Thursday, August 13, 2009

If life is a bowl of cherries . . .

Then why is moving the pits?  

Worse than the pits!  Moving is more like one bottomless pit FULL of pits.  

Especially when you only have four days left to live. 

In Hawaii. 

And you're cleaning out your kids rooms.  sniff.  sniff.  sniff.  


Moving makes you do the darndest things.  Things you normally wouldn't be caught dead doing, like drinking diet cherry Coke and cleaning your house.   

And you start taking three showers a day.  

And saying words you've never said before.  (Well I don't, but my hub does.) 

Moving makes you confront your abandonment issues.  My poor movers.  I call them several times a day.  "Ronnie, you're going to show up on our moving day, right? right? right? You're not going to leave me high and dry, are you?  Cross your heart and hope to die?  Pinky promise you're not just using me for my money and my stuff?"  

Thank goodness he is so patient and reassures me that he is also using me for my personality.

Moving also turns you into a flaming manic depressive.  One minute you're in a state of euphoria because you're finally getting rid of all your kids junk.  It's so liberating.  You flit and flutter around like a ballerina doing a softener sheet commercial.  Then suddenly you're doing a face plant into the unfolded laundry, bawling your brains out.  Every stray Pokemon card, every broken pencil, every rusted trophy holds the fondest memories.

You feel powerless, like trying to hold water in a net. 

And yet powerful, because who wants to hold water in a net anyway?  It will only slip away. And turn the dirt beneath your feet into mud.  Mud which you'll later track through your house. Which you'll then have to steam vac out of your carpet . . .

You get me?

Moving also makes you soft.  You can hardly believe how many people lub you and want to help you or hug you or cry in your arms because you're going or shout hosannah because you're coming. 

But mostly moving makes you tough.  

Remember last week when I was boobing about Kahuku High refusing to let my daughter come on campus because there are no visitors allowed during the first week of school?  

Well today I called back to ask if my son could visit and guess what they said?  "Sure!  As long as he has never attended school here before." 

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh . . . soooooo, does he get to keep his Red Raiders for LIFE T-shirt?"   

I wasn't about to burst into tears this time, baby!  Instead I raised my fist to the sky and said, "As Gad as my witness, he WILL say goodbye to his friends at school!" 

And then I did what I should have done in the first place.  I went undercover and incognito and went through the back channels and the back door and through the underground railroad until I finally secured a freakin' visitor pass for my son.   



Mariko said...


Mariko said...

I have a strong feeling that this is a sign. Plus the other sign is that it is totally raining hard right now, the DAY after it was supposed to and our tropical depression was canceled.
The sign is to stay here, incognito.

I totally almost jumped out of the car as we passed by your house today to drag you hiking with us. But I was afraid you would need to take a shower first, and Jake wouldn't want to wait. (So selfish, yeah?)

4 days!? 4?!
There isn't enough time in the world.

Colleen said...

So, we need to have a plan.
1. We will meet at least once a year.
2. It will be in new and exciting places--London, Paris, Madrid, Moscow, Buenos Aires--as well as old, tried and true places--New York, D.C., Olive Garden in Provo? (that looked fun.)
3. You will blog about how clever, and witty, and beautiful we are. (Photo-shop please!)
4. We will be so glad to see you because we will have missed you terribly.
5. Our children will come along, sit at a close by table, and we will be happy to see how childhood friends love each other unconditionally, because they are so much a part of us.
If you agree, we can let you go! Otherwise, we are praying that Tropical Storm Enrique turns into Hurricane Iglesias and forces you to stay indefinitely. "Don't, stop, please, don't stop. . ."

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Yes, Yes, YES! Yes to the whole plan. Except let's not bring the children.

But LOL about TS Enrique and H Iglesias! That's the 2nd funniest thing you've ever said. I can't remember the first.

Mariko, you're right. I would have had to take a shower first. Good call. Did Kevin tell you I stopped by your classroom this morning while I was traveling through the underground railroad?

SWIRL said...

Good for you! Stand up for your sons right to attend school!

What a bunch of downers- we all know no-one is planning on learning anything- while you are still in town! We want to partay-- like rock stars until the last bitter end!

My kids were soooo mad they couldn't go to the night show with you guys-- but I promised they could live at your 48 hour birthday bash for the twins.

You guys ROCK and rock hard!
See you later at lunch... wish Haleiwa had an Arbys... what were you gals thinking!

Amber Lynae said...

I hope your son knows that you are a rock star mom. and I'm sorry for the bottomless pits in your Cherry life.

Barbaloot said...

Glad you son can say good-bye. Does that mean you got your daughter in, too?

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I prefer to think of life as a chair of bowlies. Bowls of ice cream that is. It makes things less painful, although not so good for the weight gain.

Keep breathing. K.

The Garden of Egan said...

Be heartless Crash, just throw the stuff away....come on honey! There's lots more "stuff" in Utah, I know this because I have driven through there and even stayed there a couple of times. They gots lots of "stuff"

Annette Lyon said...

It might be just me, but I swear this move from watching it has felt like it went from, "Hey, would you move?" to "MOVE! NOW!" in about 2.8 seconds.

Sandi said...

You should have said FREAKING MAHALO NUI LOA!

Sandi said...

I kind of want to know what words your lubber said. And I want to know if Ronnie is a hottie.
I can't believe you are almost out of there! How are the kiddos handling this move??

Sandi said...

p.s. I guess I better cancel my order for KK to get me a Kahuku shirt, since I now know that they don't really mean it when they say RAIDER FOR LIFE!
p.s. weren't you going to do a "things I love about living in Laie" post? did I miss it?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

No Sandi, you didn't miss it. It will come. In a series. There are so many things I love about Laie. I also have a Wolfgang "yawn" party post that is halfway done. And now I have a HA--Breath of Life post on the way too. Plus I have a girls day out with Swirl, Anjeny and Martha. Plus I have to finish cleaning and packing my house up.

Oh, it's all happening too fast. But I don't need sleep.

And I doubt Ronnie is a hottie. And my hub said a work that sounds like h. e. single hockey stick. k.

hee hee I know you think that's tame, Sandi. But then I called him an idiot yesterday. Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness! I've never done that before. But believe me, he sooo deserved it. Although I didn't really mean it. That much.

Barb, my daughter is already gone. I have that post to do too.

Ha ha Amber about the bottomless pit in my cherry life.

Swirl, Partay ON! and on and on and on! We didn't get home until 11:30 last night so I'm sure your kids will more attentive than my kids at school today.

I am LoW said...

In case you don't go back and read comments to your comments, my reply to your question abotu ATL-

I am 4 hours from Hotlanta.

But I plan to visit Utah one day, of course I've been saying that for 9 years now.... but I am much more to visit there than Hawaii. :)

I didn't realize you were moving so soon!!

I am LoW said...

This is the truest post you've written yet. Moving. Oy!

Sandi said...

You are super-dummy if you really get all those posts done! They all sound really interesting though, so get cracking missy!
It is perfectly acceptable to call your hub/lub an idiot in the middle of a move. It is practically mandatory. And if you are going to be a true Utard, you better just start swearing with your hub- thats how they roll there. You all know that is true, so you Utards don't hassle me about that statement!
I certainly hope that your girls day out does not include a trip to Arby's....come on girls, you can do better than that this time, I just know it!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha Sandi, Yes, I'm a super dummy. And I doubt I will be able to get those posts done before I leave. Especially because new things keep happening. I think I'll do my Wolfgang post on his wedding day.

And yes, they did better than Arby's. YAY!

LoW, I guess I'll get to meet you someday soon then, huh?

IWA (e - va) said...

OMG.. I really think your playlist loves me.... It just played Super Trooper for me TWICE! (It's my favorite Karaoke song... I think I know what Im doing this weekend now:)

Glad you son got back in to say his byebyes, even if it was under the radar.... When Robert has more time... Im going to have him make your family shirts that say... "Red Raiders for Life, UNTIL you try to up and move with their star athlete and History Day Winners!" heehee!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha ha ha ha I would love a T-shirt that says that.


I keep meaning to go buy t-shirts that say Made in Laie.

My playlist totally has a crush on you.

It's playing CRASH for me. It loves me too!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

btw, Sandi, I'm so glad it's mandatory to call your hub and idiot when you're moving. Is there a quota?

Jami said...

Beautiful lady, I am sorry for your friends and glad for me, because seriously I will never make it to Hawaii, but Provo is a possibility.

BTW, look for an extra hourly charge for all those phone calls to the movers.

Hey--it's your day, the 13th. Happy 13th.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh my goodness, it is my day. MAHALO for reminding me. It's actually so good to hear from you. I already checked into flights to SF. It's only $100 from SLC. Can't wait.

Youngblood4ever said...

WOW! You are the bomb...I mean the MOM! Way to be tough and help your son out! I am not moving (right now at least) but I have been purging my crap and it really is a liberating thing. I love looking at my uncluttered rooms. I could just sit back and sigh it amazement at areas that are empty... WOOHOO!

Oh, and I am one of the hosanna shouters.

Rachel Sue said...

I'm glad you got your son in. Because that is just a little bit ridiculous not to let your kids on campus. Okay, maybe more than a little.