Saturday, November 1, 2008

Halloween Hangover

I hope I don't get too attached to the old boat guy. I'm really not interested in any of his boats, and yet listening to him talk about how he takes those old broken boats apart and then puts them back together kinda chokes me up. I think he might be like a boat savior or something. I might start calling him BS instead of OBG. His last post was kind of boring, except for the dirty stripping parts and the boat nudity photos. I never realized naked boats were so sweet.

Hey, good news! We extended the spook-a-rama voting through Sunday so you can go trick or treating and then recover from your Halloween hangover. (I got totally smashed on Lemon Heads and Chocolate eyeballs.)

So I totally forgot it was Halloween today which meant my poor twins were on their own to decide what to be for the school parade. I laughed myself silly when they came downstairs dressed as . . . their dad. Do you want to see pictures of my twins as my husband?

Okay, here goes:

Here they are playing my husband in my husband's trademark t-shirts and my husband's trademark white spot in his hair. Everyone at school said, "Who are you guys? Your dad?"

But this is the funny part: This twin came downstairs first in my husband's sweats. But get this . . . he had my husband's (g.a.r.m.e.n.t.s) on too. hee hee ho ho ha! And get this . . . my husband didn't even laugh! hee hee ho ho ha!

I let my daughter ditch school today--although according to her she didn't ditch school, she's just didn't go to school. That's the beauty of rhetoric. You can get away with anything as long as you word it correctly.

We hung out together watching ghostly, halloweeny, pagany, superstitious stories on the History Channel.

And you know what's weird? People.

People are weird.

I used to say that all the time when I lived in Provo. People in Provo are weird, but with a righteous spirit. Then I started saying it when I lived in New York. People in New York are weird, but with a get-out-of-my-way-or-I'll-flip-you-off spirit. In Hawaii people are weird too, but with an aloha spirit.

But in the olden, ancient, superstitious days people really were weird . . . with a weird pagany spirit. Did you know that in the olden, ancient, superstitious days girls used hang a wet blouse on a line above them before they went to bed. If a girl's sleeve was turned up in the morning that was a sign that her future love loved her.

If I were an ancient, pagany, superstitious girl, I would turn that sleeve up myself so that everyone would think my future love loved me. I just wouldn't trust my future love to remember to do it himself.

My daughter and I learned a lot today watching spooky t.v.

Did you know that vampires really do exist! I totally thought Stephanie Myers made that up. Did you know they light their kids on fire to bond with them. Holy Batman! Tyra Banks asked them why they don't drink cow blood or pig blood instead of human blood. The vampires said, "Eww!"

"Eww?" Is it just me or does anyone else find that ironic?

The funny thing is my daughter said, "Those vampires are self-righteous!" (What a funny daughter!) Nothing worse than an ironic self-righteous vampire.

When my daughter and I got sick of spooky t.v. we jumped in the car and went to town to get Halloween candy and costumes. The trip started out with palm trees swaying to Monster Mash on the radio, but then my daughter started telling me all the things in life that are lam-o and boring and dumb. Then, because she's on the debate team now, she started yaking my ear off about abortion and global warming, the price of gas in China and the price of tea in Japan. I finally handed her an ipod and said, "isn't this what teenagers do in cars?"

btw, did you know that Mormons are responsible for global warming because they reproduce so rapidly?

In town we bought some Australian licorce (Yum-O!) and some Crunchy Mozzarella Cheetos (Yumo-O!) and some Glen Oaks Raspberry drinkable yogurt with pro-biotics (Yum-E!).

Then we bought half-priced candy and face paint and sumo wrestler wigs and a glow-in-the-dark Scream mask.

When we returned home my twins were extremely UN-happy with our choices in half-priced wrestler wigs and Scream masks, until they realized half-priced Scream masks glow in the dark and look ex-screamly gruesome with fake blood oozing from the eyeballs.

Would you like to see a photo of my daughter and her best friend after they raided the costume box?

Okay, here ya go:

She's the weird one.

Okay, she's the cute weird one.

The cute weird one with the extremely long eye lashes. It's genetic.

Speaking of weird. You know how I got a new dishwasher a week ago. I haven't hardly used it yet. I can't quite get myself to fill it up with my dirty dishes. It just seems so clean and unfamiliar. And when I do try to fill it up, I always wash the dishes by hand first.

I miss my old junk dishwasher.

Change is so hard.

I hope I never have to get remarried.

Hey, do you want to see a photo of my three boys after working at the Haunted Lagoon? In Hawaii we have haunted lagoons not haunted mansions. My boys were the creepy dead zombies skipping rope without giggling when their friends heckled, harassed and yelled "hey, dummies!" at them.

Here they are:


That's my boys.

And one final thought. Since everyone is asking to be adopted by the old boat guy and asking if they can be part of me-n-Sewl's crazy family, it dawned on me that maybe Mormon Mommies aren't really crazy OR bored after all. Maybe we're all just lonely. Mormon Mommies are people too. Maybe that's why we think about fortune cookies so much, and Xanax and hamster wheels.

Hey, there's plenty of room in the Dummy family if anyone wants in!

P.S. Isn't Laura cute how she tries to tell us all about Glitter Gone Bad like it's this great discovery of horrendous crafts. Hee hee. Girlfriend, where have you been? GGB's been on everybodies side bar for months. (Sometimes we're a little s l o w over her in Hawaii).


Mariko said...

Hee hee. Can I just say, I'm so glad I stay up late and I get to be the first one at the party. It's so cool to come early.
I was about to be so furious about a certain daughter missing school (let me rephrase, SKIPPING SCHOOL) with the consent of her parent, and then I remembered that it was testing schedule and I didn't have her today anyway. But, boy! I was about to have a talking to a certain someone about certain rules and certain upholdings of the law. Especially (!) because I did many very important things with my class today. Like eat candy and play kick ball. ExtREMELY important. So she's lucky. She's gonna slide by, just this once!
'wadowus' I think that's what you do. You Wadow Us.

Mariko said...

Oh, and now it says 'hyperspi'.
There's just no way I can let that one go by without telling you. That's a one in a lifetime.

OldBoatGuy said...

Just don't call me OBGYN, or late for supper.

I told you it would be boring, but next time I tell you about steam bending........

SOLATOO, salute to you, my pretty one.

Martha said...

The white spot in the hair is hilarious.

If you and T are going to talk about that boring stuff in the car, I don't think my R is going to want to ride with you to town anymore.

Use that dishwasher or I'm bringing over my dirty dishes to fill it up.

Kristina P. said...

Is Xanax the new Prozac? Good for Mormon Mommies.

And people are weird. I still love you anyway.

The Rogers Family said...

Very funny, cute kids, I really enjoyed it. Stephen

Annie Valentine said...

So, does your bishop read this blog?

I am so checking the history channel now.

Jen said...

Thank you so much for telling me that people are weird. I have been wondering what was wrong with them all, and that just explains EVERYTHING.

And that naked boat really was something...

"divocup" - does that mean I'm a diva, and I deserve to win the prize??? Or is it just the kind of hiccups you get over divorce?

Melanie J said...

I was going to leave you a sarcastic comment congratulating on sticking to your no posting on the weekend resolve, but then I realized you actually posted this yesterday and my blog reader is just slow again.

So now I don't really have a comment.

Security word: copin.

I'm totally not.

Me said...

I never know what to say after reading one of your posts Crash. I laugh, I cry, I even cringe occassionally. Its all part of your charm.

Pat said...

It comforts me to know that I am not the only parent to occasionaly let a kid stay home from school.

People are weird, and I am the textbook example of that.

Actualy I am probably a weird, bored, lonely, crazy person. I have got all my bases covered.


The Crash Test Dummy said...

I have so much to say to ya'll but I have to go to tennis and soccer matches all day.

And my verifer says Wayoff!

Did I tell you, or what?

OldBoatGuy said...

Bye the way, I got to thinking about BS......BS stands for Boy Scouts. I was a Boy Scout until I was 16, then I became a girl scout.

Now I am SFABOL.

entlost...yes I am endlessly lost here in the blog world.

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

Cute cute cute. I love your kids. I wish I could have seen that program, sounds so interesting.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Now I'm curious to what your husband looks like to see how close your boys got to actually looking like him!!!

Laura said...

ARe you calling me slow...?
I must be- because I can't vote everyday- darn it.. my server says "do you want to change your vote?" NO way!!!
I want me a blog make-over or a way cute T-shirt... or shoot- I can't even remember all those cool prizes.. this contest has gone on f-o-r-e-v-e-r...
I guess CRASH is just trying to teach me some patience... or help me learn how long e-t-e-r-n-i-t-y really is...

evolies! everyone.. and lets' all stay friends when then contest is over.

Debbie said...

Hyperspi? Hee Hee Mariko. I'm glad you didn't let that one go by. That should be my subtitle.

Late for supper! hee hee Old boat guy is such a card.
And hey, BS stands for something else besides boy scouts!

Shelle, check my facebook. The twin on the right is my husband's twin.

And Annie of course my bishop doesn't read my blog. I wish he did because then I could get released. But he's much too busy and important and spiritual for my silly old blog. ;)