All is well in Zion

My hub has now arrived on planet Utah so all is well in Zion.  

And I am now the proud owner of one of the greatest inventions known to man. OMGOSH you guys, write this down.  It's called a DVR.  You should all try it!!!! With the touch of a button you can record every episode of the Office.  NO VHS TAPE necessary!!  It's that easy.   No more ditching out of pack meetings because you forgot to press record.  No more arguing with your hub about whose turn it is to get out of bed and fast forward through the commercials because you can't find your remote. And no more taping over your wedding highlight video. 

It's tremendous!  

And I never say tremendous. 

I am also the proud owner of a bazillion channels.  

Nani nani boo boo BYU-H.  

Oooh, that sounded ungrateful.  I take that back BYU-H.  I lub you BYU-H.  I miss you BYU-H. (Most of you.)  

I miss you so much that I had to console myself by watching MASH last night.  

MASH!!!!  Do you know how long it's been since I watched MASH?  I bet I can watch Cheers too, if I want.  It's a good thing I'm not working yet so I'll have more quality time to spend with my new channels and my new DVR.

So last night my hub and I went shopping together.  At Maceys.  

Oh my gad, don't ever ever ever take your hub shopping at Maceys on a Saturday night. Especially if he just barely landed on planet Utah.  Break him in easy, for goodness sake.  

First of all, the shopping carts are gigantic race cars and fire trucks and everyone is Nascar-racing around the store trying to see who can get their food storage first.  

HOLY FOOD STORAGE, BATMAN!  Utah is the place to be if there is an emergency.   Don't tell anyone I told you this, but my RS Presidency dropped by and brought me some food storage to welcome me into the ward.  A plate of brownies would have sufficed, but if there is an earthquake tonight at least I will have some salt and honey to keep my kids alive for a few extra days.  

After we run out of salt and honey I'm going to camp out at Macey's (since it's just down the street) and eat from their 40 gallon tubs of green split peas and hard red wheat and black turtle beans. 

YUM-O!

FYI, BTW, my Gigi just took me out to lunch at Chuck-a-rama last week and she pulled me over to the black turtle beans and kept tugging at me until my face and her face were pressed up against the glass above them.   And then her voice got really low and quiet-like, as if what she was about to say was top secret. 

"Those beans'll kill ya," she said.  "If they're not cooked.   They're poison, I tell ya!"

So thankful for my Gigi.  I would hate to be killed by a dry black turtle bean.

But that's neither here nor there.  Let's talk more about Maceys.  I kid not!  The whole store is filled with food storage.  It's like walking into a bomb shelter.  A bomb shelter with a race track.  I saw a man at Macey's with his fire truck cart filled all the way to the top with cans of Simply Supreme Kandy Kane hot chocolate.  My hub said it gave him the heebie-jeebies, but I felt sorry for the guy.  I mean it's Saturday night and the poor guy is O.D. ing on misspelled hot chocolate. He needs a porn addiction or something.  

I didn't get the heebie-jeebies until I laid eyes upon a lady licking a 40 lb ice cream cone.  I pinky promise, if I had some photographic evidence, your jaw would hit the floor (and so would your apple bottom jeans and your boots with the fur)  It was so big that my hub honest-to-pete said "Is that even legal?"  

So no one won the $30,000 yesterday for my blogaversary.   I was 7 hits short of 30,000.  I feel like a big fat failure.  

Jami, you couldn't have hit me 7 more times???? 

Oh well, maybe I'll be more pop-U-lar next year.  

Before I close this post I need to make a public apology for my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad communication skillz over the past month or more.  If you've emailed me and I haven't emailed back yet, MY APOLOGIES.  If you've called me and I haven't called back yet, MY APOLOGIES.  If you've commented in my comment box and I haven't comment back yet, MY APOLOGIES.  

And If you've come to my door and I hid in the bathroom until you went away, MY Deepest, sincerest APOLOGIES! (I'm out of toilet paper).

Okay, that never happened.  

And no one has tried to call me, but my apologies if you thought of calling me and I didn't call you  back. 

Next week I am going to be better.  I'm going to start snapping back into life.  I'm going to start eating something other than Cap'n Crunch Berries.  And I'm going to start exercising.  And paying my bills.  

And most importantly I'm going to do my visiting teaching to each of your blogs.  In fact I'll even bring you some salt and honey. 

See you next week, peeps!  

TTFN!