It's Not Easy Being Mean!

How many of you were a kind and loving person?

And then you had kids.

Or became a teacher.

Just today my son said to me, "you're so mean, Mom!" And he was right. I wouldn't cut an apple for him. But if I'm not mean today his wife will eventually explode and tell me, "If you hadn't cut those apples for him, I wouldn't have to iron all of his clothes or serve him steaming hot chocolate on a silver platter!!"

I reminded him of the mother's day card he gave me last year that expressed why he loved me so much. "Mom, you don't mean to be mean, it's your job."

What a blessing to have a child who actually GETS that (at least on Mother's Day).

If mom's were nice the whole world would have false teeth and skin cancer.

And if teachers were nice the whole world would have false teeth, skin cancer and a 4.0 GPA.

It's not our job to be nice. We must teach our students and our children correct principals and then teach them to govern themselves. (But we know they won't so we must go ahead and rule over them.)

I've been mean to my night class lately. I wasn't at first. At first I treated them like my pets and I called them my honor students because of their sharp minds and even sharper tongues. But then they thought they were brilliant and stopped reading and writing and coming to class.

It's so much better to tell people they're stupid. Put obstacles in their path and give them something to overcome.

And then punish them. Students and children need punishment like a plant needs water.

Tonight I made my class listen to Barry Manilow for a whole hour while I gave them a 50 point pop quiz. And I even took Nevadanistas suggestion that looking at Barry Manilow is even more punishment than listening to him. I projected this photo on the big screen behind me during the entire class.


They deserved it.

Stinkin' smart kids.

One thing I like about my next door neighbor, Martha, is that she knows it's not easy being mean. She knows that sometimes you have to push people around to help them learn their life lessons(and to win a pumpkin pie.)

This is Martha pushing her competition in the Turkey Trot today.

Here she is again. She just smacked the competition in the head and said "Don't mess with me, white girl!"

Then she won the pumpkin pie. Happy Thanksgiving Martha! You go, white girl!"

(There's an object lesson here for those of you paying close attention. Martha didn't actually push that girl. She just looks like she's pushed that girl.)

(btw, ftr, I could totally take Martha down if I wasn't so afeared of her. Once I was beating her 5-0 in a game of tennis and she ran to the net and smacked the ball so hard I had a hole in my chest for a year. I was seriously on life-support for 2 weeks.)


Here's a caution! There's a code of conduct that will help you be mean responsibly, elsewise life lessons can't be learned properly:

You must never be mean spitefully, anonymously or unapolegetically.

Martha understands this. She will knock you down like a champion, but she will lift you back up like a hero.

I'm so thankful for Martha and for all the people who told me I was stupid and poor and ill-dressed and good-for-nothing when I was growing up.

And I'm so thankful I now have the opportunity to share this knowledge with others.

Happy Thanksgiving all you bored, crazy, good-for-nothing Mormon Mommies! LY

And remember, no one ever said being mean would be easy. They just didn't say it would be so hard.

Then they said it would be worth it!