Power? YES! Primary Program? YES! Nudity? NO!

My weekend in a nutshell:  

I like power.  I like  the primary program.  I like watching every episode of  Get Smart on Sunday afternoons while my husband yells at the kids to clean the house.  But nudity?   I don't like nudity!  Nudity is no laughing matter.  

I don't like frontal nudity or backal nudity.  And I especially don't like full monty nudity.  But you'll never believe what the nudity people are trying get away with now.  Potato Chip nudity!  

Yesterday, while judging the island-wide high school speech competition I was snacking in the judges lounge when I noticed the baked chips I was putting in my temple-worthy mouth were called Simply Nude: Nothing but Sea Salt.  Of course I spit them out immediately, partly because baked chips taste like cardboard, but mostly because nudity makes me feel . . . naked. But it wasn't just the chips that made me feel . . . naked.  The whole speech competition was so in-and-of-the-worldly. 

 I judged a round of dramatic interpretation and a round of humorous interpretation and here's what I learned: 

1.) Drama is funny and comedy isn't.  

2.) High school students are thinking about s.e.x. 

3.) I love POWER!  

Did you know comedians take themselves very seriously?  Comedy to a comic is no laughing matter.  It's un-nerving to sit in a room with a bunch of solemn, silent, stewing, scowling comedians dressed in ill fitting suits and heels.  (At least they weren't nude).  In front of me they stood and seriously stared and stared seriously until I finally gave them the nod to begin making me laugh.   Awkward!  

But here's what I learned about humor: 

Jokes about floppy underwear are not funny.   Jokes about lesbians, transvestites, perverted old women, perverted young priests, swear words, fast girls, suicide and murder are not funny coming from the mouth of babes in ill fitting suits.   

Down-there jokes--NOT FUNNY!  

Arthur Miller jokes about Lucifer teaching God how to turn Adam on?  NOT funny.  

And Woody Allen should not write jokes about Dracula.  NOT funny.  Stick to incest, Woody.   

Jokes about prehistoric medicine could be funny, except . . . they're NOT.  And Midsummer Night's Dream jokes. . . only funny when a Chinese boy casts himself as the Chink in the wall. 

Chinese girls are stinkin' hilarious though when they do Joy Luck Club jokes about Chinese mother's, Chinese torture and Chinese chess sets.  Mary, I can totally see where you get your humor girl.  

Overall, these high schoolers were impressive though.  I awarded mostly S's for (Superior) and E's for (Excellent) and a few G's for (Good).  I only had to give one IGTSMBIYB  for (I'm-Going-To-Shoot-Myself-Before-I-Yawn-Boring!)  

The dramatic interpretations kinda blew my mind.  The scene I chose to win was performed by this pleasant whisp of a girl with braces and a lisp.  She really reached in a wrung my heart out. I cried.  Big crocodile tears.  They wouldn't be put back in their place.  They slid down my cheeks in humiliating ways.  And once she saw me wiping my nose on my sleeve SHE had the power instead of ME.  And I LOVE POWER!

As a women who's primary love language is Words of Affirmation--with an emphasis on words--I wasn't surprised how much I loved the POWER of wielding my pen and scribbling across their ballots. You are incredible!  You are gifted!  Talented!  Amazing!  You have found your grail! You rocked my world!  You deserve a Jamba Juice.  I imagined them laying in bed with the ballot under their pillow, a smile on their face and the words rewinding in their heads, I'm incredible!  I rocked someone's world!  I deserve a Jamba Juice!

And even though I hate Sundays and I vote the Sabbath should be moved to Fridays so we can go to movies and stuff, today was a pretty good day, and not just because I got to watch every episode of Get Smart while my husband yelled at the kids to clean the house, but because it was the primary program today which is my favorite church day of the year because I'm not the primary president and because brown kids are so dang cute!  And my kids are so dang cute too. I think I'll have a Which Country Has the Cutest Kids Contest with Sewl.  (I already know Mongolia will win, but it would still be fun).

I'll tell you why I love the primary program later.  Right now I have blogger guilt and I gotta go make Muddy Buddies with my kids.