything else I said . . . don't believe it.  I'm never sad and my husband laughs hysterically at all of my jokes and I love stake conference and I never poked fun at any of your parents for sleeping during stake conference and my kids are angels and my life is practically celestial.    

And guess what I found out yesterday!  Remember the stupid smart girl? She's a liar. She's not really stupid. She's a smart smart girl.

In her post yesterday it came out that she isn't actually a therapist. Her friends just treat her like a therapist, and her young women use her as a therapist and her husband tells her to stop acting like a therapist.  But since I've exposed her secret hiding place in the blogasphere she had to come clean.   You go, smart smart girl!

Always good to get off on the right foot.  That's my motto.  (Unless the right foot is busy, then the left food works just as well.)

btw, if anyone wants their cover blown, I'm your dummy!

I was beginning to wonder about the SSGirl anyway because she talked about her own hate/envy issues, but never about anyone else's hate/envy issues, which led me to believe she's just one of us (or all of us) and she simply wants to say what she needs to say without being accountable to her bishop for it.

So I'm going to call her Jane Doe and I'm going to ask her to start a Dear Jane Column.  (If anyone needs to let your missionary down easy, Dear Jane can do it for you.  j/k Dear Jane.)

btw, just in case anyone thinks Dear Jane is me:  1.) I post way too much to be dabbling elsewhere--my loyalties are to the CTD  2.) I have no imagination for fiction. I'm a truth girl. 3.) I don't have hate/envy issues.  I only have trust/abandonment issues.   4.) Why would I claim to be a dummy and stupid at the same time? My self esteem just ain't that low.   5.) Why am I defending myself against accusations that haven't even been made?

Okay, let's move on the the Good News portion of the show.  

I have great news for all of us crazy bored lonely Mormon Mommies.  There is finally a Doctor in the house. My Italian Foodland Therapist has created an advice blog! It's called She's Got Fluid. I have no idea what that means.  Has she got fluid in her lungs? Is she's retaining fluid? Did she misunderstand Miley Cyrus and mean to say, she's got nerve?  

(Am I out of the fluid loop?)

Anyway, she used to be my Relief Society President. For 4 months (then she couldn't hack it and handed it over to me.  Plus our ward split and her husband got called to be a Bishop.)  She is a former therapist (a real one, I can vouch) who specializes in post traumatic stress stuff. Or maybe she specializes in family relations. I don't know what she specializes in, I just know she gives me chicken skin whenever she waxes wise.

She's funny too. But she can get really really real because she learned life from life, not from tennis.

Whenever we talk story at Foodland or Costco I tell her, "Oh, wise-one-full-of-fluid, please start an Ask Liz column."  

So she's finally gone and done it and now we can Ask Liz whatever we want.

What should we Ask Liz first? 

How about why are all the Mormon Mommies pretending to be crazy?  And does it stem from hate/envy issues?  

(Awkward silence.)  (They say it happens every 7 minutes.)

A N Y W A Y . . . Let me just send a few virtual hugs out into the blogasphere before I say so long.  First to Pat, who has been tending to her son, Jared in the hospital.  It must be taking longer for him to heal than they thought because she's been gone forever.  Miss You Pat!  

And next here's a hug for Melanie who is celebrating her daughter's first birthday but also the anniversary of her dad's death.  Only 2 years.  That's still pretty fresh.  HUG!  Her mom is gone too so she's an orphan now and she's only in her twenties.  LOVES and Tissues for you, Melanie. Everyone go drop a sympathy hug in her comment box please!   

Did I miss anyone?

12 comments:

Annette Lyon said...

I laughed out loud at the title, "She's Got Fluid." I'm guessing you aren't a Scrubs fan?

Watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pkt_k2t7Rk

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Hugs to Melanie, first off. Hope she's getting through the difficult anniversary.

Ok, if your friend is quoting Scrubs, then she has an instant fan in me! Please tell me she is!

Wait, wait, wait a minute. You just said that you couldn't possibly be dumb, smart girl because you're all about truth. Haven't you told us like a zillion times that you lie all the time?! You crazy dummy.

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

Don't feel bad. I had no idea what the fluid thing was either. :)

LaDawn said...

I wasn't aware that Mormon moms were pretending to be crazy. I certainly don't pretend.
I'm quite sure that I'm the one that the other ladies are envious of.

*MARY* said...

SCRUBS!!!
Annette, that's the first thing I thought of when I read the "fluid" thing too.
I miss that show like a Dummy misses Pat, and Jami.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh, SCRUBS! Now it all makes sense. (And I'm so happy to see Annette here. I see here everywhere else but never here. WELCOME!)

So to return the linking favor, here's my favorite scrubs video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRvk-CnXYhI

Imagine my 3 boys performing this at our family reunions this summer. It's a true story.

Alyson, I lied (about the lying. I'm a truth girl). Everyone else lies about being crazy so I figured, why not?

Ladawn, WELCOME! And I think you might be right about the Mormon Mommies. I'm just not ready to accept that truth yet.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Crash...I didn't get the scrubs reference...sorry girls, never watched the show...but I can't be banned from Crash's site because she's my twin...and we feel things and complete each others sentences and so you would hurt her for banning me as much as myself!

I'm not surprised WolfGang was cheating on his HATE LOVE self...men are like that...say one thing but do another? That's why my husband and I are happy...I get that about him...I almost never believe him and we live a happy go lucky life...it's how the Brady Bunch did it and it's how I am going to do it!

Welcome all you newbies...

Heidi Ashworth said...

So, where is Jami? She's been gone too long . . .

Melanie J said...

Thanks for the shout out.

I'm going to go position my racquet in front of the stove and see what it pulls off.

Jen said...

Just popping in for a chuckle. Nice to see you're still here - and still chuckle-able.

Especially the part where you proclaimed yourself a "truth girl."

That made me chuckle.

Youngblood4ever said...

So CTD- I had to check out your favorite Scrubs video. I almost peed my pants...heehee. I love that show. Sad its over, but good times for the reruns.

Verification word today- trocanta... I don't even know how to make fun of this one.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Youngblood, I'm glad you liked it.

I can't tell you how many times I've heard that song over the past year!