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Saturday, November 8, 2008

Why I'm a Republicrat

WARNING: THIS POST MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL (unless you've got your silly thinking cap on.)

A few days ago one of my students (HEATHER) asked me (IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS) who I voted for!

Hello! That's like asking someone how old they are or if they're pregnant or why they didn't get married in the temple.

(Nosy Heather!)

I don't tell ANYONE who I vote for. Not even my kids because half my kids told me they would be ashamed of me if I voted for the maverick, and the other half told me they'd never speak to me again if I voted for the socialist. (Sorry, Sue, it is what it is. I love it when Sue gets her knickers all in a knot and turns off her comment box ).

The only reason my husband knows who I voted for is because he spied on me through those flimsy red, white and blue striped voting booth curtains.

My friends try to trick me into divulging my true feelings by offering me free movie tickets or asking me slippery questions like, "Soooooo, lovely weather we're having, areyouHAPPYabouttheoutcomeoftheelection?"

Such an easy answer.

"We shall see," tricky friends. "We shall see."

That being said, I am willing to tell a select few what party I'm affiliated with because parties should never be kept secret. People get hurt and feel left out when parties are kept secret.

I'm a Republicrat. Or at least a Republicratelion. (first person who figures that out gets a dollar.)

Why, you ask?

I love change, especially if it's vague and ambiguous and ambivalent and ambidextrous. Surprise me! That's my motto.

I love skim, 1%, 2% and whole milk, but I don't love homogeny because cream should be allowed to rise and then share it's delicious calories, of it's own volition, so everyone can become deliciously well-rounded (double meaning) (before we all get sicker than a dog and hurl those calories across the universe.)

(I know. I don't get that either. If I were a dairy farmer right now I'd be ROTFLOL and dropping a quarter in my comment box, but I'm not so . . . I'm not.)

I love variety and I love spice, and variety really is the spice of life, (besides curry and nutmeg.)

I don't love mavericky western movies where the Lone Ranger rides off into the sunset with his pitbull-sidekick, Tonto, but I do love Maverick Country stores in Provo. (I'm only gonna make a few cents on that joke since I have no readers from Provo, except when I mention GLENN BECK!)

I love Glenn Beck, but I don't love it when he uses "that tone of voice" on my husband. And I love my husband, but I don't love it when he uses "that tone of voice" on me.

(btw, Glenn Beck and my husband are irrelevant to this conversation.)

I don't love war, but peace makes me paranoid. (j/k all you war mongers and anti-war mongers.)

I don't love Robin Hood. That was never my favorite story. But Spamalot ROCKS so hard! I am so serious about how much I LOVE Spamalot. It's even better than Wicked.

I don't love big brothers who get all up in my face and burn my house down just because I want to be legally immoral.

I don't love to hug trees (too abrasive) but I love to exchange CO2 with them so they don't get asthmatic.

I love powerful speeches delivered by handsome men. But I also love powerful actions delivered by handsome women (or handsome joe-the-pizza-delivery-boys, especially if their actions are smothered in pepperoni and olives.)

(Okay, that was random too.)

Bottom line: I love correct principals, but I love to govern myself.

I don't think the means-to-the-end should be justified.

But I don't think the end-to-the-means should be justified either.

So that's why I'm a Democlan. I mean, a Republicrat.


Ah, heck! You got me. I'm actually a Madisonian Federalist.

28 comments:

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Who's not a poly-sci expert now, LISA!!???

: sticks out tongue rudely! :D

The Crash Test Dummy said...

YaY! I got to be first in line this time.

Kristina P. said...

You are one complicated dummy. And I'm the exact same way.

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

Ha- and I asked you who you voted for :) I was only kidding though. Well, not really. I ask everyone who they voted or. Maybe I'm rude, ah well.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Just don't ask me if I'm pregnant. :)

And P.S. My husband told me who to vote for. ;)

Alyson (New England Living) said...

You are a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma. (10 points if you can tell me who I'm quoting)

Love the mention of Spamalot. Better than Wicked? I can't wait to see it now!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

That's a Chicago song!

No, wait! Five for Fighting!

Nah, it's Winston Churchill. (told you, LISA!)

I'm impressed you know that, Alyson. ((You must live in an affluent neighborhood in Connecticut.)

Funny Farmer said...

Uh... I don't understand a word you just said.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Nah, I live in my Ma's basement in Iowa.

Lorie said...

My husband wants to be BFF with Glen Beck. If Glen Beck were ever in our city I think my husband might get arrested for stalking.

I think you should give nosy Heather a D on her next test, even if she gets them all right.

Jami said...

Waaaah! I want my Internet back. I don't even have time to say more than MISS YOU ALL!

OldBoatGuy said...

Hey, thats one way to get lots of comments, do it your self!!!!

aundomm.......undone

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OMGOSH!!!! JAMI. I'm so happy to see you again. I've been so lonesome for you. Get your internet back soon! We need you.

Hi Boat GUY! Yes, sometimes you have to take things into your own hands. I'm not as brave as you and Sue. Maybe I can't take it! ;)

And I don't like to turn my comment box off because then I couldn't talk to myself.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

okay first of all I almost got tourettes when you said WICKED was better than SPAMALOT...because that's like saying Dirt's better than Ice Cream...its blasphemous! But then I remembered that you are blasphemous on your site and you never tell the truth...so then I was able to breathe again!

But because of my near-death-experience I cannot say more...I am in recovery!

what about us independemocraticans? Where are we in this mess?

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Verifier TANSFORC who's tans? and why are they for C? Is that another political party I don't know about?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha Shelle. My verifier say prepc. Ha ha We need to get ready for C. Hmmmm. deep thoughts.

And I wasn't lying about Spamalot. It's a tiny bit better than Wicked. In a wicked ROTFLOL kind of way. But Wicked is a tiny bit better in a awesome production and plotline kind of way.

Les Mis is up there too. It's really a toss up.

I just don't like Robin Hood AS much.

Okay, now that you've commented, I can move on to my next post. :)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh wait. I have to wait for Mariko. She's not going to like this post. I have a gut feeling.

Me said...

Umm..I'm more confused now then when I started. You are one confusing dummy my friend.

*MARY* said...

Everyone knows that if you tell who you voted for it won't come true.

Martha said...

Ok, I feel so much better now that I see you took my tip and put it at the very top of your blog.

Here's my next tip:

BE NICE

I feel like I was mean again to T. She is so great I want her to smear everyone. It's not fair.

Why am I such a pumpkin head?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

No worries, Martha. T will get over it. She knows you love her. She needs to get some thick skin anyway. But thanks for the apology.

Mariko said...

I'm not going to like this post? Or the next one?
I like this post.
But I don't like Glenn Beck. Sorry.
I do like Glenn Miller, and I like Beck. Is that good enough?
I'm glad everyone waited for me, even though I am fabulously late. I tried to not check the blog 5 bazillion times today.
I still think I know who you voted for.
Kids don't ask me if I'm pregnant. They just whisper to each other that I look like I am. I actually like it better when they ask me if I wore bell bottoms in high school. Baby, I'd love to have worn bell bottoms in high school. I was stuck with Lee tapered jeans.
"terize." I guess it's trying to tell me that's what I'm doing.

Youngblood4ever said...

Republicratelion- I am going to guess a mix of republican, democrat and camelion. Am I right???? Do I win the $$$?
Verifier- tation (I think they left off the first part of the word).

BTW- love that you comment about your comments. Good times!

Stephen said...

Well that clears things up...

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Youngblood wins!!!

That's one dollar for you!!!

Thanks for playing

Shawna said...

Looove it! I've never asked someone who they voted for, but I've been asked many times. Very uncomfortable! I think I'll have to go with I'm a Hamiltonian Republican.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Wow! A Hamiltonian Republican!!! Impressive, Shawna. Welcome welcome. Nice to have a (fellow) poly sci expert among us. :)

Why not a Jeffersonian Republican? Cause everyone hated Hamilton except Washington. Or how about an Adamsonian Monarchist, since I voted for Adams.

Jami said...

I'm about to go into some illicit business to be able to afford to plug the hole-in-the-dam-Internet problem. Miss you too.