Monday, November 3, 2008

A Word About the Old Boat Guy

I feel kind of sorry for the old boat guy. He's hoping to attract other wooden boat lovers to his blog, but for now he's only got us Mormon Mommies. OBG, we've been trying to attract other wooden boat lovers too, but do you know how hard a wooden boat lover is to come by?

My heart goes out to him because I know what it's like to want to be understood and appreciated by people with the same interests and aptitudes. I really am trying to be interested in his boring posts about boat stripping. I want to be, but I can't seem to get past all the boat nudity.

For what it's worth boat guy, kudos for persisting. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you will soon be connected to others who share your passion. And I personally am going to submit your name to my stake president to speak at our next stake conference because if we're going to fall asleep learning about important spiritual processes, I'd prefer to be listening to you.

And I'm going to write your name in for President too.

Two things the boat guy said recently that struck me tenderly. First he told Lisa that he was going to vote for her story for sure because hers was the best. That choked me up. What a sweet thing to say to your own offspring. He must have been listening to John Mayer when he said that.

Wouldn't it be nice if there were more old boat guys in the world (for us and for him, because it must be lonely being the only guy around who cares about restoring boats).

The other thing he said was that when an old boat sits in the water for long periods of time the wood becomes rotten. There are so many nooks and crannies on a wooden boat that water gets trapped inside the hull and eats away at the wood. What the boat guy does is restore the hull to make it waterproof. I was thinking how great it would be if we could all get our hull's waterproofed! He is so kind to his boat. He only disassembles a few pieces at a time so the old pieces keep the boat in it's proper shape while he works his magic with the new pieces.

Anyway, that's all I have to say about the old boat guy for now. If you're going to go read his posts, please bring some tissue because they are reallllly boring.

P.S. OBG, Even though I'm not interested in the boats, I appreciate the metaphors and I don't think the boats are embarrassed by their nakedness. I think they're just happy they're getting a second chance to sail.


Alyson (New England Living) said...

Poor old boat guy and his naked boats! There must be more like them...there must be.

Mariko said...

I'm so glad I get to be first sometimes.
Wait a minute. First we think the OBG isn't real, and now he's actually someone's relative? No no. This is not how you win readers at all. Haven't you learned anything? Fictionalize, fictionalize, fictionalize (aka Lie Lie Lie).
word verification? "trume" And that is not a joke.

Mariko said...

Oh my gosh. First my prize gets stolen, and now my place in the comments? Alyson, were you just WAITING to take my place? Lurking in the comment bush, pushing post the second before mine?
Di Sece (latin for Die you comment bush lurker)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

hee hee Mariko. Always trying to be first.

And girl, the secret isn't in the lying. It's in the lying about truth and telling truth about the lies all at the same time.

Of course OBG is real. Did you think I created him out of thin air? Wish I had that kind of imagination, but I can only poke fun of reality.

Melanie J said...

I'm sorry, but I'm currently abstaining from boat nudity and food porn so I'm taking your word for it.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

But Melanie, you miss out on so much wisdom when you abstain.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

You're so right, Mariko! HAHAHA (imagine a villianous laugh). I love lurking in comment bushes.

Verifer:"reocu" - Her name was Reo and she dances on the sand. Duran, Duran is singing about you, Dummy! I can just picture a crash test dummy dancing on the Hawaii sands.

OldBoatGuy said...

You gals are so wierd! Read or not, there will be about seven more.

But this nudity is like looking on a beautiful woman, you know, beauty, grace, shy down cast eyes, like my wife the first time I beheld her on our wedding night. This is not vulgar nakedness. After her cloths are back on, you will see the gracefulness of her lines, her lovely makeup, and then she will hold her head up high, and look you in the eye and say, "Look at me now. I am whole, my savior restored me to my throne and I will love him forever."

What this actualy is, is the book that I will prepare for the boat shows. With even more pictures.

Thank you Crash, for promoting me. Arlon

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Well, ain't the old boat savior poetic? In a boaty kinda way.