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Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The Morning After

So even though I voted for John Adams because that's who my daughter's History Day project is about and because I'm fearful of both Socialism and Maverickism, I couldn't help but get a tremendous lump in my throat when history was made last night (as both Glenn Beck and my husband predicted it would be).

The first black president of the United States of America!

It's noteworthy (and poignant) that the white house now embodies the triumph over generations of ugly prejudice and racism.

(You'll be happy to know that in order to keep this moment dignified I just deleted my joke about how this moment is far far bigger than B.O.)

Come what may in the future, at this moment I dearly wish I could give a high five (and a loving embrace) to the three black men I'm madly in love with . . . Martin Luther King, Jr., Jackie Robinson and hey, hey, hey, Fat Albert. (Now that's a real super hopeless romance because Fat Albert would never give a white girl like me the time of day (and the other 2 are happily married)).

It's probably all for the best about Sarah Palin. No Vice President should look that hot in a pair of jeans, anyway.

And now we get Michelle Onasis Obama! All grace and loveliness (plus a pinch of attitude.)

Okay, can we change the subject now? I have to tell you something really crazy. Remember when I was watching Everybody Loves Raymond in Spanish? Well last night I watched The Office in Spanish. I kid you not. I was watching it downstairs in English, but when I went upstairs it was on in Spanish! Same channel--tbs. Commercials--English, The Office--Spanish. (If there's a Spanish ghost in my t.v. I hope it's Ricky Ricardo.)

For the record no one on The Office is funny in Spanish either, except Dwight. He's stinkin' Hilarious.

And then Frank TV came on in English. But then after that Sex in the City came on in . . . Spanish! Upstairs. Downstairs--English (yes, I checked because I was thinking about Bink's spooky Andy Griffeth story). I've never seen Sex in the City before because we've always had BYU-H edited channels, but can I say that after watching the whole thing in Spanish I must concede that the city is a universal language.  And what happens in the city, should stay in the city.

Okay, I'd like to spend some time on issues now. Some new peeps have emerged today on our show. One of them, Shawna says she stalks me once in a while. I just need to clarify something for her. Stalking is not a once in a while activity. Either you're committed or you're not. If you drop by every so often I will call you a provonian. Is that clear?

btw, kinda funny, I got my first 3 hits from Provo yesterday. I bet it's because I mentioned Glenn Beck. Silly Provonians.

Okay, on to Amanda She came right out, introduced herself and confessed her sins to me. She told me she did not get me at first glance. Nor at second glance. She mistook me for a cult leader who hypnotized my readers then led them to the compound in my comment box where I tickle tortured them against their will. Luckily she took my Moulin Rouge suggestion, drank some Code Red and got past the first 30 minutes. Now she's seen the light. She's in. She's waving her arms in the air like she just don't care. Let's all make her feel welcome, shall we.

I just hope she's ticklish.

Amanda, you probably didn't get me because you like to cook and I don't. I only like to cook when my in-laws are here because it's the only time I can tell my mother-in-law to get out of my way.

I probably should have told you guys right off the bat that sometimes I'm irreverent. And the other times I'm just irrelevant.

For those of you who are just joining us, let me explain the difference between this blog and other blogs. This blog is not about me. This blog is about YOU! This blog is about people who have super hopeless romances with staplers and old boats.

This blog is about crazy, bored, lonely Mormon mommies, hoity doity English teachers and long lost cousins who can sewl.

This blog is about mouthy lurkers and ho-hum stalkers and Pat. And Jami. And Mary. And Kristina P. And Alyson. And Shelle. And Annie and Jen. And my BBFF, Lisa. Oh, and Donny Osmond. And John Mayer.

It's about my almost-hot creative writing teacher and my drug addict dad. And soon it will be about my apostate brother. And my re-appearing best boy friend from high school. And my Food Land therapist.
This blog is about scattering sunshine, each and every day.

If you want a blog about me, uncut and decaffeinated, you'll have to wait until I'm finished grading all my research papers.

Anyway, let me end with some good news. I tied for 1st place in Shelle's contest, even though only 2 of you went over and voted after I asked you to. (Too late for your sticker, Jen. You could have been the deciding vote.) The only thing I'm worried about is you know how the tie always goes to the runner? I'm not a runner. I hope that honey mom I'm up against isn't a runner either.

Don't you think the tie should go to the tennis player? The tennis player with the Ovaltine dripping from her hair?

34 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Tied for first place? Obviously, you need to invoke the power of The Secret a bit more. Oprah is shaking her finger at you.

Mina said...

You forgot to mention the history we made in proving that the US is more sexist than racist. We elect the first black man who makes the ticket, but this is the second woman running for VP, one each party, and well, sorry, sistah.

Nothing better than seeing Jesse Jackson in tears. Is that because it should have been him or because he never got his wish of castrating Obama?

Ok. election's over. Now I can go back to pretending not to be a political junkie.

Great blog. I'm laughing. But I'm not. Kidding, yes I am.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

I voted for the same person you did! Oops, I said I wouldn't tell, but I fear mavrickism and socialism too. The fact that John Adam has been dead for centuries did not put me off. Though he might need some febreze cause I hear that works for people smell too. Dead people smell though? Hmmm...

I voted for you, so don't blame me!

It says "mulitt". I swear, I don't have a mullet. Do you?

Laura said...

I have to admit- regardless of who won- I knew I was going to feel anx about the future... {not really sold on either person as the one who would solve all our woes...} but Obama is a darn good speaker! And I agree- about time... it was exciting to watch his speech last night and see that bit of history come to pass.

So serious a topic - CRASH. I personally just avoid current events... on my site- maybe that is why I only have 4 followers and you have 25 or so.. :0)
{derm}
Derm it!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OMGosh! You guys will seriously not believe what my verifier says:

adamscan

HOLY! It would have been even more eerie if it had said Adamscam.

And Mina. Good point! And welcome to the show. But you're confusing me already.

Thank you for the vote Alyson. You da bomb, sista.

Laura said...

Okay- I was going to totally be post #2 and then when I clicked to publish... mina and alyson just cut in line!
TEACHER!- they TOTALLY CUT IN LINE!
{kitides}
just trying to get my kitides off to school

The Crash Test Dummy said...

I didn't see you there, Laura. But stop trying to be first in line all the time. There are other people in the world besides you.

Get your kids off to school.

Oh, I better do that too.

Pat said...

yay for you, I totally voted for you. I hope you counted me in as one of the two.

Yes Kristina, what would Oprah say (WWOS)?

Why is everything so much more mysterious and funny when you use initials?

radst- something radical is coming our way.

Pat said...

Ok now it says trompus, something related to pompus I am sure, what could that mean.

Funny Farmer said...

Is it boring or bad that I just don't care that we elected a black man? Personally I think anyone who thinks it's that big a deal is a racist.

I think it is significant and historic that I had not one, but two disturbing dreams on election night.

Now THAT's something to write home about.

*MARY* said...

I tried to vote for you but I wasn't registered, sorry.

Annie Valentine said...

I want pics of the old boyfriend.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Okay, Annie. But he was an old boy-friend. Not boyfriend. And you'll get pics all in good time.

The Rogers Family said...

I tried to vote for you, but i showed up with only my library card and they wouldn't let me in. So I placed a call to your son to see if the story was "REAL", and assured me that he always does all of his homework and you never over react. Stephen

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hee hee hee. Good one, brother of mine.

Next time bring your CURRENT library card.

Shawna said...

You say Aloha and I say hello or goodbye,
You say provonian and I say occasional stalker
Aloha, hello or goodbye, provonian, occasional stalker
Let's call the whole thing off.

Not only am I an occasional stalker, but a pushy one that puts words in your mouth...like Aloha. Total assumption because of where you live.

Anyway, CONGRATS on the Tie Win for 1st!

Melissa Bastow said...

So Obama was black? My eyes don't see color when I look at people's skin. So if anyone ever sees me and then goes, "Eeeeew, get a tan once in a while, Captain Blindingly White Skin Woman." Sorry, it's the non-color eye thing (and the fact that I never see the sun.) And you can also bet that the very same non-color eye thing makes really care less what color our president is, but that he better do a dang good job, and his laws on abortion should NEVER be passed.

The End.

Jen said...

I can't believe I was too late. That's what I get for staying off my computer all day yesterday like a good house-cleaning mommy.

And now I have guilt.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Jen should TOTALLY have guilt...because if she TRULY loved you as much as I do she would have known to vote without you begging on your KNEES...but now that she is a follower I love her FORGETFUL...non-committed...good mommy and pay attention to house work...bloggy person that she is!

To be honest...I don't believe for a SECOND Alyson voted for you so you SHOULD blame her...because it's easier to blame somebody else right?

Pat I believe...there is just something about PAT...screaming at her camera for her profile picture that says to me...TRUSTWORTHY.


Anyway...politics, scmolitics...after I got done vomiting about the whole outcome I made myself Sugar Cookies and ran off to hip hop class. So I'm all good now...love , peace, and harmony...and pray the Second Coming comes tomorrow.

Has Glen Beck predicted anything like that yet? It would be good to know ahead of time!

BTW...I HATE TIES...

just saying!

ORSIMEL...which definitely means in Antartican..."Or some El (as in ellen)" which means in Lame Man terms...stop coveting Oprah KristinaP and watch some Ellen and her girl on girl lovin ways!

K...I'm out!

Amanda said...

Dang it! Now that I've been mentioned I have to become an obligatory follower. I made a big deal on Laura's blog because I have to follow it out of familial association. I had real excuses not to fall in line over here...all gone now.

I'm glad you were able to watch the acceptance speech and take something from it...I was just bitter and angry, but had to over come that by morning because I had to put together a lesson on the President of the US and how we still respect the position even when we don't agree with the stand being taken. I think I'll have a lot of lessons to learn in the next 4 years :)
{trime}
yup. it's a given, I have to follow now...try me?!?!

Andrea said...

I just clicked over here from Mormon Mommy Blogs. This is really random, but the reason I noticed your link there was because you mentioned History Day, and I did History Day for...um...a long time.

Anyway, I like your blog. Funny stuff.

Funny Farmer said...

I discovered her. Just so we're clear on that.

Ahem.

Yes, indeed. I thought the Dummy was funny before it was fashionable to join the Crash Cult. And I'm restin' on those laurels, baby!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Amen, LISA! And I will never let you forget it. Never! I will probably mention it very soon. And in fact I already did mention it to my draft box.

AND . . . I LOVE HISTORY DAY! So happy to find a fellow lover.

Oh, and Amanda . . . no strings, baby.

Mariko said...

Me me me! This blog is about me too!
I so did not vote for you. Pfffffft. How's that for sexism? (or is that student parentism?)

Motherboard said...

I find you hilarious. Each and every time I blurk over here.

word ver: caluto Is that a sandwich?

Andrea said...

My team and I went to DC twice, but never placed there. Congrats to your kids for doing so well! :)

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Why does Shelle not trust me?! I mean, just because I stole her shoes when we were little and her best friend when we were teens does not mean she should distrust me now! Sheesh, cousins are so exhausting! Especially adopted, step ones from Utah.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Wait a second...do you have that song "To The Left" playing on your page because you are subtly trying to tell us that you're democrat? Sneaky!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Or the opposite.

Or I'm trying to tell you which direction the country is heading in.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

btw, Mariko,

Perhaps you missed the line about the hoity toity English teacher. That was about YOU YOU YOU.


(Bratty little sista).

Barbaloot said...

Well-I suppose I must be a Provonian because I do manage to make it here sporadically. But I also enjoy coming:)

And I gotta say-I do think it's cool that America has put another huge record in the history books. But I also kind of wish it weren't SUCH a big deal. It's hard to explain what I mean, but black, white, purple or chartruese, I wish being elected President was historical enough. That Americans really could be past the race issue and just be people. Does that make sense?

Pat said...

Lisa, I give all the credit to you. You did indeed discover the crash test dummy. In fact you did a wonderful review on your very own popular blog.

Thanks for sharing the love.

And Shelle thanks for the vote of confidence. I'm glad my picture says trustworthy, that is exactly what I was going for when I took it of myself.

unesp

LisAway said...

Since I just started reading your blog I thank you very kindly for your blog description here.

And you're pretty cute, but I think maybe you should wear some clothes to make you less naked. Since you're Mormon.

I am LoW said...

Where did your link go, that had the person who gave you a face lift??? I need her!! I'm sagging on my blog! Share! Share!