Rules and COJCOLDS (and some other stuff)

The thing that's so hard about blogging is that your train of thought is constantly interrupted by mouthy lurkers and mouthy followers. I've been trying to get this important post about addiction published all week, BUT . . .


Pat, my mouthy follower pointed out that my ghost story was not within the 500 word count rule. I wouldn't bother to acknowledge this issue but I hate being called a cheater. I know cheaters never prosper and I'm all about prosperity. Therefore, Pat, I will dignify your accusation with a response.


1. Let me direct your attention to my subtitle, which will soon be written in a different font because script is too sophisticated for a CTD, if you ask me. My subtitle says it all. I never claimed to be a good example. I only claim to be a horrible warning. Anyone who is paying attention will see that sometimes I tell you what to do and sometimes I show you what not to do. Pay attention Pat!!


2. I subscribe to the Joseph Smith notion of teaching and governing. I like to teach correct principals, and then govern myself.


3. Also, as a strong member of the COJCOLDS (hey, that spells coj colds--weird) I strive to meet the modern day COJCOLDS standard of do as I say and not as I do. Any faithful member of the COJCOLDS knows that.


4. And lastly, I could care less if you go over the 500 word limit.


(And OMGOSH, did you guys read Sewl's spookylicious story? (which was also longer than 500 words) Holy Ghostmobile! Screw the word limit! It was freakin' freaky.


I feel like I need to apologize for all my stinkin' typos over the past 24 hours. I'm a total dork when I'm drunk. Plus, I'm a bit jumpy with all these contentious bugs in my house. This morning I awoke with a centipede bite on my arm. (I KNOW!)


But today I discovered their hidden, secret, underground, evil, compound where they gather for their seances and their orgies and where they go to the bathroom. Under my dishwasher!! EEEEWW!


Which leads me to some good news. The number one benefit of renting rather than owning, besides the no-committment clause, is the FREE appliances. Today we got a new fridge and a new dishwasher. I feel so CLEAN!!! (And yet so DIRTY, you know what I mean? Now I want a new stove and a new microwave and a new blender. Plus a new evil bug compound.)


And more good news. Our censorship police here on campus have reshuffled our edited T.V. stations and now we have Nickelodeon! NICK JR Rocks! But why is Sponge Bob's grandma a chocolate chip cookie? That makes no sense. Do you think it was inter-objectial marriage?


And even more good news. I treated myself to a Philly Cheese Steak Sandwhich at the Hukilau Cafe today. (Cafe's in Hawaii are so cute. They put a floor mat at the front door to protect the floor and then they spread a big piece of cardboard over the top to protect the floor mat. So Kreativ!)


I also treated myself to a Mountain Dew--this time I tried the Super Nova. Not even close to the Code Red! It actually doesn't even taste like Mountain Dew, so what's the point?


Well, TTFN! (ta ta for now) (I like quoting Jami quote tigger.)


But can I just say one more thing about Pat? Did you know she lives her life in a Hamster Wheel? No wonder she can't get organized and find her library books on time. Two words, girlfriend: Buyer's market!


P.S. GUESS WHAT? I think I might be getting famous because I got this phone call from Washington D.C. today. Guess who it was . . . guess, guess, guess! Payless Shoe Source! They just wanted to let me know personally about their BOGO sale going on. How thoughtful is that? I wonder how they got MY number?


P.S.S. Can I clear the air about something real quick? I appreciate all of you who keep jamming up my email inbox saying, Crash, I love you. I adore you. You make me feel so inadequate to comment. It's flattering. There's nothing I want more than to make people feel inadequate, but maybe you don't understand the purpose of a comment box. It's not for you to be witty and clever. That's my job and this is MY show. If you love me, please don't tell me tin a private place where no one else can read it. I like PDA better. (public display of affection)


TTFN FR (fo' real)