It's Cute Crazy Grandma Day!

Hiiiii,


Gosh, settle down folks. I can feel the anticipation just brewing and stewing in the air over the contest results. Fret not! Simon and Paula and Randy are on it!


Actually, it was way too hard for one crash test dummy and one art dummy to handle, so we contracted the judging out to some PRO-fessionals. YES, your stories are being read at this very moment by 6 very creative and competent PRO-fessors of words! We take our judging seriously at crash-n-sew and I too am as anxious to find out the results as you are. They will be posted pronto Manana morning. (Is that how you spell manana? I don't have a spanish speaking keyboard).


Hey, good news!! The old boat guy is going to adopt me-n-sewl because neither one of us have any grandpas left. That means that my BBFF, Lisa is now Auntie BBFF because she's the old boat guy's off spring! (OMGosh, I know!)

I'm excited about the old boat guy adoption because I really miss my grandpa's and I sorta miss my dad too.

And guess what! My HUSBAND FINALLY laughed at me. You should have seen him crack up when I told him about how the old boat guy was gonna adopt me-n-sewl and how me-n-sewl already adopted Alyson from New England to be our cousin, and Shellblokthoughts to be our twin. He said, "Next you'll probably adopt a new husband."

I hadn't thought of it, but it's not a bad idea. Maybe after Sue gets herself out of this super hopeless romance pickle she can start a Mormon Daddy Bloggernacle.

Just kidding honey! (I'm talking to myself right now because he can't hear me since he's not here and won't be here any time soon. I can safely say he won't be here EVER. Even after the divorce is final. And there will be a divorce since my work here is now done and I FINALLY GOT A LAUGH out of him. I know he was laughing at me and not with me, but I'm going to count it just because I want that divorce.)

Okay, just kidding honey! I love you. And I would never divorce you because I would miss your dancing way too much (talking to myself again). Plus it's cute how you're so nice to everyone. It doesn't even drive me crazy how we always have to stop and say aloha to everyone we pass and chat with them about politics and basketball and soccer and Glenn Beck and the economy and tennis and all the crazy ladies you work with. (Just kidding crazy ladies) I mean all the seriously so bored ladies you work with.

I love seriously so bored ladies. I can seriously so relate to them!

But back to boat guy gramps. Even though both of my grandpas are gone, my 2 crazy-cute grandmas are still here. I have the cutest craziest grandmas in the world. One of them is nuts and the other is wackY with a capital Y. And I mean that in a cute Y way. The one from Portage has a drawer full of king size candy bars in her fridge and can do a 5,000 piece puzzle in 30 seconds. She has been struck by lightening twice--three times if you count the time it hit the car when she was making out with my grandpa. (They must have been in the middle of some hanky panky or something--although I never got struck by lightening when I was in the car . . . never mind).

Then there is my other grandma. She lives in a tiny haunted old house on a tiny haunted old lane in a tiny haunted old town. She was actually born in this tiny haunted old hause 150 years ago. She does not have a drawer full of king size candy bars in her fridge. All she has in her fridge is egg salad sandwiches.

I got this cute letter from her today in the mailbox. The mailbox! How cute is that? Who sends letters through the mail anymore?

The letter said:

My precious Crash, (name has been changed to protect my identity, but she always calls me precious. So . . . Lord of the Rings. Sometimes she calls me darling too. I like that one better.)

Anyway, long letter short, she tells me that she's been going through a stage in her life where she's sorting through all of her stuff and she found an old Christmas card I sent in 2005 in which I mentioned that I had just finished Reading Lolita in Tehran. She said she checked that book-on-tape out at the St. George library but got ill and returned it without listening to it.

This is the cute part: "Please give me your evaluation," she says. "I've never thought of getting it again from the library. Was I right or wrong? Please check. Please reply!"

Is there a right or wrong when it comes to renewing books-on-tape? Wouldn't that fit under the category of good, better and best?

But my point is, the exclamation mark after Please reply really got to me. I think my grandma must be lonely. I would be lonely if I lived all alone in a tiny haunted house on a tiny haunted lane in a tiny haunted town. I would probably sit around sorting through my things wondering if I had made the right books-on-tape choices.

Could everyone please reply to my grandma. Tell her she's crazy cause egg salad sandwiches . . . COME ON, but tell her she made the best choice she could at the time given her circumstances. Tell her I'm ordering RLIT on tape for her from Amazon right now.

Oh, and while you're at it go reply to your own crazy cute grandma too!