My Achey Breaky Stone Cold Heart

Everyone is gone.

My cute mom. My rock star brother. My crazy sis-in-law.

And the boyz.

Half the boyz are gone!

Do the math. That's 50%, peeps.

That means I've dropped to the 50th percentile when it comes to fruit snack and powdered sugar doughnut consumption.

And my living room floor is empty. It's nothing but a floor now.

And I'm nothing but a floor now. An empty empty floor.

In fact this would be a very good time for someone to walk all over me if they so desired.

I'm so lonely I could cry.

No, I'm so lonely I could die.

What am I supposed to do now?

Besides this:

What will get me out of bed every morning?

Besides this:


Most importantly, who will clean up after me? And who will do my laundry?

When the airport security ripped me out of the arms of my loved ones my eyes began sweating so profusely that my husband handed me some deodorant and said, "Where's your stone cold heart when we need it?"

And when my daughter asked me if her tennis uniform had been washed yet my husband had to reach for the deodorant again.

How should I know if her tennis uniform has been washed?

I WANT MY MOMMY!

I ate breakfast on the couch because I couldn't bear the empty chairs and empty tables.

(Well, empty except for this):


I ate lunch at my computer because I couldn't stop looking at these:






But then as I looked and looked and looked it began to dawn on me that my rock star brother and his family are kinda weird.

I can't put my finger on it but something is not quite right about them.







See what I mean?

And anyway, my rock star brother isn't very nice. Look what he did to my son:



Just because my son did this to his son:



He's just a kid.

Who needs them anyway?

I'm kinda glad they're gone.

My husband is right--my stone cold heart really does come in handy sometimes.