Thursday, November 6, 2008

My very first super hopeless romance

Heads up, cause I'm sending some love out to all my peeps in the bloggernacle. I'm all about love this morning after the morning after.

I was inspired to write about love by my T/Th class since they have some serious confusion issues. They don't understand the difference between love and stalking.

Stalking is simply the expression of love, right?

In my day we didn't know what stalking was. Or lurking. We just wanted to feel close to the ones we loved so we manipulated them or their friends or our friends or their friends friends in cute and psychologically endearing ways in order to be close to them.

I don't know why I don't talk about my class more often because I have so many interesting students from so many interesting countries. This semester I have a guy named Wolfgang from Austria in my T/Th class. You'd think he'd be scary with a name like Wolfgang, but no one from Austria is actually scary.

The only thing that bugs me about Wolfgang is he laughs at me when I talk about love and he thinks all the characters we read are perverts or stalkers.

But this in not unusual. Surprisingly, most students think that Marius from Les Mis stalks Cosette because he happens to walk past her on the promenade every day with hopes of catching her eye. That's not stalking. That's sweet. When he is awakened by love, it's about as dreamy as it gets (for a self-centered idiot).

I tell my class that before IM, email and cell phones, we'd pile in the car with our girlfriends, pump up the jam--as in Wham--as in George Michael--and drive past the homes of each of our true loves. That was about as close to heaven as it got for a 16 year old in the 80's.

Then Wolfgang laughs and tells me I was a pervert or a stalker.

On Tuesday he scoffed at a cute story about how Tim O' Brien, author of The Things They Carried fell in love at nine years old with a girl named Linda who died of a brain tumor later that year. He says it was as deep and rich as love can ever get, with all the complexities of mature adult love.

Wolfgang totally missed the point and laughed and laughed.

"What's so funny, Wolfgang?"  I said, with my hands on my hips.

He said, "That's impossible AND pathetic!"

Then he continued to snicker and giggle right in the face of love.

I doubt he's ever been in love.

But I have been many many times and I know exactly what Tim O'Brien is talking about.

Love struck me deeply and wholeheartedly at 7 years old. He was an older boy, a 4th grader. It was doomed from the start because he wasn't just older, he was Canadian. Bryon Bastian was his name and he lived around the corner in a little house that I roller skated past every single day until he moved back to Canada and I never heard from him again.

But that love was so real and intense I can still feel the loneliness of it, and the longing. The terrible longing.

Longing really is terrible, btw.

I tried to tell all this to Wolfgang, but he just kept snickering and giggling.

And then I remembered this photo. And I told Wolfgang I would bring it to class today so everyone could see my very first super hopeless romance for themselves.

I thought I would show you too because someday you will be my class, (If I can get enough readers from Provo). I just hope you guys aren't opposed to writing research papers.

When I found this picture in my scrapbook today there was a little folded note that my mom had tied with a little purple ribbon and sealed with a double heart sticker. What a cute mom. I carefully untied the purple ribbon and unsealed the double heart sticker and read the letter.

Debbie was my nickname back then.

Now that I have some perspective I can see that he wasn't that into me.

And I appear to be more consumed with Christmas than with Bryon.

But you can see why.


btw, has anyone seen Jami? I'm starting to worry about her. She never stays out this late. Do you think we should call the authorities?


Funny Farmer said...

Cute kid! Bryon was a fool. And Wolfgang too.

But I think you're lying about Wolfgang. Not that he's from austria or that he's laughing at you, but that he's named Wolfgang.

So how do you define the difference between making oneself "available" to be noticed by the object of one's affections and stalking?

Curious minds want to know.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

OKAY I'm dying right now because I think I have just figured out that your MUSIC player goes along with your posts. I started laughing right there in the middle of my room all by myself when the song popped on! lol!

Bryon doesn't understand what he was missing...his love for Canada thwarted his true feelings...

I can tell from that letter that the love was deep...because nothing shows your love more than explaining your love of Christmas and all things warm and fuzzy that goes along with it!

WolfGang...what a perfectly hopeless romance novel character waiting to take force...he's definitely hiding is inner love...he should just come out of the closet and admit he is a love-a-phobe!

GINJOG--maybe that means Jami went jogging with Gin? Anyone know her?

Becky said...

Your heartbreaking romance moved me to tears!

Okay, not really, but it was a lot of fun to read...

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

OH MY GOSH!!!!!! WE ARE SOOOO FAMILY!! I did and 80's flashback song today too. WEIRD!! I just now looked at your post so if you think I copied you, you would be WRONG...:)
Too funny. I love that Marie shirt..ahahahahahahaha. And you and Mary look sooo alike when you were younger.

Funny Farmer said...


Uh... I just posted this so I could get comments emailed to me, since I neglected to mark that box the first time I commented.

So... yeah. :waves:

Kristina P. said...

I'm so confused! I se a picture of a real live girl, but you are a giant dummy! This just put me into a tailspin, "Debbie." Whoever you are.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Lisa, I kid you not about Wolfgang. The story wouldn't be as interesting if his real name wasn't wolfgang. Everyone in Austria is named Wolfgang, though.

Shelle he definitely is a love-phobe.

Emily! HI! I gotta go read your blog right now!

Becky! Hi! You can come out of the closet now that Sarah Palin lost. I don't care if you're not Sarah Palin anymore.

Kristina--silly goose! (Nasty) silly goose!

OldBoatGuy said...

liviv.....That's livin babe. I like your music. I have that first song by Bobbie Darin. I'll post a few of my romances someday.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Um, yeah, you looked so different when you were little. You've now gone bald and plastic. Oh, and featureless.

Debbie seems like a perfectly suitable nickname for Dummy. Pretty close.

Those Austrians are so weird! My older brother had a college class with an Austrian and he was saying that people shouldn't eat unless they're really hungry. My brother then said sometimes he eats when he's not hungry, when he gets a craving. Then the Austrian said, "You, my friend...have some serious issues." Imagine this is a German-type accent, with a little judgemental laugh at the end of it. We still quote that crazy dude to this day. Who doesn't eat every once in awhile when they aren't hungry! Austrians are a strange breed!

Barbaloot said...

Hold up---am I to understand that drive-bys are out? Cuz I fully did one the other day. I am going about this the wrong way?!

And also---what class do you teach?

Also again---sorry if I'm ignorant and should already know that.

*MARY* said...

Thank Zues for the mute button.

Pat said...

Loved the post. Loved the music. Since I can't find a christmas picture of me, I could just photoshop my face into yours and it would be accurate.

Too funny.

The Rogers Family said...

Does the Austrian have a Schwarzenegger accent too? Wow I remember Brian. Did you put his full name in your post so that you can google his own name and find you? Or does he have a face book site too?(like your CWT). Remember before there was caller ID, we would call up our crushes and after hearing their voice just hang up. Wow, maybe I was a stalker. Stephen

Melissa Bastow said...

My first major crush was in Kindergarten and his name was Sammy. He had a red-headed bowl cut and lived in a blue house. It was magical.

Funny Farmer said...

Hey, what happened to the "I'm all about love this morning after the morning after." ?

That was FUNNY!

:big frown:

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Lisa girl, you ar goooooood. Man, no wonder you're my BBFF. Sometimes I second guess my self.

I'll go put it back. Just for YOU!

Hey, I got a picture of Wolfgang for you for tomorrow's post. hee hee

Funny Farmer said...

Ooh, I hope he has big bushy jaw-length sideburns!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

No, that's Wolfman Jack!

Mariko said...

Every year I am more thoroughly convinced that kids don't take words seriously. They are throwing around passionate and meaningful words as if they are trying out their flavors.
I laughed when you said your love was doomed because he was Canadian. I had doomed love with a boy from New Zealand. I gave him the movie "Far and Away" as a goodbye present, hoping he would get the hint. After he left I even found out that he told a friend that he would never like me because he wanted a green card and had to marry an American. I guess born and raised in Oregon as a half Japanese half white girl doesn't count under that category.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

I wish Bryon had at least wanted me for my green card. ;)

And whatever you said about words . . . true that? There's no precision of language anymore!

(Except in my class, of course!)

I can't wait for you guys to see my class tomorrow!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

I wish Bryon had at least wanted me for my green card. ;)

And whatever you said about words . . . true that? There's no precision of language anymore!

(Except in my class, of course!)

I can't wait for you guys to see my class tomorrow!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Sometimes I like to comment twice so I look more popular.

Laura said...

CRASH - you crack me up-
poor thing- all heart broken... those college boys sound clue-less too- lucky they have you to straighten them out about love- or they'll never meet and marry!

Martha said...

I have to tell you. After I met P I found out where he taught his little EIL classes and I then made sure I walked down that particular hall between classes so we might make eye contact. He had already graduated and was a cool teacher boy when I met him. But, it worked and he noticed me. Stalking works.

After P started noticing me I started to bring him sandwiches. That worked even better.