Tuesday, November 18, 2008

This post is not about famous people, it's about polite skinny people (and poi)

Kahuku high school, located on the beautiful North Shore of Oahu is home of the Red Raiders (for life), and a fistful of famous people--mostly pro-football players because Red Raiders eat football for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

But Kahuku high school can also claim Jack Johnson, who turned the music world upside down with the help of a curious little monkey.

How cute is he with my star-struck daughter? (She's only in 5th grade here and I'm only showing you this to make you jealous. It has nothing to do with polite skinny people.)

Kahuku high school can also claim Cubworld, who is on the verge of turning the music world upside down.

And most recently it can claim Tasha Kai, a member of the USA soccer team who brought back an Olympic gold medal from China.

Here's Tasha last Saturday with her three favorite things (besides soccer and Olympic gold medals) her nephew, her dirt bike and her tattoos.

But this post is not about famous people. It's about polite skinny people (and poi) so please allow me to get to the point.

Let's start at the very beginning (since it's a very nice place to start.)

A few weeks ago my daughter made my husband smile. I mean really really smile. His eyes could have lit the world on fire. The reason is because my daughter accidentally made the varsity soccer team. As a Freshman. On the first day of junior varsity tryouts.

She didn't even mean to do it, which added an element of surprise and excitement that turned us all into a bunch of shiny happy people holding hands.

The varsity coach who picked my daughter is Tasha Kai's sister, Krisha Kai. The whole Kai family are Red Raiders for life, but they don't eat football for breakfast, lunch and dinner. They eat soccer (and poi).

On Saturday my daughter played her first scrimmage as a varsity player . . .

and she learned a valuable life lesson.

Here she is on the sidelines learning the valuable lesson from the father of all soccer, Benny Kai. We call him cousin Benny because we're all cousins in Hawaii. Everyone on the North Shore knows cousin Benny eats nothing but soccer (and poi) for B, L & D.

"You're too skinny," he's shouting to my daughter. "You need to eat some poi. Come live with me for a month and I'll fatten you up with poi."

"And you're too nice and polite," he's telling her. "Stop being so nice. And don't apologize when you make a mistake. You should only be polite on Sundays."

Later he told my husband, "Your daughter is too skinny. She should come live with me for a month and I will feed her poi and fatten her up."

Then Benny turned to me and said, "She's too polite. Soccer players should only be polite on Sundays. If she lived with me for a month I would teach her how to be polite on Sundays."

After church on Sunday my daughter wasn't the least bit polite all day so I said "Maybe you should go live with cousin Benny for a month. Someone needs to teach you to be polite on Sundays."

She laughed and ate her poi and said, "Come on, Mom . . . everyone knows polite skinny people are overrated!"


confession: I made that last line up for dramatic effect. I just like to put my own opinion in my skinny daughter's polite mouth.(And I don't even know how to make poi.)

But seriously, who wouldn't want someone shouting "you're too skinny!" at you for a month?

P.S. For the record:

His daughter's kinda twiggy too.

Just sayin'


I am LoW said...

haha! LOVE it!!

I need to look up poi. Hate finding out there is a food I don't know. :-D

(by the way, my buttons fixed)

Kristina P. said...

I can't get past the Jack Johnson picture.

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

Go Tatum!!! She rocks!! That is very cool or cewl ;)

Pat said...

Wow, I wish someone would yell at me that I am too skinny. Could you give cousin Benny my number. Maybe he could produce a CD of that and sell it. I am sure there is a huge markey out there of women who want that yelled at them, even if it is by a stranger on a CD. Just saying.

cloyish- in a cloyish kind of way

Heidi Ashworth said...

Who knew Hawaii was littered with so many famous people with whom you could rub elbows as easily as eat poi? security word: surgam

Isn't that in poi?

Becky said...

I'm with Pat - I'd totally shell out cold, hard cash if someone would yell at me that I'm too skinny.

How has someone not cashed in on this idea already!?

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Glad to see that you're finally starting to add some pics of how cool Hawaii is and how we should all be jealous.

Your daugher is adorable, by the way! I love her freckles and it's awesome that she's a little jock. I totally wanted to be, but was too much of a spaz.

You're right about Cousin Benny's daugher. She's looking pretty scrawny herself.

By the way, you've started quite a trend with your word verifier. Even my husband left me a comment yesterday that used the verifier word! He's not a blogger, but you're such a trendsetter that he had to follow. He left his comment under his real name of Russ, but I told him that he should have done it under "Gimpster".

Heidi Ashworth said...

Word verifier! That's what it's called! I knew I would figure it out if I hung out long enough where the smart people "busly" (word verifier word) do. Hang out.

Martha said...

The day your husband found out that T made the varsity soccer team he couldn't take the smile off his face, it was stuck there. He told me like 5 times "Did I tell you T made varsity?".

"Yes, A you did and that's awesome because T is awesome."

"She's only a freshman."

"Yes, I know and a young freshman whose birthday is in Oct. In the mainland she would only be in 8th grade."

A smile is almost as good as a laugh.

My word thingy says "stale". I better go make some more bread. Did you eat all yours?

Oh, yeah and Tasha helped me find my car key at the beach last month, and told me about her new dirt bikes. We're going to go riding sometime soon.

Funny Farmer said...

That's a parent payday, no doubt! I seem to remember something in the scriptures about joy and rejoicing in thy posterity... at least until she's 16 and GETS A BOYFRIEND! GAAAAAH! Then the hairpulling commences. I do not recommend it.

Mariko said...

Certainly, you have the best teenage daughter in the world, because not even I have something to complain about with her. And I'm good at complaining about kids.
Maybe I should let my daughter live with you guys for a month so she can learn how to be polite on every day except Sunday.
I love poi. I'm jealous that someone told her she should eat more of it. Doesn't Benny know anything about genetics? And he was looking at you when he said this?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hi Everyone! What a pleasure to come to my comment box and find you all here. You're so right about the CD. We could all make a fortune and feel better about ourselves at the same time.

Alyson, I'm headed to your comment box right now to see what your gimpy husband has to say to you in front of all your friends.

Martha, you better go make some more bread because ours is all gone and it was so delicious. Do you just buy wheat flour? Please share recipe so I can be a happy homemaker too! And I'm glad you and Tasha are so tight. I just hope you don't get sucked into the whole tatooing thing because I hear it's addicting.

Lisa, I totally know what you mean. I'm already dreading that day when I can feel the awakening in my daughter. Mariko, tell me if you suspect anything. I already feel a small piece of control over her childhood slipping away from me now that she's a varsity soccer player. It's a committment. HUGE. And it take priority over everything, even family vacations. And you have to schedule your world around, even family vacations. And I didn't smile even close to as wide as my husband did for all these reasons. But I'm glad she's found her passion/grail. At the same time I feel like I'm always waving goodbye to her as she walks out the door and saying "have fun with your grail honey! MISS YOU!" ;(

I bet I'll be a lonely old Mormon Mommy. My blogs will be full of depressing bitter angst about how I have nothing better to do than piece my puzzles together and curse my kids for never calling.

Good thing I love puzzles.

Maybe I can take in other peoples daughters, Mariko's first, and tell them how skinny they are. And feed them poi. Mariko, can you give me your poi recipe?

Melanie J said...

Hilarious! Sounds like my grandfather but I think he was trying to get me take extra cornbread at every meal.

And I'm always polite on Sundays, unless I'm teaching primary, in which case I'm really mean, because I'm just like that.

Funny Farmer said...

Take heart Crash, at least Varsity Soccer is exclusively GIRLS. My oldest is in the HS Show Choir with a bunch of older good looking guys who can dance -- she never had a chance. My second daughter is in the HS marching and pep bands (as a freshman), with boys who know how to use their tongues. :eeek!:

As for politeness, imo it's overrated, and this is why: I am unfailingly polite on the surface. Behind my refined (snort) exterior is a mind that is most often spitting out rapid-fire sarcastic comments that only sometimes stay behind my lips until I can get home and blog about them.

I blame high school varisty sports for this. It's also where I picked up my cursing habit. Haven't yet broken that one, either, much to my righteous husband's chagrin.

I'm sure T will be fine though. Just fine. Don't you worry one little tiny bit. :D

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Thank you for the encouragement FF. My son is in the band and learning to use his tongue as we speak.

I too think polite (and may I add) skinny people are overrated. Way overrated. Growing up in PROVO, just a stone's throw away from you, I was talk to value BOTH enormously.

That's why Hawaii ROCKS! Polite skinny people don't sit at the popular table in Hawaii. :)

But I still can't bring myself to curse--only via email to my most intimate confidants. I didn't play enough high school sports.

Wait. I didn't play any high school sports. I was far too apologetic for that.

Mariko said...

Make poi?
I only buy already mixed hanalei poi. I don't even like to mix it myself with water.
And I'm just realizing something. Skinny people play soccer. I NEED to play soccer. What have I been thinking?!
That is so awesome. You have weasels that wee and mose in here.

Mariko said...


That's what it says now.

That's exactly what you do. You write quisms.

Wendyburd1 said...

Hey Crash, I got my cards from Audrey Eclectic today, they SO need to be framed! My sister Sam is trying to steal one and was so sad to hear Audrey doesn't SELL them on her site!! She loves this ONE particular one, I wish she could get one, but NOT mine!! LOL

Susan said...

Oh my gosh, loving this post. Very funny. Is poi like grits in the south? I can't remember from my trip to Hawaii so many years ago. Or is it like meat? Have to google it now, it's driving me CRAZY! Anyway, loved the added line at the end - too funny!!! And congrats to your daughter!

OldBoatGuy said...

That is really awsome and profound!