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Monday, August 10, 2009

The road to Utah . . .

. . . is paved with yellow bricks.  

And rumor has it if you follow it, while holding to the iron rod, you will find either your heart, your brain or your courage to say what you need to say. 

And if you're really lucky you might find your grail.   

I think I may have had a revelation that I'm going to find my grail in Utah.  I'm pretty sure it was a revelation because I was watching the BYU Channel at the time.  And also because I think the heavens opened and I think Gad spoke to me.  

I think he told me that in Utah the field is white and ready to harvest and that if I thrust in my sickle I might find my grail.  

I don't know the first thing about harvesting or sickles, but I'm ready to learn.  No longer will I be a teacher, but instead I will be a student.  

If master says Wax on! I will say As you wish, master.  If master says Wax off! I will say As you wish, master.  And if master says Wax poetic! I will say As! You! Wish! Master!

It's kind of exciting to have a mission.  And to be headed for the mission field.  

The first thing I need to learn is the language.  I've picked up a few words from the BYU Channel:  Neat and tons.  I'm not sure what they mean but I can use them in a sentence:  

"There are tons of neat things about Provo."

Another thing I've learned from the BYU Channel is that the people in Utah are great salesmen. They could sell me a testimony if I needed one.   I think it's because they understand the art of the intensifier.  

Random example:  (More effective if said with a Nacho Libre accent.) 

"Marriage is SOOOO neat!  It is the BEST!  It is the MOST bee-U-tiful thing EVER!  Marriage is FANTASTIC!  I am MUCH HAPPIER than you. For JUST 10% of your income a month you too can live happily ever after in perpetual blissfulness like me."

(Any similarities to actual conversations living or dead is purely coincidental.) 

I have also observed that Utahns are great motivational speakers and I'm SUPER excited about the possibility of living next door to a Chris Farley, (if Chris Farley didn't live in a van down by the river.  And if Chris Farley understood the commitment pattern and was a singles ward bishop. And if Chris Farley said "MOST bee-U-tiful thing EVER!" when he talked about marriage.) 

Anyways, here's hoping I find my grail in Utah.

 

23 comments:

IWA (e - va) said...

For a second i thought you were wesley from Princess Bride...

As i read the Nacho Libre part... i did it an accentuated Latin Accent... It was way funny!

Way excited about you being a student! Good luck..! congrats on finding the road to your grail now when you come back.. you can teach 315! heehee!

Martha said...

I hope you discover what your grail really is. Let us all know when your find it.

Hey Iwa, I met your sister Allison at Preschool today. She even shared her hot dog with my little Tommy because I was super unaware that I was s'posed to send him with a neat lunch. I was so thinking that since he's done at 11:30 we'd come home and then eat lunch. I didn't realize that lunch was at 10:45 in the morning. Once again non polynesian thinking coming through.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Wow that is so exciting to become a student again.

Maybe you could hire one of the other Utah bloggers to be a translator for you until you learn the language. I could pass around a sign up sheet and I am sure it will be filled in no time.

Homer and Queen said...

No yellow brick, just good intentions...

The Wixom Zoo said...

Good luck, friend. I seem to remember liking Utah when I lived there a while ago.
P.S. don't stub your toe on the yellow brick road...those munchkins aren't so great at keeping it up - always road costruction going on there.

T said...

IWA stole my Princess Bride Comment :(

and FYI, I HAVE been reading your blog recently and keeping up with all of your fun... but my laptop doesn't like to let me comment... trust me when I tell you that I've written multiple uber-witty comments that have been composed in vain... grrrr...

OH - and Hubs mentioned yesterday that he wants to go to the PF concert... :) now I can be cool too!

Melanie J said...

I think your grail is a picture of one of the Osmond's underwear to hang next to your Jack Johnson snaphot.

But maybe not. It's just a guess.

Barbaloot said...

Utah is REALLy neat. And Bee-U-tee-ful. Don't listen to other people, they are crazy (said like Nacho's good ol' side kick:) ).

nevadanista said...

Quick... what is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

IWA (e - va) said...

Hey Martha! Yes... Alison said she met you! and the hotdog story... i just laughed and thought about the twins and "IS that all you brought!" dont mind Alison.. she loves to share her food! and in the words of Mr JMayer... She also needs to find a filter for her head! OH and yes.. she is always that HAPPY all of the TIME!

Smart Helm said...

I really liked the "I am MUCH HAPPIER than you!". So funny and true to form.

That's all I wanted to say. Good luck in Provo!

April said...

And WHAT is your favorite color? (LOL nevadanista!) The thought of being a student again gives me hives....I am scratching just thinking about it. It's a brave new world.

Heather and Kyle said...

Hey are you guys in Utah? I never saw you guys when you were here last time.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Nevada, African or European? Or Utahn? (lol)

April, I thought you only got itchy being around stupid people?

Martha I can testify that Alison is always happy like that. And she loves Sharing (especially the gospel of sugarland watermelon). I can't believe Tommy's in preschool. Makes me sad.

Barb, good one. You guys are sharp as a tack. ha ha ha ha I lUB Nacho Libre's crazy sidekick, even though he only believes in science.

T, I've missed your witty comments, but I'm so excited you're going to the PF concert too. We will see each other there.

Melanie J, I LUB YOUR IDEA. I have a MISSION now! I bet Pat will help me.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Heather, you will see us sooooon. I can't wait to see your new baby. How's the new mom gig?

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Yes crash I would love to stalk Donny's purple underwear with you, but is it in Provo or Vegas? Inquiring minds want to know.

Funny Farmer said...

I thought writing was your grail. Am I wrong? Or can a person have more than one grail at a time? Or are you just ready for a new grail? I am so confused.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Vegas or Utah, we'll find a way, Pat.

Funny Farmer . . . EXACTLY! You are not wrong. And you are not confused. And you are getting sleeeeeepy . . . very sleeeeeeeeeepy.

OldBoatGuy said...

Are you there yet????

The next time I come see Lisa, I will call and beg for an audience with the teacher.

Wolfgang said...

hey you gotta check out ben's blog. OH MY GOSH!!! Ben is in LOVE!!! ;) btw. i read in the book of mormon today and I found the word NEAT!!! yah you better get used to it fast they speak the language of the scriptures. hahaha you want the reference Alma 1:27. ;)

JustRandi said...

Oh, baby, you will find your grail and so so much more.
And if you're really lucky, a good key lime tart!

April said...

sometimes i am the stupid person....shhhhh...don't tell my boys!

Mariko said...

I think we could also say that Provo is totally fixable, especially if you pray and fast. For at least 24 hours. And then eat at Cafe Rio.