Monday, August 17, 2009


I'm not laughing at you.

Or thumbing my nose at you.

I'm giving you the breath of life. From my nose to yours.

In Hawaiian, Ha means breath. Hence the AloHA. Alo means "share" (among other things) so when Hawaiians say aloha they are sharing the breath (or essence) of life.

They used to greet each other nose to nose in order to literally share the breath of life.

Breath is sacred in part because it carries the words of the pule (prayer) and in ancient times, long prayers were chanted on a single breath.

Since it's my last Sunday in Hawaii I thought I would say the closing prayer and send out my mahalos to all of you, my readers and friends who have shared a laugh with me here over the past year.

It's been a pleasure, peeps.

I'm so glad we had this time together. (Carol Burnett sums my feelings up best here.)

LY Anjeny and Iwa and Martha and Swirl and Mariko and Wolfgang and Kute Kasey and Dolly and Colleen.


And mahalos to those who have lubbed me and helped during my gone-too-soon time here in Hawaii--which is nearly half my life.

LY Hawaii! LY dancing trees and playful wind. LY blue skies and rainbows and butterflies. LY soothing sunsets and sand. LY wistful waves and bee-U-tiful beaches and velvet Ko'olauloa mountains.

LY BYU Hawaii--the classroom of my soul.

The first time I heard the words BYU Hawaii a bolt of electricity shot through me. I was a junior in high school--traveling on the bus to a cross country meet. I overheard a senior girl, Sunny Bennion, talking about her plans to attend the campus in the fall.

Sunny Bennion turned the magic knob in my soul and a flame ignited. I knew that I would attend BYU-Hawaii one day. And I did. For one semester. As a single student.

But I didn't know that I would later return with my husband and finish college at BYU-Hawaii. That I would find my gift from the gods--writing--which would help me binge and purge the buffet of childhood pain in my soul. I didn't know that I would become an apprentice and then a teacher at BYU-Hawaii for 13 years--lucky me.

And I didn't know that I would raise my children in Laie.

So lucky I lived Laie. (We don't use prepositions in Hawaii so that wasn't a typo).

Ancient Laie was set apart--literally blessed--as a place of refuge, a sanctuary for desperate men and women seeking escape from man's law—or perhaps tribal law.

Laie is a healing place. Who needs therapy when you've got Laie?

LY Laie!

And Fare-thee-well. I go to make my journey across the ocean to begin anew in the place where I began.

Gad be with you til we meet again.


IWA (e - va) said...

Ba-Bye Crash.....

nice seeing you today....

From my nose to yours... HA!

IWA (e - va) said...

Just to let you know Utah was also blessed ... dont remember what for.. but they also have a greeting similiar to ours... So from your nose to theirs Hi-yA!

nevadanista said...

With Gad as my witness, there's a tear in my eye for you... Ha

kasey ferrell said...

AHHHH I AM GOING TO MISS YOU!!! I kept wanting to comment but everytime I did I got too sad. We will miss you here!! SULI misses you! I was hoping you got to come to my wedding! I hope you love Utah, We will probably end up there after school so maybe we can be neighbors and make cupcakes for cute girls!

Alyson (New England Living) said...

This post made me sad. I love change, but at the same time with change comes mourning for the past. I'm sure you're going to have some mourning to do. LY!

I am LoW said...

Aw. :(

Don't go!! :)

I wonder when my Nolan first heard about BYU-H. I have no clue, but he's been talking about it for years. He also wants to serve his mission there and convert BJ Penn.

I wonder if he'll end up married and teaching there too. How cool would that be? :)

I'll miss you, in Hawaii.

Amanda said...

You're pulling at those strings of mine...OUCH!

I hope you have a wonderful journey to the mainland and find peace and comfort once you arrive. You'll never recapture those feelings of Laie, but I know you'll find joy in Utah and your new life.

It is a new life, you know. I have a friend who gets a kick out of moving because every time she goes somewhere new she gets to decide which new person she becomes :) It is like an opportunity to start fresh. Enjoy it!

Sandi said...

Oh my- I will miss you in Hawaii also! I just don't know how you are making yourself leave, must be so hard, that place is just so full of personality, isn't it?
by the way- I happen to know Sunny Bennion, she was my VT when I was at BYUH, and she was in the same mission as my friend Penny and I just saw her when we took Penny to a mission reunion in April- WEIRD huh??

Jami said...


Anjeny said...

Awwww Crash...I ♥ you, too. Us girls here are definitely going to miss you. Moving does suck so make yours a memorable and pleasant one.

April said...

Crash....Jack was playing for you "Better Together". Is that a sign? Hawaii was better with you there, now, Utah will be better with you here. Now I must stop, because there's something wrong with my eyes.

DeNae said...

This is all so...emotional. And I need clarification on one thing: You aren't giving up your blog, are you? Cuz that just doesn't work for me.

Good luck on your move, Crash! I'll be passing through Provo a couple of times in the next few weeks. Maybe we can grab a bite at Olive Garden!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh girlz, you are all so right. YES, Alyson, I have some mourning to do. I have a several black shirts that need to be ripped.

Thank you all for your empathy.

NO DeNae I am not giving up my blog. What would I do? Can? Scrapbook? Sew? Grow a garden?

I am going to keep writing as a Hawaiian tropic model for a while because there are so many loose ends that need to be tied up.

DeNae, let's DO do lunch. YAY! Can't wait to meet you.

Oh April, that is so sweet of Jack to play that song after I left. I am thankful he misses me too. It is a sign. I heard from a very reliable source, who happens to be my neighbor who has a son in JJ's son's class, that JJ has a beard and big hair now. I so wanted to stalk him and get a photo before I left, but I may have to contract some of my famous people sightings to others. Martha! You and Jocelyn get on it, K. I'll pay you $5 for a photo.

Low, I hope Nolan comes out here too. Oops. I mean there. Did you hear that? My identity has slipped, freudian style.

Amanda. That's just about the kindest thing anyone's ever said to me. It's true. I can start over. I am no longer Crash, the Dummy Teacher. I am going to be Crash, the Dummy Writer. I guess as long as I stay true to my dummy side I'm okay.

SO guys, I'm in Phoenix right now. I missed my flight to SLC this morning. Long story. I'll have to tell it sometime. But I'm hanging out on the free airport internet access and talking story to you all.

Oops, now I gotta board. I don't want to miss the next flight.

bye ya'll

Sandi said... were just a mere 2 1/2 hour drive from me. We could have met and bonded and talked about our friend Sunny, you know the one you did not even seem impressed that I know!! Aren't you impressed that I know the girl who first planted that BYUH seed in your brain? huh?

Martha said...

I'm at work and since mybyuh is out at the moment I snuck over here to see if you posted in the airport and you did.

Later today I'll send you some of the pics we took at the beach yesterday. The boys were so rowdy and tackled each other a hundred times. Hopefully then got most of it out on our so called "Sunday Stroll" on the beach so they were tired during the flight.

Jim didn't want to go to school, but I said he had to. I did let him eat Oreos for dinner last night.

Savanna cried on the couch for a hour. You know this is the first time any of their friends have left them.

The other kids have all had friends move away. Josh is almost immune to it now.

Rachel said, "I remember whenever I'd watch a movie at Tatum's house, she's braid my hair. Who's going to do that now?"

Last Sunday your boys were over and Rach put in a family video. The twins were 4 and got big new bikes for Christmas, all 4 of them. They were all riding around the townhouses like maniacs.

Then it was Rachel's bday on the video. She was 7. There was Tatum and Keilani and Mary and Sydney O. All four girls have now moved away. They were playing with balloons in the living room and then dancing and playing musical chairs.

Then Rach put in a different video of 4th grade physical fitness. Rach and Zach both won their 600 meters. They were so awesome.

Every event on the video there were your kids. I'm trying to be tough and strong. We will come visit you hopefully this summer and bring Adam out to school.

Sandi said...

Wow now I really know Martha's is to make Crash's eyes sweat A LOT!!
Moving sucks.
p.s. Crash I just checked your FB page and saw a message from the Ho Chings, and guess what? I also know the Ho Chings!! We are so connected!

April said...

lol Sandi!

Martha said...

Nan is wondering is W & G can join facebook. She joined last night for just that purpose. Check your email for her friend request.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Martha, My heart is breaking for you. I have been left many times and hate it when that happens, but I have never lived in the same place for so many years to have so many memories intertwined.

I hate all this sweaty eye stuff.

Rachel Sue said...

Oh, Crash. I am mourning for you. I hope things aren't bleak for long.

I actually dreamt the other night that I came to help you move. I would have, too. I'll try and send happy vibes your way.

IWA (e - va) said...

awww martha... my heart is hurting for your children! I totally remember the day my best friend moved away to arizona, i was totally crushed and became penpals and 25 years later and we're still good friends! Please crash.. please let them have fb accounts and be fbpals!

Sandi you're too funny! I got your email, i'll get back to you soon! after the end of the week... i promise!

val of the south said...

Oh Martha, I feel so bad for your kids! Crash, how are yours holding up? How are YOU holding up? I hope you're not still in Phoenix!

I think we need a WELCOME TO UTAH party for Crash - to help her with those sweating eyeballs. Anybody in? Maybe during one of DeNae's trips here...

Sandi said...

Iwa- when did you make your blog private? It wont let me in today:(
Is anyone here? I need anyone who will, to go to my daughter "Kute Kasey" (link on Crash's sidebar) blog and tell her to wear a tea-length wedding dress!
It is a wicked plot set forth by her mother to make her do what I want her to!!

Martha said...

I think your boys called and left a message on our answering machine. It was hard to decipher, but I recognized Z's voice.

April said...

Oh Sandi..I didn't realize that your plot was for tea length. I voted for long...I loved the first one. ooops!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I'm really excited you are moving closer to me! But now I'm sad for you and Hawaii! Really I am... I got all emotional and stuff!

I need to go collect myself...

T said...

this whole leaving Hawaii thing is making me sad... and I've never even BEEN to Hawaii (seriously, I know... trust me, the man needs to do something about this soon!)

we'll be glad to have you closer to our fun corner of the world - and ever sending our sympathies to our Island friends that you're separated.

Martha said...

Thanks for letting the boys call. It really cheered Jim and Nan up.

Some guy keeps coming over to warm up his chicken and rice.

SWIRL said...

martha -- same kid set up a shave ice stand and has his refrigerator on my porch! Hey Crash- you didn't take that kids with You???

just kidding- his not camped out on my porch.... yet.

Okay- no more sad stuff..
Change is good. {I keep telling myself} Now I won't have to read Seriously So Blessed- I can just read your musings in Utah. I'm trying to find a bIG sTAR to buy for your house... or maybe some lettering you can put on your wall-- I think that is all the rage in Utah now.

XOXO from my nose to yours.
{Just saw HA tonight with my fam. glad I did- or I would wonder where all your references were from.}

Sandi said...

OHHHH is all that stuff from the new night show? Is it any good?

robin said...

I would say from my nose to yours but I'm really sensitive about my nose and my chin come to think of it - April knows what I'm talking about - (let's just say I altered my paper mache mask for 10th grade theatre arts class to make it more appealing when someone said "hey! whose mask is this? it has no chin?")

But I digress... don't I always??? hahaha!!! I wish you all the best in your move to Utah.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hi guys! I'm at my sisters. I have no internet until Saturday. But I have soooooo much to say. This is the first time I've seen my blog since Phoenix.

I will post tonight if it kills me. And I will reply to all of your sweet comments.



Mariko said...

I'm too sad to look at your blog.

Is Sunny related to David?

Sandi said...

THIS is what sucks about moving. No updates. Blah

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OMGOSH! I have an update coming up. And Sandi, I can't believe you have such a cute profile pic. AWESOME! And Shelle Belle too!

And YOU KNOW THE HO CHINGS? And Sunny Bennion? OMGOSH!! That is so crazy! I LUB the Ho Chings so much. Their son is my son's best friend. How do you know them? And Sunny Bennion too! I had the biggest crush on her twin brothers. One of them asked me out FINALLY and then I asked him out, but my muffler kept falling off and it was just a big fiasco.

I am so stinkin' busy and tired and I have no internet (or food or furniture). But I am working on a post that will come out today. We will catch up. PINKY PROMISE!

I finally got my kids in school today.

Hey, my verifier says ingsaint. It's true what they say about Utah. I'm a saint now. It's way spiritual here. In an action verb "ing" sort of way.

Sandi said...

woohoo! She's alive!