Friday, November 28, 2008

Black Friday is like getting married . . .

You research and you compare and you contrast and then you make the biggest decision of your life: Walmart or Sports Authority? Circuit City or Best Buy? Toys R Us or Sears?

You must decide who offers the biggest bang for the buck. You narrow, narrow, narrow. You lose sleep considering the pros and cons. And then you pray. You search and you ponder and you pray.

You decide Walmart. No, Sports Authority. No, Walmart. No, Sports Authority.

You think about giving Walmart a try and then after the honeymoon, slipping over to Sports Authority to make sure you made the right choice, but you know by then most of the goods will be gone and you'll no longer be a Black Friday virgin.

So much depends upon the first choice. And not just for your Christmas. It will effect your children's christmas, your parent' christmas, your friend's and your neighbor's Christmas.

We decided to marry Sports Authority this year. I wasn't as committed as my husband and I kept waking him up in the night and saying, "Are you sure you want to go through with this?" He was resolute. No on-line shopping for him. He likes to hold his products in his hand. Touch them. Feel them. Pay for them in cash.

His problem is he couldn't decide WHO would get his hard earned cash, Walmart or Sports Authority.

So I finally made the decision myself (even though I didn't fast about it because I like to eat on Thanksgiving.)

We set the alarm for 2:45 a.m. because we live a hour away from the nearest early bird special.

As we were passing the Walmart exit, my husband looked wistfully back and said, "Should we just go see how long the line is?"

I had to explain to him that Black Friday is just like getting married; you DON'T base your decision on the wait or the competition, you base your decision on how stinkin' cheap the goods are. (And BONUS if you don't have to wait as long or compete with as many people to get those dirt cheap goods.)

So while we were waiting in line at Sports Authority and snickering at the girl in front of us stretched out in her folding recliner chair and her silk pajamas, we noticed that Old Navy was open. I left my husband to snicker at the teenager asleep in the K-Mart cart while I took Old Navy by storm.

It didn't even seem strange to be taking Old Navy by storm at 4:30 a.m. It just goes to show that you can do anything, as long as everyone else is doing it too.

But seriously, I couldn't stop gagging every time I looked at the Old Navy/Old Lady shoes.

Can I just declare publicly that Old Navy has the ugliest shoes on the planet. And maybe in the entire solar system.

And can I just declare publicly that we made the right choice with Sports Authority. Once we crossed the threshold our cold feet melted and there was no looking back, (although we did pass by Walmart at 6:15 just to make sure we made the right choice. The line was still a mile long so we gave each other a high five and went to Jamba Juice.)

Overall, Black Friday was a smashing success and we know this Christmas will live happily ever after. We saved $15.34 and were back in bed by 7:15 a.m. And best of all we are totally done with all of our Christmas shopping. All we have left is our parents, our neighbors, our grandparents, our siblings, our friends, our co-workers and our kids.

Hope your Black Friday was as good as ours!


Susan said...

Ok, I must be a loser commenting on Black Friday night...but I swear, we are just waiting [ie, pulling our hair out and sticking pins in our eyes] waiting for the babysitter to arrive. Cheers to your shopping success. You are WAY braver than I am. Actually, after reading your post, I feel better about sleeping in! Thanks!

Heidi Ashworth said...

Oh, this is hilarious! And to think I slept through the whole thing. Do they do Black Saturday? (Maybe I'm thinking of Black Sabbath though I try hard not to.)

Melanie J said...

Due to working fashion retail for years, I have a deep-seated loathing for Black Friday and unless there is some electronic doohickey I HAVE to have and it's the lowest price EVER, I won't go. So basically, minus the times I had to work that day, I've been...never.

Sandi said...

I admire your dedication to getting the bargain, I slept right through it too, although my girls did drag me into the twilight movie today, so my dreams of being the only woman in the world to NOT have seen it, well, it is gone. I thought it was incredibly cheesy and Edward not in the least attractive. So shoot me.

Mariko said...

Gotta agree with the girls on this one.
Black Friday is just one more excuse for me to NOT go shopping.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh NO, Sandi, NOOOOOOO. Say it isn't so. You bowed to familial pressure and you're still not part of the Mormon Mommy Edward Lovers Club. NOOOO! I'll see if I can pull some strings and get you a pass.

You must have an incredibly HOT and STEAMY marriage.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Let me guess girls, you all had a hard time committing to marriage too, I bet!

No wonder the economy is so stinkin' bad! Everybody is shirking their sacred duties.

April said...

Sandi does have a great hubby!!! He's a hard worker and a super dad! But you can still like Twighlight!!! Sandi....we'll have to talk next time you are in town gf! Anyways, back to the subject at hand, "No amount of money saved on Black Friday can compensate for failure to receive the necessary sleep". I'm sure that's a quote from some General Authority! So I heed to that counsel religiously. =]

Kristina P. said...

My Black Friday did inlude Edward, coincidentally. It was HILARIOUS!! The funniest movie of the year!!

Oh, and it also included the Internet. I don't believe in interrupting my sleep.

Funny Farmer said...

I read the part about how marriage is not about competition but about how stinking cheap the goods are and...

get this:

even my HUSBAND laughed out loud! That is high praise, girlfriend!

:high five:

The Crash Test Dummy said...

YAY, Funny Farmer. I made your husband laugh. If only I could make my husband laugh.

But don't you know men always giggle when you make vague inferences about sex and $$$ in the same sentence.

Kris said...

I went, I saved, I surrvived, and then I slept. However, my 11 year old wins the prize. His continued breath depended on him getting a green gas powered mini bike for Christmas. After all it goes, 18 miles per hr. He, the world champion begger, convinced my hubby to camp out with him in front of GI Joes, since there were only 30 per store. So, at midnight, they took anti-gravity lawn chairs and the suburban to be first in line. They were alone in line until 4:00 am. By five they were at the front of a line of 250. They got $15 in gift cards and some other great gifts.

The bad news is that he spent the day ridding the dang bike and now will have nothing for Christmas. But, I don't care cuz I have my 1/2 price sox.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

hee hee Kris. I'm so happy to hear someone else is as crazy as me and my hubby.

And btw, you made my day on Thanksgiving when I read your comment. I forgot to tell you that.

Anonymous said...

LOL! You have perfectly explained why I stayed home today. I had a hard enough time making up my mind to get married.

(Okay, before posting this, I read the rest of the comments and a) your commenters are very funny today and b) you figured out my commitment issues before I even posted them.)

Also, it was fun to see you at my blog, and now I have to go check out MMB and see what you're talking about.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Weirdly enough, it was my husband up before dawn and onto the sales. I slept in, of course.

Loved your account. I'm so jealous that you are done with your Christmas shopping! ;)

wv: deadde dead debbie? That's weird. Your name is dummy. Anyway, it's saying that you felt totally dead after waking up so early.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

hee hee Alyson. shhhhhhh. You're right, on both accounts, but shhhhhh.

And hey the famous imaginary blog lady is here! I'm so excited to be graced by her imaginary presence.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

And her imaginary presents too!

SWIRL said...

Hey crash
We married Walmart and then tried to slip in a side wedding with Toys R Us- but got rejected... now that I know the analogy- no wonder! You can't get great deals at more than one store... like you said.. you have to commit and stick with it.

Sandi said...

I'm pretty sure this is against some kind of blog etiquette, for me and April to be chit chatting on your comments....but HEY APRIL!! Love that imaginary quote, I might have to use that the next time I have to give a talk. haha.
And to you, Miss Crash, I will take a pass on the pass, I don't want to love Edward, EVER. His eyebrows and big forehead creep me out!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hey Swirl, hey we married Walmart last year and saw you at the wedding party. How was it this year? Do tell.

And Sandi, that imaginary quote works in any situation. That's what's so great an imagination.

And you don't have to love creepy stinkin' hot vampires, but I can still try to get you a pass into the Mormon Mommy club. This is the first time I've ever been apart of it, so I don't have much clout yet, but I'd hate to see you get left out.

What did kute kasey think of Edward? That's the real question.

Jen said...

Love the analogy. I felt like I was at Ricks listening to my roomies all over again.

I too slept in this morning. Early bird (crowded) shopping (where people get trampled to death) just isn't my thing.

Anonymous said...

Actually, funnily enough I was here just the other day, (well, and I know I've been here at least a couple times in the past, too,) but your blog scrolls down so fast I had to go pretty far back to find the comment I'd left you. I wanted to find it to re-post the important part since it looks like in all the holiday hoopla you might have missed it:

(From a few days ago)

I came over here to tell you how to do the overstrike code, because I saw you asking about it over at Kristina's. (I don't know why I should be so generous, since your blog is already awesomer than mine, and I should hoard any secrets I do have up my sleeve. But I pretty much stole the overstrike trick from Dave Barry anyway.) So here's the overstrike code. Blogger won't let me use the tag in a comment, so I'll have to spell it out for you: it's left caret S right caret S on the left of whatever you want to be overstricken, and left caret forward slash S right caret afterwards. In Wordpress they have a little button you can push to do the code for you; maybe if you hunt around you'll find such a thing in Blogger, too. (?)

(Don't look at what time it is . . . I was trying to finish a sewing project. But I've given up.)

Anonymous said...

Holy cow. Maybe marriage is the wrong metaphor.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OMGosh Imaginary blog lady! How did I miss that comment?? Thank you so much for sharing that strike out info. That is so kind of you. Now here's a dumb question. What's the caret key? Am I a dummy or what?

And eeek. That last link is horrible and gives Black Friday a bad name. Let us not let it taint our attitude about marriage. In Hawaii marriage and Black Friday are both civil(ized).

Anonymous said...

< >

Those are left and right carets, at least they are if I am calling them by their correct names. Now to see if Blogger will let them past the comment screen.

Jami said...

I went to the Goodwill 1/2 price sale Friday. At 10. I'd gone in on Wednesday night and hid the cute girls' dresses I wanted over in the fat lady dresses. And I saved big. Big doesn't seem like a BIG enough word. (Or an adverb for that matter.) HUGE savings. And all the sleep I could ever want.

But the best thing about Black Friday? For once my Internet was working, because the million other people on this network were busy trampling each other at Wal-Mart.

Sandi said...

I would love to find out what being a member of the mormon mommy club is all about, so use your clout crash...use it!
Kute Kasey has not seen Twilight because she is a poor student. Plus I told her how creepy Edward is and how cheesy it is...."you are like my own personal heroin" hahahahahah..that just cracks me up.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Jami, SUCH a good idea. I've done that. And in fact I thought of doing that this year too. SOOOO nice to have you back, girlfriend. Best wishes to your dad.

Sandi, WHAT? What is cheesy about being someone's personal heroin?????? Have you never been an addict of love, girl? Or do you like your love in tiny little bite size increments? hee hee.

You better give me Kute Kasey's number so Swirl and I can take her out for a monster helping of stinkin' hot vampire! Our treat since she's such a poor student. hee hee

Sandi said...

Ha Ha, you are even more funny than Edward's lines...LOL at " monster helping of stinking hot vampire" that is the funniest thing EVER.